Movie Summary
This colorful, odd, European movie based on a comic book starts out with a binch of guys on motorcycles guarding hwta they think is $10 million, but it's really just packs of plain paper. The real 10 mill is being shipped by car, then by boat. All this waste of trees is being done so some tight-rubber/latex-ed (and do I mean TIGHT!) criminal mastermind, Diabolik, won't steal it.
Needless to say, he does.
Actually, he steals stuff throughout the whole movie. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Apparently this Diabolik is making fools od the whole unamed Europey country's police force. They have no idea how to catch him. Then this really big-nosed tan-headed underworld leader, Valmont, tells the head of the force, Inspector Jenko, that he will catch Diabolik alive if Jenko's team will lay off Valmont's drug ring.
This Sir Harold something or other and his wife (they're both reallly old) from England are coming in and Mrs. Sir Harold has this guady necklace with 11 perfect emeralds on it. Jenko and Valmont know that Diabolik won't be able to resist stealing the emeralds.
Well, he doesn't. His blonde haired girlfriend whom he likes to roll around naked in paper money with in his pschydelic hideout wants these emerald for her birthday.
To make a really looooong and boooooorrrriiinnnggg story short: Diabolik steals them, Valmont takes his girlfriend who likes to wear wigs hostage, Valmont gets the emeralds, Diabolik fakes death with some Indian llama potion, he wakes up, kills Valmont, gets the emeralds. Jenko for some reason wants 20 tons of gold melted into a large ingot, so Diabolik won't steal it. Diabolik does. He tries to melt the gold into little ingots and it backfires and the police find his hideout and Diabolik gets encased in gold. Then he laughs triumphantly at the end, which is really stupid because he's encased in gold and can't get out.
Host Segments
Prologue: Something got stuck in Servo's hover skirt while he was cleaning his room. Turns out it's the SOL Employee Handbook, including Discrimination and Grievance Policies.
Segment One: Mike, Crow and Servo are looking at the SOL Employee Handbook when the SOL starts swerving and nosediving. It's Pearl playing with her new joystick from Radioshack. Then she breaks the handle. That sends the ship twirling into a re-entry protocol and gravitional insertion. That means that they are going "To Earth!" Pearl throws a tantrum and Crow get motion sick. Brain Guy can't help b/c Pearl poured Mountain Dew on his brain. Bobo suggests the SOL self-destruct mechanism. It fails. But before they land on earth they have just enough time for one more movie.
Segment Two: Mike and Crow are packing. Mike packs a suticase full of white rice, and Crow packs dirty laundry, a Schmidt beer sign, a whoopie cushion, and leftover food from the frig in a garbage bag. Servo uses a remote detonating device to blow up all the extra hims (517, to be exact). He blows up himself. But it wasn't the real Servo. This keeps happening...and happening.
Segment Three: Mike is looking at AAA map for directions to Earth. Crow asks Mike to check in the SOL Employees Handbook about a severance package ( NO!). Down in Castle Forrester, Pearl has been invited invited to be Lifetime Dictatot for Life of Qatar, Bobo got an important job at the zoo with free room and bored and neither of them want to get an apartment with Brain Guy, who's got "lots of stuff going on," like being The All-Knowing and Universal Conciousness over in Rylos-14 Land. (Pearl: "What a LOSER!)
Segment Four: Mike is showing Tom and Gypsey pictures of Earth. Crow has wedged himself under the table because he's scared of going to Earth. Mike knew this would happen, so he wrote a song. "To Earth, the very birthplace of the my birth..." It works, but now Tom is scared and Mike has to write another song.
Segment Five: The SOL is heading down to Earth, fats, with decks flying off. We are brought down to Castle Forrester where Pearl, Bobo, and Brain Guy are singing "It's a Long Way to Tipperary" Mary Tyler Moore Show style. Then Pearl walks up to the screen, says "Move on, Nelson, I am." and pulls the plug on the SOL. The SOL continues crashing and Crow can't find his sweater. Then the screen goes white, and next we see Mike, Tom, and Crow in a 1 bed, 1 1/2 bath apartment that's on the bus line. Mike comes over to the couch with a bowlful of rice and Tom talks about Gypsey's company ConGypsCo and how well it's doing. The the three of them settle down to watch a movie, The Crawling Eye, and the camera pans away and they start to riff the movie as we see their three silhouettes.
Stinger: Valmont looking off the deck of his boat, "Is that stud coming?"
My Thoughts
Gosh, this sure was a saaad episode. But it was very funny too, with one last great MST song, sharp riffs, and a fitting ending. I remember the months of anxious waiting for this episode, the last in a 10-year run of countless bad movies and riffs. I remember going down in our rec room with my MST stuff and my dinner and solemnly watching and during the love theme bawling my eyes out. *SiGh* The last riff on Diabolik (technically their last riff ever, unless you count their riffs during the last host seg) was at the end when it said on the screen "FINE" ( end in Italian) and Tom Servo says "This has been the official bio-pic of Larry Fine." This sure was a great swansong for MST. "Deep, Deep Dooowwwwnn"
