October 11, 1999
Date: Mon, Oct 11th 1999 15:35:56 Filter sender
From: sara@drDrew.com
To: mailinglist@drDrew.com
Subject: drDrew.com Newsletter -- October 11, 1999
THE OFFICIAL DRDREW.COM NEWSLETTER
October 11, 1999
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THIS WEEK WITH DR. DREW:
* THE DRDREW.COM SHOW GOES LIVE WITH BLINK 182 AND SAVE FERRIS!
The drDrew.com show is one of the first and only interactive shows on the
web. Our premiere show last Wednesday with special guest HENRY ROLLINS is
available in the archives of the drDrew.com show
(www.drdrew.com/show/index.html ). Be sure to watch on MONDAY, OCTOBER 11,
at 8:30 PST (11:30 EST) when Drew and special guest SAVE FERRIS take your
questions on health, sex and relationships via telephone and email. On
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 14, at 8:30 PST (11:30 EST) special guest BLINK 182 will
join Drew on the show. You can watch the drDrew.com Show live, like a
television show, from www.drdrew.com/show/index.html .
Future guests include TV star Andy Dick. See www.drdrew.com for details.
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MEET DR. DREW IN PERSON CONTEST UPDATE
WE HAVE A WINNER: NOW IT ALL STARTS OVER AGAIN
Congratulations to Goldengrin, the winner of the meet Dr. Drew contest!
Goldengrin won a trip to Los Angeles, dinner with Drew and an invite to the
taping of the drDrew.com Show. And just to make sure Goldengrin's time here
is spent to the fullest, we are giving him and a guest passes to Six Flags
amusement park.
Since this contest was so popular, though, we are starting it all over
again. We will continue to pick daily winners for an autographed copy of
the "Dr. Drew and Adam Book" and will fly one grand winner out to meet
Drew
in person! Tell all your friends to register to win.
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* YOU'VE GOT QUESTIONS, WE'VE GOT ANSWERS *
Today, Dr. Drew answers the question: How can I get my girlfriend to stop
talking to her ex-boyfriend? (Read the answer at
www.drdrew.com/office/qotd.html ). Later this week, Drew discusses dating
behind your parents' backs, alcohol abuse, and born-again virgins.
ASK DR. DREW YOUR QUESTION at www.drdrew.com/office/askqotd.html
YOUR QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS RETURN TO THE DRDREW.COM NEWSLETTER
In order to answer more of your questions, we have brought back the Dr.
Drew Q&A. Scroll below for more details.
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IN PERSONALITIES: STRAIGHT TALK FROM THE STARS
Today, Hip-hop/spoken word genius Carl Hancock Rux talks about getting
through an abusive past. Later this week, interviews with DB Sweeney, star
of the new Fox sci-fi series "Harsh Realm" and "American
Beauty"'s star
Thora Birch. (www.drdrew.com )
IN HEALTHWISE: ISSUES AFFECTING YOU
Learn how to choose a therapist. In celebration of NATIONAL COMING OUT
WEEK, read about what it means to come out as gay or lesbian.
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QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
QUESTION 1: I am a 15-year-old male. When I was 7, my guy friend and I
ended up touching each other's genitals. I didn't think much of it then,
but I was wondering if I should do something about it today or if I should
just let it go? I have no sexual feelings for males and am very into the
ladies. Any advice?
DR. DREW: The type of experimentation you describe is actually quite common
and usually normal. Acknowledging what happened and thinking about any
effect it had are important. You have done this and can move on without worry.
Experimentation, observation and exploration are all normal parts of
development. If the exploration becomes forced with sexual intent, it can
be traumatizing to a young person. Even so, scientific evidence suggests a
single exposure to that sort of trauma can be tolerated without any serious
consequence. Since not everyone is well put together psychologically, I
have witnessed bad effects in these traumatic situations. But don't worry,
your experience sound far from traumatizing.
QUESTION 2: I am worried about my 18-year-old sister. Her past two
boyfriends were very controlling. Although she talks about how their
behavior bothered her, she does nothing to stop hanging out with these
types of guys. Actually, she is considering getting back together with her
last boyfriend. Do you have any thoughts on why my sister might choose
these types even though she says it bothers her?
DR. DREW: People's thoughts and insights are so often detached from their
behaviors. This constantly amazes me. These behaviors are predictable. Yet,
even knowing that a behavior is dysfunctional does not always prevent them.
Why she chooses the men you describe is unclear to me. I suspect you are
describing men who are rather aggressive. Women in our culture often have a
tendency to attach themselves to men that they perceive as powerful. This
is an attempt to empower themselves rather than tuning to their own
feelings or internal sense of individual power. Did you sister ever have an
important male make her feel repeatedly powerless as a result of his
aggression? She may naturally seek out someone like that in order to solve
those old problems. Perhaps you can give her some insight into this
pattern. Encourage her to listen to and find her own internal resource.
Only then will she find a gratifying relationship with someone who is
suitable for her and available in a real way.
QUESTION 3: Can anything bad come out of masturbating too much? I do it
around two to three times a day, sometimes more. This seems more than the
average guy. Will it do anything to my development?
DR. DREW: This is a very common concern. This is definitely not going to do
anything to your development. Did you have some persistent stress when you
were younger? The outcome could be masturbating slightly more than the
average guy. You are not out of the ordinary however.
When masturbating interferes with your normal social activities or
productivity (work, homework, daily tasks), it would be considered
abnormal. An abnormal preoccupation with masturbation is more common for in
someone who had a traumatic event early in life. This experience becomes
sexualized and masturbation becomes a symptom. Unpleasant feelings of
aggression may be managed this way. But this masturbation preoccupation
distances the person from intimacy. This intimacy with another person is
needed to feel good about yourself and grow emotionally.
QUESTION 4: My husband and I have been married for 4 years and have 2
children. We no longer have a sex life and when we actually find the time
to have sex, it is boring. Neither one of us is very creative. What do you
recommend to make things more exciting?
Dr. Drew: First, make sure that both of you are committed to working on
your relationship. On behalf of your children, it is important to create a
stable connection that you both continue to nurture. You've only been
married four years and there seems to be a level of disconnection between
the two of you for some reason. I would need to know more about your
situation in order to zero in on exactly what is going on here. The stress
of having two children, especially in a short period of time, can make it
difficult to find time for one another. But you simply have to do this.
Work on your relationship just the way you work on your child-rearing.
After all, the relationship you have with your husband is the cornerstone
of the stability and happiness of your family. Look at whether or not there
is any biological problem that is somehow impacting on your level of
libido. Are either of you depressed? Are both of you too tired? Is your
relationship an appropriate priority in both of your lives? I do not
believe your issue has much to do with the "Cosmopolitan magazine"
notions
of sexual creativity. Those expectations just tend to add more
disappointment and discomfort. They do very little to establish any real
intimacy. It is much more important that you have quiet time set aside
alone to speak with one another and establish intimacy again. The rest will
take care of itself.
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IMPORTANT NOTE: The content presented in this newsletter is not intended to
take the place of professional medical treatment. For specific medical
concerns, you should seek the advice of a qualified health provider.
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MORE DRDREW.COM QUESTIONS COMING YOUR WAY NEXT WEEK. BE SURE TO TELL ALL
YOUR FRIENDS TO REGISTER AT WWW.DRDREW.COM, AND CHECK OUT OUR CONTEST TO
MEET DR. DREW IN PERSON!
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