Part one

Looking across at him, she followed the direction of his stare and uncurled her fingers. She continued as though nothing unusual had happened. "Then we lost contact with your ship. After that..." She met his gaze. He could lose himself in her eyes. Green eyes, as green as the fertile world he'd lost twice in less than a year. A world well lost if only her green eyes didn't look at him with hatred, or distrust. "After that, I knew I would follow you to Earth, even if the others stayed behind."

"That's twice now, you've left everything behind to follow me." His hands ached with the need to touch her, to feel the silken length of her long black hair falling through his fingers, to caress the curve of her cheek, to trace the arc of her determined chin. He folded his hands against their desire and waited, breathlessly, to see if she would refute him.

"And that's once now, you've chosen me over your entire world."

"A world that would have killed you, Aeryn." He looked at her in wonder before lowering his gaze to his still-clasped hands. How could she stand to be in the same room - hell, the same universe, even - as he? And to be sharing so much of herself with him...

"I'd say you were 'irreversibly contaminated,' Crichton." Gentle, self-mocking laughter curled around her words, deepened and emphasized the throatiness of her voice.

His head snapped up. "Wha- Aeryn, how can you joke about this? What happened to you on that phony Earth could have been real, dammit! God knows we thought it was real enough when we lived it! And the Old Ones didn't make Wilson and Cobb up out of thin air, you know!"

"I know. Wilson and Cobb came from your memories, and what they did to us... that was real, too, because you know that's the way men like Wilson and Cobb will act the first time they meet someone like Rygel or D'Argo. Or like me."

The horror of seeing Rygel's desecrated body swept over him again, and the despair of thinking Aeryn but another simulacrum. Movement. He needed to move, to act, to do. Spinning around on his stool, he hopped off. Staggering slightly, he headed for the dispenser. He was thirsty, but the fellip nectar had lost its appeal. He pulled a draught of water, drank it in three gulps, pulled another.

He stood there a moment, lost in thought. When he tried to talk Aeryn into coming to Earth with him, he'd been so damn sure there'd be no problems, that Earth would welcome her like the hero she was. Hell, he'd even thought about an NYC ticker tape parade, a spot on Oprah, a TV-movie of the week - "My Life As a Space Babe" for USA or the SciFi Channel.

But Aeryn was right. Down deep, somewhere under the "it'll be a great hurrah" facade, some part of him had been smart enough to fear the reaction of the Wilsons and the Cobbs, and that was what the Old Ones had uncovered. Mourning his lost innocence, John walked back to Aeryn. He set the glass of water on the table and hunkered down at her side.

"I've been an arrogant prick, haven't I?" He recognized the doubt in her eyes. Her translator microbes hiccupping again. Damn all idioms, anyway. But there was no way to say what he wanted to say, with the force he wanted, without them. "A prick, Aeryn, a prick, a dick, a pecker-wood. Always running on like that about PeaceKeepers and the way they treat other races? My people... my people would be even worse, given half the chance." He remembered telling Namtur about Dr. Mengele, and swallowed convulsively. The foul taste in his mouth was from more than the fellip."It's just that-" He took a deep breath. Whoever said 'And the truth shall set you free' didn't know a sharpei from a shihtzu. The truth was a bitch. And it had damn sharp teeth and claws. "It's just that I hoped we were beyond all that, that we'd learned from the past and now things would be different, would be better."

"Zhaan says we're doomed to repeat the past, and all we can ever hope for is that the second or even the third time around we learn our lesson faster, so we can go on to new levels of learning and experience."

"Zhaan." Oh yeah, Zhaan. He slumped to the floor. "She hates me, Aeryn. She'll never forgive me for what I said to her." Or for seeing her dark side so up close and personal. He rested his head on Aeryn's lap. "What the hell do I do about Zhaan?" Aeryn might bear no animosity toward him - though god knew if any one should, she should - but that didn't mean things were A-ok with the rest of the crew.

A touch, feather-light, brushed the hair back from his brow. Almost, he could convince himself it was his imagination, his desire, his fear-that-it-would-not-be. But the callouses on the fingers were real, the reward of a lifetime of hard military training. "Why do you think Zhaan hates you, John? She was as concerned as the rest of us when we lost communication with your craft."

If he turned his head just so... The thought gave birth to the action, and he dropped a kiss into Aeryn's palm, smiling as she closed her fingers over it. "John!" Laughter and impatience were threaded together in her voice as she shook his shoulder.

He straightened up. "Hmmm? Oh, Zhaan. Cripes, Aeryn, what the hell should I think when even Rygel seems more concerned about me than her?"

She frowned. "What, because Rygel came with us in the transport and Zhaan didn't?"

