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MUSIC OF THE NIGHT
 [singer unknown by the author...]
You and I moving in the dark
I can’t go on running from the past
Tea Manning stood off to the side, watching the crowd of Viki’s friends who had gathered in answer to her elegant invitations to attend her All Hallow’s Eve Masquerade at the Palace . The moment she thought to apply the word ‘elegant,’ she wished that she had realized how out of place she would feel. When she first arrived, she had made the rounds, doing the polite mingling thing among many of Llanview’s most prominent citizens, but while her smile remained fixed, she could not help but cringe inwardly at the tight lipped greetings and curious stares of the many in attendance whom she did not know personally. She could read their minds... ...what’s she doing here? Didn’t you hear what happened? She was that idiot who married Todd Manning....Viki’s sister-in-law...They say she married into the family for money the first time...a gold-digger...Watch your pockets, dear....What else could a woman want from a man like “him”...and she’s such a nothing...But don’t they say she fell in love with him?...Married him a second time for love?...Love and Todd Manning?...You can’t believe that...the two don’t go together...and the very same night he ran off on her, leaving her in their wedding cabana choking on flames...Didn’t he save her?...Maybe, but what does it matter? He didn’t stick around, did he? That should have told her something…it should have told them both something...The real question is, what is she doing here now? Why would Viki let her continue to make any claim to this family? This is obviously not her place...I know, I’m as surprised as you are...She doesn’t belong here anymore... It didn’t matter if it was really in their minds or not....what mattered was that it was in hers. This wasn’t her world. As many years as she’d dreamed of getting here...to the top, where money ruled the way life was lived, and glitter and glamour ruled the night, she had never thought that it could feel this empty and lonely ‘on the inside’. Even on the inside, she still had only herself to depend on---and these days, that wasn’t much to count on either. It had taken her ages just to decide on the costume she wanted to wear. Now it all seemed clear...she should have come as Alice; She felt so alone and separate that it was like she was watching life pass her by “Through the Looking Glass”. The only thing that made it bearable was the dark corner she could retreat into, and the masks. She might be a stranger to this world, but she wasn’t one to the masks. She had been hiding behind a huge one ever since he left, attempting to act like all was well, like her heart wasn’t eternally breaking every minute of every day. Sometimes it seemed as if all her life had been lived behind one big mask. She had started to let Todd see all of what was underneath, the good and the bad, and it was okay, and she had found both in him in return. Or maybe he’d just been the first to lift her mask without ever asking permission. Whatever the case, as deep as the hurt ran that he had stolen her heart, her spirit, her trust, her soul, and then left her behind...she continued to walk through life like a ghost, unable to forge onward, seeing but not feeling, wanting to believe that it had been as real as she had once been so sure, but having no way of knowing--she felt like part of her was lost and would never be recovered without him. Tea gazed out at the couples and party-goers through the eyes of the masquerade party favor. It seemed like all of Llanview was invited. Viki and Clint, who had found each yet again, looked as if they would never let the other out of their sight, dressed in charming costumes of Rhett Butler and Scarlett O’Hara. As she watched them dancing, she could almost hear Todd whispering some joke close to her ear about where the missing curtains could be found, and she had to smile. She groaned inwardly as she turned her attention to the center of the ‘dance floor.’ John Sykes, too dull for a costume, was attempting his own rousing rendition of The Monster Mash, as Rae Cummings cheered him on, wearing her Malificent of Sleeping Beauty garb. Jessica, dressed as a Genie, was looking longingly across the room at Christian, who had come as Picasso, as Will Rappaport, wearing dressed like a pirate, tried to steer her towards a more quiet spot to talk. Tea couldn’t help but think that it was Jessie who was in need of a wish, and her heart went out to her. Kevin was in the costume of a big hairy spider, and he was trying to creep out Grace by reaching over her head to grab Joey, who had come with him as the Fly. Max and Blair walked in dressed as the Podded victims of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and Tea was just starting to believe the evening would only get worse from there…she remembered why these things always made Todd feel “hinky”… until she saw that they had Starr in tow. She had separated from the pod people to be what most little girls dream of...a Fairy Princess... but she had her own unique twist in that Fred the Magic ‘Frog Prince’ was perched on her shoulder. Tea took a tentative step out of the shadows and Starr’s eyes lit up as she recognized her, despite her costume. “Tee..!” Starr came bounding towards her, and Tea’s face broke into its first true smile since she’d arrived. Starr had always had that affect on her, something she never expected...one of the biggest and best surprises life had brought her was the love of that little girl, and that which she felt in return. Tea wrapped her arms around her in a tight hug. “Do you know how good it is to see you?” she asked softly. ‘And you look so beautiful...a beautiful grown up princess...” She silently wished that Todd could have been there to see her, and could imagine the pride in his eyes...one of the emotions he never veiled. “You look beautiful too. Who are you supposed to be?” “I’m Guinevere….but I’m without my Knight…no Lancelot’s to be found for me here in Llanview.” “Do you want to ask Freddy to find Lancer-lot?” Starr asked, already fiddling with Freddy to try to cut him loose. “I don’t think even Freddy could make that happen, Starr, but thanks.” ‘Do you know what I think?’ Starr whispered, her eyes as big as saucers with an excited twinkle. “I think Daddy is here. Freddy the Magic Frog told me that daddy would be here tonight....” Tea’s heart skipped several beats, as she raised hopeful eyes that quickly searched the room. Masked faces, everywhere… She began to tremble....could it be true? He was a master of disguises and hiding. “He’s standing right next to you Tee....he’s a ghost.” Tea smiled at her, the hope dying from her eyes as she realized that Starr was just playing a game of pretend. Her heart ached with lonliness and the hurt that never quite went away, and also for the little girl who needed to imagine that her father sent her messages through a stuffed frog or was a ghost in the room to have him near. She hugged Starr again, and in doing so, she blinked back tears as she whispered to the frog on her shoulder.... . ‘Bring him home...It’s time to come home, Todd...’ “Starr honey...” Blair’s voice trilled from across the room. “Wouldn’t you rather play with River? I’m sure you’ve had enough time to say hello to Tea by now...” Starr pulled back from Tea as she heard the tone in her mother’s voice. She didn’t want to hurt her mother. Before she left, she looked back over her shoulder and smiled softly at her stepmother. ‘Freddy told me that Daddy thinks you look gorgeous tonight....’ Tea watched her walk away, that most beautiful connection to Todd, and then turned to look for some quiet place to escape. She moved towards the terrace door, unnoticed, and slipped outside into the chilly October night. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself to try to keep out the cold. Alone with the night, she finally felt like she could breathe. The darkness always seemed to hold some sort of comfort for Todd and now she understood it. Full of so much emotion on the inside, the turmoil of the outside world combined with it was almost too much to bear. The escape into the hidden shadows was welcome. ‘We are so alike...’ She gazed up into the night sky, lit up by a full moon for this Halloween night and dozens of brilliant stars. Her mind began to wander as she wondered where he was underneath this same sky, and if he ever thought of her at all. Lost in her thoughts, it felt as if an eternity passed. Suddenly, in the darkness of the trees down below, she saw a flash of white. “Who’s down there?” She whispered down in the direction of the movement, her curiosity peaked. With a loud rustling, the figure disappeared further into the trees, moving quickly away from her. Her curiosity turned to a rush of anger, irrational as it may have been. She was so tired of the leaving...the running.... “Damn you...I said who are you?” Picking up her long skirt, she ran quickly down the terrace steps and into the woods after the cape that flashed in the night. ***************************************************************************
Todd’s lips trembled as he caught his first glimpse of her, and it soon spread through the rest of his body. He longed to get close to her...to touch her. He had to resist...stay close to the shadows and keep a safe distance. But it had been so long... He pressed himself against the wall, taking a deep breath and trying to relax. He didn’t realize that seeing her would bring back so much ...but then, none of it had ever been far away. He saw her face in wherever his gaze happened to fall, and he heard the sound of her voice following behind him, like a whispered memory on the wind. So close he could almost reach out....he could call to her...get her attention...grab her hand and pull her from this place--- If didn’t pull himself together, he could give himself away. There was safety behind the mask, but feelings had to be masked as well....could not let them take control. He returned to watching...silently waiting to see how the night would play out. Suddenly, his heart caught in his chest. Starr--- she had just entered the room, escorted by Blair....and MAX?? He grimaced, feeling his body go cold. Unconsciously, he began to move forward, the anger rushing through him, his hand flexing and contracting at the thought that Blair had let Max step in to take his place in his daughter’s life. But then he heard Starr laugh. She was running towards Tea. He receded into the shadows once again, the phantom observer, feeling that familiar sense of belonging to the darkness calm his tension a little. A smile played at the corner of his mouth as he watched the two parts of him he’d longed for all these months come together in a hug. Tea was facing him, her face finally breaking into one that he recognized so much better than the lost demeanor that was