Summer School

Summer school was Monday thru Thursday so I only had 12 hours a week, and if I was going to actual school that would only be two full school days and everybody else had 4 school days. My first math class is was fun because we only played math games on the Internet for about an hour. We had been doing PowerPoint presentations, which have nothing to do with math. The PowerPoint’s were boring because everybody was learning how to make them (I already knew how) AND I finished my 13 slide presentation really early. Our teacher for that class is Mr. Castillo. Mr. Castillo was an OK teacher, but it was kind of weird because he has problems using all the programs, I mean he was supposed to be our teacher and he didn't even know what he was teaching.

My second class was not as fun because we actually had to do work for an hour, the work was pretty easy but it was boring compared to the last class. My teacher for the second class was Mrs. Lopez. She was kind of strict and she is obsessed about Cal Poly. I think she used to be a teacher at Cal Poly; she had all these Cal Poly flags and banners around her classroom and only corrected papers in green like they do at Cal Poly.

We had been working on boring stuff that I already know, like adding and subtracting fractions, greatest common factor, Least common multiple ETC. After that class was lunch, lunch started at 1:00 and ended at 1:30, then I had to ride the bus home and I got home at 2:30. The bus ride home was kind of fun because I made some new friends on the bus. But it was a still an hour-long ride and the bus was kind of hot. I am really glad summer school is over

Intelligence Quiz

1. Scant is to deficient as sedate is to

a. Serene
b. Moody
c. Frivolous
d. Flippant

2. Renounce is to accept as imperfect is to

a. Defective
b. Deficient
c. Flawless
d. Scanty

3. Lack is to surplus as renounce is to

a. Abjure
b. Accept
c. Repudiate
d. Abdicate

4. Ascertain is to learn as petty is to

a. Trivial
b. Magnanimous
c. Significant
d. Substantial

5. Essential is to fundamental as endorse is to

a. Sanction
b. Condemn
c. Denounce
d. Reprove

6. Exile is to ostracize as ethical is to

a. Immoral
b. Honorable
c. Promiscuous
d. Lecherous

7. Oppression is to justice as obtain is to

a. Forgo
b. Purchase
c. Procure
d. Acquire

8. Sheer is to opaque as parallel is to

a. Analogous
b. Coinciding
c. Divergent
d. Similar

9. Remit is to retain as nasty is to

a. Repellent
b. Odious
c. Beastly
d. Delightful

10. Bat is to human as whale is to

a. Frog
b. Bear
c. Bird
d. Carp

11. Efface is to obliterate as general is to

a. Inexact
b. Exact
c. Extinct
d. Specific

12. Large is to minute as pacific is to

a. Bellicose
b. Halcyon
c. Tranquil
d. Placid

How did you do?
1. a
2. c
3. b
4. a
5. a
6. b
7. a
8. c
9. d
10. b
11. a
12. a

Anagrams

Internet Anagram Server = Isn't rearrangement rave?
Clint Eastwood = Old West Action
A Domesticated Animal = Docile, as a Man Tamed it
George Bush = He bugs Gore
Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler
Conversation = Voices Rant On
MacDonalds = Clam and Sod
Elvis = Lives
Snooze Alarms = Alas! No More Z's
Mr. Mojo risin' = Jim Morrison (from the Doors song, "L.A. Woman")

From Hamlet by Shakespeare:
To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. = In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.

Quote by Vonnegut:
Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to conquer the universe. = A masquerade can cover a sense of what is real to deceive us; to be unjaded and not lost, we must, then, determine truth.

Here are some movie reviews...

Hook = Oh, OK
Raiders of the Lost Ark = Ford, the Real Star, is OK
The Towering Inferno = Not Worth Fire Engine
Prince of Tides = PS. I Cried Often
Silence of the Lambs = Con Bites Male Flesh

A few examples of some names:

Cara White=CHAT WIRE
EAT RAW CHI
A EAR WITCH

Phillip Crews=CHIPPER SWILL
SCREW PHILLIP
CHIRP SPEW ILL

Paul O. Crews=A CURSE PLOW
A CROW PULSE
CRAP USE LOW

Michelle=LICE HELM
MICE HELL
CHILE ELM

Leonard=ORAL END
LARD ONE
ALDER ON

If you want more anagrams you can email me to ask for the website.

An ode to Spam

What shining deity from Olympus knelt
Down to the earth and hog butt smelt?
Creating then man's eternal desire
For swine entrails congealed by fire.

On some corporate farm, a pig has died.
Eyes, tongue, and snout end up inside
That cube of SPAM™ hidden in the can
More than mere food, SPAM™ is for me
A hedonistic expression of gluttonous glee.
Mottled with pork fat, the pink cube engrosses.
My mouth takes it in, my intestine disposes.

Long have my arteries clogged to the sound
Of sizzling SPAM™ when there's no one around -
Furtively chewing or swallowing whole.
Triple bypass by forty, my medical goal.

Other processed meat products I've tried or declined
Vienna Sausages, Treet, even pig's feet in brine.
Though each may be tasty in different ways,
None matches SPAM™ for gelatinous glaze.

That glistening pinkness beckons me
With gristle, fat, and BHT.
Oh SPAM™, my SPAM™ - the taste, the smell!
The sacred meat product, from Hormel.

Author Unknown

Cosmic Spam!! It was disgusting. It was pink. It was Spam. One night in the middle of May, it came to destroy the human race.

