I, Marauder


"You are weak and you disgust me!" she snarled.

It was something I had long since gotten used to. Every day of my training to be a Dark Side Marauder was the same.  One brutal workout after another. Many times, I was almost killed by my trainer, Cariaga Sin. Master Sin offered a flurry of insults  to go along with the ruthless precision of her attacks. Many times it was all I could do to simply not be killed in the training, requiring my last reserves of strength. Finally, when I was entirely spent, she would cease her attacks and remind me once again that I was not fit to train on Malachor, that I belonged with the Jedi, cowering in their Temple on Coruscant.

 It was an odd bit of irony, I thought. I felt as a former Jedi Guardian, Marauder training should have been only the next logical step. The releasing of passion long held in check. Only, for a Jedi, emotion was something we had long suppressed, and finding it again was a much more difficult proposition than many of us expected.

This day,  I could feel the fury gathering in her, felt that something was different, and her attacks were powerful, but I was the quicker. I summoned up my own anger, letting it flow through me,  and all my thoughts became only to kill her before she killed me, as was clearly her intent. But wherein her power manifested itself in the strength of her blows, mine was in the agility I had learned, and in my stealth techniques. I sidestepped one of her slashes that she delivered off balance, and stabbed underneath it with the blade of my lightsaber, catching her in the ribs. But the pain of the wound only seemed to stoke the fires of her rage. I parried a great many of her attacks, but felt the energy dwindling in me slowly. She sensed my weakness, fed on it, drawing on it to give her greater energy. I believed then that I would die at her hands, though I knew not why. My dodges became more clumsy, and I was driven to my knees. All at once, she delivered a furious blow with all of her hate, the force of it sent me sprawling backwards, gasping for breath. She raised the lightsaber over her head and then brought the end of it down, cutting through my shoulder and into the floor beneath me.

The pain was beyond what I could have imagined, the heat burning through flesh, muscle and bone. I felt the sweat pouring down my face, and drawing on the Dark Side once more, I kicked at the weapon in her hands, forcing it upwards and pulling the blade out of me. I felt myself unconscious reaching for my wounded shoulder but  I focused on drawing the Force to myself, and then extended the hand out toward Master Sin who was temporarily off balance by my kick.  I felt the Force extend out from my fingertips and catch her full in the chest, driving her backwards but still not knocking her down, though I did see a glint of surprise in her eyes. But then I saw her close her free hand into a fist aimed in my direction, felt my windpipe suddenly crushed in a grip tighter than a droid’s pincer. All thoughts of combat left me, as I felt the oxygen unable to reach my lungs. I reached for my throat, gasping and choking, seeing dark circles before my eyes. And only barely could I make out her silhouette suddenly thrusting the hand forward, and then feeling myself hitting the wall of the proving ground hard.

And then I saw nothing and heard only her voice, “Rise, Apprentice. I grow tired of wasting my time on you."

Barely conscious, feeling the comforting embrace of sleep attempt to draw me into its depths, I, nevertheless, forced myself to my feet, shaking my head to clear my vision. I forced myself to breathe deeply,

“Apprentice, it would much simpler if you would quit. Leave this place, otherwise I will be forced to end your life.”

Of course, that was simply another test to see if I was truly on my last leg. I was not.

“No, Master. You will have to kill me.”

She stared at me for a long moment, and I could feel her probing my thoughts, but I had long since learned to lock them up tight.

“You are a fool, and you will die like one,” she said finally. “Make your way to the hangar. Your last chance awaits you there. Understand that there is no place for the weak amongst us.”

I’d been looking forward to returning to my quarters for a brief rest before my usual evening watch in the cave near the Trayus Academy’s entrance. But I knew that I was meant to leave immediately. I could be sure they would not simply give me a ship and let me depart were they actually dismissing me. That did not happen here. This was not the Jedi Enclave. Nor could I expect to be cut down once I reached the hangar. If that was to be the case, it would have been a pleasure Master Sin reserved for herself, ridding herself of yet another disappointing student. No, it was clear. I was being given a mission. Evidently, I had performed better than usual against Master Sin, enough to where I was being given a chance to do something for the Academy or die in the attempt. Yet, at the moment, I was simply too tired to enjoy my elevated status. I hoped wherever I was going, I would be able to lock it on autopilot and sink into a long meditation to regain my strength.

I reached the hangar, and nobody less than Lord Traya, the Sith Lord in charge of the Academy, was waiting for me. She was an elderly woman of immense power and the blackest of eyes, eyes that made me want to look away with all of my being. But to do so would be to show weakness, and that could easily be fatal. So I forced myself to look her straight in the eye, knowing full well that if she saw something in me that she did not like, or did not see something she expected to, that I would die. Maybe slowly or maybe quickly, but there would be no resisting the power of this woman if she decided to use it on me. But she seemed less fixated on me, halfway buried in her own thoughts.

“Apprentice, I have a task for you. There is a woman in the Outer Rim, I want found. You will find her, and when you do, you will transmit her location back to myself, and only me. You will do this with the utmost discretion, and you will ensure that she remains safe. Know that if any harm befalls her, your suffering shall be greater than you can imagine. You are not to otherwise interact with her. Her name is Shayla Khaar. She is known to travel with a group of smugglers aboard a freighter called the ‘Star Dust‘. It was last seen in the vicinity of Tatooine. Apprentice, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of this woman. Do you understand this task I have set before you, and the penalty for not finishing it?”

