Like good blonde jokes but hate have to go through all the bad ones to find them? If so, you came to the right place.

• Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
• A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

• Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
• A: Tell her she's pregnant.

• Q: What will she ask you?
• A: "Is it mine?"

• Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
• A: She drowns it.

• Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
• A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

• Q: How do you plant dope?
• A: Bury a blonde.

• Q: How do you drown a blond?
• A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
• A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
• A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

• Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
• A: One's a phony ‘b’uck.

• Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
• A: A magician has a cunning array of ‘st’unts.

• Q: What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-o?
• A: Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.

• Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
• A: They make good ankle warmers.

MATING CALLS

• Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
• A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

• Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
• A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

• Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?
• A: "All the blondes have gone home!"

• Q: What's a brunette's mating call ?
• A: Has that blonde gone yet?

• Q: What is the brunette's mating call?
• A: When is that blond bitch going to leave!?

• Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
• A: "Next!"

NOT MATING CALLS

• Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
• A: Because they can spell it.

• Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
• A: 69 plus G.S.T.

• Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
• A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

• Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
• A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

• Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
• A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

• Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
• A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.

• Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?

• Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Jets team?
• A: Just One... Boomer Esiason.

• Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
• A: She didn't know what ONE came first...

• Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
• A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
• A2: Their mothers told them not with their mouths full.

• Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
• A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.

• Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
• A: She threw it off a cliff.

• Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
• A: The cow fell on her.

• Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
• A: There's white-out on the screen.
• Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
• A: There's writing on the white-out.

• Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
• A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

• Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
• A: The Panama Canal is a busy ‘d’itch.

• Q: What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a blonde track team?
• A: The pygmies are a bunch of ‘c’unning ‘r’unts.

• Q: What is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player and a blonde?
• A: He is ‘f’ussy by nature and would go to any length to get a ‘p’uck.

• Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
• A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

• Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
• A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush

• Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
• A: They can't find the zipper.

• Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
• A: Cause their balls show!

• Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
• A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

• Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
• A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
• A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
• A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke.
• A4: You don't eat your bowling ball

• Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
• A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

• Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
• A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

• Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
• A: A brunette with bad breath.

• Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
• A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
• A2: None of them, three don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

• Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
• A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

• Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
• A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

• Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
• A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.

• Q: What do you call a smart blond?
• A: A golden retriever.

• Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
• A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

• Q: What does a blonde owl say?
• A: What, what?

• Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
• A: A brain tumor.

• Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
• A: Because her boyfriend was also blonde!

• Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
• A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

• Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
• A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

• Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?
• A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.

• Q: What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde and a Schwinn at the side of the road?
• A: One's a ‘b’ike in a ‘d’itch, and the other's . . . .

• Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
• A: 'Cause everybody gets a turn.

• Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
• A: 'Cause she's been laid all over the country.

• Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
• A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

• Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
• A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

• Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
• Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
• Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!

• Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says, "Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"

• There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups. The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived ?" "He was on top ", she replied.
• "You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
• The second woman was asked the same question. "I was on top ", was the reply.
• "you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
• With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears. "Whats the matter ?" asked the doc. "Am I going to have puppies ?".....

• There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was mad enough she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

• Blonde Medical Terminology

• Anally -- occurring yearly
• Artery -- study of paintings
• Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
• Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
• Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
• Caesarian section -- district in Rome
• Cat scan -- searching for kitty
• Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
• Colic -- sheep dog
• Coma -- a punctuation mark
• Congenital -- friendly
• D&C -- where Washington is
• Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
• Dilate -- to live long
• Enema -- not a friend
• Fester -- quicker
• Fibula -- a small lie
• Genital -- non-Jewish
• G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
• Grippe -- suitcase
• Hangnail -- coathook
• Impotent -- distinguished, well known
• Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
• Labour pain -- got hurt at work
• Medical staff -- doctor's cane
• Morbid -- higher offer
• Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
• Node -- was aware of
• Outpatient -- person who had fainted
• Pap smear -- fatherhood test
• Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
• Post operative -- letter carrier
• Protein -- favouring young people
• Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
• Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
• Rheumatic -- amorous
• Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf Secretion -- hiding anything
• Seizure -- Roman emperor
• Serology -- study of knighthood
• Tablet -- small tablet
• Terminal illness -- sickness at airport
• Tibia -- country in North Africa
• Tumour -- an extra pair
• Urine -- opposite of you're out
• Varicose -- located nearby
• Vein -- conceited