Oh my! I am so scared, I think I might cry! Shawn Chartreuse awoke with a start and knew there was something outside his bedroom window. He tiptoed to the window and looked out into the inky blackness of the night. He saw nothing. The shadows danced ominously on the walls below and and bushes began to look like strange creatures or maybe ax murderers. Cursing his active imagination, Shawn crawled back to the comfort of his bed. All was silent as he lay under his warm sheets, and then he realized it was TOO quiet. The neighbor's dog had stopped barking and the crickets abruptly stopped chirping. He let himself fall into an uneasy sleep, unaware of the danger lurking near. As he slept, the only noises that could be heard were the wind and a squelchy noise coming from the THING sliding up the wall towards the open window.

Unfortunate victim of spam.... It was his neighbor, Jason Mauve, who found the body. Jason came over because he was worried, he hadn't heard from Shawn and hadn't seen him go to work in a few days.He rang the doorbell a few times but Shawn didn't answer. Jason decided to let himself in, he found the spare key (which was hidden in a really fake looking rock meant for spare keys). Jason stepped inside and noticed an odd smell, so he decided to go up to Shawn's room. The moment he stepped inside his room, he felt sick. Shawn's lifeless body was in the middle of the floor covered in pink pulsating goop. Stumbling and running away Jason called the police and was promptly sick outside.

I cannot begin this investigation until I have a Krispy Kreme to go with my beer. Two police investigators stood outside Jason's house talking. "You know, this is the second death like this", said Daniel Puce. "I know, but what is it? And what will we tell the newspapers? We don't want to worry people", said Daniel's partner, Stephen Redd. "Well, that's easy! We can tell them they are now covered in pink gunk, or we can tell them it was some crazy homicidal guy with an axe." Then they went to question a neighbor of Jason's, Paul Black. Paul Black was an eccentric man (according to some, others thought he was just trying to be different from everyone else). He was 30 years old and wished he was a hippie. He hated guns, and he hated hunting even more than he hated guns. He was also a vegetarian and was a fan of shag carpeting and lava lamps. "So Paul, what was Shawn like? Do you have any ideas as to what might have happened to him?", asked Daniel. "Well he was nice enough (for a meat eater...), he was friendly. What happened to him? If we had more gun control laws, this wouldn't have happened", replied Paul. Stephen and Daniel sighed and knew that Paul would not have any information for them, but they still had to interview him. "Mr.Black, did Shawn have any enemies that you know of?" asked Stephen. "No, not that I know of. He probably got killed in a random act of violence... It would help if we had more gun control laws", said Paul. Daniel and Stephen sighed again, knowing it was useless to interview Paul. TOO SCARED TO CONTINUE? CLICK HERE TO GET BACK TO THE HOME PAGE Or...

Cosmic Spam!! Part II

Wh...What is it? Why... I've never seen anything like it! And....is that the last Krispy Kreme? Outside, as Jason was being sick, he looked up and noticed something in a clearing in the woods. It was something large. It was something strange. It appeared to be a very large something that resembled a huge can. It was the mothership, and inside was Spam. It was a very advanced ship, and any scientist who might have seen it would be amazed. But until this very night, humans had never seen the ship. At least none that lived to tell about it.... Inside the ship were the bodies, bodies covered in pink goop. It was like a cocoon, but its purpose was to feed the Spam. The Spam would crawl over to the cocoon and suck out the guts of its unfortunate victim. In a library in town, a girl named Jackie was researching homemade bombs. As she flipped through an old book, a yellowing piece of paper fell from it's pages. She picked it up, and was amazed. It was a prophesy, telling about the coming of the Spam and how to defeat it. Jackie knew what she had to do, so she decided to go home and plot the great Spam massacre. In the forest the Spam was dragging back more victims. Suddenly, the Spam queen adressed the Spam. "My Spam", she said "we are invincible! Tonight we shall sacrifice some victims to the Spam goddess, Midge!" the Spam cheered and set to work getting up more victims.

Death! Death to all cans of meat! Inside her basement, Jackie Violet worked on a weapon against the Spam (since she was the only one who knew about the Spam prophecy). She was working on a weapon to fry the Spam, since the prophecy stated that adding heat would turn the Spam into semi-edible gelatinous bricks. She worked fast, since the Spam was slowy killing off the human race. Jackie later followed a pink goo trail into the forset. With her was the Spam fryer she made, which resembled a ray gun. Jackie hid up in a tree and listened to the Spam queen address all of her Spam underlings. She saw the Spam leaving one by one and zapped each one as it came out, but eventually the Spam realized something was killing them off. After killing the last of the Spam she saw the queen coming out of the ship, heading straight for the tree she was in. She quickly set her fryer to extra crispy and fired her Spam fryer. The queen blew up and it rained pink particles onto Jackie. Jackie laughed manically, and then went home to wash her hands. Suddenly all the victims magically came to life again and were teleported back to homes as good as new (if not slightly confused). Every body lived happily ever after. Well, at least until the canned vienna sausages came. CLICK HERE TO GET BACK TO THE HOME PAGE!!!

Recipe

Ingredients:
one can packed chicken parts (lips, knees, toes, innards...any thing but the beak, bones and feathers)

one can packed pork parts (same thing...snouts,knuckles, lips, tongue, tripe, tail, ect. ALL parts are suitable except the bones.)

3 Tbsp "liquid smoke"

1/2 cup red food coloring

6 cups rolled oats

Two cans of lard (don't use Crisco! It adds NO flavor and makes it taste gross!)

1. Grind up all the parts pretty fine...(if you can't tell what it used to be it is ground small enough)

2. Melt the lard in large kettle and add the ground parts and lard, stirring often.

3. Bring to a boil remove from heat & add 3 Tbsp. 'Liquid Smoke' and 1/2 Cup red food color (makes it look "hammy").

4. Stir in 6 Cups rolled oats (this lowers the fat content!) Pour into coffee cans and chill well!