by Penny
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Feedback: Definitely. If you like it please let me know. If you don't (and
are silly enough to read all of it anyway) please let me know specifically
how I could improve my writing. It might save you pain in later fics.
Archive: I would be delighted if you would ask.
Special note: There are significant spoilers for A Bug's Life and minor
spoilers for various other episodes. A very special thank you to the two
Beta readers who helped catch my errors and provided some guidance. If you
like the story, it is in part due to the efforts of Jessica and Joanne.
Summary: Aeryn is not recovering from the wound given to her by the virus
infected Larraq.
Disclaimer: The characters and concept of Farscape is owned by The Jim
Henson Company (and bless them for it) and probably the Sci-Fi Channel as
well. This is a work of fan fiction and done out of love for the show.
There will be no monetary gain. Although based on the show the idea for this
story remains my own.
*****
"John?" Zhaan said as she walked into her rooms and saw the human sitting
huddled in the far corner. She couldn't help but notice his slumped
shoulders and serious expression. She stopped her advance and clasped her
hands in front of her. "Is there something wrong?"
Crichton sat up straighter. "That's what I was hoping you would tell me."
Zhaan took a few steps to her sleeping pallet and sat down, regal as a queen
holding court. "I'm afraid you'll need to be more specific, John. I don't
know what you're talking about," she said calmly, very much afraid that she
actually did.
John shook his head and smiled grimly at the deck. "Cut the crap, Zhaan and
just tell me what's going on with Aeryn."
Zhaan continued to look at him, all wide eyed and innocent. "Aeryn is
continuing to recover from the wound given to her by the virus-infected
Larraq."
John stood abruptly. "No, Zhaan, she's not," he retorted emphatically. "It's been over a week, er, weeken and she's weaker today than she was a few days ago; she's not eating and it's more like she passes out than goes to sleep. She isn't getting better. What's the deal?"
Zhaan sighed. It was exactly what she had feared. "John, if you have concerns then perhaps you should talk about them with Aeryn."
John began to pace along one wall. "I tried. She says that she's fine. She's too busy being the big, bad, stoic Peacekeeper to admit that there's a problem." His pacing eventually placed him in front of the Delvian. He knelt on one knee in front of her and reached out to take her hands. "Please, Zhaan, tell me what is going on. If I don't know what is going on, how can I help?"
Zhaan almost gasped when the human touched her hands. Perhaps it was because they had shared Unity but she seemed most effected by his confused emotional state. Anxiety, despair, hope, and confusion swirled around her like a small storm but foremost was fear. John was desperately afraid. She shook her head in denial of the emotions and the situation. "John," she said compassionately, "there is nothing that you can do to help." She took his hands in hers and gripped them gently to convey the truth of her words. "There is nothing that any of us can do." She made a decision to betray a confidence. "You are correct, Aeryn is not healing. Each day she is getting weaker. There is an infection and her blood is becoming septic. I do not know how to help her. I have tried and tried but nothing that I do, no medicines I have given her, have made a difference." Zhaan paused, realizing the impact that her words would have, "She may have a few days left but the infection will most certainly be fatal."
John stood and stepped away from her, denial drawn in every line of his body. "I don't accept that. There has to be something that can be done!"
"If there were anything to be done, I'd be doing it," Zhaan said, perhaps more harshly than she should, angry at her own inability to make a difference.
"You're wrong," he said. "Dead wrong." He turned and ran from her room.
She rose as quickly as she could and hurried to the corridor. She called after him, "John! John!" When he didn't stop, she returned to her room. He must deal with this in his own way, she thought. She attempted to calm her mind by beginning a chant of meditation. Still, John's turbulent emotions clung to her like a scent.
*****
The fog in Aeryn's brain lifted slowly as she awoke. Her eyes finally open, she attempted to inhale deeply and stretch tired muscles, until the pain stopped her. A small gasp escaped her mouth before she could catch it.
"Are you OK?" A concerned voice said from the corner of her room.
"I'm fine," she said, swiveling her head around to look at John. He was watching her intently but dropped his gaze when she met his eyes.