• Three women, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, were stranded on an island. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated the distance to be about twenty miles. So, she announced that she was going to try and swim back.
• After swimming five miles or so, the brunette began to get tired. However, determined to keep at it, she kept going. Unfortunately, ten miles out, she became exhausted and drowned. The redhead, who was stronger than the brunette had been, decided to give it a try. After getting out about ten miles or so, she too began to get tired. Just like the brunette, she was determined to keep going; only five miles from the mainland, she too became exhausted and drowned. Now, the blonde had always been the strongest of the three. And so, after seeing how far the redhead had gotten, she knew that she had a good chance of making it. The blonde swam away from the island, and was making good time. She passed ten miles easily; however, when she reached fifteen, she began to get tired, too. But she kept going.
• Finally, after reaching nineteen miles, with the mainland only a mile away and in sight, the blonde realized that she was simply too tired to go on. So she swam back.

• Two blondes are in a dark theatre:
• BLONDE #1: "Hey, the guy next to me is jerking off!"
• BLONDE #2: "Just ignore him."
• BLONDE #1: "I can't. He's using my hand."

• BLONDE #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
• BLONDE #2: "No, who wrote it?"

• BLONDE: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
• MAN: "It's 3:15."
• BLONDE: (puzzled look on her face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

• A blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, "Bring me a beer."
• The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?"
• To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?"

• On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said
• "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

• A young blonde woman is asked out on a date and accepts. The boy picks her up and they go to a nearby carnival in town. They ride a few rides, play a few games, and seem to be generally hitting it off well. During a sort of romantic lull, however, the boy says, "What do you want to do now?"
• "I want a weigh," she says.
• Well, OK, thinks the boy. They walk over to the fortune scales, and weigh her. They play a few more games and stop for foods.
• "What do you want to do now?" asks the boy again.
• "I want a weigh," she says.
• Hmmm, a little odd but I'll put up with it, thinks the boy. Again they get her weight and fortune.
• After yet another few games and an exquisite fireworks show, the boy repeats, "What do you want to do now?"
• "I want a weigh," she says.
• Damn, thinks the boy, she's just too weird for me. They get her weight and fortune, and the boy drives her home.
• As she walks into the house, her sister asks, "How'd your date go?" "Wousy," says the girl.

• After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish his just-spent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde walks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."

• "How come the blonde got expelled from school?"
• "She was caught cheating."
• "How?"
• "She was counting her breasts during a biology exam!"

• Maggie's first pregnancy had produced triplets. With considerable pride she was telling her blonde friend how this happened once in every 200,000 times.
• The blonde's eyes widened: "Beats me how you ever found time to do any housework!"

• A man walks into a bar, with a huge alligator on a leash. He walks over to the bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says "Sorry sir. You can't bring that alligator in here! It's a dangerous animal, and you're scaring all of the patrons! True enough, the man looked around, and noticed that everyone was standing on the tables, looking very nervous. "But wait!" he cried, "this alligator is tame! It wouldn't hurt anyone!". However, the bartender is adamant. "If", the man continues, "I can prove that this alligator is not vicious, can he stay?". "Well, I guess so", says the bartender, "however, you're going to have a devil of a time proving to everyone in here that that alligator is tame!" The man smiles, and leans over the alligator. "Ralph!", he shouts, "Sit up!" With that, he beats the alligator on the head with his fist "BANG BANG BANG". And the alligator rears up on its tail. "Ralph, open your mouth! BANG BANG BANG". And the alligator opened it's huge mouth wide, revealing row upon row of gleaming white teeth. The man pulls out his wang, and lays it in the alligators mouth, as the entire bar crowd gasps. "Ralph! Close your mouth, but DON'T BITE! BANG BANG BANG". As the man pummels the alligator on the head, the giant mouth slowley closes, and stops juuuussttt short of biting the guys dick off. The crowd sighs, and the man says "Ralph, open your mouth! BANG BANG BANG!" and the alligators mouth opens wide again. "There," says the man to the crowd, " now would anyone else like to try this?" A blonde in the back says "Yeah, I'll try, but only if your promise not to hit me on the head so hard".