Note: I don't hate Beast Machines yet I just wrote this. And I cannot make up stupid dialog for Skir so instead I just quoted him. As for the Jerry Springer show has had to change due to the "less violence campaign" by the producers and the appearance of our favorite stars, so forth all swearing is cut out that can be by the censors and yes this includes Cybertronian swearing like [Beep] and [Beep].

The Jerry Springer Show
By: Washer

Part 1:

*Outside before the show*

Rattrap: *Walks up to a bunch of children* Hi kids!

*Little girl screams and runs to her mother*

Little Girl: Mommy look at that horrid thing.

Little Girl's Mother: Dearest, it is your favorite character, Rattrap.


*The little girl then proceeds to cry*

*2 little boys start throwing rocks at Rattrap, this is then immediately stopped by the censors*

Rattrap: [Beep] you, [Beep] you all.

And so it begins:


Little Girl: Mommy why do we yell like this?

Little Girl's Mother: Because dear that is what we do on a civilized and high quality show like Jerry Springer.


Jerry: Welcome to the Jerry Springer Show! Today's show is about Beast Machines and those who have been hurt by them.

Audience: OOHHHHH!

Jerry: Our first guest is Rattrap.

*Rattrap walks on stage and several young fans burst in to tears*

Jerry: How did the Beast Machines series hurt you?

Rattrap: They took away my legs, replace them with wheels, and turned me ugly.

*Sighs of pity are now heard from the audience*

Jerry: Whom do you blame for this?

Rattrap: I blame the Hasbro corporation.

Jerry: Then let's bring him out.

*Boos are heard from the audience as a man walks in from backstage behind a backlit white plastic screen*

*Rattrap is now trying to attack the Hasbro Exec. but the platform is raised too high*

Mysterious Hasbro Exec. Behind the Screen: What is wrong, no loading ramp?

Rattrap: [Beep] these [Beep] wheels, I'll kill you, I'll get you.

*The Mysterious Hasbro Exec. Behind the Screen is now laughing hysterically*

Jerry: Rattrap, could you please sit down? You're making a fool of yourself.

*Rattrap is now being wheeled a way by a Jerry Bouncer*

Jerry: Why do you hide behind that screen? Do you have something to hide, a drug problem maybe?


Mysterious Hasbro Exec. Behind the Screen: Why no, we at Hasbro prefer to be one of voice.

*A cell phone rings*

Jerry: It isn't mine.

*A cell phone rings*

Mysterious Hasbro Exec. Behind the Screen: Oh no it is me... *quietly so no one can hear him*
(Author's Note: He should learn to turnoff his mini-mic)

Mysterious Hasbro Exec. Behind the Screen: No, I told you to keep him hostage for another two days… yes, I know you want more money but this deal won't make that much… No, just hold the Takara Exec. For two more days and I'll pay you twice what you're getting now. Do we have a deal?… Good *Hangs up*

*Everyone is now rather stunned*

Jerry: That was interesting, moving on...

Mysterious Hasbro Exec. Behind the Screen: Wait, you should bring out your next guest, Bob Skir. *to self* Finally someone who can push the blame off me by his pure presence.

Jerry: Ok, Bob come out and meet your creation.

*Bob Skir walks out on stage and surprisingly the audience remains quiet*

Skir: All...

*Rattrap knocks Skir to the floor and tries to stab Skir with his scissor hands*

Rattrap: You [Beep]ing piece of [Beep], I'll kick your [Beep]

*Two Jerry Bouncers pull Rattrap away from Skir*

Skir: All will be...

*A third Jerry Bouncer gags Bob to prevent him from saying anything stupid*
(Author's Note: In this case the line should read "gagging Skir to prevent him from speaking, since all he says is stupidity.)

*The Mysterious Hasbro Exec. Behind the Screen is now laughing and mocking Rattrap and Skir*
(Author's Note: Like that is hard to do.)

Jerry: Maybe we should bring on a guest that could put things in perspective, shall we? Bring out Arcee.

*Arcee walks out on stage as the audience whistles at her. She glances at them and takes her seat*

Rattrap: Aunt Arcee, it's been too long.

Arcee: Ewe, what happened to you?

Rattrap: This wacko happened, he turned my legs to wheels.

*Sighs of pity are now heard from the audience*

Jerry: Arcee, do you think it is fair to change Rattrap's legs to wheels.

Arcee: No one should be subjected to such treatment.

Skir: Rrr wrrr br reverd.

Jerry: Shut up you pathetic low life ingrate.

Skir: ARsolrutly, rort or.

Jerry: I won't ask. Now Arcee, do you think you were discriminated against because you are a female Autobot, but have no toy?

Rattrap: Wait one [Beep]ing...

Arcee: Yes, those Hasbro [Beep] never gave me [Beep]ing anything, all I wanted was a [Beep]ing toy.

Mysterious Hasbro Exec. Behind the Screen: But you were unpopular and would have cost more then the 20 cents a piece to make in our sweet shop factories.

*Arcee runs up to the screen and boots it 10 feet*
(Author's Note: Amazing, she is really controlling herself, this won't last the series.)

*The Mysterious Hasbro Exec. Behind the Screen has moved to another screen across the stage*

Jerry: Moving on, let's bring out our next guest, meet the newest Megatron

*Megatron walks/floats, whatever, on stage*

Jerry: Megatron how…

Megatron: They turned me into a floating pile of [Beep], turned me into a soda machine, and they gave a dress! You shall die for this Hasbro!

*Megatron transforms into soda dispenser mode and starts firing around the room*

Jerry: Aren't there supposed to be censors to stop projectile weapons from being used?

Censor: He is still within code, the list says nothing about cans.

*People are fleeing left and right and then something bad happens*
(Author's Note: This is where it gets good.)

Rattrap: Jerry has been hit.

*A few minutes later Paramedics wheel out a comatose Jerry Springer*

Producer: Oh no! What are we going to do? Jerry won't be back for a week, and we return from commercials in 2 minutes. We need a replacement, fast.

Arcee: I know one he fits the profile perfectly.

Producer: Who?

Skir: All will be revealed!

Producer: How did he get out?

Rattrap: Who cares, jump him before he says anything else.

*Everyone proceeds to tackle and bind Skir as the Mysterious Hasbro Exec. Behind the Screen laughs maniacally*

Click here for part 2 of Washer's "The Jerry Springer Show".