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  • CAUTION!....You have now entered the Genealogy Zone.
  • My family coat of arms ties at the that normal?
  • My family tree is a few branches short! Help appreciated
  • My ancestors must be in a witness protection program!
  • Shake your family tree and watch the nuts fall!
  • My hobby is genealogy, and I raise dust bunnies as pets.
  • How can one ancestor cause so much TROUBLE??
  • I looked into my family tree and found out I was a sap.
  • I'm not stuck, I'm ancestrally challenged
  • I'm searching for myself; Have you seen me ?
  • If only people came with pull-down menus and on-line help...
  • Isn't genealogy fun? The answer to one problems, leads to two more!
  • It's 1998. Do you know where your-Great-G. Grandparents are?
  • A family reunion is an effective form of birth control
  • A family tree can wither if nobody tends it's roots
  • A new cousin a day keeps the boredom away
  • After 30 days, unclaimed ancestors will be adopted
  • Am I the only person up my tree-seems like it
  • Any family tree produces some lemons, nuts & a few bad apples
  • Ever find an ancestor HANGING from the family tree?
  • FLOOR: The place for storing your priceless genealogy records.
  • Gene-Allergy-It's a contagious disease, but I love it
  • Genealogists are time unravelers
  • Genealogy is like Hide & Seek: They Hide & I Seek!
  • Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to better people
  • "Crazy" is a relative term in my family
  • A miser is hard to live with, but makes a fine ancestor
  • I want to find ALL of them! So far I only have a few thousand
  • I Should have asked them BEFORE they died!
  • I think my ancestors had several "Bad heir" days
  • I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the JUNE flower
  • Only a Genealogist regards a step backwards, as progress
  • Share your knowledge, it is a way to achieve immortality
  • Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools!
  • It's a poor family that hath neither a Lady of the evening or a thief.
  • Many a family tree needs trimming
  • Shh! Be very, very quiet.... I'm hunting forebears.
  • Snobs talk as if they had begotten their own ancestors!
  • That's strange: half my ancestors are WOMEN!
  • I'm not sick, I've just got fading genes
  • Genealogists live in the past lane
  • Genealogists do it generation after generation....
  • Cousins marrying cousins: Very tangled roots!
  • Cousins marrying cousins: A non-branching family tree
  • Alright! Everybody out of the genetic pool!
  • Do I hear the rattle of Chains?
  • Always willing to share my ignorance....
  • Documentation...The hardest part of genealogy
  • For a reply, send a self-abused, stomped elephant to...
  • Genealogy: Chasing your own tale!
  • Genealogy-will I ever find time to mow the lawn again?
  • That's the problem with the gene pool: NO Lifeguards
  • I looked up my family tree...there were two dogs using it.
  • I researched my family tree......apparently I don't exist!
  • SO MANY ANCESTORS..................................SO LITTLE TIME!

    The public ceremony in which your distinguished ancestor participated and at which the platform collapsed under him turned out to be a hanging.

    When at last after much hard work you have solved the mystery you have been working on for two years, your aunt says, "I could have told you that"

    You grandmother's maiden name that you have searched for for four years was on a letter in a box in the attic all the time.

    You never asked your father about his family when he was alive because you weren't interested in genealogy then.

    The will you need is in the safe on board the Titanic.

    Copies of old newspapers have holes occurring only on the surnames.

    John, son of Thomas, the immigrant whom your relatives claim as the family progenitor, died on board ship at age 10.

    Your great grandfather's newspaper obituary states that he died leaving no issue of record.

    The keeper of the vital records you need has just been insulted by another genealogist.

    The relative who had all the family photographs gave them all to her daughter who has no interest in genealogy and no inclination to share.

    The only record you find for your great grandfather is that his property was sold at a sheriff's sale for insolvency.

    The one document that would supply the missing link in your dead-end line has been lost due to fire, flood or war.

    The town clerk to whom you wrote for the information sends you a long handwritten letter which is totally illegible.

    The spelling for your European ancestor's name bears no relationship to its current spelling or pronunciation.

    None of the pictures in your recently deceased grandmother's photo album have names written on them.

    No one in your family tree ever did anything noteworthy, owned property, was sued or was named in wills.

    You learn that your great aunt's executor just sold her life's collection of family genealogical materials to a flea market dealer "somewhere in New York City."

    Ink fades and paper deteriorates at a rate inversely proportional to the value of the data recorded.

    The 37 volume, sixteen thousand page history of your county of origin isn't indexed.

    You finally find your great grandparent's wedding records and discover that the brides' father was named John Smith.


  • On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

  • Here lies
  • Ezekial Aikle
  • Age 102
  • The Good
  • Die Young.

  • In a London, England cemetery:

  • Ann Mann
  • Here lies Ann Mann,
  • Who lived an old maid
  • But died an old Mann.
  • Dec. 8, 1767

  • In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

  • Anna Wallace
  • The children of Israel wanted bread
  • And the Lord sent them manna,
  • Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
  • And the Devil sent him Anna.

  • Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

  • Here lies
  • Johnny Yeast
  • Pardon me
  • For not rising.

  • Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:

  • Here lies the body
  • of Jonathan Blake
  • Stepped on the gas
  • Instead of the brake.

  • In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

  • Here lays Butch,
  • We planted him raw.
  • He was quick on the trigger,
  • But slow on the draw.

  • A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:

  • Sacred to the memory of
  • my husband John Barnes
  • who died January 3, 1803
  • His comely young widow, aged 23, has
  • many qualifications of a good wife, and
  • yearns to be comforted.

  • A lawyer's epitaph in England:

  • Sir John Strange
  • Here lies an honest lawyer,
  • And that is Strange.

  • Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:

  • I was somebody.
  • Who, is no business
  • Of yours.

  • Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:

  • Here lies Lester Moore
  • Four slugs from a .44
  • No Les No More.

  • In a Georgia cemetery:

  • "I told you I was sick!"

  • John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:

  • Reader if cash thou art
  • In want of any
  • Dig 4 feet deep
  • And thou wilt find a Penny.

  • On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:

  • She always said her feet were killing her
  • but nobody believed her.

  • In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:

  • On the 22nd of June
  • - Jonathan Fiddle -
  • Went out of tune.

  • Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie:

  • Here lies the body of our Anna
  • Done to death by a banana
  • It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
  • But the skin of the thing that made her go.

  • More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England:

  • Gone away
  • Owin' more
  • Than he could pay.

  • Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood:

  • In Memory of Beza Wood
  • Departed this life
  • Nov. 2, 1837
  • Aged 45 yrs.
  • Here lies one Wood
  • Enclosed in wood
  • One Wood
  • Within another.
  • The outer wood
  • Is very good:
  • We cannot praise
  • The other.

  • On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:

  • Under the sod and under the trees
  • Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
  • He is not here, there's only the pod:
  • Pease shelled out and went to God.

  • The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip:

  • Who was fatally burned
  • March 21, 1870
  • by the explosion of a lamp
  • filled with "R.E. Danforth's
  • Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"

  • Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:

  • Born 1903--Died 1942
  • Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
  • the car was on the way down. It was.

  • In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

  • Here lies an Atheist
  • All dressed up
  • And no place to go.

  • But does he make house calls?

  • Dr. Fred Roberts
  • Brookland, Arkansas:
  • Office upstairs