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Proverbial Quotes
and a few Laughs
Yesterday
is history,
tomorrow is a mystery,
today is a gift of God,
which is why we call it the present.
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take prozac to make it normal
Some people are bitter, some sour, others are sweet. Who you hang out with depends on your taste.
Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold please.
2000
B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
God gave us two ears but only one mouth . . . Some people say that's because He wanted us to spend twice as much time listening as talking. Others claim it's because He knew listening was twice as hard as talking.
God loves us the way we are, but too much to leave us that way.
It is amazing how many people want to live a long life, and yet so few want to grow old.
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance
Jesus paid a debt he didn't owe because we had a debt we couldn't pay.
Just
as children bring their broken toys for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God because he was my friend.
Instead of leaving him in peace to work alone,
I stuck around and tried to help with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried "how could you be so slow?"
"My child", he said, "What could I do, you never did let go".
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards
Remember, your relatives had no choice in the matter either
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
Sign on a church bulletin board: You aren't too bad to come in, You aren't good enough to stay out.
Thank
God for dirty dishes, they have a tale to tell.
While others may go hungry, we've eaten very well.
With home, health & happiness; I shouldn't want to fuss.
By the stack of evidence. God's been very good to us.
The
beginning of anxiety is the end of faith.
The beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.
The purpose of prayer is not to get answers, things or anything - not even holiness. Valuable though they are, all of those are side effects. The purpose of prayer is to get acquainted with God. Anything else is a bonus.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love; The fastest way to lose love is too hold it too tightly; In addition, the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
There are 3 billion women who don't look like supermodels and ONLY 8 WHO DO.
The
Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar
of salt, when little Jimmy interrupted.
"My Mummy looked back once while she was DRIVING,"
he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
The truth is like ice water, it shocks you when it hits you, but no one's ever died from it.
The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain
We may not be what we want to be, but thank God we are not what we used to be
I'm serious; it was a joke.
If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.
If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.
If you are headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.
The old rule of an eye for an eye leaves everybody blind
I
asked for strength and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for prosperity and God gave me brawn and brain to work.
I asked for courage and God gave me dangers to overcome.
I asked for patience God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait.
I asked for love and God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for favors and God gave me opportunities.
I asked for everything so I could enjoy life. Instead, He gave me life so I could enjoy
everything.
I received nothing I wanted I received everything I needed.
My prayer has been answered.
