Are You A Hick?

Part One (Multiple Choice):

Check all that apply and give yourself one point for each "yes" answer unless otherwise noted

1)What shade is your neck :

a) Light Red (1 point)

b)Medium Red (2 points)

c)Dark Red (3 points)

2)Are you married to one of the following:

a)Your cousin (1 point)

b)Your sister (2 points)

c)Your sow (3 points)

3)Is your truck equipped with any of the following:

a)Gun Rack

b)Mud Flaps

c)Camper Top

d)8-Track

e)4-Wheel Drive

f)Flag

g)Fuzz Buster

h)Load of Wood

i)Hijacker Shock

j)Toothpick Holder

k)Mud Grip Tires

l)Air Horn

m)Spittoon

n)Mag Wheels

o)Coon Tail

p)Dual Whip Antennae

4)Do you have any of the following bumper stickers on your truck:

a)"Eat More Beaver"

b)"Honk If You're Horny"

c)"Shit Happens"

d)"As a Matter of Fact, The Road Does Belong to Me"

5)Do you like any of the following singers:

a)Elvis

b)Conway Twitty

c)Tammy Wynett

d)Box Car Willie

e)Willy Nelson

f)Don Williams

g)Hank Williams Jr.

h)The Judds

i)Johnny Cash

j)Waylon Jennings

k)Loretta Lynn

l)George Jones

6)Do you enjoy any of the following activities:

a)Coon Huntin'

b)4-Wheelin'

c)Fishin'

d)Drankin'

e)Nappin'

f)Skinny Dippin'

g)Dancin'

h)Shootin' the Shit

i)T'Backy Spittin'

7)Do you own any of the following weapons:

a)Deer Rifle

b)Bird Gun

c)Varmint Rifle

d)Log Chain

e)Tar Arn

f)Pick Handle

g)Hog Leg

h)Sawed-Off Shotgun

i)Chain Saw

8) Do you have any of these emblems on your hat(s):

a)John Deer

b)CAT

c)SKOAL

d)NAPA

e)BUD

f)COORS

9)Are you a member of any of the following:

a)VFW

b)Eagles

c)PTL

d)KKK

e)NRA

f)Moose

g)Elks

h)American Legion

10)How may times have you pissed in a toilet?:

a)Three Times (1 point)

b)Twice (2 points)

c)Once (3 points)

d)What's a toilet? (10 points)

11)Where do you commonly piss (One point for each choice checked)::

a)From the bed of my truck

b)In the sink

c)In the nearest empty beer bottle

d)Wherever I damn well please

12)Do you have any of the following:

a)BO

b)Crabs

c)Scabies

d)Runny Nose

e)Halitosis

13)Have you ever used any of the following foreplay expressions:

a)"Get in the truck, bitch."

b)"Here sheepy, sheepy."

c)"Shit, woman!! You pull..."

Part Two (Yes or No Questions)

Give yourself one point for each "yes" answer, unless otherwise noted

14)Does your wife weigh more than your pick up truck?

15)Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend? (Give yourself a point for answering "no" to this one)

16)Can you count past 10 with your shoes on?

17)Can you count past 21 with your fly up?

18)Do you know any words with more than four letters?

19)Have you ever had more than one bath in a week? (Give yourself a point for answering "no" to this one)

Part Three (Number Questions)

Give yourself the same amount of points as the number in your answer, up to ten points

20)Number of Empty Beer Cans on Floor of Truck?

21)Number of Weeks Unemployed Last Year?

22)How many cars do you have jacked up in your front yard?

22)How many appliances (Working or not) are in your front yard?

RESULTS:

100-138:

You're a hick. Might as well accept it. Why doncha take this opportunity to ask your cousin the big question you've been waitin' to ask, if you know what i mean *wink*

60-99:

You're almost a full hick, but remember: it's only a chicken. It's nothing to get too excited over

30-59

I wouldn't say you're a hick, but you're purty darn close. Avoid line dancing at all costs; It could save your life.

29-below

In no way shape or form are you a hick. You don't chase chickens and you don't love your sister in that special way. Good for you! Keep up the good work.

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