by Corde
This one is for Anthony, because every time I chat
with him, he says stuff like, “Hey, wouldn’t that be a
great fic? Why don’t you write it?” and I keep saying,
“Because I’m not writing fic anymore.” Well, Tinka
came over and I sat down and started typing. And I
know this isn’t going to be the last one, because I
didn’t mention the GED class not knowing when to add
“the” or alberts or my brother. So here’s to you,
Anth. Hope you dislike it so you don't keep bugging
me.
*****
Chapter 1
“Aeryn,” Corde asked without preamble, “is it
egotistical of me to get a kick out of my own work?”
“If you keep using phrases like ‘without preamble,’
you’re going to get a kick all right…” Aeryn mumbled
from the couch she had been napping on. “On which I
had been napping, thank you. Prepositions do not come
at the end of sentences.”
“Common usage rule,” Corde replied. “Everybody does
it, so I can too.”
“If everyone jumped off a cliff…” Aeryn began.
“Depends on who ‘everyone’ is. If, say, Chia were
jumping off a cliff, I’d gladly jump after her just to
make sure she made it to the bottom okay. ‘Okay’
meaning ‘in several pieces,’” Corde explained. “And
you never answered my question.”
“Hey, wait a minute,” said Bongo, who was really
Anthony, who was really Bongo pretending to be
Anthony. “I thought you said you weren’t writing any
more.”
“I’m not,” said Corde.
“What’s this then?” the monkey asked.
“As soon as I figure it out, I’ll tell you,” said
Corde. “And HEY! You are still in big trouble for that
stunt you pulled with all the shippers’ muses. Get
back in your cell.”
Aeryn dropkicked Bongo into next week. “Thank you,”
said Corde.
“Not a problem,” said Aeryn.
Chapter 2
Darth Maul and Obi-Wan were facing off. No wait, they
weren’t, because I can’t write about that. Sorry,
let’s try that again.
Chapter 2
Um…
Chapter 3
“You’ve been practicing,” Aeryn observed. “That was
definitely the worst Chapter 2 I’ve ever read.”
“Thank you,” said Corde.
Chapter 4
Tinka was lying on Corde’s bed. Oh, get your minds out
of the gutter! She was lounging in Corde’s bedroom as
Corde was writing fic. “Wow,” said Tinka. “You really
suck at this fic stuff. I didn’t say that!” she added
indignantly. “I would never tell you that your stuff
sucked. Well, I would, but I didn’t this time.”
“I know,” said Corde, “but I needed a plot device.”
Everyone groaned. “Oh no, she’s talking about plot
devices again!” shouted Zhaan.
“Run away! Run away!” said everyone else as they ran
in fear.
“You know, Tinka, it’s really hard to write when
you’re breathing down my neck. And the shippers are
going to get the wrong idea,” said Corde. “Must you
stand there and watch me type?”
“Duh,” said Tinka. “Yes, I must.”
“Go away and let me talk to Aeryn. We were having a
conversation.”
“No we weren’t,” said Aeryn. “You were interrupting my
nap. Where did Tinka go?”
“She went to get her shoes,” said Corde. “We’re going
out to eat.”
“You’re leaving?” Aeryn asked.
“Yep,” said Tinka. “Xena rules, Xena rules, Xena
rules.”
“Good,” said Aeryn. “Then I can get back to my nap.”
Chapter 5
“What chapter was I on?” Corde asked.
“Chapter 5,” said Tinka. Corde scrolled up to check.
Tinka was right. “You doubt me? Foolish mortal,” said
Tinka. “Oh yeah, and Xena rules, Xena rules, Xena
rules.”
Chapter 6
The girls came back from Joe’s Crab Shack after a very
large dinner of seafood. Corde was wearing a shirt
that proclaimed, “Peace, Love & Crabs,” while Tinka
held a double shot glass and wore a hat that asked,
“Got Crabs?”
“Yum,” said Tinka. “Now go wake Aeryn up so you can
finish your dumb fic.”
“Watch it,” Aeryn hissed without opening her eyes.
“I’m still napping.”
Tinka stared at Aeryn. “Why are you so tired all of a
sudden?” she asked.
Aeryn shrugged. “I don’t know. Ask the author.”
Tinka turned to Corde. “Corde, why is—“
“I heard you,” Corde snapped.
“I know you heard me,” said Tinka. “We’re in the same
room. But I was trying to help you take up space.”
“Fine, okay, whatever,” said Corde. “Aeryn is tired
because I left the keyboard in the middle of the fic,
and for some reason I can’t think of anything to say.”
“Never stopped you before,” observed Tinka.
“HEY,” said Corde. “You don’t even READ my stuff, so
don’t make fun.”
“Natalie archived it, everyone can read it, I have to
make sure they all know how bad it is,” Tinka
explained.
“Go away,” said Corde.
Chapter 7
“Person?”
“Nope.”
“Weapon?”
“Yes.”
“Used more than once?”
“Yeah.”
“Used by Xena?”
“No.”
“Gabby?”
“Yep.”
“Made out of wood?”
“Probably not…”
“Hmm… first season?”
“No.”
“Second?”
“No.”
“Fourth?”
“Yeah.”
“India Arc?”
“Yeah.”
“Ah. Powder compact.”
“Yep!” Corde and Tinka high-fived. “Good one,” Corde
said.
“Not really,” said Tinka, “but I needed an easy one
for you to put in your fic. Oh, hey, I really hope the
shippers know something about Xena.”
“If not, they won’t care,” said Corde. “My fic doesn’t
usually make much sense anyway.”
Chapter 8
Aeryn smacked Darth Maul upside the head. She then
looked through the hole in her hand and screamed in
pain. “OW! Frelling dren, he’s got HORNS!”
Corde shouted, “Medic!” and Crichton went for the mop.
Maul crossed his arms and looked at Aeryn smugly.
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