by Natalie Williams
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Farscape in the slightest. It belongs to a whole bunch of people, none of which are me.
RATING: G
SUMMARY: John and Aeryn get back to Moya after HR.
ARCHIVING: Ask me first.
*****
John Crichton had never felt disappointment like this in his entire life. A childhood of being let down had never prepared him for this feeling.
He had thought he was going home, and then what happened? He was tested and poked and prodded and basically held prisoner. He’d seen one of his shipmates ripped open, dead from an autopsy. His friends had been in danger, and... And it hadn’t even been real.
No, it *was* real. It was real, but it was a trick. They- whoever *they* were exactly, had stolen his memories, and used them against him for their personal gain. And then they used his friends. He was getting to the point where he could start calling them that and not feel strange about it. After all, they’d all felt that grief over Rygel’s apparent death, and they had come to make sure he was all right. And it had been Aeryn’s idea.
Aeryn.
Now she was a whole other part of the story. He did care about her. A lot. After what happened in the cabin, he couldn’t exactly deny that anymore. John had seen the pain in her face when he left, and when she told him to leave. She didn’t often show her emotions, but he had known exactly what she was thinking at those moments. And he hated seeing her like that. He hated seeing her hurt.
For once, she’d been the stranger. She was just as out of place on Moya as he was, but she knew how things worked out here. On Earth, Aeryn was lost, just as he was here. After seven months, John had forgotten about the language barriers. He had not known that Aeryn had never experienced rain before. It was the simple things that he took for granted, but those were the things that were completely new to her. And given the reaction to the people on Earth, she wouldn’t have a chance to get used to it.
He had promised to take her with him to Earth, and Aeryn had refused to go. She’d said she wouldn’t belong there. And she was right about that. Deep down, John himself had known that. The proof was in what had happened out there. If the events were based on John’s memories, and what he knew would happen, he had known that Aeryn was right about this.
John knew he probably could have gotten out of there. He could have let Aeryn be “killed,” as Rygel had been, as D’Argo would have been, but he’d gone with her. And it had nothing to do with the fact that she’d had a gun pointed at him. He had known she didn’t kill the guard. He had not wasted a second in saying he was on her side. It was exactly like he had said, he trusted them all a lot more than he trusted the men that had cut open Rygel. But he wasn’t so sure anymore that it was just trust that had caused him to go with Aeryn.
It had driven him crazy while he was being kept by Wilson and his guys. In those times when silence reigned in the chamber, when he was cut off from everything but his own thoughts and people that wouldn’t tell him anything, his thoughts often turned to Aeryn. Knowing that he *had* promised to bring her along, and yet she was still on Moya and he was here.
So what did that say, exactly?
*****
When Aeryn didn’t find John in his quarters, she headed to the terrace, hoping that he would be there. He’d been quiet since they got back to Moya, and she honestly was worried about him. He’d gone to his quarters upon returning and hadn’t been seen since. D’Argo had explained to her what had happened, and with that knowledge, Aeryn had given John time to himself. But she wanted to see how he was doing. He had to be at least somewhat better if he wasn’t locked in that room alone anymore.
He was leaning against the back wall, kind of staring into nothing. His face was expressionless, but his eyes moved toward her as he spoke. “Coming to check up on me?” he asked.
Aeryn slowly walked toward him, stopping halfway there. “You could say that,” she admitted.
John was silent as he walked forward meeting her. It was only now that he really looked at her, looked her in the eye. “It just made me realize,” he said, “that even if I get home...”
He trailed off, but Aeryn could finish the sentence in her head. Even if I get home, I’ll never *be* home. She knew that that felt like.
John grasped her hand, and she didn’t fight him as he pulled her a step or two forward. He leaned in, gently placing his mouth on hers. Aeryn closed her eyes, feeling his arms slide around her back, pulling her closer to him. She snaked her own arms around his back, letting her hand come to rest at the back of his neck...
For a long moment they held each other close, even after their lips had parted. After a long moment, she heard John murmur into her ear, “Thank you.”
Aeryn looked up at him. “What for?”
“Everything.”
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