march.30/00

this one was weird. i know i was the age i am right now. i could feel the maturity. i was at a park and playing. i was my age tho...(like i said) but i was in a park playing. with my family. we've never even been to a park together since i was 5 or 6. but anyways, we were in the park playing (yeah...and?) and i was being filmed by someone. i dont remember him. but i was having the best time. but when we got back home, i looked at the video and i was 3 years old. i wasnt the age i am now. and i remember after that, i looked in the mirror. i was my age again. i wasnt 3. i was ****teen again. it was weird...i guess what it means is i'm young at heart.

mar.11/00

an endless maze of pure misery. thats what it felt like. running around searching for someone to help me escape. you may be wondering what on earth i'm talking about. the fields. no sunshine and no happiness. it was all black. no horizon, no life...except me. i remember asking myself why i have to be miserable all the time. why no one seems to care. why it always seems as if i'm the loser in every game. wondering what it feels like to be in love. most dreams are not this real. i felt so alone. i have no idea why. as if there is something missing in my life.

i was in a room full of mirrors and glass. when i thought i was running down a hall, a banged my head into glass that seemed to be non exsistant untill i slammed into it. i heard children screaming from far away. wanting my help. but i had no way to get to them. i kicked the glass, screamed but no one seemed to have heard. not even the children who kept screaming my name. i was alone. suddenly the glass was gone. i was in a pure black room, not even a room. no walls. there was nothing there. nothing to touch. no corners or bends or anything. nothing but a wide open black space with nothing in it except for me. i started remembering my past. not the good things. i had flashbacks of being dumped time after time, trying so hard to be in a healthy relationship. i remembered the fighting my parents once went throo, i remembered deaths, arguments, it seemed i spent my entire time in that black room looking back on things that led up to me being depressed. having no way out.

after this, i was sure it was over because i woke up ((stil dreaming! so i didnt really wake up, i dreamt that i woke up)) and rose to my feet, in fluffy slippers, went into the livingroom, which was deserted. no one was in there. i went into the kitchen, bacon was burning. i could smell it. suddenly burnt toast popped out of the toaster and the smoke alarm went madd. no one was in the kitchen. breakfast was ruined....

Feb.09/00

Lord of the flies. ever read that or watch the movie? My dream was just like that except in my dream it was winter time and we were at a park with a street running through it. For some reason we had no way home and no one was there. It was me, Bobbi and my little cousin Tanya (who spent most of her time in this bathroom...don't ask!) But soon this guy in my class, Kieran, was there and so was this stubborn little girl named Andrea (who clocked my cousin in the head with this metal thing and made her cry!) So there we are at this PARK, and we have no way out.
We were all starving to death so I decided we should kill one of the many giant rats for food. Well that didn't work out because we had no fire and after we killed him all the penguins and rats wanted to kill us. So we all stayed in the bathroom, which was a little small for all of us to fit in.
So we all jid in that bathroom for like a day with absolutely no food. We were ready to kill someone for it. We all argued about politics (yes even the little ones!) and a buncha stuff. We looked out the window of the bathroom one day and saw the familiar yellow glow of this guy Adam's coat! So we all went out and I was so happy I was kissin' him. We were going home. He was all proud that he could get us a drive home.

The car we were in was my mother's old shadow (a type of car) and I was surprised that all of us fit in there. Me and Bobbi had to sit in the back with everyone else while Adam sat up front with the driver, a jamaican girl in my class named Clover. (strage eh!?) We arrived at a street corner where a couple of guys my age were camping. They were barbecuing pizzas, and they tasted so good! But after a while I wanted to go home. So I took Clover's car and drove myself to the plaza down the street where my name was up in lights and it said "Lindsay page Bobbi"

Then I woke up...

Feb.06/00