**Note to stupid teenies-this interview is FAKE-just like Britney**
Our questions (CWS) are in bold. Britney's answers are in regular text.
CWS: Britney, we have heard rumors that you are treating your fans rudely, is that true?
Britney: Um...like, I don't understand your question. **Thinks for a second** Yeah!
CWS: What don't you understand?
Britney: Like um...ya know, oh yeah! What are fans?
CWS: Fans are the people who make you who you are
Britney: They are? Like, I always thought that um...plastic surgeons made me **giggles**
CWS: Nevermind. Next question. What happened between you and Justin?
Britney: Justin? **Looks around** Where is he?
CWS: He's not here, thankfully
Britney: Like we...um went out on the ya know, MMC, which is like way long ago, like before my implants and when I had like,my old nose. Yeah! He, like, ya know, never called me back.Like he said I was um...obsessive. Yeah! **Stares out into space**
CWS: Is that Chad, your cousin, sitting next to you?
Britney: **Whispering to herself** Is that Chad? No! of course not. Like Chad said something about like um...ya know...not wanting to date cousins. This is um...Bubba Joe Bob
CWS: Is he your first cousin?
Britney: No way! I've,like um...gone out with most of my cousins. Yeah!
CWS: Does he have a job?
Britney: **Staring at the bug zapper** What? Oh um...he like got fired. Something about not um...**Looks at bug zapper in amazement as a mosquito flies into it** Wow! That was like um, ya know, really cool! Yeah! What was I talking about? Oh yeah! Bubba Joe Bob got like um, fired for um...drinking on the job. Yeah! But its okay, because he's like a local celeberty, like me!
CWS: What makes him a celeberty?
Britney: He's like a um...oh yeah! He's the Grand Wizard in the KFC!
CWS: KFC? Are you sure?
Britney: All that grease? No way! My manager says that I like...um...ya know,can't eat unless I like um...**Stares at bug zapper** Oh yeah! I can't eat unless I throw up later cause I'm like um...fat or something. Yeah!
CWS: So you are forced to have an eating disorder?
Britney: A what?
CWS: Nevermind. Is "Hit Me Baby One More Time" about domestic abuse?
Britney: No! It's like about giving me a sign. Yeah! **Stands up on her chair and sticks her finger in the bug zapper, and gets zapped** Wow that was like um...um...cool! **Sticks her fingers through the grating and pulls off a bug that was stuck to it, and eats it** Mmmmmm...crispy
CWS: **Trying to ignore what she just did** But you didn't write the song, so why should you know what it's about?
Britney: Um...Yeah!
CWS: Do you approve of domestic abuse?
Britney: Of course I do!
CWS: Then what does it mean?
Britney: What does what mean?
Bubba Joe Bob: Woman! Gimme a beer!
Britney: **Bowing** Yes, yes sir. **Runs into the kitchen and returns**
Bubba Joe Bob: This beer is warm! Gimme another! **throws the can at Britney's head**
Britney: **Rubbing her head** I'm like um...soooo sorry honey. I'll get another cause my only purpose is to make you happy **Gets Bubba Joe Bob another beer**
CWS: Do you realize that you're sending the wrong message to millions of young girls across the world?
Britney: I'm like sending the right um...ya know, message, cause I'm a role model. Yeah!
CWS: So basically telling them that it's OK to let their boyfriends or husbands beat them?
Britney: Yeah!
CWS: How does that make you feel?
Britney: Um...happy? Yeah! Happy!
This interview was terminated because there is no sense in the sad, sad life of Britney Spears. As long as she is out there, there is no hope for the future.