by Corde
Earlier tonight, Anthony reminded me that imitation is
the sincerest form of flattery. Does anyone really
believe that? Leo, you had to know that you were
Cordefic fodder the minute you clicked the send
button. I’m glad you thought highly enough of my style
to use it yourself, but I must say it was weird
reading something like that that I hadn’t written. It
sure is fun though, isn’t it?
*****
Chapter 1
Corde snickered. “Anger management. Hey Aeryn, did you
hear what Siobhan said? She said you need anger
management.”
“Manage this,” Aeryn said as she smacked Corde upside
the head.
Chapter 2
“So, Corde, how do you feel about all these people
copying your style?” Aeryn asked.
“Let me put it this way,” said Corde, as she took out
her phaser, set it on “vaporize,” and took careful aim
at Leo. Leo cowered in terror. “Gratuitous chapter
usage is MY trademark, darn it! Bugger off!”
“Now who needs anger management?” Aeryn snickered.
“And what was up with Anthony’s little obsession with
centrifugal force?” Chia Pet asked. “Are you ever
going to stop calling me that?”
“Probably not,” Corde replied, “and I don’t know about
Anthony. I guess when you’re a senile dragon…” A
muffled roaring was heard from outside the room.
“Yeah, I’m talking about YOU, old man!” Corde yelled.
She continued, “As I was saying, when you’re a senile
old rock of a dragon…”
A very loud thump interrupted Corde. They all turned
to look.
Chapter 3
“Oh look, we’re already on chapter 3 and still on the
first page. Is someone running out of things to say?”
Aeryn taunted.
“No,” Corde snapped. “It’s only 10:40. I have plenty
of time to write this fic. I’m just a little slow
tonight.”
“Slow. Yeah, that’s a good adjective for you…” Aeryn
mused.
Chapter 4
“Hey, what was the thump?” asked Zhaan.
“A plot device,” replied Corde. “I didn’t have
anything else to say, so something had to interrupt
me.”
“Oh,” said Zhaan. “That was the stupidest plot device
I have ever heard.”
“I love you too, Zhaan.”
Chapter 5
“I’ll be HANGED if anyone else uses MY style and crams
in more chapters than I do!” Corde screamed in a
psychotic fashion.
“Ugh. There you go using the word ‘fashion’ again.
Corde, that word is never to be used unless you are
discussing clothes or hair. I think you need to write
sentences,” said Aeryn.
“What? No, you can’t be serious. I’m in the middle of
a fic here!” Corde protested. Aeryn reached for her
pulse rifle and Corde sighed and picked up a pen.
“ ‘I will not tolerate improper use of the word
“fashion,”’” Aeryn dictated.
“Ooh, lookit all the pretty quotation marks!” said
Corde.
“Just write,” Aeryn commanded.
I will not tolerate improper use of the word
“fashion.”
I will not tolerate improper use of the word
“fashion.”
I will not tolerate improper use of the word
“fashion.”
I will not tolerate improper use of the word
“fashion.”
I will not tolerate improper use of the word
“fashion.”
“Okay,” said Aeryn, “that’s enough. You can write the
other 495 after you’re done with the fic.”
THE END
Chapter 6
“And another thing,” Corde screamed. “No more of these
fake endings! I came up with that! It’s my idiotic
plot device, and YOU CAN’T USE IT!” The hand that was
holding the phaser aimed at Leo began to shake. Leo
cowered in fear.
Chapter 7
“Whoa, Corde, switch to decaf, okay?” said Crichton.
Corde swung around and shot him in the chest. “I can’t
have caffeine, you dolt. Weren’t you paying attention
to last night’s fic?”
Aeryn groaned. “Who’s gonna mop THIS up?”
Chapter 8
“You know,” Bongo mused, “I’m pretty sure TPTB
wouldn’t be too thrilled with your fics. Just look at
your characterization. You’ve got the ‘Genius
Strongboy Crichton’ character shot to frell. And don’t
even get me started on Aeryn…”
“Bad muse. BAD muse. If you’re not going to help, then
go away,” said Corde.
Chapter 9
A drumroll.
More drumroll.
Drum still rolling.
And…
CRISTIN!
She gets a kick out of being mentioned. Love ya,
Cristin!
Chapter 10
“What the frell was that?” demanded Aeryn. “We don’t
do these ridiculous fics just so you can give a shout
out to the shippers. This is serious business here.”
She glared at Corde for approximately 0.3 seconds
before bursting into laughter. “No, that was just too
much. Whoo! Okay, really now…”
Chapter 11
Ava help me, I’ll get to chapter 27 if it KILLS me!
Chapter 12
“Or me,” said Rygel
Chapter 13
“Or me,” said Chia Pet. “DON’T CALL ME THAT.”
Chapter 14
“Or me,” said Pilot.
Chapter 15
“Or me,” said a naked blue chick, er, Zhaan.
Chapter 16
“Or me,” growled D’Argo.
Chapter 17
“Or me,” said Crichton, mopping up his own blood.
(Don’t worry, it’s stage blood.)
Chapter 18
“Or me,” said Leo.
“That can be arranged,” said Corde, twitching her
trigger finger. Leo turned a little paler.
Chapter 19
“Don’t look at me,” said Aeryn. “I’m not gonna say
it.” She walked over to Corde and smacked her upside
the head. “Shut up. You’re not gonna make it to
chapter 27.
“Okay,” said Corde.
THE END
Chapter 20
“Hey,” whined Leo. “Why didn’t you threaten to kill
Anthony? He copied your style too.”
“Let me put it this way,” said Corde, as she pulled
the trigger. (Do phasers have triggers? I don’t really
care.) “Shut up.”
THE END
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