• 1 cup water
• 1 cup butter
• 1 cup sugar
• 4 large eggs
• 2 cups dried fruit
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 2 cups flour
• 1 Tbsp lemon juice
• 1 cup chopped nuts
• 1 gallon wine

1. Sample the wine to check for quality.
2. Take a large bowl.
3. Check the wine again to make sure that it is of the highest quality.
4. Pour 1 level cup of wine and drink.
5. Repeat if you're not sure.
6. Turn on the electric mixer and beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
7. Add 1 tsp sugar and beat again.
8. Make sure the wine is still okay.
9. Cry another tup.
10. Turn off the mixer.
11. Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
12. Mix on the turner.
13. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
14. Sample the wine again to check for tonsisticity.
15. Next shift 2 cups of salt, or something. Who cares.
16. Check the wine.
17. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
18. Add 1 table. Spoon. Of sugar or flour or something.
19. Whatever you can find.
20. Grease the oven.
21. Turn the cake pan to 350 degrees.
22. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
23. Throw one bowl out the window.
24. Check the wine again. Go to bed.
25. Who the heck likes fruitcake anyway!

(Carley)