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IT?S ALL RELATIVE

INT ? PLANE ? DAY

A food cart rolls down the aisle. It isn?t rolling straight. It bumps the arm of one of the seats. A drink can falls off the cart, and hits the floor. Slowly, it rolls away from the cart.

FIRST MALE (from off)
See, look at that. That?s what I?m talking about.

SECOND MALE (from off)
What?

CUT TO:

Two males, early twenties, FIRST MALE sitting by the aisle, SECOND MALE sitting by the window.

FIRST MALE
That can. It?s rolling toward the back of the plane.

SECOND MALE
So?

FIRST MALE
The plane?s moving forward, duh.

SECOND MALE
Or it?s maybe ascending right now.

Pause.

FIRST MALE
Hadn?t thought of that.

Pause.

FIRST MALE
We?re not ascending. It?s trying to go back, to stay in one place.

SECOND MALE
You?re nuts.

FIRST MALE
I?m not. The plane?s moving forward, the can fell down and back.

SECOND MALE
Or bounced off the damn cart and fell away from the bounce.

SECOND MALE shakes his head.

FIRST MALE
But?

SECOND MALE
Ok, there?s a fly in here.

FIRST MALE
Where?

SECOND MALE
No, idiot. Hypothetical. There?s a fly in here. If I flies toward the front of the plane, are you gonna tell me that it?s flying hundred of miles per hour.

FIRST MALE
Maybe.

SECOND MALE
Technically, maybe it?s traveling that speed, but it?s not flying that speed. It?s all relative, man.

FIRST MALE
Like the Theory of Relativity.

SECOND MALE
Um, maybe. That?s about time and space and shit, right?

FIRST MALE
I think so. I don?t know. I didn?t take physics.

SECOND MALE
Well, that fly flies. . . ok, I?m not sure that example will work. I?m not. . .

FIRST MALE
Smart enough?

SECOND MALE
Shut up. I?m not sure I can explain that one.

Pause.

SECOND MALE
So, you get up in the aisle.

FIRST MALE moves to unhook his seatbelt.

SECOND MALE
Not now, idiot. Hypothetical again. You get up in the aisle and jump up into the air. You going to hit the back of the plane?

FIRST MALE looks back toward the back of the plane, then at SECOND MALE.

FIRST MALE
I hope not.

SECOND MALE
Think about it, if that were the case, if we were all in danger of suddenly hitting the back of the plane because it?s traveling so fast, would they even let the public on these things? Hell no. Everybody?d have to be strapped down and shit. Sedated even. We?d all be taking the bus.

FIRST MALE
Wouldn?t that be the same as?

SECOND MALE
Don?t start. Buses are a hell of a lot slower. If it won?t happen here, it?s not gonna happen there. Back to the hypothetical. You jump up, you gonna hit the back of the plane?

FIRST MALE
I guess not.

SECOND MALE
Why not?

FIRST MALE
If I knew that, would we even be having this conversation?

SECOND MALE
If you were sane, you mean?

FIRST MALE
Whatever.

Pause.

SECOND MALE
You jump up into the air in here, you?re not jumping straight up. No way. Hell, you?re not even jumping straight up down on Earth, come to think of it.

FIRST MALE
What do you mean?

SECOND MALE
The Earth?s turning. The Earth?s traveling through space, revolving around the sun, the sun revolving around God knows what, the whole Milky Way Galaxy revolving around some great center of the universe or something.

FIRST MALE
I didn?t take Astronomy either.

SECOND MALE
Anyway, it?s all gravity and relative motion. You jump up on the Earth, you go back down in about the same spot. But, only sorta. In actuality the spot has moved with the Earth turning, the solar system moving, etc. But, you see, you?ve moved with that spot. You don?t actually jump straight up. Your starting point isn?t stationary. It?s moving. It?s always moving. Gravity sticks you in one basic spot and when the spot moves, you move with it. So, you?re not about to hit the back of the plane if you jump up in here.

FIRST MALE
I guess that makes sense.

SECOND MALE (shocked)
Really?

FIRST MALE nods.

FIRST MALE
You learn that in Physics class?

SECOND MALE shakes his head.

SECOND MALE
Don?t you remember, I took Auto Mechanics with you. I?m making this shit up as I go.

FIRST MALE
Oh.

SECOND MALE
The fly thing is a bit different I suppose, but maybe the air in here?I mean the specific pocket of air that?s inside the cabin?maybe it?s moving along with the plane, and the floor of the cabin has enough gravity or whatever to hold you to a certain spot, so you can jump up and land in the same space. Relatively speaking, anyway. And, that can down there?maybe it would have rolled away from that cart, even if this plane were sitting at the terminal right now, bouncing off the edge of it and all. Inertia, gravity, relativity, weak force, strong force?

FIRST MALE
Weak force, strong force?

SECOND MALE shrugs.

SECOND MALE
Not sure what those are. But, I remember someone teaching us something about ?em once.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT (from off)
Would you like something to drink?

SECOND MALE puts his tray table down.

FIRST MALE looks at the Stewardess.

FIRST MALE
What?

SECOND MALE
I?d like a Coke.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT gives SECOND MALE a Coke and a cup of ice. He sets it on his tray table.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT
How about you?

FIRST MALE
Um, a Coke, I guess.

She gives him one. He holds the can in one hand, the cup in the other. He looks at his tray table, in its upright position.

SECOND MALE looks at the tray table and at FIRST MALE and back again.

FIRST MALE sets his drink on SECOND MALE?s tray table then puts his own down and moves the drink over.

SECOND MALE takes a drink of his.

FIRST MALE takes a drink of his.

FIRST MALE
So, if I spilled this drink right now, it would pour straight down?

SECOND MALE
Relatively speaking, yes.

FIRST MALE
It wouldn?t pour towards the back of the plane?

SECOND MALE
Maybe if you measured it on some atomic level or something, it?d be a little more toward the back than the front. I don?t know. Try it and see.

FIRST MALE
No. I?m thirsty.

Pause.

FIRST MALE
Actually, I?ve got to pee already. Thirsty and I gotta pee.

SECOND MALE
Nice combination.

FIRST MALE moves his drink back to SECOND MALE?s tray table then puts his own back into its upright position.

FIRST MALE gets up and heads up the aisle, away from the FLIGHT ATTENDANT and the back of the plane. He goes to a lavatory and goes inside and shuts the door. The VACANT sign switches to OCCUPIED.

Wait.

The OCCUPIED switches back to VACANT.

FIRST MALE comes back out and heads toward the back of the plane. The FLIGHT ATTENDANT is no longer in the aisle with her cart.

As FIRST MALE gets to his row, SECOND MALE looks at him.

SECOND MALE
Did your pee go toward the back of the plane?

FIRST MALE (laughing)
Shut up.

FIRST MALE starts to sit then rethinks it and stands in the aisle.

SECOND MALE
What are you doing?

FIRST MALE
Physics lesson.

SECOND MALE
What?

FIRST MALE smiles. Then, he looks down the aisle and jumps and in less than a second he slams into the back of the plane in a bloody mess

CUT TO BLACK

regb
10-19-2