I bowed. “I do, Lord Traya. I shall not fail.”

“Then you may depart, Apprentice.” She didn’t wait for a reply, simply turned away and walked out of the hangar.

I walked over to the flight desk, where a Sith lieutenant in a grey uniform was in charge.  He raised an eyebrow at my disheveled appearance. “You are Roak Rizelis?”

“I am.”

“Lord Traya has informed me that since you are on a mission of discretion, you are to be given a light freighter for your use. Your ship is at the end of the hangar. It is the Shyrack.” He handed me a datapad. “These are your ignition and security codes for it. Do not lose them.” I was not a Marauder yet, and therefore had not earned the respect normally accorded to one. I took the datapad and walked away without another word.

I walked down the line of ships, past a string of Sith fighters being worked on by maintenance teams to the very end of the hangar where a battered old freighter rested on it’s struts. Next to it stood an astromech. “Has the ship been upgraded to contend with Malachor’s storms?” I asked it, holding my shoulder to ease the burning pain left by Master Sin’s lightsaber.

It replied with a rapid burst of droidspeak. Fortunately, my years as a pilot had allowed me to learn many of the nuances of it.

“And is the ship primed and ready? Have you done preflight checks?”

Another burst from the droid.

“Very well. Follow me.”

As I settled into the cockpit and powered up the ship, I regretted that I could not afford to ask Lord Traya where in the Outer Rim I might find the Star Dust. To ask would be to appear incompetent. I had been in Marauder training for nearly a year. A question such as that might have been my last. The task had been appointed to me, and I would either succeed or die in the attempt. Shayla Khaar. The name seemed vaguely familiar, though I could not remember from where. The name Star Dust did not, though there was no reason why it should, I supposed. But when I reached a civilized spaceport, I would look into it. There were more immediate problems to deal with.

Ships in the Sith fleet had to carry special sensors for tracking the storms that raged across Malachor V, pulling even large ships out of orbit if they were engulfed by them. Of course, we couldn't afford to be stuck on the planet so with those special modifications, plus strengthening the shields, our ships were capable of finding the holes in between the storms. I hadn't done it myself in a while.

"What did you say your name was again?" I asked the droid who'd plugged itself into the navigation computer.

It swiveled it's head to look at me even while it continued to track the storms, and chirped out an answer.

"Okay, G2-29, let's get this thing moving. Plot us a course to Tatooine.”

I powered up the engines and lifted the ship off it's pads. I heard them retract into the ships frame as I backed it out of the hangar, and then turned it around headed across the bleak Malachor landscape. The lightning was almost omnipresent, flashes of it lighting up the cockpit brilliantly and then sending me back into darkness. I had to wait a short while for two storms which had converged to begin to separate, and I maintained a healthy distance from them as I did so. The power of the storms could not be questioned. That fact could be attested to by the thousands of dead Republic soldiers, Mandalorians and Jedi who'd found the planet's surface the hard way. It's how we'd finally defeated the Mandalorians. I should have been glad, but honestly I didn't feel much of anything.

I'd spent my whole life stuffing my emotions. It was vital to be a Jedi, but now as a Dark Jedi Apprentice it was holding me back. The rage and the hate that I needed to summon up to help me and give me strength remained elusive. Oh, it was there somewhere, but it is quite possible for a person to be too good at denying their emotions. I should have been furious with Cariaga, hated her for the abuse she heaped on me. Instead, I merely saw the cool logic that made up the Sith teachings. 'Through passion I gain strength.' I just didn't have much passion, was still doing things the Jedi way except that I no longer walked in the Light. That burst of anger I’d felt in our training that day had been the first ever, so sudden, it’d taken me by surprise.

 I hadn't walked in the Light, since the Mandalorians attacked. When Malak came to us recruiting volunteers for the war effort, I believed it to be the sensible thing to do. It was quite simple. We’d sworn to protect the Republic, did we not? Then what other choice could there be? The Council believed that it was mere passion that drove us. Perhaps that was true for some of the Jedi who joined Revan. In my case, I believe I was only doing what I was taught to do.  I believe my choice was in accord with the Jedi code, and that it was the Council reacting out of fear that held them back. I believe it was they who had forsaken the Code.

Coming down to Malachor's surface the first time changed all that. Nobody could walk that planet and remain unchanged. They talk about being consumed by the Dark Side, but they seldom explain exactly what that means. In the case of the Jedi, it means be shutting off from the Light Side completely, being forced to use the Dark Side if one were to use the Force at all. The higher mysteries of the Light Side that we had once knew, were hidden from us now. Only the Dark Side would have us, and on this planet it exacted a terrible price. We each became an emptiness in the Force. It made it easier to for Sith assassins to sneak up on the Jedi, made them more undetectable. It also gave you the ability to drain the Force out of living creatures, especially Jedi and other Force users. You, yourself, seldom noticed that emptiness within you, but if you encountered another type of Force user, you would see that stricken look on their face when they realized they couldn't sense your presence. You were as though dead to them.

