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denim the trigger

denim the trigger
my mind the gun
getting hard to breathe
this isn't fun
opinions varied
good and bad
cycling over and over and over in my head
not to mention the thoughts i myself have had
plans of action oscillate
my head goes back and forth
run run away, hide, face it, back down, cower, or stand
like randomly picking to drive east, west, south, or north
harder to breathe
but she looks so good
in that picture of us both
an image of love or something in that same neighborhood
denim, she's wearing
so am i
hand to my chest now, thumb near clavicle, pinky near breast
oh my
heart's beating faster
breathing's getting harder
panic? maybe
but why? cause she's young enough for you to card her?
or is there something else
like maybe the chance
regardless of her mother not hating you
there could still be a legal dance
investigation coming?
doubt it
but, breathing's still hard
maybe i should sit
self destructive thoughts
curled up in the dark
my mind freezes, no, clots
a thought my mother had
if she loved me before
and she'll love me at some future date
then why not be happy cause i've got more
than a lot of unlucky people
even if i can't talk to her now
that feeling still exists
so, breathing calms, pulse slows, mind stops racing, wow