Back to part one


By Andrew Docimo

"I do not understand.  Is not the goal of Calvinball to win at any cost?"

"Um, yeah....hold on, how'd you find out?"  Did Pilot have a subscription to the comics?

"You talk in your sleep," calmly, as if it were of no consequence.  "And now, to win the game."

"How?"

"There is a tube in fifteen metras down the aisleway].  It leads directly to my Chamber. Is that not sufficient to win?"

Crichton did some mental calculations...it had to be at least fifteen floors from here to there - it'd be impossible to catch up if Pilot succeeded...

Wouldn't it?

*****

By Laura Folden

He turned and looked thoughtfully at the wave of DRDs.  The trick was to get to Pilot's chamber first.  But he couldn't drop straight down fifteen tiers....not alone. Time for a fake out.

"Zhaan," he whispered, "Hide the ball under your robe.  So Pilot can't see it."

She looked quizzically at him but complied.

"Okay, now I want you to take the elevator two tiers down and meet me there.  Got it? Keep the ball hidden." She nodded.

"Fine," he said loudly, stepping away from her, "You too chicken to play?"

Aeryn and D'Argo came bolting around the corner and stopped in asAiobheannshment . Crichton winked at Aeryn across the tidal wave of DRDs.

He waved one hand dismissively at her.  "Zhaan's out of the game.  Seems she can't handle the pressure."  John kept his arm tucked up as it he still had the ball.

"I will go meditate now," the blue priestess said softly and left.

The DRDs buzzed impatiently, inching toward him.  He backed up slowly, one step at a time.  They followed.  Crichton turned and darted down another corridor, then another, zigzagging left and right seemingly at random down the turns.  He could hear the DRDs buzz behind him grow a little fainter.  If he'd planned it right, he should end up right behind...

"Yo, Aeryn!"  He rounded the last corner and barely avoided a collision with Aeryn and D'Argo.  "Time for a huddle."

"Huddle?"

Aeryn shook her head.  "Give me the ball."

"No, me." D'Argo growled.

He grinned at them.   "You want it?"

Aeryn frowned.  "Do I have to do this the hard way?"

"This is ridiculous, Crichton.  Just give me the ball."  D'Argo stepped forward menacingly.

Crichton's grin broadened. "Sorry, big guy, I don't have it either.  But here's what we're going to do."

The three conferred for a moment and then, just as the DRDs rounded the corner, they tucked their arms like they were carrying the ball.

John backed up slowly again.  "Pilot, my friend, you're not winning that easily."

"Crichton, it is a simple matter for me to take the ball now."

"Sure...but who has it."  He gestured to Aeryn and D'Argo.  "Me or them?"

On cue, the three split up and darted down different corridors, each one trying to find a different way to the tiers below.

Zhaan stepped into the elevator and waited as it slowly descended two tiers down.  Safe from DRD eyes, she took the ball out from under her robe and tossed it up and down.  It really was an odd shaped thing, she thought, tossing it higher.

She tossed it again, reached out to catch it and...it didn't come down.  Startled, she glanced up and heard a soft Hynerian chuckle.  "It's mine now, you yotz," the voice called back.  Rygel, on top of the elevator?  She heard the quiet whine of his throne as he levitated away, still laughing.

She lifted her wrist to her mouth. "Crichton!"

"Zhaan, I'm a little busy right now."  He sounded out of breath, like he was running hard.  "Pilot's definitely lost it..." He sounded amused though.

"Rygel stole the ball."

"What? He...how..."  Aeryn stuttered.  She also seemed out of breath. "Rygel, you better get back here right now!"

"Pilot, where's Rygel?"

A moment of silence, then, "7th tier...6th tier...5th tier...he's going straight down the elevator shaft that parallels yours, Zhaan."

D'Argo hissed.  "Block it off, Pilot!  Now!"

"I can't do that.  He's already exited the shaft...he's...somewhere on Tier 3.  Sending the DRDs that way now."

Then silence, as all the players began to run toward Rygel's tier.

John bolted into the elevator, Aeryn and D'Argo right behind him.  "Pilot, can you speed this thing up?" he yelled.

"Affirmative."

"Where's Spanky now?"

"He's....just entered Tier 2."