But not just my physical stature changed, my logic changed with it. If the Jedi would not uphold their own code, then there was no longer a place in their order. The senseless brutality had to be stopped, and once it was, the Jedi had to be dealt with as well. The galaxy needed to be unified under a strong force that would protect it from outsider invaders. The Sith offered that chance, and if the Jedi would not willing join us than we would fight them wherever they were. The Jedi had shown that their only concern was for their own preservation, and not that of the Republic. The Sith offered security, the Jedi offered only uncertainty. No doubt they regarded us as evil, but only because they were unable to see Revan’s grand scheme. Ah, Revan how I admire her, as do we all. Gifted in the Force, a strong leader, an innovator in military strategy and tactics. Beautiful beyond words. There may never be another like her, but unfortunately she is lost to us. Perhaps she went mad from the power, or into seclusion. No one knows where she now walks or if she is even among the living. But those of who served under her will remember her always, she having reached the pinnacle of the Dark Side.

A chirping from the droid woke me out of the half-sleep I’d fallen into. “Right. Let’s do it.”

I sent the ship into a steep climb, navigating in between the two storms that had moved far enough apart for us to safely exit the atmosphere. I gave the ion engines full power, and the ship rapidly climbed. We’d drawn nearer to one of the storms than I’d intended, and even at this distance the ship began to shake violently. The entire cockpit began to rattle, and the droid chirped out an alarmed response.

“I know. I’ve still got it. Hang on.”

And I did. It was a rough ride up, but eventually we cleared the atmosphere, finding the wrecks of Mandalorian and Republic ships still drifting in orbit, not having yet been pulled down by the storms. The rattling mercifully stopped as we broke through the atmosphere. I dodged several pieces of wreckage, and slowly brought the ship out of Malachor’s gravitation well.

“It’s not normal for a droid to feel fear. You’re not supposed to feel at all,” I said to it.

A flurry of beeps.

“Oh, and what would you know about repressed emotions?”

More beeps.

“Fear keeps you alive? Is that what you think? In fear lies death. Fear is that which holds us back from greatness.”

A long burst of droidspeak.

“Yes, I imagine you have survived many battles with the Republic. But you are not a combat droid,” I said checking the navigation computer one final time, and adjusting our course, I threw the lever launching the ship into hyperspace. Leaning back in my seat, I took a deep breath and let it out slow.

A bunch more chirping.

“Yes, but we can discuss this later. For now, I must get some rest.

I had barely laid my head back and closed my eyes when I felt sleep overcome me.

While I slept, I dreamt I was on Dantooine again. I was there in the Sacred Grove meditating. Suddenly I felt a presence. I looked over my shoulder and the sky had grown black behind me. The darkness was moving steadily toward me, engulfing the land, the sky and the creatures as it slid across the landscape. The Sun was blotted out and all became dark.

Suddenly it was light again, and I saw myself seated in front of Master Zhar.

“What did you see?” he asked me.

“Master, I saw the future. “I was a Sith.”

"And what does it mean to you, Padawan?"

"That I have not internalized the Jedi Code?"

"Do not tell me what you think I wish to hear. Look within yourself. Find the answer."

"Master, I have not shown restraint in my dealings with the other padawans. I have acted out of emotion. There is no emotion, there is peace."

"And have you found peace?."

"I have not."

Master Zhar smiled. "Then you shown wisdom in recognizing your weakness. Confronting one's own weakness and overcoming it is a true sign of strength. Meditate on this and find the stillness within you."

At that point I woke up. I remembered that experience. It was after I'd been in a heated argument with another padawan. Emotions were running high, and though it didn't come to lightsabers, ugly words were spoken, mostly by me. I was shaken by that incident, and after that talk with Master Zhar, I'd locked up my emotions so tight, they still have yet to resurface.

Leaving the droid to maintain our course, I went back and used the refresher. After that, I put on a simple flight suit that had been left onboard hanging from a hook in the main cabin. My lightsaber I hid in one of the pockets. Certainly it would make for a good disguise, at least temporarily. When we finally got to Tatooine, I would find some more suitable attire. The flight suit would inhibited my movement more than I liked without even the benefits that a light combat suit would have provided, and some lighter clothing was in order. After that I returned to the cockpit, staring out at the vastness of hyperspace.

The droid turned it’s head to emitted a long burst of droidspeak.

“Isn’t it obvious?” I asked it in return. ”In combat one must maintain a clear head or risk either panicking or acting otherwise irrational.”

It chirped out another question for me.

“No. Well, actually that’s not true. As of lately I have had some trouble concentrating in my training with Master Sin, though it’s not something you would understand.”

But it persisted with more droidspeak.

“Very well. The truth is, as of recently, I have begun to study Cariaga, I mean, Master Sin’s movements. I sometimes find myself studying the lines of her face or the curve of her lips. Sometimes I have caught myself admiring the way her hair moves across her shoulders.  I have also begun to notice the way the fabric of her Dark Jedi robes comes to rest along the curves of her body and slides gracefully with her movements. Were the cloth thicker, it would not be so apparent, but it is thin enough so that one might guess what lies beneath or at least tantalize the imagination. Though I have always had better restraint when interacting with the female members of the Jedi Order, on Malachor such restraint is more difficult. Certain base thoughts at times come to my mind.”

