by Natalie Williams
DISCLAIMER: I don’t own Farscape. It would be nice if I did, but I really don’t see that happening. They all belong to other people, who I will now bow in reverence to.
RATING: G
ARCHIVE: My site, and if Dani Royer or Jill Dannay want it, go ahead and take.
SUMMARY: John’s thoughts during that night with Aeryn on Earth.
*****
She’d fallen asleep a while ago, but John hadn’t been able to force himself to do the same. Although, to be honest, it surprised him that Aeryn would let her guard down for any reason, especially now. Or maybe she really did trust him that much.
Hell, if all this didn’t prove that she trusted him... She left with him to escape, knowing that he was on her side. She’d come with him to the cabin, despite her misgivings about his father. And the kiss...
He’d wanted it to go further than it had, but not now. Not like this. This wasn’t going to be their last chance, because Aeryn wasn’t going to die tomorrow. He had vowed not to let that happen.
It wasn’t as simple as it had been. They hadn’t been on Moya together long when they had that incident with the Draks. If Aeryn had succumbed to heat delirium then, he would have mourned her- he still didn’t know if he would have been able to actually bring himself to kill her, and he was glad he didn’t have to find out. Things had changed so much since then...
Now it wasn’t a matter of being sorry that she was gone, or even missing her. John was starting to realize that with each passing day, it got harder and harder to imagine his life without Aeryn in it.
It was his fault this was happening. Rygel was dead, D’Argo probably also was by now, and if they found Aeryn, she would be next. John could imagine her lying pale and dead on the autopsy table, cut open for study, and the thought absolutely revulsed him. He could *not* let that happen. He hadn’t been able to save Rygel or D’Argo, but he was going to protect Aeryn.
He heard her stir, and John rose from his sitting position by the window to check on her. He watched as she rolled onto her back, quickly settling into comfortable sleep once again. It surprised him how soundly she slept, considering. But she looked completely peaceful, as if nothing bad could happen around her. John felt a smile tug at the corners of his mouth as he wondered what she was dreaming about- if she dreamed at all.
John glanced back out the window to the night sky. Aeryn did seem to like it here, regardless of what his people were doing. Once the rain had stopped and night fell over the city, she had just stared out the window for the better part of an arn... hour... whatever. Maybe she was just lost in thought, maybe she was just admiring the view. He didn’t know. But she was intrigued by the scenery. As much as they were out among the stars while they were on Moya, it was different to have this viewpoint again: the bluish clouds slowly passing out of the way, revealing a black velvet sky dotted with bright white stars shining down on everything below.
This was what he had missed.
This was what he had risked all their lives for.
John squeezed his eyes shut, as if trying to block out the thought, gritting his teeth. His fault. His fault their friends were dead. His fault they were now running for their lives. He had to fix this. Somehow he had to make this right, even if that meant nothing more than keeping Aeryn from becoming an experiment of human curiosity.
Opening his eyes again, he focused on the stars once more. He wanted to be out there. If this was what he had come back to, if this was his home, he would give it all up in a second to take everything back. He actually missed Moya, and Pilot, and Zhaan... He had never wanted this to happen. He just wanted things to be the way they used to be, even if that meant being chased after by a madmen- maybe several by now. He wanted to be back there. Now.
John turned back to the sleeping Peacekeeper in the bed. Somehow even just looking at her calmed him. He knew she didn’t blame him for what happened. He knew she trusted him. He knew she had to feel something for him. No, he couldn’t lose her.
He was tempted for a moment to lay next to her, to hold her in his arms as he forced himself to fall asleep. He could also just imagine what her reaction would be when she woke up. No, he’d sleep in the other room tonight.
He smoothed her dark hair away from her face, and leaned in to gently kiss her forehead. “Good night, Aeryn.”
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