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Frasier EP Guide

Season One
Travels With Martin

"Well, why don't you just write the words ‘bad son' on my forehead?" - Frasier (to Roz)

"Listen, there is nothing wrong with pampering yourself on your vacation. After all, you do work 3 hours a day. I'm sorry, that one even surprised me!" - Roz (to Frasier)

"You know, in his entire life my Dad has never been to Europe. It would be a way of connecting with him if I were the one to give him that. So, what would you charge me to take him to Ireland with you?" - Frasier (to Roz)

"I should have known this would happen. I always throw out my back when I try to lift Maris' luggage." - Niles

"On the upside, the calf-skin lining of her case was never more soft and supple." - Niles

"She's making her annual pilgrimage to the holy land." - Niles
"I thought she was going to Dallas to visit her sister." - Martin
"Well, that is her holy land. It's the site of the first Neiman-Marcus." - Niles

"The Gally-Pagis Islands. Where iguanas, sea lions and giant tortoises live in eternal harmony. Is it important they get along?" - Martin

"Oh Winnebago boy! Make sure and hang a lot of beach chairs on the back, and give it a really cute name like, "The Whoopin' Crane"!!!

"Yes, but she lucked out and died." - Niles (on his mother missing out on the trip)

"Frasier, you're my brother. That entitles you to my bone marrow and one of my kidneys, but this is an imposition." - Niles

"Whenever I see one on the highway, I look into the driver's eyes hoping to see something that would explain in God's name he would ever want to something like this. All I see is a death-stare under the brim of a hat made out of Miller Lite cans. This is my final word; I'm not going." - Niles
"Hey, great news! Daphne's coming, too." - Martin
"And so am I!" - Niles

"Manly. This is mine, and it's big!" - Frasier (on how he feels driving the Winnebago)

"Doggone it, I'm inspired. I'm going to put on a baseball cap!" - Niles

"There's got to be an access road leading back onto that turn off. Oh, where is it?! Where is it?! It's always in the crack!!!" - Martin

"Hey, WATCH IT! I got my kids in the car!" - Martin

"Oh my God, it must be genetic." - Frasier (on being a "backseat" driver)

"Tea?!! Why don't you just wave a crumpet in the air and start singing ‘God Save the Queen'!" - Frasier

"You're a psychiatrist, you should be in better control of your emotions. Oh my GOD, there's the border! I can see the line of cars!" - Niles

"Fun." - Niles (on the purpose of his trip to Canada)

"Yes, but I have delicate features. Prison will be hell for me." - Niles

"Yes, but ignorance of the law is no defence. So take the little dog away, and we'll be off!" - Frasier

"Well, that's why I asked him, but that's not why he came." - Frasier (on Niles joining them on the trip)

"I got a better surprise than that. Let's tell Daphne we're in Mexico!" - Martin

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