by Penny
Rating: PG (for language)
Feedback: Definitely. If you like it please let me know. If you don't (and are silly enough to read all of it anyway) please let me know specifically how I could improve my writing. It might save you pain in later fics.
Archive: I would be delighted if you would ask.
Special note: This fic is short, relatively painless and 100% spoiler free. It is an inane attempt at some humor. A special thank you to Jo who read it and said, "Sure, go ahead."
Disclaimer: The characters and concept of Farscape is owned by The Jim Henson Company (and bless them for it) and probably the Sci-Fi Channel as well. This is a work of fan fiction and done out of love for the show. There will be no monetary gain. Although based on the show the idea for this story remains my own.
*****
Black seven on red eight, red queen on black king, count three cards and turn the third face up, no play, three more cards...
"What are you doing?" Aeryn inquired.
John couldn't stop his startle response. "Hell, Aeryn, give a guy a heart attack, why don't you. Could you walk a little louder, you startled the begeezous out of me."
"I was walking the way I always walk," she said as she slid in across from him at the table that they used at meal times, "so don't blame me for your inattention. Now, what are you doing with those...flat...things."
John spread out a few cards from his discard pile. "This are playing cards, Aeryn. They are used for entertainment."
Aeryn picked on up and looked at it. "Where did you get them from?"
"I found some dura-sheets in a cargo hold. The DRD's cut it into the correct sizes and shapes and then I borrowed a bit of paint and voila', playing cards."
Aeryn pointed to his lay-out. "So this is entertainment?"
"Yes," John replied, "I'm playing a game. It's called Solitaire."
"Really?" Aeryn studied the cards on the table. "May I play with you?"
"Ah, Aeryn, it's Solitaire. That's something that's played alone." John noted some emotion flash quickly across Aeryn's face. He gathered up all the cards into a neat pile. "However, there are a lot of games for two or more players. I could teach you one of those if you like."
Aeryn nodded.
"OK, first a quick overview of the cards. There are four suits..."
"I have to dress a certain way to play?" Aeryn asked quickly.
"No, no, four card suits, that is sort of a category into which the cards are grouped." He fished out one of each suit. "There are hearts.."
"That doesn't look anything like a heart," Aeryn disagreed.
"It's stylized, Aeryn, it's not suppose to look like a real heart," John explained.
"Then why call it that?"
"They just do," John said tightly. "Then there are diamonds, spades and clubs."
"That doesn't look like a ..."
"Aeryn, it doesn't matter what it looks like, it's just what it's called." John was starting to think that maybe this wasn't a good idea. "Each suit runs from two to ten and then Jack, King, Queen and Ace."
"Why isn't there a one? Shouldn't there be a one?"
"The Ace acts like a one," he tried to explain.
Aeryn's forehead furrowed. "The Ace is both the lowest and highest card? Isn't that confusing."
"It's an Earth game, Aeryn."
"Of course," she said as it that explained everything.
"Why don't I just teach you by doing?" John began to shuffle the cards.
"Why are you doing that?"
"I'm randomizing the cards. Most card games are games that combine skill and luck of the draw."
D'argo wandered into the area intent on getting something to eat. He noticed John and Aeryn and ambled over to see what they were doing. "What are you doing?"
Aeryn glanced up briefly. "Crichton is teaching me to play an Urp game called cards."
"May I play as well."
John shuffled the cards. "Sure, D'argo, my man. Pull yourself up a seat."
He lay the cards in front of the Luxan. "Cut the cards."
D'argo looked at John strangely but stood and drew his Qualta blade.
"Wait! What are you doing?"
"Just as you asked, I am preparing to cut the cards."
John reached over and lifted the top half of the deck off and transferred it to the bottom. "This is how to cut the cards. It's another way to randomize the deck." He began dealing out five cards to each of them. "Let's start with a little game called Poker. First everyone looks at their hand."
Aeryn and D'argo lifted their hands in front of their faces.
John groaned. "No, guys, a hand is what you call the cards that you have been dealt."
They picked up their cards.
"In Poker, the object is to have the best hand you can get by discarding and drawing cards. Your best hand is compared to the best hand of the other players and the one with the best hand wins. How good a hand is depends on how many cards you have that are either the same face value, in sequential order or the same suit. For example, three cards of the same value beats two pairs...."
"I have three asses. Is that good?" Aeryn asked.
John's eyes glazed over briefly as his mind wandered down a path it really shouldn't have taken. He snapped back the present. "That's aces, Aeryn, aces," he enunciated clearly. He gathered the cards up. "Maybe poker isn't the best game to start with, maybe something like Go Fish would be better."
"I thought we were going to play with the cards, not fish. How could there be fish on Moya?" D'argo said with a hint of disgust.
"It's just the name of the game, D'argo, like War or Old Maid."
"War," D'argo said with interest, "that sounds like a fitting game for a Luxan. I am sure I will excel at such a game." He breathed in deeply and puffed out his chest in his best warrior fashion. "How is it played?"
John idly shuffled the cards. "The deck is dealt out evenly to the players. They turn their top card over and the person with the highest valued card wins the hand. Then the next card is turned and you do the same thing again."
"Yes, and what is the strategy, how do you render your enemy helpless and crush him?"
"Ah, you don't," John said, wincing. "War's just a game of luck, no strategy."
"That is not war! Where is the valor in turning a card over?" D'argo huffed. "I do not think I want to learn these Urp games." He stomped away.
Aeryn watched D'argo go and then turned back to Crichton. "Don't bother about him. He thinks any game that doesn't have the potential to bring blood is useless. Now what is an Old Maid?"
John looked at her and shook his head. "An old maid is...a really bad idea." He absently rubbed his brow, his eyes closed in thought. "Listen Aeryn, I'm getting a bit of a headache. Do you think I could teach you how to play cards some time in the future, the far, far off future?"
"When you're feeling better?" she asked with out any real concern for his health.
John nodded. Aeryn took a last look at a suicide king and left.
Alone again, John shuffled the cards several minutes and luxuriated in the quiet. He laid out the cards for a game of Solitaire. Black four on red five, move the whole column to the black six, turn the card....
"What are you doing," Chiana asked, having walked silently into the dining area.
This time John managed not to jump out of his skin. "Playing a game of Solitaire."
"Really?" she said with a touch of excitement. "Can I play too?"
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