Quoteland!
These are things that I've overheard throughout life. It all started as a small attempt to document things that people said that, out of context(and sometimes in context), were, to say the least, interesting or strange. So here they are: My Quote Collection (however unsubstantial it may be...)
"I'm cute." Jeff Wachter
"Jeff is cute." Craig Christie
"Whatever does not kill ya, makes ya stronger." Derrick Craner
"Things weren't always this way, I wasn't always this cool." Buddy Fairbanks (for those of you who know Buddy, this makes perfect sense)
"To try and fail, is better than to never have tried at all." Dave Ashcraft (remarkably similar to Shakespeare's "Tis better to have loved and lost...")
"Hold on, and so, there ain't nothin' more to write 'bout and I am rotten glad of it because if I'd knowed what a trouble it was to write a book, I wouldn't of tackled it and I ain't a goin' to no more." Leif Webb (Yes, I know it's Twain. I asked Leif to give me a quote for my quote book and he said "hold on,...")
"Stop it Nate!" Carley Berkey (obviously dissapointed with me for continuing to do what I was doing)
"Thanks a lot Carley." Leif Webb (Note the heavy sarcasm in his voice...)
"Dammit Leif." Nathan Hoskins (yes, sometimes I include things I say in my quote book)
"Wake up the monkey and show him the dollar." Austin Royal
"I'm in a very numb state right now." Darin Halkides (recently misread as "dumb state...")
"Sausages are little balls of death." Angela Jones (commenting on her dislike of meat on a pizza)
"Like Duane, Steve and Josh in 20 years...very scary." Darin Halkides (If you happen to know these three, you know why this is scary...)
"No anal probing." Darin Halkides (something we all hope to have as a rule at parties...)
"I like your..." Bobby Vazaralli (though he never finished the sentence, he proceeded to look up and down who he was talking to)
"You're weird, step away." Lisa Fox (Self-explanitory)
"That is neat, did you make it?" Tammy Barday
"What's that for?" Sharon Howland
"I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to do anything about it." John Fairfeild (Someone was blocking his view of the television, but he was feeling lazy)
"You gotta learn how to be violent." Leif Webb (on John's comment)
"Walk home Jeff!" Leif Webb (I have quite a few quotes that really have no meaning. I just wrote them down at the time and so they remain in my collection)
"Hey!" Matt Fairfeild (Those that know Matt know why this is worthy of a quote)
"I told you it was cold, you fat bastard." Clint Boren (When, he finally found out the actual tempreature of the room, he told off Josh who apparantly didn't feel the cold due to his "layers of warmth".)
"You know what I need? Superhuman strength...oh wait, I already got it." Matt Fairfeild (widely known for his love of wrestling and physical violence while maintaining an air of humor about himself at all times)
"Oh my dear lord!" Matt Fairfeild and Clint Boren
"And boom! My mailbox was filled up with all this porno shit!" Matt Fairfeild (Before e-mail filtering was invented...enough said)
"Oh wait, they're in my pocket." Tammy Barday (has anyone seen my keys?)
"John's frothing at the mouth." Leif Webb (John started to get a little more violent as the night wore on)
"Holy ball sack!" John Fairfeild (Some quotes are best left without explination)
"No, don't write it yet!" Gary Bird (When asked for a quote)
"Mine." Keri Fuller (She did say, "I want you to write mine down...")
"You're a dog. That's okay, 'cause dogs bark and there's bark on a tree and trees grow in the forest and the forest is beautiful." Garrett Taylor (works best when everything from the comma onward is run into one long word)
"What's my motivation?" Nathan Hale (When asked for a quote)
"I don't mind your bony ass." Nathan Hale (I had sat on the lap of the person next to him and they complained that I had a bony rear)
"I can move this thing with my nostril." Nathan Hale (with his face against the counter, pushing objects around with his nose)
"Take a ride on the butter slide." Megan Williams
"I love you too, Nate." Keri Fuller
"He looks like God." Suzanne Papini
"Wow, Suzanne thinks I look like God." Nathan Hoskins (I was on a raised platform above the stage, overlooking everyone below me)
"Don't you know who this is?" Thomas Rinker
"Free beer wasn't the right idea." Brian Lacey (on how to get people to show up to a garage band condert)
"That's gotta be difficult, you know, having sex with a limp penis." Brian Lacey (Again, a quote best left alone)
"Does anybody want a picture of me? I feel really stupid 'cause I still have all but two." Brian Lacey
"If you want good quotes, just follow me around all day. 'Cause I'm so damn cool." Jeff Wachter (He was quite a source of good quotes, but I still never followed him around)
"What is this for?" Erin Yancey
"It's too big...I've had that problem all my life." Jeff Wachter (A good quote from Jeff)
"I knew we shouldn't have taken out the sex scene." Jeff Wachter (On a play that never had a sex scene in it)
