by Corde
The first two chapters could have been parts of longer
stories, but my muse gave me those thoughts and left.
So instead of keeping them to incorporate into later
work (that would be the smart thing to do, but who
ever said I was smart?) I glommed them together now
and chatted with Aeryn for a bit. I did see “The Sixth
Sense” tonight, against my will, and I left halfway
through because I was so scared. People, if you know
you don’t want to see a movie, don’t waste your money
on it. I need to get better friends.
Oh yeah, and I have no idea where Aeryn got this
protective streak. Just me wishing I had friends who
respected my wishes... (am I a whiner or what?)
*****
Chapter 1
Aeryn Sun stomped into Crichton’s quarters aboard
Moya. “And another thing,” she yelled, although there
had been no first thing, “you human are weak! Weak,
weak, weak! You THINK about everything, analyze it,
have FEELINGS about it. Why can’t you just do what you
want to do without THINKING?”
“What the FRELL are you talking about, Aeryn?”
Crichton shouted back. “I am so SICK and TIRED of you
coming in here and telling me yet another reason I am
inferior! Why can’t you just accept that humans and
sebaceans are different and LEAVE IT AT THAT?”
“BECAUSE YOU…”
Corde wandered in, cutting Aeryn off in mid-sentence.
“Hey guys,” she said, a bit too casually. “Say,
Crichton, you wouldn’t happen to have a letter opener
or nail file around here, would you?” Crichton shook
his head as Aeryn glared at the interruption.
“Nope, sorry,” replied Crichton, as Corde’s expression
grew disappointed.
“Would my small dagger be suitable?” Aeryn asked
icily.
Corde brightened. “Perfect! Thanks,” she said,
reaching for the sharp object and beginning to wander
out again. “I’ll bring it back in a jiffy…”
Aeryn and Crichton shared a wry look, then Aeryn
sighed and asked, “What do you need it for?” as if she
didn’t really want to know.
“Chiana just stapled Rygel to my wall,” Corde
responded nonchalantly, “by his earbrows. I gotta get
him off before my parents get home. You two crazy kids
have fun. And Crichton, if you find any of my Scotch
tape lying around, don’t let Chia Pet have it, okay?”
Chapter 2
It was a quiet day in the basement of the FBI office.
Special Agents Mulder and Scully were filling out the
endless paperwork often required by their superiors.
Well, Scully was filling it out; Mulder was flipping
pencils at the ceiling. The phone rang.
Mulder snatched it up and snapped, “Mulder.” Scully
rolled her eyes without looking up from her work.
Mulder was silent, listening to the voice on the other
end for a long time, his eyes getting wider every
second. Slowly, he covered the receiver with his hand.
“Scully,” he said hoarsely, “you’re not gonna believe
this. I’ve got a guy here… name’s John Crichton…”
Chapter 3
“Hey, congratulations, Corde,” remarked Aeryn. “That’s
the first time you’ve had a Chapter 2 that actually
made sense. And we got all the way to chapter three
this time!”
“Shut up,” growled Corde, sounding not unlike D’Argo
in “The Flax.”
“Oh, so now I get a line, is that it? I must say,
Corde, I am not entirely pleased with my roles in your
previous fic,” grumbled D’Argo.
“Oh pipe down,” said Chia Pet. “Hey! I told you not to
call me that!”
“All of you, be quiet!” shouted Corde, who had just
seen “The Sixth Sense” and was still scared of the
dark.
“Wuss,” muttered Aeryn.
“Yes, and I’ll thank you not to forget it,” snapped
Corde. “I TOLD my friends I didn’t want to see it, but
did they listen? Noo…”
“Some friends you got there,” observed Aeryn.
“Yeah, with friends like that, who needs
Peacekeepers?” asked Zhaan, who was determined to have
a line in this fic as well.
“Wait a minute, Corde. All wussiness aside, you can’t
let your wimpy fears get in the way of
characterization. Zhaan would never say a thing like
that,” Aeryn lectured.
Corde sighed. “Yeah, I know, but I didn’t want
Crichton to think he could say things like that, and I
really don’t feel like cleaning up the blood when you
beat the dren out of him.”
Aeryn considered that. “You have a point. Still, Chia
Pet or Rygel could have said it, and it would have
been in character.”
Corde scowled. “I don’t like them. I don’t want them
in my fic.”
“Don’t pout,” Aeryn admonished. “You look like a
child.”
“I AM a child! And I don’t like scary movies,” Corde
said sulkily.
Chapter 4
BOO!
Chapter 5
“That wasn’t nice, Crichton. Now you’re just mocking
me,” Corde glowered at him.
Aeryn smacked Crichton upside the head. “Go clean the
Prowler. With your washcloth. And I wanna be able to
see my face in it, got me?” she ordered.
Crichton whimpered. “Yes, Aeryn,” he said
obsequiously, and trotted off. Aeryn turned back to
Corde, who was still pouting over the scary movie she
saw.
“Now Corde,” she said as though she were speaking to a
young child, “There are no such things as ghosts. And
even if there were, you couldn’t see them. And if you
could, they couldn’t touch you.”
“Are you sure? Because in the movie they touched the
little boy. They gave him scratches…”
“I’m sure. Because I wouldn’t let them. Now turn the
computer off and go to sleep.”
“Thanks, Aeryn. But I have to finish this first.”
“Then finish it.”
“Okay.”
THE END
Chapter 6
“I thought you finished it,” Aeryn reminded Corde.
“I did. But I don’t wanna go to bed. I’m still scared.
Let’s talk about something. Is this what they call a
“Mary Sue” story?”
Aeryn muttered unintelligible curses under her breath.
“Let me put it this way, do you really care?”
“No.”
“Good. Then go to bed.”
THE END
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