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Almost Lost

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the 'Buffy' or 'Angel' characters.





Xander wearily lay down on his bed. Willow watched him with a worried expression. They hadn’t spoken since Buffy had left them in his front yard. She fidgeted with her hands nervously. “You okay?” she asked finally.

He laughed self-deprecating. “Not so much,” he admitted.

Willow bit down on her lip. Xander watched her, unhappy to see her so scared, but unsure how to deal with it. It wasn’t everyday you learnt vampires existed, and you nearly lost both your best friends to them.
“I almost lost you,” Xander said softly.

Willow looked up at that. She’d been sure he’d been thinking only about Jesse. Xander patted the bed. “C’mere,” he said. Relieved, Willow rushed to his side. She sat down next to her friend’s resting form and he timidly reached out and took her hand. She looked down at their clasped hands and she felt her cheeks redden slightly.
“Wills, when Buffy said that guy you went off with might kill you I got so scared...I don’t know if I could be without my Willow.”

She began to cry, the guilt she’d been carrying with her since leaving the Bronze with a strange boy weighting heavily on her. “I let them take Jesse! But I saw them knock you out...and then another one grabbed me and...” she couldn’t look at her best friend anymore. “God, there was so much blood...”

Xander gently squeezed her hand. His head was pounding and he still felt a bit out of it. “It wasn’t your fault, Will. You just had to stay alive. I wouldn’t wanted to have lost both of you, with you trying to save him.”
He closed his eyes. “Aww...I so hurt...” he moaned.

Willow managed a small smile and removed her hand from his. “I’m gonna go home...” she told him, unsure if he was even paying attention anymore.

But Xander grasped her hand again tightly. “Stay over, Willow,” he told her.

She looked down at him, confused. “You mean the night? Sleep over?”

He nodded and admitted, “I don’t want you walking home alone. Not now that I know what’s out there.”

She began to smile. “You care?”

“Duh,” he closed his eyes as sleep began to overtake him. “You’re my Wills, remember?”

She pulled off her sweater and threw it unto the floor, then crawled into bed with Xander and snuggled up against him. He put his arm around her and she sighed, feeling suddenly very safe.

“Willow?” he asked softly.

“Yeah?”

He yawned and then spoke, his voice sounding very groggy, “If tomorrow when this feels more real, and I spaz out about Jesse, know that I mean what I said. This wasn’t your fault.”

“Jesse’ll be okay,” Willow lied to him, even though she knew that reply was probably the furthest thing from the truth. Even if Jesse made it through these next few days alive, chances were that being kidnapped by blood-sucking demons was enough to put anyone into a deep therapy-needing state. But she snuggled in even closer to Xander, and repeated the lie,
“He’ll be okay.”

Her mind wondered to the new girl Buffy, who seemed nice and was able to fight against the demons. She thought about how scared she’d been when she’d been with that vampire in the graveyard. And she thought about how safe she felt right then, in Xander’s arms. She heard his soft breathing soon, and knew he was asleep. Then she softly whispered, more to herself then to him, “I love you, Xander.” And she knew then for the first time that’s what it was. Not lust, or a crush, or a pathetic infatuation- but love. She smiled and closed her eyes.

Lying beside her, Xander opened his eyes. He hadn’t been asleep, only resting, and he was nearly positive he had just heard his best bud proclaim his love for her. No, it was probably just still him being shocked out of his mind from the days events. He shut his eyes again and after a few moments, drifted off to sleep for real. And they lay there, together, until the next morning.


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