He nodded. "That'll do for starters."

"Oh, for... Crichton!" He grinned. Now that, that combination of impatience and, well, impatience. That was Aeryn, the Aeryn he knew and lo- the Aeryn he knew. "You know we can't trust Chiana. Leave her alone with Pilot and Moya, and she'd be off to join the worst pirate band in seven sectors. Someone had to protect them from her, and since she seems to fear Zhaan more than anyone else..." She held his gaze. "That was the only reason Zhaan didn't come with us. But before we left, she promised that if we didn't report back within three days, she and Pilot would track our landing and figure out a rescue plan." She grinned. "She also said if Chiana tried anything, she'd send her EVA. Without a space suit."

Now that he could definitely see - Zhaan threatening Chiana with an Extra-Vehicular Activity. Suitless. And meaning it. Too bad Chiana hadn't given her a reason to put threats into action. "But if Zhaan's not upset with me, why is she avoiding me?"

Aeryn stared at him. "Avoiding you? How would you know if anyone was avoiding you, the way you've been avoiding us?"

Ouch. That one hurt. But, as he'd been discovering, the truth did. "That obvious?"

"You don't have to be a rock smith to see it."

Rock smith? What the- He bit back a laugh. "Rocket scientist, Aeryn, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to see it."

"A rock smith." She glared at him. "That's what I said." She poked him in the chest, hard. "And don't try to evade the issue. You were avoiding me - us - even before you left for Earth. Since you got back from Acquara, actually."

"I - I apologized for that, Aeryn."

Her gaze was level. "Mumbling something about being sorry, and then keeping yourself busy and out of everyone's way is scarcely an apology, John."

"Oh, shit." He ran his hand across his face. What was there he could say or do now that he was brought face to face with his actions? "I know how much I hurt you, hurt all of you. And even worse, what I said wasn't even true. I mean, it was true, but only for then." Brilliant. Talk about tying yourself up in knots! "It's just that I was so- so tired of feeling like the village idiot. Here I am, with a doctorate in the kind of way-out theoretical physics most people don't even know exists, and I can't screw in a light bulb, or find my way out of the bathroom, or turn down the heat." He sighed. "I was angry and upset and I took it out on you. On all of you." He leaned back, his head once more resting against her leg. She didn't push him off.

"Don't you think we knew that, John? And you know we didn't starburst deliberately. Once Moya's amnexus levels were stabilized we searched for you." She paused. "I understand we found you just in time, too. Unless you wanted to marry the chief's daughter? I hear she worshiped you." John made a mental note to check out the life support systems. From being too hot, the temperature had just dropped by fifty degrees.

"Wrong person. It was Rygel she worshiped. Me? Hey, she just thought I was an okay guy, one she'd like to get to know."

He felt the sudden tension in her body. "Is that- is that why you 'clicked' with Gilina? Because she thought you were 'an okay guy'? Because she understood you, and didn't make you feel foolish? Or like the 'village idiot'?"

Not afraid to set off land-mines, was she? But that was Aeryn. And if there was one thing Aeryn worshiped, it was truth. Truth, and justice. Add 'the American way,' and she could stand in for Superman. He grimaced. All told, she'd be a lot better off if she had put less value on truth and justice, and more on her duty as a soldier - in which case he'd be dead, D'Argo and the others would most probably be recaptured, and she'd still be a happy little Commando - complete with promotion - still under Crais's command... but she sure as hell wouldn't be Aeryn.

"That was part of it, Aeryn. It was great to talk to someone who knew what I was talking about, and who thought science was important, and who admired me. And she reminded me a bit of Alex, of Alexandra, the woman I was- I was involved with back on Earth." He ran his tongue across suddenly dry lips. "But Aeryn, I had no problem saying good-by to Gilina."

"And you had no problem saying good-by to us, and leaving us in anger, either."

He twisted around until he could look up at her. "Aeryn, do you really think I would have been as angry as I was if I didn't want you, want all of you to accept me? To think I was part of this crew, at least as much as you or the others? To think I contributed, and wasn't just supercargo? It got to the point where it was one 'human nonsense' put-down after another, and I just couldn't take any more. I needed space so I could get everything out of my system." He snorted. "If Moya hadn't pulled a starburst, I'd have been back in less than an arn. I'd have had the chance to get over my mad and would have apologized to everyone and that would have been it."

"But Moya did starburst, and you weren't back in less than an arn, and we did search for you. We searched for three whole monens. So how could you leave so easily for Earth, so soon after that, when you knew what you meant to us?"

