by Natalie Williams
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Farscape. It would be nice if I did, but alas, I own zip.
RATING: G
SUMMARY: Aeryn's thoughts when John leaves for Earth.
ARCHIVING: Ask me first.
*****
So he was going. That was all there was to it.
Aeryn knew she couldn’t go with him. She wasn't lying when she told him that. The way things were now... She didn’t belong on Earth. It could not happen this way, even if she wanted to go with him.
Or maybe it wasn’t that she wanted to go as much as she didn’t want *him* to go.
When she found out what was going, it had hit her harder than she would have ever thought. She hadn’t even known she cared that much until she was faced with the possibility of losing him forever.
But she saw that excitement in Crichton’s eyes, knowing that after all this time, he got to go home. After all this time of living a life where he was the stranger, and he could always be sure that he would never know what was going on, he got to go back to his old life, to go back to his family and the people that were waiting for him, who had missed him while he was gone. That was an option no one else had.
She hadn’t said anything about it. And she doubted Crichton would have noticed if she had. She wouldn’t have been able to convince him otherwise. She knew him well enough to be sure of that. So she had stayed quiet, and slipped out without anyone seeing her.
Through the time they had been on Moya, Aeryn had come to depend on Crichton a great deal. He was probably the only one who could truly understand how she felt and what she was going through, and she understood him as well. And maybe... possibly, there was more there.
But that didn’t really matter now. He was going back to Earth. He was going home. And he was leaving her here.
He’d found her, and he had pleaded with her to come with him, but it hadn’t taken much to convince him that she wasn’t going. And then he was gone, just like that. He hadn’t been able to get out of there fast enough. If Aeryn had been given the chance to do the same, to go back to her old life, she wasn’t sure what she would have done. Maybe she would take the chance, as John was now. But she wouldn’t have gone about it like *that.* Then again, there wasn’t much she was sure of anymore.
And that was all there was to it. He was leaving, and she was never going to see him again.
Aeryn could feel tears well up in her eyes, and angrily wiped them away before they could fall to her cheeks. Why should she cry over his leaving? He was the reason she was here in the first place! She should be glad he would be gone. And yet she couldn’t bring herself to be excited about this.
With one more swipe at her eyes, Aeryn collected herself and stood from her sitting position on the floor. Crichton would be going soon. She wanted to say goodbye, at the most, or see him off at the least. Either way, she wasn’t going to be happy about it.
Feedback
Back