Captain Hampton and the Midget Pirates!
Captain Hampton and the Midget Pirates!
Young Jim, as a lad, he looked for adventure, calamity, danger, whatever was free
So when he turned ten, he packed his belongings and he left home to find his destiny
Jim just a boy, who's head full of legends of dungeons and dragons and pirates and stuff
So that summer he snuck on a schooner to harpoon tuna and get real buff
The Captain he said, "There's danger ahead, we need some brave men to sail and then
We'll find us those pirates, stop them with violence, to make the ocean safe once again."
Ahem.
Now, the pirates the Captain was looking for were the fierce Midget Pirates of willygoat
The deadliest pirates in the Seven Seas
And although they were wee men, they had big swords and were known for gutting many and leaving few alive
The Captain knew they were heading towards the Sandwich Isles to pillage the joliant ham farm
The Captain knew what he must do, and this is his story...
chorus
Cleaning up the oceans Captain Hampton and his crew
Trouble in the seven seas, he'll know what to do
Captain he hates rubbish to him pirates are just soot
Scallywags and scurby dogs are crushed under his foot
Captain Hampton, Captain Hampton, Ahoy, Ahoy
Pillaging the Pillagers, triumphantly he'll sail away, hey, hey!
Now, seven weeks into the trip, and Jim was sick to death of being sick
Some kind of action he wanted as he searched the seas, for everyday was the same old... stuff
The night he felt like jumping ship but then he heard a crash
Hit the starboard side of the ship and bumped him out of his bunk, onto his bottom
Our heroes drew their swords as the Midgets swarmed aboard. The Pirates' surprise attack
The tiny buccaneers caught us by surprise as we tried to battle back
It was horrible. They were everwhere, and unlike normal midgets who are usually bright and clever and fun to be around
These Midget Pirates with their beady little eyes and sharp teeth bore down on us like fierce sharks
In a feeding frenzy of blood, slashing at us with their swords, gutting our bellies, poking our bums, clipping our knees
We knew not what to do, for the Captain was nowhere to be found
Where was the Captain?
Where was the Captain?
WHERE WAS THE CAPTAIN?
(chorus)
La la la la la la la la, la la la la la
La la la la la la la la, la la la la la
La la la la la la la la, la la la la la
La la la la la la la la, la la la la la
Captain Hampton, Captain Hampton, Ahoy, Ahoy.
Pillaging the Pillagers, triumphantly he ran away!