He was reminded of the old Greek myth of the snake that encircled the Earth with its tail in its mouth. They'd come full circle now, he and Aeryn. He couldn't even explain his actions to himself. That was one of the reasons he'd been trying to lose himself in alcohol tonight. And if he couldn't explain himself to himself, how could he explain himself to Aeryn? Aeryn, who knew so little of subterfuge and deceit? She said she'd studied Durka's methods for PeaceKeeper training. How? When they seemed to have touched her so little?

"Aeryn, returning home was all I'd been thinking of for seven months. At least, I thought it was all I was thinking of. With everything that's happened, though - Maldis, Namtur, Crais, the Sheyangs - the only time I had to stop and smell the roses was when I was on Acquara. And then I was still too mad, too upset - too hurt to listen to my heart." He reached for her hand. She didn't pull away, and he allowed himself to hope. "I never gave myself the chance to realize that somehow, during the months I've been here, my heart's desire changed. Earth isn't my home now, Moya is." He paused. "No. Not Moya." With his free hand he reached up slowly, giving her time to pull back. She did not, and he gently traced the outline of her lips. "You, Aeryn. You are my home. The ancient Romans said it right... 'Ubi tu Aeryn, ego John'."

She frowned, and for a moment he wondered if her translator microbes were up to the task of converting Latin to Sebacean. "Where I am, you are, too?"

He smiled. "Our timing sucks warty green pickles-"

"Wordy green pic-"

"Warty. Warty green pickles. Long green vegetables with zits all over them. They start out as cucumbers, until someone dunks 'em in brine." She had the dazed expression of a doe caught in the headlights of his old four-by. "Aeryn, stop changing the subject." She started to protest. Putting his finger to her lips he said, simply, "Sssh. I'll explain warts and pickles and zits and cucumbers and brine later." She looked at him questioningly and he groaned. "All right, I'll explain pricks and dicks and pecker-woods, too. Right now, let's get back to us."

"You're saying there's an 'us' to get back to?"

"I don't think 'never again' is a viable option any more, do you?"

"But nothing-"

"Yeah, babe, it did." He took her hand in both of his. Fingerprints, lifeline, heartline. So many outward similarities to human. He intertwined his fingers with hers, then looked up at her. "Like I said, our timing sucks. If D'Argo's not breaking in on us-"

"Oh. D'Argo. John, he..."

He buried his head in her lap, hoping to muffle his scream of total frustration. "Aeryn, you're killing me here. STOP INTERRUPTING!" Silence. He turned his head so he could see her face. She was biting her lip over the words. He sighed. "All right, what about D'Argo?"

"We didn't fool him when he and Stanz located us in the Flax. When you were missing? And when you went to Earth? He ceded me espousal rights. Both times, I was the one who decided if we would look for you." She smiled, a shy turning-up of the lips that made her even more beautiful in his eyes. "When you were on Acquara? We were all concerned for you at the start, but by the end, there was nothing democratic about it. We would look for you until I decided it was time to put on a widow's mask."

"Well, I'm glad you decided not to." He smiled quizzically. "Can I get back to what I was saying?" She nodded. "Thank you. Our timing. If it isn't D'Argo, it's the need for sleep. So no, nothing's happened. Not yet, anyway. And I'm not gonna push to have something happen overnight-" He looked at the row of bottles on the table. Only one still filled to the brim. "And especially not tonight. But we got time, Aeryn, we got all the time in the world."

He chose his next words with the precision of a military strategist mapping out a battle plan. "We've got the time to really get to know one another. We're comrades, shipmates, shieldmates. We're friends." And someday, somewhere, at least if he had anything to say about it, they'd be more than that. "It's too soon to tell where we're going, but we're going there together." Raising her hands to his lips, he kissed the tips of her fingers. "And in the long run, friends are more important than lovers any day."

"But never say never?"

He grinned up at her. "Aeryn Sun, when'd you get to be so smart?"

Her answering smile lit all the dark places in his heart. "When an arrogant human had the audacity to tell a PeaceKeeper Commando she could be more than she'd ever dreamt of being."

He struggled to his feet. "God, I did say that, didn't I? I sound like an Army commercial. 'Be all that you can be.' Or is it the Air Force? Whatever." He staggered as blood rushed to his legs. "It's a good saying, original or not."

"A very good saying, John Crichton." Aeryn's arm slipped around his waist, preventing him from falling flat on his face.

He looked at her. Three Aeryns shimmered at his side. "Officer Sun, you lied about that fellip nectar. I'm drunk." All three Aeryns smiled. "Did you ever hear the one about the drunken Luxan and his pet pig? Or about the Hynerian despot and his wife of 1001 nights? Or about the young lady from Pawtucket?"

"I think something gets lost in translation, Crichton. Now come, I will put you to bed before you corrupt what little remains of Chiana's morals."


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