It chirped out yet another question. Such an inquisitive droid. I would have to give it a memory wipe later.

“The sort of base thoughts a droid does not have. Enough of your questions already,” I told it. “In any event, some of your theories are correct on the subject.  Throughout my training, I am encouraged to draw strength from passion, though I find this concept difficult to understand. All of Master Sin’s abuse simply seems to reinforce how I have always dealt with my emotions. Either they are hoping I find my passion on this mission, or that I will simply be slain. Which they would prefer is difficult to tell.”

Days later when we arrived on Tatooine, I found myself again almost arguing with the droid. It showed a lot of spunk for an astromech, so much in fact that I had resolved not to give it a memory wipe. It had earned my respect for its feistiness.

“Because many smugglers frequent Tatooine, so it is as good a place as any to start looking. Lord Traya did not give much to go on, so I will have to proceed as best I can.”

G2 chirped out a question.

“No, you must stay here and ensure that no one steals the ship. I’ll will return shortly.”

My shoulder was healed but still somewhat sore, and I retained a nasty scar from the wound. I walked down the corridor to the landing ramp and exited the ship into the bright sunshine. With not one but two suns shining down on it, the glare was blinding to me after having spent years in the gloom of Malachor. I thought to buy some protective eyewear, and remembered that I had no credits. The Sith do not receive regular pay for their efforts. Instead, we are expected to be industrious and creative. If the hoarding of money is something we desire, then we must do it on our own time and without drawing undue attention to ourselves or to the Sith in general.

As I walked out of the spaceport into the dusty streets of Anchorhead, there was no shortage of vendors attempting to sell me everything from food to weapons to clothing. I asked one vendor, a swarthy Devaronian if I might not see what other stock he had in his shop. He was unfortunate enough to not see my lightsaber as I pulled it out of my flightsuit and activated it. He was cut down without the benefit of defending himself, something that the Sith assassins preferred, but for a Marauder, it is much more satisfying to defeat someone in even combat. For me, it was simply a necessity. That merchant’s donation to the Sith effort could prove to be significant.

I changed out of the flight suit, opting instead for some plain clothes of the type that Tatooine folk seemed to prefer. Thinner, light colored cloth than the Dark Jedi robes we wore and looser fitting to allow better air movement. This was a welcome relief as the heat of this planet was dry but intense. Also a belt from which to hang my weapon and a light cloak to throw over the shirt and pants, concealing the lightsaber.

I went back out into the street and wandered down the streets until I came to a cantina, the type of which was normally preferred by spacers. A crowd of Gamorreans elbowed past me coming out as I was going in. One of them squealed at me and appeared to threaten me with its axe, but I, not understanding what it was saying and not wanting to draw undue attention, merely shrugged it off and continued on inside.

The dimly lit building was a contrast to the bright streets and as my eyes adjusted, I saw more different species of sentients in that cantina than I had even known existed. Still, many of them wore flight suits, and I knew I was in the right place. I began to ask around about positions available aboard any ships docked in Anchorhead. I received a few offers, but discretely slipping in a few questions about the Star Dust brought no new information. I spent the rest of the day and well into the night, moving from cantina to cantina, through the markets and even to the swoop races attempting to strike up conversations about the ship I was looking for, but no one was familiar with it. I’d made my way back to the spaceport and attempted some queries there, but nothing came of it. I was not discouraged, but I went back to the ship to think on how I should proceed next.

G2 was chirping excitedly as soon as I got back up the ramp.

“What? You sliced into the spaceport’s computer from here. I had no idea you had such skills. Did you find something noteworthy?”

He went on chirping enthusiastically.

“A transponder change? And this information was in someone’s personal log files. How long ago did it leave?”

He’d barely stopped long enough for me to get on with my next question and his chirping became even more excited.

“So they lied to me. No matter, a two week head start is not impossible to overcome. Plot us a course to Manaan.”

I settled into my chair and powered up the engines. I brought the ship up and out of the spaceport, and climbed up through the atmosphere headed for orbit. Once there, I waited for G2 to get the coordinates from the navicomputer and then set us on course to make the jump to lightspeed. Once we had made the jump, I left the controls to the droid again and headed down the passageway towards the cabin.

It was at that instant, I received some strange premonition or perhaps noticed some stirring of the dust in the cabin, I couldn’t be sure which. But I was alert in an instant, lightsaber out and activated. Two Sith assassins suddenly appeared out of stealth in front of me, carrying the usual force pikes that they preferred. Two more appeared behind me, and I charged the front two, slashing one in half before he could react, and the other only just got his force pike to deflect my attack. One of the ones behind me attempted to come at me, but I planted a foot in his chest sending him sprawling. Taking a step back from the assassin in front of me, I turned quickly using a force push on the other one behind him pushing him hard into the wall of the ship. Just then I felt intense pain as the end of the first assassin’s force pike, having been aimed for my head, missed and dug into my wounded shoulder. This time the pain was worse than the wound Master Sin had delivered, the already aggravated tissue protesting under this second assault. With my free hand, I tore the blade free, drawing blood with it and renewing the intensity of the pain. This time, it was not a wound administered by my Master. This time there was no distraction from the combat, simply a group of Sith assassins intent on killing me. And suddenly I was angry. At that moment, I finally understood Master Sin’s teachings. I let the Fury course through me, dull the pain, and energize me for the battle.

