Beast Wars in the Music Business
By: Mako

-We see the Preds and Maximals fighting over a stasis pod, as always. Then, suddenly, the pod opens and someone walks out. Everyone gasps-

BA: "By Primus, Airazor, look at her butt! It is so big! Ugh."

Airazor: "She looks like, uh, one of those rap guys girlfriends."

"Uh, who understands those rap guys? They only talk to her 'cause she looks like a total prostitute."

-Funky music starts playin'-

Airazor: "Yeah .I mean, her butt- it's so big! I can't believe its so round; its like, huh, out there- gross!"

BA: "look! She's just so… black!"

-Silverbolt jumps out in a rappa's outfit, with lots of gold rings. Rattrap, Megatron, Inferno and Cheetor fall in behind him-

SB: "I... like… big butts and I can not lie, you otha brothas can't deny- that when a girl walks in wit an itty bitty waist and a round thing in yo' face you get sprung, wanna pull up and tuck, 'cause you notice that butt was stuffed! Deep in da G she's wearin'; I'm hooked and I can't stop starin'! Oh, BAY-be, I wanna get wit ya- and take yo picta! My home boys tried ta warn me, but dat butt you got makes..."

BA and Airazor: "oh oh oh... me so horny!"

-Cheetor struts in, sporting a rasta hat and gold earrings. He busts a move and gets in yo face-

"Oh, runp or smooth skin; you say yo wanna get ma binzzz?! Yeah- use me, use me- 'cause you ain't yo average groupie! I seen you dancin'- to the Pits with romancin'! She's sweat... wet, got it goin like a turbe jet! I'm tired of mag-a-zines, sayin flat butts are the thing! Take da av-er-age Bot and ask him that- she gotta pack much back!"

-Megatron jumps forward, and we see a down shot on da homz. He got a trench coat on, and about five watches on each hand-

"So fellas!"

Guys: "Yeah!"



"Yo girlfriend got da butt?!"

"Hell yeah!"

"Well tell ha to shake it, shake it, shake dat healthy butt! Baby got back, yess!!!"

-Rhinox starts mixin it up on the board and BA and Airazor come in with some other chicks and start dancin t da guys."

Rhinox: "Baby got BACK!"

Optimus, with a Latin King bandana and ripped jeans: "I like 'em ROUND, and BIG! And when I'm throwin a gig, I just can't help myself; I'm actin like an animal- now here's ma scandal! I wanna get yo home... and UH! Double up UH! UH! I ain't talkin' bout playboy; those silicone parts are made for toyz!"


Tigatron, lookin like a gangsta, pulling some moves with Airazor: "Eh, I want 'em real thick and juicy! So find dat juicy double- Big T's in trouble- I'm beggin' for a piece o dat bubble!"

Tarantulas drives in and transforms. He's sportin tattoos all over, and a big heat on his shoulder that says- "You know you want it!" :"So I'm lookin' at rock vid-e-os... not me, bimbos! Walkin like ho's!!! You can have den bimbos, I'll keep ma women like flo-jo!"

-An arachnid chick runs up to him and starts climbing all over him, but Masta T just ignores her-

"A word ta da thick so sistas! I wanna get wit ya! I won cuss o hit ya-"

-Whip-pow!- "-But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna..."

BA and Airazor: "Oh...yeah!"

"-Till da break of DAWN, baby, I-got-it-goin' on! This iz why Masta T was BORN! Dose punks like to hit and quit it- and I'd rather stay and play, 'cause I'm long, and I'm strong, and I'm bound ta get da friction ON! So ladies?..."

Chorus: "Yeah!"



"Yo wanna roll in ma Mer-sadies? Then turn around, stick it out- even Predacon's got ta shout- baby got back!"

-Rhinox, back on the board is still mixin it up, but now he's got three ladies swooning all over him. Rhinox only dips his ray-banz and keeps da music goin!-

Dinobot: "Baby got BACK!"

-We see Dinobot walking around, with a studded leather jacket and tight pants. All around him, women stop in their tracks and gawk in awe-

DB: "Yeah baby. When it comes to fe-males, Cosmo ain't got nothin to do wit ma' selection. 36-24-36? Haha- only if she's five-three."

-Four women run up to DB and swoon over him as he walks along-

"So yo girlfriend rolls a Honda- playin workout taps by Fonda... but Fonda ain't got a motor in da back fo her Hon-da! My anaconda don't-want-none-unless-you've-got-buns, Hun! You can do side twists or sit ups, but please don't lose dat butt- some brothas wanna play dat hard roll, and tell ya dat the butt ain't goal- so they toss it, and leave it, but I pull up quick to re-trieve it!"

-DB cops a feel-

"So cosmo says yo fat? Well I ain't down wit dat! 'Cause yo waist is small and yo curves are kickin, and I'm thinkin arout stickin. Ta da bean pole dames in da magazines- you ain't it Miss Thing. Give me a Sista, can't resist her, energon and spice didn't miss her! Some knucklehead tried to diss- 'cause his girls are on ma list. He had game but he chose ta hit 'em, and I pull up quick ta get wit 'em. So ladies wit da butt dats round, and yo wanna Triple X throw down, call 1-900-Dinobot and kick them nasty thoughts- Baby got back!"

-Rhinox rap solo on da keys-

Rhinox: "Baby got back!"

-BA and Silverbolt a making out on the dance floor-

SB: "Little in the middle, but yo' got much back!"

-Tigatron and Airazor are doin it on the refreshments bar-

Big T: "Little in the middle but yo' got much back!"

-Dinobot closes the door to his room, which we can see is full of girls-

DB: "Little in the middle but yo' got much back!"

Inferno: 'Little in the middle but yo' got much back! Roy- AL TEE! YEAH!"


"What about Wazzzpinator?!"

Cheets: "Yeah..."