by Corde
This one isn’t my fault. You guys told me to keep
writing, so I wrote. Don’t blame me if it makes no
sense. Actually, I think I have found a connection
between (guys, er, men, close your eyes, this is
girlstuff, sorry) my writing and hormones. This past
week that I have been writing, I have been PMSing
really bad. Now that that’s over, my writing isn’t as
good (I think). Has anyone else seen a correlation?
(Men, you can open your eyes again. Sorry about that
interruption. We girls do that sometimes.)
*****
Chapter 1
“I never wanna hear you say, I want it that way…”
Corde crooned as she sat at her computer. Aeryn came
up behind her and smacked her upside the head. “OW!”
screamed Corde. “What the frell did you do that for?”
“Don’t sing that song,” said Aeryn.
“WHAT song?” asked Corde, still rubbing the back of
her head.
“THAT song,” said Aeryn.
“Oh. Sorry,” said Corde. “It was an accident. I hate
that song. I won’t do it again.”
“See that you don’t,” Aeryn warned, the PK mentality
showing in her face.
Corde typed in silence for a few more minutes. She was
working on a Farscape fic. After a while, she started
to hum softly. Then she began singing. “Heartbreaker,
you got the best of me, and I just keep on coming back
incessantly…” Aeryn smacked her upside the head again.
“Don’t sing that either,” she told Corde.
“OW! Yeah, sorry. I can’t seem to help it for some
reason…” said Corde pitifully.
“Try,” said Aeryn.
She worked quietly for a time. Then, for no reason,
she suddenly belted out, “You drive me crazy! I just
can’t think…” and Aeryn smacked her upside the head.
“Thanks Aeryn. I don’t know what I would do without
you,” Corde said gratefully.
“Not much,” said Aeryn. “You’d be infinitely less
entertaining, for one.”
“You got that right,” said Corde. Just then, Crichton
wandered in (“Sheesh!” said Chia. “More wandering!
This has got to be the wanderingest group of
characters around.” “Shut up, Chia Pet. Who’s the
author here?” growled Corde.) wearing headphones. He
was singing.
“Hit me baby one more time!” he sang with feeling.
Aeryn hit him. Crichton fell to the floor, out cold.
“That was easy enough,” she said, dusting her hands
off. Corde nodded her agreement and went back to her
fic.
After a few minutes, she stopped. “This just isn’t
working.”
“Hmm?” Aeryn asked absently, studying Crichton’s pecs
from where he had fallen on the floor.
“I can’t write. It’s not working. There’s nothing
there. It won’t happen,” Corde overexplained.
“What?” Aeryn asked, looking up from Crichton. “What
do you mean? Let me see,” and she went over to the
computer and read over Corde’s shoulder. “Oh,” she
said when she had finished reading. “I see what you
mean. You keep singing bad songs, and I keep hitting
you. Not much of a plot there…”
“I know,” said Corde, “that’s my point. I can’t think
of a plot.”
“Not that you usually have one,” said Chia Pet. “And
are you ever going to stop calling me that?”
“Not as long as you keep insulting my fic,” Corde
answered sweetly, “so get used to it.”
D’Argo limped into the room. “Hey,” Chiana remarked
with surprise, “he’s not wandering.”
“My feet hurt too much to wander,” D’Argo complained.
“What happened? I feel as though my feet have been run
over by many hundreds of DRDs.”
No one looked at him. After a few more grumbles, he
limped off to soak his feet.
“Wuss,” said Zhaan. Everyone dissolved into giggles.
Chapter 2
Aula Naevia was translating Virgil’s “Aeneid” one day
when she came upon a curious word. “Book 1 line 50!”
she exclaimed. “ ‘Corde’ is an actual Latin word!” But
since Naevia had never been a very good Latin student,
she didn’t know what the word meant. So she looked it
up. “Check this out!” she exclaimed. “ ‘Cordax,
cordacis, m; indecent dance. Hmm, it sorta looks like
‘corde,’ but it doesn’t decline right. Ah, here it is.
‘Cor, cordis, n: heart.’ So ‘corde’ means
‘by/with/from the heart.’ Fun.”
“Better than ‘wuss,’” said Zhaan.
“Too right,” said Naevia. Then she did a double take.
“Hey, where did you come from?”
Chapter 3
Aeryn was trying to solve a mystery. “So Corde, why
did you start to sing all those bad songs?”
Corde shrugged. “I watched the Billboard Music
Awards,” she said. “I didn’t mean to. It was an
accident.”
“Ah-HA!” Aeryn said with satisfaction. “Then my
Britney Spears theory is correct!”
“What, the one where she’s a skank?” Corde asked
maliciously. (“Can I say skank in this?” Corde asked.
“Sure,” Aeryn replied, “it’s PG13.”)
“No, although she is,” Aeryn answered. “The one where
the frequency of her music carries an alien brain
fungus which makes all listeners addicted to her
music, and later receptive to an alien takeover.”
“Oh, that,” said Corde. “Yeah, everybody knows that.”
“Oh,” said Aeryn. “Okay then.”
Chapter 27
Zhaan kicked Loni Anderson viciously in the ribs. “And
THAT,” she screamed, “is for ‘Munchie Strikes Back’!”
“Whoa,” said D’Argo. “She’s down for the count.”
Chapter 3
Aeryn was trying to solve a mystery. “So Corde, why
did you start to sing all those bad songs?”
Corde shrugged. “I watched the Billbo… hey, didn’t we
already do this one?”
Aeryn looked around. “Yeah, I guess we did. Just
before we saw Zhaan kicking the dren out of Loni
Anderson.”
“Good. She deserves it for ‘A Night at the Roxbury” if
nothing else.”
Crichton woke up, shook his head, and turned on his
headphones again. He then began jerking his head in
time with the music.
“Excuse me,” said Aeryn. She went over to Crichton and
punched him. He went down and stayed there.
“Excellent form,” Corde critiqued. “Perfect arch,
wonderful follow-through, that was a ten point floor
dive, if I do say so myself.”
Aeryn sniffed. “It went a little wobbly around the
end.”
“That’s because he was unconscious before he hit the
floor,” Corde scolded. “You really need to pull your
punches, just enough so that he has a fighting chance.
Well,” she amended, “not a fighting chance. Just a
chance to retain consciousness long enough to execute
a decent dive.”
“If you say so,” said Aeryn. “Hey, I think this fic is
long enough now.”
Corde looked at the information bar on the screen.
“Yep, it’s over three pages. I guess that means this
is
THE END
Feedback
Back to Corde's page