D'Argo growled.  "Can you block him off somehow, lead him into some kind of central area?"

Pilot hesitated.  "I'll try.  He might catch on to what I'm doing and use one of the access panels.  I can not block those."

Aeryn was practically hopping up and down in her frustration.  "See what happens when you cheat?" She spat at the tall Luxan.  "Rygel. That's what happens."

"Chill, Aeryn," John gave her a hard look.

"I will *not* lose to his Eminence."  She shook her head vehemently. "It's...it's unthinkable."

"He will gloat."  D'Argo said somberly.

"He'll be insufferable,"  John agreed.  "Pilot, can this elevator go *any* faster?"

"You are almost there," Pilot said calmly.

The doors opened and Aeryn and D'Argo bolted outside, practically tripping each other in their haste.

"You go left," Aeryn said, "I'll go right.  Keep in contact...Let me know the minute you spot him."  She gestured impatiently at John.  "You're with me."

The three aliens began a slow jog down their separate corridors, keeping a wary eye out for the Hynerian.

D'Argo was especially unhappy--not only were they potentially losing to *Rygel* but he owed the little Hynerian a meal already.  He hissed and promised himself that he could not lose to his Insufferable Majesty.  It was a matter of honor.

Chiana popped her head out of a side corridor.  "Psst, you," she whispered, "he's over here."

"How did you get down here so quickly?"  He stopped and stared at the little Nebari woman.

She laughed.  "Can't expect a girl to give away all her secrets, can you?"

He frowned at her, then nodded.  "Let's go."

They walked down the side corridor.  Chiana grabbed his arm at the next junction, pulling him back.  "He's down there.  If you can make him go down the other hallway, he should run straight into the blue woman and the other two.  Got it?"

"What will you do?"

She laughed again.  "I'm going to try to get the ball, same as you."  She smiled slyly.  "I like to win."

"You're not winning yet."

"No, Toad is.  Unless you go now."  She pushed him out into the corridor.

"Hello, Rygel,"  D'Argo said slowly.  The Hynerian spun his chair around to face the Luxan, ball balanced precariously on his lap.

Rygel chuckled.  "You can't catch me."

D'Argo started to run for the Hynerian, who immediately turned and fled down the other corridor.  The Luxan was nearly close enough to catch him when Aeryn, Zhaan and Crichton appeared at the end of the hallway.  Rygel cursed and levitated his chair higher.  He was surrounded.

D'Argo extended himself in a long leap and just caught the edge of Rygel's chair, spinning it around.  His Royal Hynerian majesty dropped the ball as he flew off the chair, yelling.  John darted right and caught him.

Aeryn jumped forward and scooped up the ball, smirking.  "Mine now!"  She shouted happily and scooted down the hallway. "You'll never catch me, Crichton..."

John closed his eyes. "Frell!"  He looked down at Rygel, who was still sputtering indignantly.  "Well, if we don't get that ball back, you're about the right size, Spanky."  He laughed.  "Spankyball!"

"Crichton!  Put me down right now!"  The Hynerian wiggled indignantly.

John sat him down carefully, his eyes all the while on Aeryn's happily retreating back.  "Now its personal," he muttered to himself.

He took off down the corridor after her, D'Argo, Zhaan and even Rygel right behind.  Aeryn might be meaner and better trained than John, but the one advantage he had over his shipmates was speed.  Perhaps because he'd spent the first two months of his life on Moya running from them...

Now it was payback time.  "You're not going to get away with this, Sun," he yelled.

Her laughter drifted back down the hallway.

John gritted his teeth and put on an extra burst of speed.  She was *not* going to get away with it, he promised himself, she would *not* win.

Aeryn dodged his frantic grasp and sprinted left down a dead end hallway.  She yelled something untranslatable and bolted down another corridor.  She was approaching a main junction...she'd be able to go anywhere from there.  John ran faster.

DRDs came from everywhere, darting back and forth across the hallway.  Aeryn was forced to slow her momentum to avoid them.  John grabbed her around the waist in a flying tackle, dropping them both to their knees.  The ball went slowly bouncing away.  D'Argo and Zhaan bolted around the corner, stopping dead in their tracks.  Chiana appeared in another hallway, and also stopped.  Rygel's hover chair slowed in mid air.

