by Corde
I think this is the last one, folks. It has been
getting harder and harder to come up with this stuff,
and I think I just drained the last of it. Well,
SOMEthing was leaking out my ears… I have to give
idea-credit and character-credit to Anthony. Tell
Nirre I said thanks for being in my fic. Oh, and just
so you guys don’t get all worried, no, I did not, nor
would I ever go out with Crais. Although he did sing
to me…
Disclaimer: This is Cordefic, used with permission.
*****
Chapter 1
As much as Corde hated to start out a fic using
someone else’s idea, she found herself accepting an
invitation to dinner with Crais. Anthony had suggested
it. But he had also sent Larraq to escort her, so it
wasn’t all bad. But at the last second, Larraq came
down with some sort of… virus, so Corde went alone.
“Wait a minute,” said Aeryn.
“Shouldn’t that be ‘microt’?” asked Chia Pet.
“Shut up,” Aeryn replied. “As I was saying, wait a
minute. Corde, you’re going to dinner with Crais?”
“Yeah, so?” said Corde, who was studying herself in
the mirror.
“You’re going to DINNER with the man who has vowed to
hunt me down and KILL me?”
“Yeah, so? This is only the first date I’ve been asked
on in…hmm, my life. Why shouldn’t I go?”
“BECAUSE HE WANTS TO KILL ME!”
“And just for that you assume he won’t be a good
date?”
Aeryn stalked off, muttering sebacean curses.
Chapter 2
“I am so glad this is a work of fiction,” Aeryn
remarked. “If it weren’t, I’d have to shoot your for
that first chapter.”
“Hey,” said Corde, “don’t blame me. It was Anthony’s
idea.”
Chapter 3
Corde sighed. (“There’s almost as much sighing around
here as there is wandering! What’s up with that?”
asked Chia Pet. “Shut up,” Corde told her.) It was
nearly 11:30 and she was still on the first page of
her fic. Worse, she was totally drawing a blank.
“That’s it,” she muttered. “I’m out of fic. I used it
all up. It’s gone. GONE!” she moaned loudly.
“What’s gone?” asked Gabrielle.
“Crichton’s beard,” said Xena. “He had one in
‘Jeremiah Crichton,’ but he shaved it for ‘Durka
Returns.’”
“I thought it was fake, like Ares’ facial hair in the
first season of ‘Xena,’” said Gabrielle.
“I did too,” said Xena, “but Anthony says it was
real.”
“HEY!” Corde screamed. “Hello! This is MY fic! What
are you people doing here?”
Xena and Gabrielle looked at each other and shrugged.
“Don’t ask us,” said Gabrielle. “It’s your fic.”
“We were tired of not being updated by Missy Good,”
Xena added, “so we came to chat with Aeryn. Is she
around?”
“I’m here,” said Aeryn as she walked into the room
munching on a Pop-Tart. “Hey Xena, Gabrielle, how ya
doin’?”
“Same old same old, died, came back, went to Chin,
saved the world, got pregnant. You know,” said Xena.
The three laughed.
Corde sat at her computer pouting as Xena, Gabrielle
and Aeryn chatted about fighting techniques and
rehashed their oldest argument about the pantac jab
vs. the pinch. It was nearly 11:45 and she was no
closer to anything resembling a plot. Sometimes
crossovers sucked.
Chapter 4
Bongo laughed at Corde. “I know I say this all the
time, Corde, but I must admit that this truly IS your
worst fic ever.”
A ten-year-old girl walked up to Bongo and smacked him
upside the head.
“Thanks, Nirre,” said Corde.
“No problem,” said Nirre, and she walked out.
Bongo stared in shock. “Who was that?”
Corde replied, “Anthony’s AU Crichton-Sun offspring.
Cute, ain’t she? She surely is her mother’s daughter.
“Shoulda known,” Bongo muttered. “She has the same
technique…”
Chapter 5
“Wow, look. You made it to the third page,” said
Aeryn, “and it only took you three hours.”
“I was attic surfing for two and a half of it,” Corde
snapped. “And look what I found! Baby pictures of
little Aeryn! Aww… Here, let me send them to the
shippers.”
Aeryn shrugged. “Okay. I was an adorable baby, wasn’t
I?”
Crichton drooled on his (bare, for some odd reason)
chest. “You sure were, Aeryn.”
Aeryn picked up another stack of pictures. “While you,
on the other hand…” She held up a picture of a baby
monkey. “Whew. It’s a wonder your mother didn’t drown
you.”
Bongo snatched the picture from Aeryn’s hand. “That’s
me,” he said.
Chapter 6
“Does anyone else realize that these chapters are
getting shorter?” asked Aeryn.
“That means Corde it running out of ideas,” said
Corde. “And when Corde runs out of ideas, she also
speaks in the third person. Rather like some of the
shippers…”
CRISTIN!
“Wuss,” said Zhaan.
D’Argo jete'd across the room wearing his favorite
purple tutu.
“Ahem. If you are quite finished…” said Aeryn.
“Hey, if it worked once, it will work again!” said
Corde. “At least, that’s what Sylvester Stallone said
about the Rocky movies…”
—and then it all just went bleh—
THE END
“Oh great, stealing from Resnick wasn’t enough, now
you have to steal from Douglas Adams too?” said Aeryn.
“That wasn’t Adams,” Corde denied. “It was me, years
ago. If anything, it was my brother. Hey, it could
have been worse.”
“How?” Aeryn asked.
“I could have blown everything up.”
—and then, everything exploded—
“CRICHTON!” Aeryn yelled. “GET THE MOP!”
THE END
**Author’s note: In case anyone was wondering, I write
the fic first, then the introductory paragraph, then
the title. It’s kinda backwards. Okay, really
backwards. So that’s why the titles don’t always make
sense.**
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