And here lies my Poetry
*Please Note* Somehow somewhere I seemed to have lost the ability to write anything... I have no idea when prosey inspiration will return but when it does, it will be recorded here.
I'm Falling I'm falling she said but im falling in slow motion and i cant wait till i hit the ground. i tripped over my feet at the beginning of last week but im still falling. the sidewalk is slowly rising to meet my face and kiss my nose coarsely of course, it even told me so. my friends and even people i dont know pass me on the street and stop to watch me fall because its just so odd and it seems like this could go on forever. theyre even placing bets on my moment of impact.
Locke's mess I can't believe I have so much stuff boxes and boxes of things little scraps of weird junk my prom corsage old birthday cards ticket stubs from movies Now for lack of space or fear of fires I'm throwing shit out. A heaping pile of momentos that I must go through and seperate "worth remembering" from "not". I watch things slip from my hands into the trash as memories slip from my mind into the past tokens long disposed leave me forgetting who I was.
Stupid Poem Ive sunk to this level, I'm using words to describe the dynamics between us It defies language shatters constructs Its just too big but Im trying anyway I need to let some go. Anything said only says it halfway Im left to convey the rest. at a loss, I lean in close, where hot breath hits hot breath and i dont care that you had tuna for lunch I can hear the faint dub of blood in your veins and I want to cry, knowing all too well what it means. and wisper the only thing that makes sense.. "Yes".
Snap Pull zingy sharp sting of you catching me off guard and all i can think is great, here i go again and five four two three one- i dont love you and you dont love me and maybe we need time to think about whats happened and no i still feel close but not that close and well i guess i would too but still and no im sorry i did but it didnt wasnt shouldnt have happended like that and we can't take it back so what are we going to do now? now now no nevermind.
Not coming back I know he's not coming back cause before he left he told me: "I'm tired of this stupid place. with its ass backward ways and long hot days that just melt into each other. I'm sick of just lingering, wondering if there could be something better somwhere else anyhwere I've never been feels like home. And even though I've had the best converstions about the weirdest things right here you could never be enough to make me want to stick around. And I hate to admit it but I have this feeling that no matter what town I visit there'll be someone with the same face as you."
take this I want to reach deep inside and grope your longing. I want to lick lonliness from your fingers as your heart feels the need to be somewhere other than here. Your soft body of wanting and crushing optimism warms mine. My lips, wet with welcome pulls the hope from your mouth kiss by kiss. And through it all you want more than I can give and I take more than you can deliver.
Where are you going? wherever you go you're still with you. wheres settled and why aren't you there yet? jumping from town to town and back to home squatting in strange places, feeling the buzz of alone in your ears ... and in your heart a flicker of shame stubborn pride keeps you moving ... slight your pain.
Ambush Overstimulated my sense of smell touch taste staged a coup against my sense of reason. Dissenting limbs strike a treason and rally up the masses in my otherwise stable mind. In the dead of night you made your move. Ambush.
brick wall come tumbling down I fancy a brick wall disguised as my love pretending to be you. leaning up against you I get cement dust on my back snag my new sweater a bit. slide, sit down on the ground. a twig in hand I pick at your mortar trying to get inside you.
Compression When arms hug they emabrace whole heartedly hungry for what they seldom have a connection. "You have a warm heart" she wispered as they tried to make theirs. "I can feel it." "Doesn't feel that way to me It feels brittle and old like coal. If you keep hugging me so hard I fear my heart might crumble." Arms wrapped now so far around fingers kiss each other. "But coal turns to diamonds not dust. Maybe if I squeezed you harder..." So she hugged her and hugged her until she heard a faint wisp of breath escape and a little 'ping!' Which of course was the sound of coal turning to diamond. inspired by Aimee Bender. 9.5.99
Swimming backwards our song on the radio washes over me a flood the smell of your colonge on someone else fills my lungs choking thoughts of things weve done and the places weve gone pouring down soaking me to the bone alone i find myself drowning in memories of you
Unrequited You say you love me that youve fallen for me hard. but you knock me down. Squeeze me closer and I become your ideal your reason your salvation. I become yours.
missing sindy #1 Ive lost my freind more than that Ive lost a role model and a teacher a mother figure and a healer (though she couldn't heal herself) Heart heavier than that reminds me painfully I can only mourn so much she wasn't my wife she wasn't my mother. My loss is not foremost my own I cry in the sidelines.
rewrite history Death snaped shut the book of your life his boney hand covers your mouth. The same hand that will someday cover mine. But until then I'll be rewriting history Because after all I have such power. I won't tell anyone a single bad thing about you like how you couldn't handle stress, that you were so stubborn, so crass, though secretly I liked you brazen. And when I die it wont be St Peter who will judge me It'll be you. Your pure light asking my pure light, "What made you think that you could rewrite me?"
fuzzy sindy its been forever at least a very long time much longer than i can remember youve held a place in my heart always dancing in the light of my minds eye like i was peeping through a keyhole into the past and not quite forgotten lost days, weeks spent, months pass the memmories of you seem dimmer seem darker, farther off and lost deep in the creeping fog of forgetfullness losing who you were bit by bit wipe away the details of your life until you only seem dreamy like an imaginary friend i never had and to think, im beginning to forget your name! darker, dimmer, the light is going out fading, shrinking and the only thing thats growing is the doubt of ever having known you. no my love can't fade away...