The assassin who had struck my wounded shoulder, was thrown off balance by my removal of the weapon from my shoulder, and I swung the lightsaber in a wide arc cutting him down before he could regain his footing. The third assassin had recovered and was again charging, but I parried two quick attacks from him and ran him through with the blade of the lightsaber. And the fourth stood across from me in a fighting stance, watching my movements, looking for an opening. I turned to face him, bringing the lightsaber up, moving it back and forth, waiting for his attack. But it never came. I heard a blaster shot, saw the shot catch him under the chin, and then he fell heavily to the floor. Looking to my right, I saw the astromech with a concealed blaster extended out of a hidden compartment in its side. I ran the fourth one through, stabbing through him and the floorboards to make sure he would not get up. I then tore off a piece of my cloak and began to bandage my wound. My rage subsiding quickly and being replaced with cool logic again, the wound had become quite painful.

The droid chirped out a query.

Through clenched teeth, I answered it. “These are Sith assassins. The fact that they have been sent to kill me is quite unexpected. There are two possibilities. Someone at the Academy has it in for me or, someone is directly attempting to sabotage whatever plans Lord Traya has for this woman we seek.” I finished bandaging up the wound and looked at the droid. “Set up the comm to send an encrypted message for Master Sin only. Ensure that it cannot be skip traced.”

He chirped out an affirmative, while I checked over the bodies of the dead Sith. Nothing was to be found. They had only the clothes on their backs and their weapons. They must have been on Tatooine and received orders to be on the lookout for me. I didn’t believe they would have had a chance to alert anyone on Manaan nor send a message back to Malachor, but I would have to be on guard anyway. I dragged the bodies to the cargo hold and then made a sweep of the ship to ensure there were no more assassins. After that,  I went to the communications room.

“Are we all set, G2?”

I heard his beeping over the intercom.

“Very well.” I sent the comm to Malachor, and was rewarded with the hologram of Master Sin appearing over the console.

“Why have you disturbed me? I cannot be expected to be at  your beckon and call...”

I listened to her long diatribe, not really paying attention to it, but instead to her. Even in her anger, she had an elegance about her that I admired, not to mention her commanding presence. I guess you would say she reminded me of Revan, but perhaps even more desirable to look at.

“Well, Apprentice? What is your answer?”

I had not even noticed that she had stopped speaking so entranced with her voice had I become. “Master, I apologize for disturbing you, however, I must report that I have been attacked by a group of Sith assassins in the course of my mission.”

“Sith assassins? From here? Surely you are mistaken.”

“There is no mistake, Master. I was not able to question them before I killed them, however I assure you they are of the Trayus Academy.”

Her face became less angry and more thoughtful. “Very well, Apprentice. I will confer with Lord Traya, and will contact you soon.” Without another word, her image disappeared.

I settled in to wait for her response and thought over the battle. I'd lost my temper, like I hadn't since I was a child. The pain of the wound along with the fact of being attacked by some of our own simply caught me off guard, temporarily. Oh, yes, and my thoughts of Cariaga. She seemed to be coming to my mind more and more often lately. It appeared as though my control over my emotions was unraveling. I wasn't sure what had caused it exactly. Malachor? The time spent in hyperspace? Being on my own? Maybe all of it played a part. But it was mildly disturbing after having been in control for so long. Vaguely I wondered if my sanity might not also being slipping away. Or maybe it had been gone for some time.

I wandered off to what passed for a galley on this ship and found some food which was not quite fresh but still edible. Returning to the communications center, I resolved that when I reached Manaan, I would dine in style. It occurred to me that for years I had put my abilities at the disposal of other and almost never for my own personal gain. That vendor I'd killed on Tatooine. It'd been for the sake of the mission. Surely...

Just then the comm beeped, but instead of Cariaga, it was Lord Traya, herself.

"Apprentice, Master Sin has informed me of your situation. It was not wholly unexpected. Know that that many conspire against us, even within the Trayus Academy. You must be on your guard at all time, and the need to protect the woman is even greater. Do not fail me, Apprentice. Carry out your appointed task."

"Yes, Lord Traya. I shall be on the alert for more assassins. I shall not fail you."

"This I know, Apprentice," she said as her hologram winked out.

I got up and went to the cockpit. "G2, perhaps you could explain to me how a droid is able to 'feel' fear." I was intrigued suddenly by what he had told me earlier.

He answered with a long burst of beeps and whistles.

"Yes, I can see how going without a memory wipe for some time can lead to the development of a personality such as yours, but what does that have to do with feeling actual emotions?"

Another long burst.

