by Saimhe
You all knows who owns them - I just like playing.
Many thanks to Jodie and Sarah for putting up with my whining when I
first tried to write this part and could not make it work, and again to
Sarah for being beta 3x over on this last one helping me get it just
right!!
Oh and the song that I named this peice for and that is listed at the
bottom is "So Quiet in Here" by Van Morrison.
*****
The darkness was warm, comforting. He wanted to stay there. It was safe
there. Instinctively, he
knew it would hurt, both physically and mentally, to leave this warm
womb in which he existed.
But the light was relentless, pulling at him, dragging him back. He
fought, screaming in anguish as
the light tore at the fragile peace he’d acquired.
“John?”
Her voice. Sweet pain. They were the only words to describe the feeling
the distant voice evoked
within him. The sound of Aeryn’s voice was ambrosia to him, heaven and
life. He wanted to
surround himself with her, but she was gone into the dark nothingness.
That was the pain - that he
would never hear that voice or touch her skin, her hair.
It was getting brighter, sound began to penetrate the cocoon that had
enveloped him. In the
distance he heard his own faint moan.
“John?”
Zhaan. It’s not her, not his Aeryn. Gradually, he became aware of his
surroundings. He could hear
D’Argo pacing, the repulsor lift of Rygel’s chair and the skittering of
a DRD or two. He could
feel Zhaan hovering over him, and the softness of the bed beneath him.
Slowly, his brain
registered the pain in his body, the dull ache in his chest and right
leg.
Involuntarily, he began breathe faster, fighting the urge to scream.
Tears pooled, burning his eyes
as they squeezed beneath his still tightly shut lids.
“John, are you in pain?”
He couldn’t answer her. His mind flashed to his last image of Aeryn -
the moment before he
killed her. He rolled to his side, curling into a fetal position,
sobbing.
Through his tears, he was vaguely aware of the bed shifting behind him.
He felt the warmth of
another body pressing behind his -
“Is he alright?” He heard Rygel say as he felt the soft touch of a hand
against his face, gently
wiping his tears away.
“I think they’ll be fine.” Zhaan answered softly.
John could hear the swish of Zhaan’s gown as she ushered the others from
the room - all but the
one resting beside him. He felt the touch again, a gentle but strong
grip on his shoulder rolling him
onto his back. He felt someone stretch out alongside him - he felt her
stretch out alongside him.
He so wanted it to be her, knew his mind was just playing tricks on him.
She touched his check again, wiping away the stray tears. Her scent
lingered and he inhaled
deeply.
Slowly he opened his eyes, terrified of what he would and wouldn’t see.
Either way he was lost -
Aeryn was dead.
He looked up into her eyes - filled with love and compassion. He knew it
was an illusion played
upon him by his grieving, tormented mind, but still he couldn’t look
away.
“Aeryn?"
She smiled softly, “Yes, John.”
The sound of her voice was like a warm, comforting current running
through him – easing the
pain in his heart. He would give anything for her to be real, to truly
be there with him.
“Oh God, Aeryn” he moaned, throwing himself into the hallucination as he
pulled her down to
him, burying his face along her neck. He clung to her desperately,
savoring the feel of her. The
scent of her washed through him and he didn’t care that he was losing
his mind. He just wanted to
keep Aeryn with him, knowing that once he let go, she would be gone
forever -- he would have to
accept her death.
He could feel the tender ache in his ribs as he crushed her to him, but
he didn’t care. It only made
the delusion seem that much more real. She lay there quietly for a
while, her hand running
soothingly along his arm. Then, she pushed herself off his chest,
settling again at his side. Refusing
to lose his contact with her, John rolled to his side to follow her. The
sudden movement sent
dagger pains through his injured leg.
“AHHHHH! Damn!” he moaned, slowly shifting back, his eyes tightly
closed. He didn’t want to
see the empty space the reality-jarring pain would surely leave by his
side.
“John?”
He could hear the fear riddling her voice as the pain-induced white haze
faded from his mind. Was
it possible? Aeryn? Real? Tentatively, he reached a blind hand upward –
and made contact with
warm flesh.
Opening his eyes, he once again stared into the most beautiful eyes he
had ever seen. With both
hands, he reached up to cup her face, “Aeryn? How?” was all he could
manage.
“Zhaan and D’Argo found us. Pilot alerted them when he detected unusual
seismic activity
creating increasingly high ground temperatures and was unable to contact
us directly. Zhaan had
Chiana bring down the endothermic–cooling blanket. When they found us,
she was able to bring
my temperature down enough to get me out of immediate danger.
Unfortunately, in his rush to
stop you, D’Argo caused one of your broken ribs to puncture your lung.
You went into shock.
We almost . . . lost you.”
He heard the catch in her voice. Gently, he drew her down, settling her
carefully beside him, and
placed a kiss atop her head.
Aeryn shifted in his arms, snuggling against him, her head resting on
his shoulder and one of her
legs carefully nestled between his. Arms wrapped securely around each
other, they rested quietly,
and he relished the comfort that was freely given between them.
“I thought I’d lost you Aeryn. Nothing has ever hurt me like that - not
even getting stranded out
here, not that pseudo-Earth. But I wouldn’t trade it - not for
anything.”
Reaching down, he turned her head up so he could look her in the eyes.
“I love you, Aeryn.”
She smiled up at him, and he saw the twinkle in her eyes that he loved
so much. “I love you, too.
More than anything. I have no regrets, John - not anymore. I like being
‘irreversible
contaminated’, ” she said, smirking.
She grew quiet. Casting her eyes down, she took a deep breath, then drew
herself up so that she
could face him directly. “I want to thank you, John. For what you were
prepared to do. I know
what that would’ve cost you – what it did cost you. Until now I have
never had anyone who
loved me enough to do that. A fellow peacekeeper would do it out of duty
- you’re the first
person who . . .” Her words trailed off as the tears poured from her
eyes.
Tenderly, John wiped away the tears before drawing her down to him,
their lips brushing softly
together.
Returning her head to his chest, he stroked her back, soothing her with
the gentle caress.
The lyrics of an old song swam through his head and he wondered if the
songwriter realized just
how right he had been. For John – right here, right now – being with
Aeryn was what life was all
about, and it was paradise. Not some green and blue world full of
mountains and trees, but
moments like these. Craning his neck, he looked down on a sleeping
Aeryn, her face relaxed and
smiling. Smiling himself, he closed his eyes and drifted back into a
quiet and newfound peace.
Excerpt from ‘So Quiet in Here,’ by Van Morrison
The warm look of radiance on your face
And your heart beating so close to mine
And the evening fading close to mine
This must be what it’s all about
Oh this must be what it’s all about
This must be what paradise is like
So quiet in here, so peaceful here
So quiet in here, so peaceful here
All my struggling in the world
And so many dreams that don’t come true
Step back, put it all away
It don’t matter, it don’t matter anymore
Oh this must be what paradise is like
This must be what paradise is like
So quiet in here, so peaceful in here
So quiet in here, so peaceful here.
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