L.I.Z.A.R.D. 5000!
By: Draconias Galactica (dralactica@excite.com)

The L.I.Z.A.R.D. 5000 Explotive and Shocking Tale

In the future, a powerful war has been going on since it became the future. But, seeing as the present keeps turning into the past, and the future always becomes the present, the future becomes the past. So this was has ended even though it never started.

Then why even have a war, one might ask. Why not, one might respond. I'd advise against responding in that way. It could cause pre-mature baldness. But a better response would be Because It's There!

"But it isn't there until you make it there!"

"When we make it there, it's there! So there!" That's the argument for having a war. Besides, do you want to argue a point with somebody who can have a war?

This is where the L.I.Z.A.R.D. 5000 theory comes into play. It's a simple theory that states that if people ever get into a remarkably difficult situation, like the above war, they should forget it and try to figure out what L.I.Z.A.R.D. stands for.

This theory is not without flaws. People have waged the above war between two factions-the ones that say L.I.Z.A.R.D. stands for Lizards in Zarquan Advark Resque Dominion and those who say it stands for Look! It's Zebra Aerial Reserve Delta! Thus this theory causes more trouble that it's worth.

But remarkably few people know this. There's everything from L.I.Z.A.R.D. underwear to L.I.Z.A.R.D. churches. People love this theory. It's the supposedly best thing to happen since unsliced bread.

To see the L.I.Z.A.R.D. 5000 theory in work is a thing of artistic interpretation. Some say it is a thing of beauty, others say it's real crap. Let's just leave it at that.