The players eyed each other, then the ball, then each other.  Everyone moved at once.

D'Argo hit the ball first, then Aeryn, Crichton, Chiana and Zhaan piled on top.  Rygel stayed *well* out of the way.  There was another moment of silence, then somewhere something went *bang*.

The players slowly disengaged themselves one by one from the pile, rubbing various bruises or sore muscles.  Crichton lifted himself from off Aeryn as soon as he felt Zhaan move away.  Aeryn, muttering to herself, backed off D'Argo, who was lying face down on the floor.

"D'Argo, bud, you all right?"  Crichton asked concernedly.

"Fine, but..."  D'Argo raised unhappy eyes to Crichton and half lifted himself on one elbow.  He reached underneath himself and pulled out the deflated ball. 

"I think we killed it."

Crichton whistled.  "Yep.  We sure did."

Rygel's ears sank lower.  "No more Calvinball?"

"Well, maybe..."  Zhaan smiled softly, "and maybe not.  John, I believe you mentioned "Spankyball"?"

"What the...yotz to that!"  Rygel turned his hover chair smartly and exited the room.  "Never!"

Chiana laughed.  "Spankyball.  I think...I like that."  Grinning slyly, she followed the little Hynerian out of the room.  "Old man, wait up...."

'So," Aeryn grinned, leaning back casually, her shoulder just brushing John's, "who won?"

They all looked at each other.

"Zhaan and I did," D'Argo announced, "She took the ball in the elevator, that counts for at least--"

"Oh, in your *dreams*," John exclaimed, "First, you and Zhaan were fighting each other for the ball five microts ago--you're not a 'team'.  Second, if you count time in the Elevator, then Rygel won, cause he went down 10 tiers at least in that little hover thingy of his."

"I should've had the first point,"  Aeryn said vindictively.  "And would've gotten more if D'Argo hadn't cheated."

D'Argo's eyes narrowed.  "We agreed that was not cheating, merely brilliant strategy."

"Cheater."  She threw back.  "Just like a Luxan--break the rules and then--"

"Whoa, whoa, hold on," John waved his hand, "this is Calvinball, not inter species war."

They all stared at him.

"Okay, so it's war.  But you mean to tell me none of us kept score?"

Silence.

"Oh."  He thought hard.  "Well, we could go to sudden death, but..." he lifted the limp ball, "we really killed the ball."

"Crichton,"  Pilot broke in, "perhaps we can stop at the next commerce planet and pick up several balls."

"Good idea.  In the meantime," he shrugged, "game's on hold.  Okay?"

Aeryn nodded.  "Yes, that'll give me some time to teach you how to tackle."

He blinked.  "Teach *me* how to tackle? It's my game!"

"You show mercy to your opponents."  She shook her head.  "You have to really *fight* for the ball if you want to play with me."

Zhaan and D'Argo exchanged significant looks. "I'm hungry," D'Argo announced suddenly. "Coming?"

Zhaan nodded.  "I would like to continue meditating."

The two rose to their feet and exited the room.

Aeryn looked thoughtful, "We'll start tomorrow on your training, John."

John winced.  She had that determined, stubborn, just plain muley look on her face that meant she was going to get her way no matter what.  If she got her way, Calvinball would become a game of "Kill the guy with the ball".  He thought about all 7 feet of heavily muscled Luxan bearing down on him.  Refrigerator D'Argo.  He winced again.

He rose to his feet, a little unsteadily, and gave her a hand up.  She still looked determined.  It was adorable, when it didn't make him fear for his own life.  John slid his arm around her waist.  "Hey, Aeryn," he said softly,  "want to go have a victory celebration on the terrace?"

She looked up at him, confused.  "Victory? But we didn't--"

"Ahh, that's just a technicality,"  he brushed aside her objections,  "besides, its a tradition."

"All of the Calvinball players on Earth celebrate then?"

His arm tightened around her waist as they began the long walk up to the terrace.  He thought briefly of the famous players--John Elway, Refrigerator Perry, John Madden, and scores of others.  "Uh, not exactly like this," he smiled down at her.  "Trust me."

THE END--until they get to a commerce planet, and buy another football :P

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