"No, no you're not," John murmured in response, still not looking at her. He slowly looked back at her, his blue eyes intense. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Aeryn sat up slowly, battling her weakness as if it were an enemy. "There was nothing to tell."
"Dammit, Aeryn, you're dying and you think there's nothing to tell." Anger colored John's voice. It was easier to deal with anger than with fear. "When were you going to let me know? When I walked in here one day and found your corpse!" He couldn't sit still any longer and picked up a piece of clothing lying in the floor by his seat. He began wringing it in his hands.
"John, there is nothing that you can do. Would it have helped me or made you feel better knowing the truth sooner?" she tried to explain calmly. "I decided it was best to pretend I was getting better. No long good-byes or sentimentality, I would just suddenly be gone."
"You're talking like you're already dead."
"I might as well be, if not today, then the day after or the day after that. I was a Peacekeeper, John, death was always a possibility."
"Death is always a possibility for everyone, Aeryn, but not today, not you."
"This is the reason that I didn't want you to know." Aeryn attempted to keep the weakness of her body from betraying her. "You will have to accept this, John. There is nothing that you can do."
He dropped his eyes to the article of clothing he was wringing and noticed for the first time that it was his Calvin Klein boxers. He gripped them tighter. "There is something that can be done." He paused to go over his arguments in his head before gripping her eyes in his stare. "If you had a Sebacean doctor and proper medical facilities then there might be a chance, right?"
What was he getting at, she wondered. "Maybe, but I don't."
"But you can. Larraq gave Moya the co-ordinates to a secret Peacekeeper base in the Uncharted Territories. That's where he was supposed to take the virus. If they were going to try to understand and tame the virus then the base would need to have physicians and a complete medical facility. If you made it there, then you would have a chance."
"How can you make something so insane sound so rational?" she said, totally exasperated. "First of all, my Prowler doesn't carry enough fuel to make it to the base. Secondly, even if it made it, they would be more likely to let me die as a traitor. And thirdly, I don't think I am strong enough to make it."
"I've got those covered. First, Moya can back track along her trajectory until the base is close enough for the Prowler to make it. Then she can starburst away before she's detected. Second, any base out here is bound to be pretty isolated. They may not know about the little problem that you had with Crais. Larraq said he had been out here for over a cycle and he didn't know. And thirdly, it doesn't matter if you're not strong enough to make it by yourself. I'm going with you."
"It is not just your idea that is insane, you are as well!"
He stood and walked over to her and sat beside her on her bed, his shoulder brushing hers. His voice was low and intense with emotion. "It's the only chance that you've got, Aeryn. Insane or not what do you have to lose? Take it. Please."
Aeryn sat a few minutes in thought. She tried to ignore the warmth on her skin where John was touching her. "No, no, it is too risky."
"Too risky for whom. You're gonna die anyway, why not take a chance on living?"
"No, John, it would not be safe for you to go to a Peacekeeper base. You look Sebacean but you most definitely are not." How could she make him understand that she could not risk him or the rest of Moya for her own sake.
"I said I wouldn't leave you alone, Aeryn. I meant it," he said quietly. John saw the stubborn set of her jaw. "Well, you leave me no choice," he said decisively.
"What do you mean?" she said suspiciously.
"I'll get you there the same way you got me to Tabloid."
"Tavlek, that was Tavlek," she cried in frustration. "Are you going to knock me out and dump me in my Prowler? I may be weak but I can still protect myself."
"Aeryn," John protested, "if I hit a lady my Southern bred grandmother would turn over in her grave. Besides," he continued smugly, "I don't have to knock you out. I just have to wait until you pass out again. Once we're close to the base and far enough away from Moya it will be a done deal."
"You think you have it all figured out, don't you?"
"No, Aeryn, I don't have it all figured out. I just know that if we do this then you might have a chance," John said with quiet sincerity.
"A chance at getting us both killed!" she replied adamantly.
"Maybe," John conceded. "Or maybe a chance at us both living."
They sat quietly until Aeryn broke the silence. She didn't want to die. "I must be as insane as you to even be considering this."
