The ** sections are inserts from my wife Patty who has gone through this with me, this is how she saw me reacting. Sometimes others know you better than you know your self**
First the Whys
I have always known I was adopted.
I started searching when I was in my early 20's when my son, (Jason) was born, so many questions, medical being the big one, but heredity and others nagged at me. **When Jason was born, he was the first person that ever had similar
qualities of your own personality, being a night owl, talking about feelings
nobody else in your family ever shared with you, even though your adoptive
family was very supportive of your feelings they could not relate completely
to how you really felt.Sometimes the search was just too hard, or I did not want it enough, it's hard to tell. I also had a great loving adoptive family so I had very little emotional baggage to push me to look for a new family.**One of the biggest things I remember about your search was......Your reasons
........Who am I and what make me feel the way I feel, act the way I act,
or need to change who I am to fit the situation? Is it because I was raised a
certain way or because I am genetically different than who I was raised to be,
and their was always such a inner conflict concerning those aspects of your
life".
The Search
When the Internet came along it became easier, but still the road blocks where many and my search rose and fell in it's priority level in my life. As I saw others in Reunion, I started to understand how important it was for me to see my own likeness, to know and find the answers. The most important part during my search was the organization of all of the incoming information both right and wrong. This enabled me to keep all of the pieces together, and made it easier to back track. Always keep a book of every piece of information that comes to you. I finally got hold of the original attorney,( as the agency, Holy Family Services was useless). There I got some judgement documents that gave me my Bmother's year of birth and state. Angels from the VSN, helped me find a last name. Then we searched the birth indexes, then on to the marriage indexes. We went down many roads during this part of the search. At one point we found a woman who matched the basic description, but was deceased. We spent a few weeks riding the roller coaster on that one, only to be turned away. We were devastated to say the least but our searcher kept finding other matches to check out. Finally one day an E-mail came in from our searcher Delayn Curtis. I still have the e-mail saved. It read "I think this is the one". It was the copy of the marriage index, and as we read it everything was matching, all the sib information was right on. Now we need a phone number. My Bmom was married 3 times and we could find no working number for her married name on the index listing. We did find a number we thought might be her ex-husbands mother,and so it was (god bless her). I called her and she gave us my Bmother's last known address, but said that they were not on speaking terms, so that is all she would do. My wife, (who really was my strongest supporter, and is the best thing that ever happened to me), called her back that night and gave her the real story, (not the Genealogy lie I had told her), and she got behind the search calling her son and getting a phone number for us. She even made the first contact if only to make sure it was ok to give out the phone number. This would not exactly be my first choice, but it happens. I called her the next day at her work, because I figured you can't go to nuts at work. We asked each other maybe 2 questions before she said to me I know your the one. Her whole office was crying and excited, so much for that theory. During the time we talked even
though emotions were running high there was a feeling that just seemed right. **Again even with a professional searcher you had many frustrating moments. But
finally on November 11th you connected with the women that gave birth to you on
May 9, 1960, and at that time she did the most unselfish act anybody has ever done for you in
your life, she gave you up for adoption to a wonderful family that gave you the
life all relinquishing parents hope for.
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