These are some of my favs

Johnnie's teacher had a new game for the children. She would pick a word and have the children make a sentence out of it. She had to be careful because she knew that Lil' Johnnie would try and turn this into something dirty, as he had done so many times before. She chose the word "fascinate". Knowing that Johnnie could not possible mess this one up, she called on him first. Johnnie said, "My sister went to the mall and bought a blouse. It had 10 buttons up the front, but her boobs were so big she could only fasten eight."

After all the kids had answered one, it was Johnnie's turn again. This time the word was "urinate". The teacher was sure this one would stump Johnnie. Johnnie said, " You're-an-eight, but if you had bigger boobs you'd be a ten."

Little Johnny is late to class one day and the teacher asks him where he has been. He replies " I've been down by the creek sticking cherry bombs up frogs asses." "You mean rectum" corrected the teacher. "Yeah" says Little Johnny, "Wrecked 'em all right, it blew 'em into little pieces!!"

The teacher is going through the alphabet, asking the students to say a word that begins with the letter. "OK, the first letter is 'A'," the teacher says. Little Johnny is raising his hand. Knowing that he is rude and foul mouthed, the teacher decides not to call on him for fear of some bad words. So she calls on someone else. They go through the wohle alphabet until the letter "R." At this point Little Johnny had been raising his hand for every letter. The teacher think "Well, I can't think of any bad words that begins with 'R'." "Johnny, want to try this one?" "I have a word- 'rat'." Now the teacher is so glad he didn't say anything disgusting when all of a sudden Little Johnny adds "A Big Fucking Rat."

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first. One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God. The teacher praises the little girl, as a little boy raised his hand. The little boy says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love." "Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no", she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?" Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first. He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!'"

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought >my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, fuckin' beautiful!'"

At Sunday school, the teacher asked little Johnny, "Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?" "Sure," little Johnny replied. "They go out in back of the church yard."

One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about." "Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red." Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely, ignored him and picked Jenny, who promptly answered "An apple." "No Jenny, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now, for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish." Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like you're thinking. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now, Johnny is about to expolde as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it's got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"
• OR: I’ve got it: it’s about 2 inches and has a red tip “Johnny!” she cries. “That’s disgusting!” “Nope,” answers Johnny, “it’s a match, but I like your thinking!”