TEACHER: Jack, how old are you on your last birthday?
JACK: 7 years old
TEACHER: How old are you going to be on your next birthday?
JACK: 9 years old
TEACHER: That's impossible!
JACK: No it's not. I'm 8 today.
TEACHER: Mike, go to the map and show me where America is.
MIKE: Here it is !
TEACHER: Good. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Mike !!!
TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you when you misbehave?
STUDENT: Yes sir. But since I didn't keep my promise, you don't need to keep yours.
COOL STUDENT: Teacher would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: No.
COOL STUDENT: Good 'cos I didn't do my homework.
TEACHER: Alfred, name one important thing that we have today and we don't 10 years
ago.
ALFRED: Me !!!
TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY: No. I'm Billy Anderson.
TEACHER: In this box I have a 10-foot snake.
STUDENT: You can't fool me teacher ! Snakes don't have feet !!!
HYGIENE TEACHER: How do you prevent diseases from biting insects?
WILLY: Don't bite any.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence using the word 'I'
ELLEN: I is....
TEACHER: No Ellen always use "I am".
ELLEN: Oh, alright. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
A Canadian is on vacation and walks into a bar.
He sits on this HUGE stool and says to the bartender' man, I heard things
are big down here in Texas, but this is ridiculas!' and orders a mug of
beer.
He gets a pitcher of beer and asks the bartender, 'man, I heard that things are big down
here in Texas but this is ridiculas!' and goes about drinking his beer. He orders another
and he gets really drunk.
Well, not too long later, he has to go to the bathroom really, really bad so he asks the
bartender, 'Where is your washroom???' The bartender says, down the hall, second door
on the right.'
So the man climbs off the stool and stumbles down the hall and enters the second door to
the left and falls in this huge swimming pool.
The man is struggling to stay afloat and screams 'DON'T FLUSH IT!!!
Q: What do you call a skeleton in a closet?
A: The "Miss Blonde Hide-and-Seek Champion of 1985"
Your momma so fat...she fell in love and broke it.
Your momma so fat...shes on both sides of the family tree.
Your momma so fat she broke the family tree.
A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It's a coach Ticket). When she
gets on the plane she sits in first class.
The steward who checks tickets says, "I'm so sorry, this is a coach ticket
and your sitting in 1st class."
"I can do What-eva I want, I'm a blonde."
Well I'll get the pilot.
The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves.
The steward looks amazed and says," What did you say?"
The pilot simply says," I told her 1st class wasn't going to Miami, just coach was!!!"
A man frantically calls 911 and says, "help...my wife has gone into labor
and her contractions are 10 minutes apart".
911: "is this her first child?".
Man: "Of course not, you idiot...this is her husband".
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Copyright 1999.
Created October 1999.