John smiled broadly and patted her lap. "Glad you're listening to reason." He stood and crossed the room to return to her with a platter of food cubes. "It's not much to look at. Hell, it's not much to eat either but you need your strength." He presented her with the tray. "I'll be back in a bit. I need to go and take care of a few things."
"John," she stumbled with the words, "thank you."
"Anytime Sunshine."
*****
"So, that's the situation," John finished explaining to the rest of Moya's crew, his fellow fugitives. They sat facing him across the table used at meal times. Pilot's hologram projection hung in the air slightly apart from the rest.
D'argo looked angrily at Zhaan. "Why did you neglect to inform us of Aeryn's true condition?"
"She didn't want everyone to know and I respected her wishes." She glanced over at the human. "At least until I found a compelling reason not to do so."
D'argo shook his head. "She has great courage. I will miss her."
"Whoa, D'argo, don't write her off yet." John took a deep breath. "If Aeryn had access to Sebacean medical technology and physicians then she might have a chance."
Rygel huffed his annoyance, "Are you just expecting one to drop out of the sky like you did?"
"I intend to take her to one," John answered loudly. He looked around the table, meeting each pair of eyes in turn. More quietly he continued, "At least I intend to if you agree to turn around and go back the way we came."
There was quiet for a split second and then the table erupted in protests and questions. John raised his voice to get their attention. "Listen, people, listen to me." They quieted a bit. "Larraq entered the coordinates of a Peacekeeper base into Moya's navigational console. Moya could take us close enough to get there with Aeryn's Prowler and then leave. She and you would never need to get so close as to be detected. You shouldn't be in any danger. A lot less danger than Aeryn's in right now."
"Us, he said take us," Chiana piped up. "What do you mean, take us?"
"I'm going with Aeryn to the base. She's too weak to make it by herself."
The news was slowly absorbed. "John," Zhaan began cautiously, "if you do this, you know that it is unlikely that you will be able to come back to Moya. Whether Aeryn lives or dies, you might be stranded on the Peacekeeper base. Are you certain that you are willing to do this, to lose any chance you might ever have of returning to your home. To almost certainly, eventually, be found to be an alien and what that might entail?"
"Yeah," John nodded slowly, "I know that the odds aren't good, no matter how you look at them, but a slight chance is better than no chance at all and unless I....unless we try this, Aeryn's got no chance at all."
Sobered, they looked at each other. It was Zhaan who finally spoke. "John, it would be easier to discuss this if you were not present. Would you mind?"
John dipped his head in acquiescence. "Sure but please, don't take too long. Aeryn might not have too long."
John left the room and moved a little way down the corridor. He could hear murmurs from the others but couldn't make out any words. He tried not to worry. They were all friends and comrades now, right? They would do the right thing. He hoped they would do the right thing. He wrinkled his forehead in concern as he remembered that these were also the beings who cut off one of Pilot's arms because they thought it meant a chance to get a map to home. If they thought they would be at risk, that they might be recaptured, would they be willing to help an ex-Peacekeeper, one of their former jailers. If it would keep them safe, would they be willing to just let Aeryn die? Suddenly he didn't feel quite so convinced that their intentions would necessarily be good.
Seconds flowed into minutes and minutes flowed into anxiety. John was just getting ready to go back in and put forth his case again when he heard heavy footsteps behind him. He turned around to see if he could read their decision from D'argo's expression. He couldn't.
"It is a very hard thing that you are asking us to do Crichton," D'argo began softly. "I was held in a Peacekeeper prison for eight cycles and Rygel for more than a hundred. Yet you are asking us to go straight toward a Peacekeeper base." He shifted his position as if uncomfortable. "That had to be considered when making our decision."
John felt his heart sink. What was wrong with these people!
"However, one does not abandon an ally or a friend to certain death just because it is safer to do so. We will go back the way that we have come until we are close enough for a Prowler to make it to the Peacekeeper base but we will not stay and wait for you. We will not risk our freedom. Agreed?"
"Agreed and thanks, big guy," John said sincerely and with a certain amount of relief. He had no sooner said it than he felt Moya lurch as she entered starburst.
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