01. If you think you're fat, you
probably are. Don't ask us.
02. Learn to work the toilet seat: if
it's up put it down.
03. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
04. Birthdays, Valentines, and
Anniversaries are not quests to see if
he can find the perfect present,
again!
05. If you ask a question you don't want
an answer to, expect an answer you don't
want to hear.
06. Sometimes, he's not thinking about
you. Live with it.
07.Don't ask him what he's thinking
about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as navel lint, the shotgun
formation and monster trucks.
08. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's
not different, It's just like every
other cat.
09. Dogs are better than ANY cats.
Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full
moon or the changing of the tides. Let
it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine.
Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you
must, but don't expect us to like
it.
16.Your brother is an idiot, your
ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad
probably is too.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints
don't work.
18.No, he doesn't know what day it is.
He never will. Mark anniversaries on a
calendar.
19. Yes, peeing standing up is more
difficult than peeing from point blank
range. We're bound to miss
sometimes.
20. Most guys own two to three pairs of
shoes. What makes you think we'd be any
good at choosing which pair, out of
thirty, would look good with your
dress?
21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable
answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months
is a problem. See a doctor.
23. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best
friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to
foreigners.
25. Check your oil.
26. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will
do.
27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be
ineffective than deceived.
28. It is neither in your best interest
nor ours to take the quiz together.
29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago
is inadmissible in an argument. All
comments become null and void after 7
days.
30. If you don't dress like the
Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
to act like soap opera guys.
31. If something we said can be
interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad and angry, we meant
the other one.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at
other women, how can we know how pretty
you are?
33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want
the genie to come out.
34. You can either ask us to do
something OR tell us how you want it
done - not both.
35. Whenever possible, please say
whatever you have to say during
commercials.
36. Christopher Columbus didn't need
directions, and neither do we.
37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut
blouses lose their right to complain
about having their boobs stared at.
38. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from
you. We need it, just like you do.
39. Telling us that the models in the
men's magazines are airbrushed makes you
look jealous and petty and it's
certainly not going to deter us from
reading the magazines.
40. The relationship is never going to
be like it was the first two months we
were going out.