"He told me, you're doing it so slow." Brian Lacey (Most things that Brian says are best left alone)
"I am a beautiful dog." Giovanni Cavalieri (Upon reading the earlier quote, "You're a dog, but that's okay, 'cause dogs bark and there's bark on a tree and trees grow in the forest and the forest is beautiful" from Garrett Taylor)
"Va al infierno." Jeff Wachter (In spanish means "going through Hell")
"Jigoku ni taeru." Nathan Hoskins (In Japanese means "Going through Hell")
"Okay Mr. Nate." Clint Emery (He called me this a lot, I've still to figure out why)
"Don't give me any of your horse shit." Milan Rosan
"I play what I hear in my head, minus the voices." Leif Webb (On how he comes up with basslines to play)
"Well, if you need it, I have a shower and lots of cold water." Leif Webb (commenting on the amount of horny teens that seemed to flock to his house for parties. Note: we were teens at the time as well)
"Thanks mom, you wanna lick my face while you're at it?" Jenni Major (the glory of going to a community college is that children and their parents can attend the same classes. Jenni's mother happend to notice a smudge of something on Jenni's cheek and proceeded to lick her thumb and try to remove the mark)
"I would like some chicken 'cause I'm a vegetarian." Keri Fuller (She was playing a character and forgot that vegetarian means no meat, not just no red meat)
"You dumb bastard..." Milan Rosan
"I don't want any more, my stomach is getting all fat." Kelly Wheeler (possibly one of the thinnest people I know, having drank about half of a soda, handed it to me and asked if I wanted the rest)
"And every once in a while, Darin puts in his little piece." Erin Yancey (You had to be there)
"It's like putting socks on an octopus." Dean Munroe (On the difficulty of teaching problem students)
"It's all kind of nuts hard to swallow." Andy Hoskins (A jewel from my brother...)
"I'll be there...unless the aliens kidnap me again." Amal Patel
"Life's a shit; you never know what you are going to get until it comes out." Andy Hoskins (Another jewel from the bro' man)
"Pork." Pep Fernandez (Again, you had to be there)
"Normally I have a pocket there." Dave Watkins (His shirt lacked a pocket on the chest)
"And then I usually go to the bathroom and blow chunks." Pep Fernandez
"It's all fucked up." Lee Lynch (one of the very few things I ever heard him say...)
"Any man who soils himself is okay in my book." Darin Gendron (Better left alone as well)
"I'm so scared, I'm going to urinate and defecate in my drawers." Joseph (Pep) Fernandez
"Greaser" Michelle Barber
"Now all I need is a zuchinni in my pants." Corey Wheeler (On how similar he could possibly be to Tom Jones)
"Woo Hoo!" Kerrie Jones (Which should actually be credited to Homer Simpson, but she made me write it down as hers...)
"It's like putting radiation in a box." Carley Berkey
"That's about as neglected as Quazimodo at a Sadie Hawkins Dance." Sam (From "Sam and Max", the cartoon show)
"I tried to stop the ass before it came out of my mouth." Corey Wheeler (He was saying something and tried to change it it mid-sentence, making what he said very bizarre indeed)
"I don't say stupid things very often... you and I know that isn't true." Corey Wheeler (See his previous and further quotes)
"If we were the Starship Enterprise, I would be Scotty." Owen Smith (On the way things work at the college's theater)
"Go fear-ward." Dean Hinshaw (On how a person should lead their life.
"Today, I feel like the most inadequate man on this earth." Dave Watkins
"That boy is tan all over, isn't he?" Nathan Hoskins (I walked in on my roommate and her boyfriend...)
"She's dumb... or I am." Amy Pecis
"Is that enough? Or should we go all the way?" J.T.Wheeler
"The only time I will take a picture is when I will be able to use it for the good of the person in it." Rick Rocamero (Sometimes I include quotes that aren't that strange. Sometimes I include just all around good quotes.)
"Baby, I wanna make like Winnie the Pooh and get my nose stuck up in your honey pot." Unknown (From a Sat. Night Live Sketch)
"You would be cold too if you had worn your bare legs." Cindy Williamson (No, she didn't think before she spoke...)
"What's so wrong with people having a little fun with some giant carnivores?" Stephen Colbert (From "The Daily Show")
"Mind control is cool!" Judy Wall-Crump
"I don't think I want that man straddling me." Michelle Barber
"Where did the huge limp penis come from?" Michelle Barber (On learing the defenition of "Dork" is a whale penis...)
"It felt really good; it made me all tingely." Katie Thomas
"That guy is just a head sex machine." Erin Yancey
"Lyra knows sex when she hears it." Erin Yancey
"I can't help but notice that we all kind of dance like the Muppets." Nathan Hoskins (On the way white people dance in cars... maybe you had to be there... nevermind...)
"Ya gotta get it up, get it on, get it off, and get goin'." Jason Lombard (On sex ettiquite for the average male)
"I can't put the whole thing in my mouth, what're you thinkin'?" Melissa McCauley (It was about food, I swear)
"Lick it yourself." Corey Wheeler (Not about food...)