"Ah, so what you're saying is that emotions are based on pre-conceived notions, conditioned responses and such. Merely warning systems or built in systems to enable one to survive difficult situations." Of course I thought it strange that I should be learning about emotions from a droid, and stranger still that it should have an easier time expressing them than I. But what did it say about the Jedi Order then? I wondered did it not occur to them that to equate peace with the lack of emotion might be an untruth. That really what they had accomplished was simply to become living droids. Real droids never need feel any emotions, and yet here was one who insisted on the necessity of them. A droid who'd broken it down into simple logic and processes of the mind. If emotions could actually come to a machine given enough time, was that not proof that they were a natural process. Did it make sense to shut off a natural process? These thoughts went through my head for the duration of the trip to Manaan. Even in my sleep, I had dreams of heated passion and wild fury.

Still, I did not wake up from any deep sleep a changed person. Upon returning to the waking world, the wall around my emotions would return immediately, and only once in awhile was I able to catch a glimpse of the other side. I would practice with the lightsaber in the cargo hold,  willing myself to see those assassins attacking me in my mind, willing myself to remember the pain of the wound which had since healed., but attempting to force the matter brought no results. Always I would lapse into my Jedi mode, and I could only be glad that Cariaga was not there to see my failures.

That wasn't entirely true, though. I did wish she was there, did actually miss her torrents of abuse, but most of all her proximity when she was attacking. The way her hair swung wildly from side to side as she fought. The way her body moved, sometimes twisting and accentuating certain features as she went through the motions of combat. Lithe and graceful, almost like a Twi'lek dancer, and yet with the full power of her uninhibited emotions for her to draw on. Oh yes, I missed her presence.

Finally, the day arrived when the droid woke me out of my sleep to inform me that we had come out of hyperspace near Manaan. I quickly used the refresher and slipped on some new clothes.  I made it up to the cockpit in time to bring us into orbit, and, having contacted the spaceport authorities, brought us into a descent to Ahto City. Upon setting down in the hangar, I shut down the engines and rose out of my chair.

“G2, see if you can’t find out anything about the Star Dust from the spaceport computers like you did on Tatooine.  Contact me on the comlink if you discover anything. I am going out to meet the locals. I will return shortly.”

I exited the ship and left the spaceport area soon coming to a Selkath behind a counter demanding a docking fee of 100 credits. A military droid stood nearby waiting to enforce the regulations. I’d also noticed holocams placed in strategic locations covering most of Ahto City at all times. The Selkath seemed a rather paranoid people.

I, of course, did not have any credits, but I did have the Force. So I concentrated as I  looked him in the eye, feeling the Force flow through me and willing it to enter into his mind. “All thoughts of me will slip from your thoughts,” I told him. I saw him begin to sway as if dizzy, and I walked away without another word. He took no more notice of me, and I moved down the ‘street’ though the city was entirely indoors.

Eventually, I found a cantina where Republic soldiers rubbed elbows with mercenaries of various races and even a few Selkath. Also in the crowd were other disreputable looking individuals. Evidently, I’d found the shady part of ‘town’. But making queries to the Quarren behind the counter brought no new information, and even probing his mind with the Force revealed nothing. It then occurred to me that I should have questioned the Selkath collecting landing fees, and so I started to leave the cantina. As I was leaving six individuals of various races including a few females came in, and the one male human amongst them bumped into me.  My thoughts were on the Selkath and how I would get the information out of him, and so I barely noticed the man.

“Oh sorry there, chummer. Didn’t see you.”

“It’s nothing. I should be more careful.” I was especially concerned with drawing any extra attention to myself after the attack by the assassins. So I merely moved through the crowd of newcomers until I reached the door.

It was just then I heard a female voice say, “Shayla, don’t tell me you weren’t looking? He had a great body.”

I turned to see a Twi’lek female amongst the group talking to a human female. Lord Traya had not even told me what race the woman was. I moved to a spot in the corner where I would be relatively unnoticed among the crowd, and watched the group settle into a booth. I stood for hours while they drank, talked and laughed. For a minute, I became envious. I realized how empty my existence was, how lacking in any type of enjoyment I’d become.

The woman, called Shayla, was beautiful, though not so pleasant to look at as Cariaga. It was likely that I was biased however, and watching her for that time reminded me of how long I’d been on that ship with only that droid for company. At some point, I heard one of the group remark that they would be in port for a couple more days, and so I withdrew from the cantina, glad to be away from the crowd.

It was growing late, I having been in the cantina much longer than I had thought. I stepped out near the rail and looked out over the ocean of Manaan, seeing the moon rising and giving it a glow. I breathed in deeply the air with it’s particular sea smell mingled with it. And then I sensed a presence behind me, and turned to face my attacker.

But it was not an attacker, only another lithe Twi’lek female in clothing which covered less of her than was to be expected with the chill in the air. “You looking for company tonight, offworlder?” she asked, smiling at me. Then she caught a glimpse of my lightsaber. "Ah, a Jedi."

"Not quite." For a split second I remembered the mission, and then I let it pass from my mind. I was looking for company, and I allowed her to take my hand and lead me back to her quarters...

Early in the morning, while it was still dark, I got out of bed and admired the sleek curves of the Twi’lek as she lie there. She rolled over in her sleep, the covers sliding off of her bare skin.  I quickly dressed knowing that I must leave immediately, otherwise I might not be able to summon the will to leave at all. The time spent with her had been an experience that had changed my life. After that I knew all that I had been missing, and I resolved then that this would be my last mission for the Sith. The mission could be delayed with good reason, but not simply abandoned unless I wished to fight an unending stream of Sith assassins for the rest of my days. And with a final admiring glance at her, I stepped outside her quarters and out into the street.

