Use Your Delusion


by Shrift


Rating: PG-13...got some language in there...innuendo

Spoilers: Rhapsody In Blue, basically

Summary: Coda to RIB

*****


“It was, uh...well...”  The corner of Crichton’s mouth kicked up, his fingers kneading the back of his neck. His blue eyes darted up towards the stars.

“What was unity like?” Aeryn repeated.  She stood on the veranda, shoulders back, feet evenly spaced.  One hand rested on her pulse rifle.

“It was...amazing, Aeryn,” he replied haltingly, hands dropping to his sides.  Crichton risked a glance at her strong features.  “Amazing.  Mind-blowingly intense.  And freaky.”

“Freaky.”

Crichton chuckled at the acid in her tone, his eyes searching the sky.  “Yeah, freaky.  Strange.  Weird. Just...different.”  The echo of his voice faded into silence.

Like ten years of really great sex, he thought.  But unity was somehow more than that.  And less, without touch being involved...

“Why did you do it?”

Crichton’s head jerked down and he stared at her, his lips parted.  He searched her face for some emotion, some sign for how he should proceed.  Her expression was carefully blank.

C’mon, Aeryn, he thought.  It wasn’t like I was out to get lucky with a crazed Delvian female.  With a nasty case of Pink Eye.

“Zhaan needed me.”  He shoved his hands into his pockets.

“It might have killed you.”

“Yeah, Aeryn, I know,” he said.  “But it didn’t. She didn’t.”

Aeryn adjusted her stance, making a soft sound that, had she been human, Crichton would have taken as a sigh.

“So,” he said.  “What did Tahleen and her groupies distract you with?”

Aeryn’s lips twisted.  “My pulse rifle.  They made me believe it was in pieces.”

“Your rifle.  Of course,” Crichton mused, nodded absently.

“And you?”

You need to learn when to keep your big, human yap shut, Crichton told himself.

“Lorana appeared to me as my ex-girlfriend.”

Aeryn stared back with incomprehension shading her dark eyes.  “A past lover,” she ventured.

It was Crichton’s turn to shift uncomfortably.  “She messed with my memories.  Made me believe that we had actually gotten married.”

“And you had not.”

“No,” Crichton said, feeling the familiar tang of disappointment settle in the back of his throat.  What Lorana and Tahleen had done to him made his memories seem tainted.  Untrustworthy.

“Why didn’t you?”

Crichton blinked at her, startled out of his thoughts. “Why didn’t we get married?  I wanted to, but Alex...well, she wasn’t ready.”  He angled his body to face her, impatient.  “Listen, Aeryn, didn’t it make you feel violated?  With that Delvian mind-fu -- mind-frell?”

“You mean when the Delvians interfered with my perceptions?” Aeryn asked, her fingers tightening on her rifle.

“Or that,” Crichton nodded, a little, ironic smile playing on his lips.

“Not particularly, no,” she answered after a moment.

Crichton turned away and scuffed his boot on the brown floor, beginning to wander towards the lighted exit of the veranda.  “Yeah, well, it bothered me.”

“John.”

“Yeah, Aeryn?” He turned on his heel, head cocked, mulish expression fully in place.

“They’re not the same.”

His boots echoed across the deck as he came back. “What isn’t the same?”

Aeryn’s dark eyebrows drew together as she struggled to communicate.  “What the Delvians did to you and what they did to me, they’re not the same.”  At his silence, she continued.  “They simply altered my perception of reality for a few arns, John.  Zhaan told me what they did to you was much,” her eyes flicked up, “deeper.”

Crichton folded his arms across his chest, the fingers on one hand playing with his lower lip.  “You talked to Zhaan.”

“Yes.”

“So you already know all this,” he said.

“Essentially, yes.”  A smile flickered across her face and was gone before his synapses could fire.

Crichton reached out and squeezed her leather clad shoulder, his callused thumb skimming over the smooth skin of her neck.  He trailed his fingers down her bicep as he backed away.  “Thanks, Aeryn.”

He felt her eyes on his back as he walked from her.

And then another echo of footsteps joined in a dissonant chorus with his own.


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