IT'S TIME, CITIZENS, FOR THE VERY IMPORTANT FINAL JUDGMENT ON
At approximately 4.00 p.m. on 11/13/97,
my curiosity finally got the best of me.
I have a local service I'm happy with and Netscape
Communicator for the most part
meets my needs as a combination browser-composer.
But some compassion crept into
my heart as I held the most recent AOL install
disk in my hands -- even though Steve
Case's burgeoning company has garnered a lot
of distaste, mine included. My normal procedure for the countless
AOL disks sent to my home is, depending on mood,
a) the wastebasket, or b) erasing the programs
to gain another blank disk.
But, I mused today, why not review it. Although
already clear on the vices of AOL, which included the selling of its customer's
names to mailing lists (which AOL admitted publicly),
customer complaints of mail censorship, and lack
of ability to browse many perfectly normal webpages unless there is an
"AOL version," I decided to give it a shot. After all, I'd just convinced
one of their customers to leave AOL and "go local." They at least
deserved my temporary attention -- although I had used the software before
at a friend's home.
The impression the install leaves you with is pretty good. It's painless, extremely simple, and the 50 (or 100) free hours are pretty good market bait. Although I found the images presented on a successful connect unnecessarily complex (such as the "lightning strike" image), the speed of hookup was pretty good, using a 14400 modem on a 56K capable line, even though 4.00 can be a real busy time to try and get on. I linked up with the first try. The acquiring of Compuserve by AOL has probably helped their speed and access a lot.
The registration, however, stopped me cold.
There, they began to ask for address, phone number, standard information.
But after this the "free" trial proceeded to ask for credit card information;
which I absolutely will not give out online. Take a look at my hacking
pages and perhaps you will understand why. Here's a company that's
new to me -- I'm unaware of the extent of their security, and am operating
on a standard line via PPP -- no service has been given or seen -- and
they want my credit card number. No go, joe. I chose the checking
option and was asked for full checking information -- not just my account
number, but the check code too, which is on the bottom left of your checks,
and in addition, my bank.
"Free trial?," I was thinking to myself; "This
is more like free security info." No way.
The connection dropped and I called up the America
Online 1-800 number. I attempted to speak to an individual but she
was clearly obliged to read a very sappy script, which she had to repeat
parts of, thus stuttering through her script. This was probably due
to a tremendous call load of people like me and dissatisfied customers
of AOL, but if the managerial staff would quit treating her and other operators
like Burger King employees,
she would have the freedom to immediately speak
and ask individualized customer service questions. Finally after
listening to a big speech on how great AOL is with customers, I was able
to ask her if she could delete the data I had submitted to AOL. She
referred me to
"a specialist," who I had to dial the number
61 to get to. This specialist couldn't help me out, and referred
me to another representative, who I had to dial 74 to connect to, but before
I could do that, I heard that familiar click and hum of a dead line.
I was getting annoyed.
I dialed up the 1-800 again, and after a LENGTHY
series of menu choices I was able to speak to a technical assistant.
While in the process of going through these menu choices, I found one particularly
interesting: "To find out about the status of class action lawsuits,
press..."
Customer service? Here's a company that
seems compelled to make available information about their class action
lawsuits to the public... Pretty dumb.
Finally I contacted the technical assistant.
I mentioned my problem and my complaints about registration. He said
such information "was required" because "AOL doesn't want to call back
a million people" for account information after the free trial period is
up, since all their billing is electronic. I mentioned that the problem
is in the program, not in the people. The program, like countless
others, could be rigged to automatically erase itself after a certain time
period if registration is not completed. Or, one could enter part
of the information, perhaps the address, phone number, and last 4 digits
of a checking account,
and complete the rest of the PERSONAL financial
information once the trial period is up.
It's rather simple to put a "time-bomb" block
in a program that will disallow you to use it if you haven't registered.
In addition, why did it have to be all electronic? Everybody knows
that the safest way to send money for the average individual is via a check
in an enclosed envelope. AOL doesn't even allow you to do that.
Being exclusive with electronic billing,
they also will charge you an extra five dollars
per month if you use the automatic checking withdraw option. That
would make a grand total of $24.95 PER MONTH -- much more than the average
local server, which gives you generally more for less.
The tech. assistant heartily agreed, and said
he'd bring up my suggestions in a meeting to discuss the makings of a new
version of AOL. But, he said, (and I paraphrase) he's just a little
guy who "they" probably won't listen to. (I think we all feel his
pain in this respect.)
He suggested I send a letter to Steve Case to
make suggestions. Well, I've done better. I've generated this
web review. Steve Case, if you're reading this, AOL sucks. It's no
wonder that hackers have made countless programs that attempt to subvert
or otherwise attack your software. I hope you don't take my suggestions
and improve your program, because it would then be more difficult for sincere,
well meaning computer users to see the light and go local. Here's
a summary of my review; the ratings are based on the Mr.
Cranky Scale, which I present to you in a highly modified form below.
| AND THE FINAL JUDGMENT ON AOL IS: |
 BLAM! |
Mildly annoying
Slight toxic aftershock
Mind-numbing, shrill whining sound in the back of the brain
Surgical pain, inappropriate levels of anasthetic present
So godawful that it ruptured the very fabric of space and time
with the sheer overpowering force of its mediocrity
