by Corde
I really couldn’t tell you where this came from. It’s
Bongo’s fault. He’s one sick little monkey, so he
forces me to write weird stuff. I don’t think this can
even be called sillyfic, I think it’s badfic.
Baaaaaaaadfic. Bad muse. I need a new one. Okay, so I
wrote it, and I’m posting it, but you don’t have to
read it, and I take no responsibility for anyone who
is not amused by it.
*****
Chapter 1
Silence.
Crickets chirping.
Tumbleweed rolling.
“Now wait a minute,” said Crichton, “we’re in space.
Where would we get tumbleweed?”
“I dunno,” said Corde, “I was just trying to
illustrate how quiet my muse is tonight.”
“Who, Bongo? Where is the little bugger anyway?” asked
Aeryn.
“I think I saw him wandering off with Chia Pet,” Zhaan
put in.
“Don’t CALL me that!” came Chiana’s voice from
somewhere else. “Thank you!”
Everyone took a minute to think about the combination
of Bongo and Chiana, and shuddered.
“Well drat, what am I going to write about tonight?”
complained Corde.
“What is it with you and writing all of a sudden?”
asked Aeryn. “We were perfectly fine, then you had to
come along and be all weird.”
“Um, well, I still can’t sleep. That scary movie… I
had to leave all the lights on in my room last night,”
admitted Corde.
“Kitty,” muttered Aeryn disgustedly.
“What?” Corde asked.
“I think she meant p…” Crichton started helpfully.
Corde interrupted before he could do serious damage to
the PG rating of the fic. “Look, a living ship!” she
shouted, pointing at the wall. While everyone turned
to look, she reached over and pinched a tiny bit of
skin on Crichton’s arm. Hard.
“OW!” Crichton screamed, sounding rather like a girl.
“John!” Aeryn snapped. “Go mop the cargo bay. With
your washcloth. And I want to be able to see my face
in the floor!”
“Yes, Aeryn,” said John, and he slunk away.
“Now Corde, we were discussing your writing…” Aeryn
began. “Do you really expect us to believe that you
are THAT much of a wuss?”
“Yes,” said Corde.
“Well we don’t,” said Zhaan. “No one is THAT wussy.”
“I am,” Corde insisted. “Ask my friends, they’ll tell
you.”
Jaimie and Tinka walked into the room. Tinka screamed
and started hitting Corde. “NO! This is a Farscape
fic! I can’t believe you put me in a Farscape fic!”
“She’s a Xenite,” Corde explained, trying to duck.
“She doesn’t approve of my other obsessions.
Jaimie looked around in awe. “What is this, Star Wars
or something? ‘Luuuke, I am your faaaaather!’” She
looked at Zhaan. “Wow. You’re, um, very blue.” D’Argo
choked on a laugh. Zhaan couldn’t decide who to glare
at, so she settled on Corde.
“Farscape, Jaimie. Don’t worry about it. Now I need
you two to focus for a minute. These guys are going to
ask you some questions, and you need to answer
truthfully. Can you do that?” she asked Jaimie
pointedly.
“Hey, I’m not the one who told my parents I was going
to a movie and went to that frat party…” retorted
Jaimie.
Corde snorted. “I’m not either. That was Andrea.”
“Oh yeah.” Jaimie shrugged. “Sure, okay. Ask away,
weirdos.” D’Argo tried to decide if he wanted to take
offense at that, but determined it wasn’t worth it.
Aeryn took charge. “So, Jaimie, is it? How long have
you known Corde?”
“Um, is this a trick question?” Corde glared at her.
“Okay, okay. Um, I’ve known her for about eight years,
but I didn’t actually talk to her until a few years
ago. We have just become really good friends these
past few months,” said Jaimie.
“In your opinion, would you say she is a wuss?” asked
D’Argo.
“Oh yeah,” said Jaimie, “big time. We took her to see
this movie last night…”
“We know,” chorused Aeryn, D’Argo and Zhaan.
D’Argo turned to Tinka, who was lying on the floor
with her eyes shut and her hands over her ears. “Do we
want to try this one?” he asked, nudging her with his
booted toe.
“Hey,” said Corde, eyeing his foot warily, “go easy on
my friends. I don’t have that many.”
Jaimie walked over to Tinka and smacked her on the
back. “Hey goober. Let’s get going. I have to pick up
Steve in fifteen minutes.” Tinka got up from the
floor, still with her eyes closed and hands over her
ears, and the two girls walked out.
Corde turned to Aeryn. “There, you see? Even my
friends say I’m a wuss. You want me to get my brother
in here, or would you rather not see me bleed?”
D’Argo started to nod, but Zhaan punched him in the
arm. “No bleeding, please. Crichton’s not done mopping
the cargo bay.”
Aeryn sighed. “Well, I guess you really are a wuss,
Corde. Sorry I doubted you.”
Corde shrugged. “’Sokay. I’m used to it.”
“So we went through a page and a half to determine
that Corde is a wuss? That was pointless,” Pilot
remarked.
“Hey, who asked you?” retorted Corde. “Yes, of course
it was pointless. But it gave me something to write
about. Which kept me from going to bed. Which is what
I was trying to do. So it wasn’t completely
pointless.”
Aeryn rolled her eyes. “This fic sucks.”
“I know,” said Corde.
Aeryn punched her out.
THE END
Chapter 2
“No,” said Aeryn. “No chapter 2.”
THE END
Chapter 3
Jaimie, Tinka and Corde were in Jaimie’s car, driving
home from dropping off Steve. Corde was in the back.
“So do you think I should go out with him?” asked
Jaimie.
“Go out with who?” asked Corde.
“Definitely,” said Tinka. “He’s so nice.”
“Who’s nice?” asked Corde.
“Yeah, and really cute,” giggled Jaimie.
“Who’s cute?” asked Corde.
“Do you hear something?” Tinka asked Jaimie.
“Nah,” said Jaimie, and she turned up the radio.
THE END
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