evident even beyond the mask she wore. The purest of joys. He wanted to be a father to his daughter again...to hug her and to know that feeling. He realized that the pictures that he had carried with him couldn’t capture the truth that was his daughter and his wife, in the flesh...real. Was it time? Would they forgive him? Patience...Damn. Not one of his ‘qualities’... Suddenly, Tea stood up, and his heart lurched into his throat as she began to search the room with her eyes, almost in a frantic sense. Did she guess? How could she know/... He shrank back as her eyes seemed to burn right through him.... Not like this...all these people.... He took a step towards the door, prepared to turn on his heel and run. Starr tugged on her sleeve and said something, and suddenly, Tea’s whole body seemed to relax. Yet her face, free of the mask, looked weary and pale. At that moment, Blair stepped up almost beside him, and he held his breath. She was some sort of green thing....he shrugged to himself. “Oh enough already...” she mumbled to Max. “Starr, honey, wouldn’t you rather play with River?…I think you’ve had enough time to say hello to Tea.” Todd frowned behind the mask he wore. “Freddy told me to tell you that Daddy thinks you look gorgeous tonight…” Starr’s voice drifted over to reach him, and his heart turned over, especially when he saw the shine fill Tea’s eyes. Damn the lies and damn it all that held them apart…the fear, the past…. Todd sighed deeply. He watched Tea turn and head for the balcony, and he moved in the direction of the Palace’s back stairs. Todd bumped into something short and looked down as River Carpenter backed away from him with frightened eyes. Was it the costume or the monster within that he ran from? He needed an answer to that question… From out of nowhere, Starr appeared beside her cousin, laughing at him. “Silly scaredy cat...it’s just a costume, right Mister?” Starr tugged on his long cape, and he reached out and lightly held her hand, catching her by surprise. He kneeled down to be on her level, and she gazed at the hooded figure, twisting up her features really hard. Gently, she reached out and stroked the white part of his mask with the inquisitive touch of a child who wants to know and experience all for herself. He felt as though she stared right into his eyes with her own big beautiful pools of blue filled with love and the compassion that had always moved him beyond anything since the first day she fixed those eyes on him. Quietly, she continued. “See River? He’s not a monster. He’s not a monster at all. It’s all just pretend.” She gently touched his face one last time, before River grabbed her hand and pulled her away. She kept turning back to look over her shoulder, her face difficult for him to read. Then he could swear he saw her break into a knowing smile, and give him a wink. “It’s not all pretend, Starr...There is nothing pretend about love.” Gone from his view, he had to let her go---for now. The one thing that eased his heart is that he knew Blair was a good mother to his child. He knew she had love to turn to and scare the monsters away--though his kid was cool. She didn’t seem to be afraid of anything. He smiled with pride. But Tea---she was different. He had seen the look in her face. Todd knew what it was like to feel that alone with ghosts and have nowhere to escape beyond the darkness. He worried for her. Tough as nails and independent on the outside, desperate for a safe place to land on the inside---he had to see her again. He couldn’t ask her to escape to him...he didn’t even know if she’d ever forgive him, much less to hope for that much of her trust ever again. Todd found her out on the balcony, and he watched her from the safety of the heavy growth of trees that surrounded the patio area of the hotel. Tea leaned over the rail, her hands clasped tightly together, her mask forgotten, her face visible to him by the light of the blue toned moon that made it glow with life...life and a sense of sadness that matched his own. He heard her whisper something...and the light October wind carried it down to his ears--- “We are so alike....” He cocked his head. Wondering...Todd remembered telling her that once. Was she remembering? Did it all flood back to her every waking minute in the same way it happened with him? Every word remembered, every touch felt… If he dropped all of the masks, if she could see past the masks...Was there still a chance? Could he step out of the shadows and make it all real again? She looked up into the night sky, and drawn to her under the light of the stars, he took a step forward, moving towards her through the trees. As the brush around him rustled in the silence of the night---in this world on Halloween night that seemed to be reserved just for these two souls---everything else seemed to cease to exist in that time. She heard him.... Shit…I don’t know if I can do this… “Who’s down there?” All at once he didn’t know which way to turn, what route to take. His steps found him backtracking.... She hates me. She’ll never understand...It will hurt her worse than what I see in her face tonight if she were to see me here...now...no warning....I should have stayed away. I should have stayed away forever....What the hell was I thinking? ... He turned with a flash of his cape, the white of his Phantom mask flashing in the dark of the night. To be continued in Music of the Night: The Lovers
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