There, I was confronted by a Klatoonian and a human male. “We hear you’ve been asking about the Star Dust. That right?”

If they were threatening me, I could not let it go unanswered. “And if I was, what then?” I simply asked in return.

"You seem like somebody who takes care of business," said the other. "We need business taken care of. We need the Star Dust taken care of. We can pay for your services."

"And how did you find me?"

"We followed you here."

"Just the two of you?"

"Yeah."

"Nobody else?"

"No, why?"

In one quick move I drew my lightsaber and swung it in a wide arc cutting through both men. "Then no one will know of this place and my connection with it."

I hastened down the street back towards the cantina suspecting that the crew of the Star Dust might need assistance, and that I must give it as Lord Traya ordered. The streets were empty at this time of night, and when I reached the cantina it was closed. I looked around thinking what to do next, and then pulled out my comlink. "G2?"

He whistled a response.

"Never you mind what I've been doing. Have you been able to get into the Ahto City computers?"

The series of beeps and whistles was not encouraging.

"Well keep trying. I'm on my way to the docking bays. If you get in, find where the Star Dust is docked. They may be needing my help."

I proceeded at a quick pace through the streets and back past the now empty counter where the Selkath had been collecting landing fees. The droid was still there, but shut down. I checked the terminal behind the counter, but it was switched off and required an access key. Just then I heard footsteps and looked up to see a couple of Republic soldiers on patrol. I'd not realized earlier, but it seemed they were being entrusted with Ahto City's security. They were of no use to me, so I simply remained out of sight until they passed. Then I continued on to the docking bay. I'd just reached it when I saw an entire squad of soldiers come around the corner, escorting the woman whom the Twi'lek had referred to as Shayla.

"Where are we going?" I heard her ask, as I once more took cover.

"You are the Exile," one of them told her. "Admiral Onasi wishes to speak to you. We are escorting you to the Republic embassy. From there we will board a shuttle bound for the Harbinger which is in orbit above the planet."

"What does Onasi want with me?"

"I don't know, ma'am, but I have my orders. I'm sure the Captain of the Harbinger can tell you more when we get there."

Of course the simplest thing would have been to simply kill all the soldiers and take the girl back to my ship. But in such close quarters, I could not guarantee her safety. One stray blaster shot might be fatal, and I could not afford to fail this mission. In any event, I did not believe her to be in danger. So I remained hidden in the shadows and allowed them to pass on down the hallway, while I remained a discrete distance behind.

I trailed them through the streets and almost to the embassy itself, when I suddenly felt a stabbing  pain in my back. Almost simultaneously, I felt a sharp blow across the back of my head that sent me sprawling forward. My lightsaber slipped off my belt and slid across the street. And all around me, I saw six Sith assassins appear out of stealth.

Quickly I rolled away from the stabbing attack of one, while calling the lightsaber to my hand with the Force. I rolled backward to my feet and activated the lightsaber, the red beam illuminating the darkened street in a strange glow. Then they charged me, all at once, and I dodged and twisted, running one of them through and feeling the pain as another caught me in the leg with their force pike. As was most sensible, they formed a ring around me, waiting for my attention to waver or for an opening to present itself. The pain in my back and my leg was making it difficult to concentrate, but I held my ground. One of them from behind saw an opening where there was none, for I simply sidestepped his stabbing attack and brought my lightsaber low, cutting him down at the knees. I heard him scream, and felt a rush of exhilaration at the sound of it. Another charged me and I attempted to twist away, but it was on my bad leg, and I felt it give out underneath me, the strain to much for the injured muscles. I fell to the ground again, and only just got my lightsaber up in time to meet the charge of the assassin, and saw my blade pass through him. But the pressure I had put on my wounded leg only increased the pain, and I sat on the ground, feeling the sweat running into my eyes. I looked up at the remaining assassins, waiting for them to make their move.

And out of the corner of my eye, I saw two Republic soldiers coming to join the fray, firing their blaster rifles as they came, while the remainder dragged the girl into the embassy. Immediately one of the Sith chased after the girl, while another attacked the two soldiers.

The distraction served me well, and letting the pain gather the Force to me. The pain throbbed, and I let the Fury rise within me once again, willing it to give me strength. And unlike in the past when I had been unable to manufacture the rage, now it came to be on the heels of the pain. It filled me, and with it I felt the Dark Side as never before. I leapt to my feet, lightsaber at the ready. One Sith assassin I cut down, while the other received a elbow to the chest that knocked him down. Before he could rise, I buried the blade in his chest, and then immediately went to chase after the other two.

The door to the Embassy was open, and when I reached the inside, I could see four Republic soldiers attempting to hold off the two Sith. Behind the soldiers, I saw the woman watching, pulling out a blade of her own, and readying herself in case she should need to fight. Her calm was remarkable in the face of danger, a certain grim look overcame her face.

But moving up swiftly, I took the two Sith from behind and hacked them down. And with that the fight was over. I switched off my lightsaber and nodded at the soldiers.

