Mommy, Mommy! Jokes
- Mommy, Mommy! Why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
- Shut up son, you'll wake your father.
- Mommy, Mommy! The milkmans here;
- have you got the money or should I go out and play?
- Mommy, Mommy! Can I get pregnant?
- Of course not dear, you are only seven years old.
- OK boys, same again...
- Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy bent over and crying?
- Shut up and eat your hot dog!
- Daddy, Daddy! What is queer?
- Shut up and unhook my bra.
- Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's running down the street!
- Shut up and step on the gas!
- "Come upstairs, son, like a good boy."
- "No, Mommy, you'll only throw me down again."
- Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!
- Shut up and get away from the dart board!
- Mommy, mommy, can I lick the bowl?
- Shut up and flush.
- Mommy, mommy, I hate you
- Shut up or I'll eat you.
- Mummy, mummy, please can I have a spoon?
- Yes of course dear. Why do you want the spoon?
- Because Daddy's been sick, and the cat's getting all the big bites
- Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to empty the compost heap.
- Shut up and keep eating.
- Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's on fire!
- Shut up and get the marshmallows!
- Mommy, Mommy! Daddy went through the meat grinder!
- Shut up and eat your hamburger!
- Mommy, Mommy! I've lost my fingers!
- Shut up and eat your french fries!
- Mommy, Mommy! There's something in daddy's eye!
- Shut up and eat around it.
- Mommy, Mommy! Daddy puked!
- Shut up and get a fork, before your sister gets all the big chunks!
- Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men?
- Shut up and get back in the oven.
- Mommy Mommy, is this really the way to make meat pies?
- Shut up and get back in the microwave.
- Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise.
- Shut up and eat around it!
- Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?
- Shut up and eat your cornflakes!
- Mummy, Mummy! I don't like grandma.
- Well leave her on the side of your plate then.
- Mommy, Mommy! I don't like grandpa.
- Well, just push him aside and eat your beans.
- Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat?
- Shut up and eat your meat loaf.
- Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner?
- Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet.
- Mommy, Mommy! I like my brother very much.
- All right, you can take another slice.
- Mommy, Mommy! I hate my sisters guts.
- Shut up and eat what's put in front of you.
- Mommy, Mommy! I don't like Sis!
- Shut up, and keep eating!
- Mommy, Mommy! I hate daddy's guts.
- Well, just leave them on the side of the plate.
- Mommy, Mommy! I don't like the crunchy stuff in my pea soup!
- Shut up. Do you think I pour Grandpa's vomit through a sieve?
- Mommy, Mommy! I don't like this spaghetti!
- Shutup or I'll rip the veins outta yer other arm!!!
- Mommy, mommy! Daddy threw up all over the kitchen floor.
- Just ignore him, son.
- But little sis is getting all of the BIG pieces!
- Mommy, Mommy! are you sure this is the right way to cook Beijing Duck?
- Shuddup and close the microwave oven door behind you!
- Mommy, Mommy! When will we have this nice yellow pudding again?
- Shut up, you know that grandma's leg is no longer infested.
- Mommy, Mommy! what's a vampire?
- Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!
- Mommy, mommy, are you sure this is how to learn to swim?
- Shut up and get back in the sack!
- Mommy, mommy, Suzi got run over by a steamroller.
- Shut up and get the maple syrup.
- Mommy, mommy, dad's been run over in the street!!
- Don't make me laugh; you know my lips are chapped.
- Mommy, mommy, what is a deliquant child?
- Shut up, light your cigarette, drink your whisky and deal those cards.
- Mommy, mommy, what is a deliquant child?
- Shut up and pass me the crowbar.
- Mommy, Mommy! Why can't I play with the other kids?
- Shut up and deal.
- Mommy, Mommy, I don't know how to play poker.
- Shaddup and deal.
- Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere?
- Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!
- Mummy, Mummy, Sally won't come skipping with me.
- Don't be cruel dear, you know it makes her stumps bleed.
- Mommy, Mommy, I don't like running in circles!
- Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.
- Mommy, Mommy! Why do they call me spastic at school?
- Shut up and take your legs out your pockets.
- Mommy, Mommy, why is my head soaking wet and everything is spinning round and round?
- Shut up or I'll flush again!
- Mommy, Mommy! Am I done with my bath yet?
- Shut up or I'll flush you down!
- Mommy mommy ! When is the pool going to be ready ?
- Shut up and spit ...
- Mommy, Mommy! I don't like fishing.
- Shut up and stop squirming.
- Mommy, Mommy I don't want my hair braided.
- Shut up and lift the other arm.
- Mommy, mommy, can I have a cookie?
- Yes, the cookies are on the top shelf.
- But mommy, I haven't got any arms!
- No arms, no cookie...
- Mommy, Mommy! Billy won't let go of my ear.
- Billy, let go of Susie's ear.
- Billy! Let go of her ear!
- All right Billy, give me the ear.
- Mommy, Mommy! Can I brush my teeth?
- Yes, now shut up and get the jar!
- Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa?
- Shut up and get back in the box!
- Mommy, Mommy I don't want to go to China!
- Shut up and put your other foot in the CARE package!
- Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!
- Shut up and comb your face!
- Mommy, Mommy! What's a werewolf?
- Shut up and comb your face!
- Mommy, Mommy! Can I go to the toilet?
- Yes Johnny I'll take you in a minute.
- Can Granny take me?
- Why?
- Her hand shakes.
- Mommy, Mommy! Grandpa's going out!
- Well throw some more gasoline on him then.
- Mommy, Mommy, I'd like to play marbles now!
- Keep quiet, you can't use Grandpa's glasseye today!
- Mommy, Mommy, can I wear a bra now? I'm 16..
- Shut up Albert....
- Mommy, mommy, why is your hair so green?
- [Sneezes into hand] Sure don't know, son. [wipes hand on hair]
- Mommy, Mommy, why do other kids tell me I have a long nose?
- You don't, but lift your head up or you'll scrape the floor.
- Mommy, Mommy! How come sis gets to watch TV and I don't?
- Shut up or I'll cut your ears off, too!
- Mommy, Mommy! Why are we celebrating Christmas in July?
- Shut up, you know you have cancer.
- Mommy, Mommy! I can't breathe!
- Good, it's working.
- Mommy, Mommy! What am I gonna be when I grow up?
- Nothing, dear. You have AIDS!
- Mommy, Mommy! can I have a bike for Christmas?
- Nope. You already have your wheelchair.
- Mommy, mommy! I don't see what's so hot about watching tv!
- Shut up and turn the damn thing on!
- Mommy, Mommy! Daddy just poisoned my kitten!
- Never mind dear. Perhaps he had to do it.
- No he didn't, he promised me I could!
- Mommy, Mommy! Can Sheldon come out and play baseball with us?
- Now you know your little brother has no arms and legs!
- Yeah, we know. We just wanna use him for second base.
- Mommy, Mommy! Why is my hair so slimey?
- Shut up, you little snot.
- Q: What did the little boy say when his mother scolded him for cutting his Christmas present (a spotted hamster) neatly in two pieces with a cleaver?
- A:But mommy, you said that if I was good, I could have (halve) him."
Email: tdkelley@mcn.org