"I'm really hairy though." Michelle Barber
"This is what happens when I write when I'm in heat." Michelle Barber (On how hard it is writing for the college paper in Spring)
"You're like that bubble wrap stuff." Leslie Harroun (On the way I pop my gum in class)
"Dude man" Angela Jones
"It manipulated your scrotum to look like lips." Darin Halkides (While he wasn't talking to me, I was one of three people that actually heard that phrase)
"Oh, there you are..." Leif Webb (you had to be there)
"There's always room for 'jello'." Nathan Hoskins (I don't think I want to explain this one, I like it where people just wonder what I was actually refering to...)
"you're going a little far with the asshole here." Leif Webb
"Don't people ever randomly touch you?" Nathan Hoskins
"You're not going to get any out of that end." Leif Webb (On the proper way to drink a soda from a bottle)
"Do you know where to put it?" John Sadyk
"I like a big chunk of white space every now and then." Katie Thomas (On how to lay out a page in journalism)
"Hey! Don't show him the hole in your crotch!" Darin Halkides (Yelling at his girlfriend to not show me that her pants were torn)
"I wish I had a little two inch Tick." Darin Halkides (Don't we all...)
"You just gotta want to do it more than you're scared." Dennis Ambriz (I love this quote.)
"She just wants me to live with her so I can pop her axle." Leif Webb (If you hang out with anyone for long enough, they eventually say something that is strange and interesting and frightening all at the same time)
"I'll put in my armpit to make it warm and soft again." Darin Halkides (I believe it was a cold hard gummybear that he was talking about. I'm also fairly certain that he didn't actually put it in his armpit.)
"You're the mountain man type." Kelly Wheeler (Quite possibly the strangest way I've ever been described)
"You're both good enough to play with me." Jessica Lawson
"I wish there was a young sexy japanese Joe Polen out there waiting for me." Erin Yancey (Polen is the astronomy teacher at Shasta College and happens to be a really cool guy. Erin likes japanese guys...and Mr. Polen...)
"If (my wife) does die, I won't be sad because I know that I can always go outside and look at the stars and see her." Joe Polen (Just a sample of how cool he is)
"What am I? A comet?" Jessica Lawson
"It's pretty funny, isn't it, glass brain?" Leif Webb (hmmm....I'll leave it at that.)
"Will you blow my copter?" Leif Webb
"I wish I had a piece of meat like yours." Leif Webb (Out of context, a great quote. When talking about stew and how I recieved a larger chunk of meat than him, not as good)
"You made me squeal." Leif Webb (Jessica poked him. Conicedentally, everything from Jessica's question of wheter or not she was a comet all the way to this quote were all in the span of about ten minutes.)
"Do you want me to spooge on you?" Melissa McCauley (For the watersports enthusiast, this actually makes sense)
"Some people look at jerkey and ask, 'why?' I look at jerky and say, 'mmm, jerky'." Johhny Bravo (Yes, from the cartoon Johhny Bravo)
"And I'm a beautiful young lady." Leif Webb (RPG gamers sometimes say the greatest things)
"I was just staring between the two of you and thinking about wrestling." Steve Petty (enough said)
"Three hours of that would make my day." Leif Webb (I'm not really sure what he was talking about...)
"She had me try it the first time I went up there, but I didn't get any until the second time." Nathan Hoskins (It was in reference to Annie's Pasta. For those of you who have never had this brand, you are missing out.)
"Just because it's not natural doesn't mean there aren't places you shouldn't put it." Mike Crocker (I agree)
"It's all gooey and yummy." Alison Miller (She was talking about quiche)
"Don't mind me while I straddle you." Mike Crocker (Had he said, 'stand over' instead of 'straddle' it wouldn't have been as funny)
"The day they don't make fun of you is the day they don't give a damn about you." Sammy Davis Jr. (A true lesson in life)
"Thanks for holding my hair back while I puke." Jessica Lawson (What are friends for?)
"Start chirping bitch." Jana Pulcini (Crickets are wonderful to listen to, when they chirp)
"I don't know what it is; it might be that pale face, that old man hair, or that hump, but I find you very sexually attractive right now." Adrionah Hodges (Morgan was in full costume as Riff Raff for The Rocky Horror Show at Shasta College and Anah was teasing him about the way he looked)
"If you're going to climb a mountian, you need to decide beforehand if you're prepared to die on it." Bob Statham
"Whatever you are afraid of will happen." Rudy Revak
"Beware of what you become in pursuit of what you want." Rudy Revak
"It's like foot flirting." Kyle Silliman-Smith
"I do too have tits. Just ask Nate. He was fondling them all night long." Wendy Miller (A quote I would love to explain, but I think is better without explaination. For the record, I was asleep...)
That's it for now. I'll add more as I get them. And I'll also try to organize them better somehow.
HOME