"Thank you, Master Jedi."

I froze slightly at the term, and then bowed. "A Jedi's life is service," I said, looking away and then at the woman.

She was staring at me strangely.

"Without you, I don't know if we could have held those guys off. Who were they anyway?" the soldier asked me.

"I believe they were from the Exchange," I said, forming the best lie I could on the spot. "though I do not know why they would be interested in your prisoner."

"Oh, she is not a prisoner, Master Jedi. She is, Shayla Khaar,  a guest of the Republic. But we must be going now. We thank you again."

I bowed once more and looked the woman in the eye, thinking that I recognized her from somewhere. But from where, I could not recall. So I departed and made my way back to the ship.

G2 was chirping noisily when I returned.

"I will explain later. I must contact Malachor," I told him.

Moments later, the hologram of Lord Traya was before me it the comm center. "Have you done as I asked?"

"Yes, Lord Traya. It is as you suspected. Sith assassins were dispatched to kill her, but they have been destroyed, and the woman is safe. She is being transferred to a Republic vessel called the Harbinger. They have said they are taking her to meet Admiral Onasi."

"Well, done. You are an Apprentice no longer after this thing you have done. You are a Marauder now. Return to Malachor. I shall intercept the Harbinger myself and look after the woman."

"As you wish, Lord Traya."

The hologram disappeared.

Oh yes, I would be returning to Malachor, to claim that which rightfully belonged to me. Lord Traya, herself, had ended my apprenticeship, had declared me a Marauder. Now she whom I yearned for would resist me no longer.

I returned to the cockpit. "G2, plot a hyperspace course for Malachor. We are going home."

From the droid came a chirped out query.

"The mission is complete. That is all you need to know." I settled in behind the controls and lifted us out of the hangar and brought the ship up through the atmosphere, looking down on the ocean below us, now being lit by the day's first rays of light. Perhaps I would return here another time. Perhaps I would bring her with me.

Once we'd cleared the planet's gravity well, and made the jump to lightspeed, I went and used the refresher. Slipping into a fresh pair of robes, I went to my quarters and meditated. In the fight against the assassins on Manaan, I had let my Fury go for the first time, and it had boosted my control over the Force like I could not have imagined. I wondered why it'd taken me so long to understand how passion drove the Force, calling it and commanding it. Still, the lesson had been learned, and Cariaga would see that it had been learned. And for the rest of the journey, I contemplated the Sith code anew, "Through passion I gain strength. Through strength I gain power...."

When we had returned to Malachor. I immediately went to Cariaga's quarters, a brash thing to do if there ever was one. It was simply not done. Normally, one of her students met her at the Proving Grounds. So when she opened the door and saw me there, her irritation was immediate. But I was in no mood for niceties. I quickly extended a hand out towards here, using the Force to slam into her. Her body hit the wall hard, hard enough to knock an ordinary person unconscious. But she was far from ordinary.

She merely drew her lightsaber. “You will pay for that, My Apprentice. With your life.”

I drew my own lightsaber and smiled at her. “You are uninformed, Cariaga. I am no longer an Apprentice, by Lord Traya’s command. It is a Marauder you now face.”

“So be it... Marauder,” she said through clenched teeth. She came at me attacking furiously with the lightsaber in a series of movements that easily might have decapitated another, or at the very least, brought about a quick death. But I was not another, and moreover, I always knew when she was holding something back. The full force of her Fury, I had not yet seen and hoped I never would.

But my own skills were improved since our last meeting, and now a mixture of experience, the confidence expressed in me by Lord Traya and my thoughts of the woman of whom I now found myself in combat with. The female on Manaan had showed me what passion was, and I would know it again soon. So even as Cariaga drew her power in the manner she knew best, another motive was burning inside me, and her every movement merely inflamed it more.

The battle raged on for hours as we fought in her quarters, and attacks were landed by both sides, each of us showing the wounds of lightsabers, but neither of us would yield. We both drew off the pain of our wounds, further calling on the Dark Side to sustain us, but yet neither of us striking a fatal blow either. And at last, the sweat pouring down her face, the exhaustion showing in her eyes, she stepped back and stumbled ever so slightly. It was enough to throw her off balance, and she instantly pulled up her lightsaber to ward off the attack that she was coming. But I had already seized on her temporary weakness and brought the blade of my weapon through the end of her hilt. Her lightsaber destroyed in a shower of sparks, she dropped it to the ground.

Still there was a fire in her eyes that would not be dowsed even in defeat. She stood there breathing heavily, waiting for my next move. “Will you kill me now, Apprentice?” she taunted me.

I breathed in deeply and let it out slow. “Not today, Cariaga.” I turned my lightsaber off and returned it to my belt.

She looked at me suspiciously.

“But,” I continued, “you would be a fool to think you would get off with merely a broken lightsaber. Summoning the Force once again, I again extended my fingertips out at her, willing it to do me one last favor this evening. And with that, her clothes were torn asunder and fell to the floor at her feet.

She looked at me in shock, her hands moving to cover herself.

“Now you will return the favor for the lesson I have just given you in lightsaber combat,” and with that, I took her in my arms and carried her into the bedroom. And as exhausted as we were, neither of us would allow the other to sleep that night...