Chapter 8
I spent my last night of my summer vacation on my rooftop writing poems. Love poems. But not love poems representing my love for my love.
Normally, on a night like this, Taylor wouldv'e been with me on that rooftop, trying to think of a melody out of my poems. And when he did, he wouldv'e sang them to me.
A tear trickled down my cheek. And for two reasons. I loved him so much that it hurt to think about it, yet, sometimes, I had no idea why I was crying. Maybe for the sake of it, I wouldn't know my emotions that well, all I know is how sensitive they are. It wouldn't be because I loved him so much, it would be because of something else.
Another tear swam down my face. Why am I so emotional and abnormal right now? I thought.
More tears dribbled down my cheek, stinging my sunburned areas.
"Kim, stop crying. Why are you crying anyway? You're so idiotic sometimes. He'll be home in a few days." I said to myself.
I wasn't necessarily crying because of Taylor, but because I really needed to be with him at that very moment. My feelings inside wanted to burst into my legs and have me jump off of my rooftop and into his window.
And then a power came over me. I stopped crying, my energy died down, and my emotions disintegrated.
What was I to do? At times, I thought the passion died altogether. More than I felt that I needed him to feed my hungry lips yearning to be brushed upon by his comforting kisses.
But what outweighed what? Did I want to keep dating him, or was it too hard to keep this going that I had to break-up with him?
Life is just too hard.
"Choco-latte, choco-latte, choco-latte." I chanted as I stood in front of the arctic freezer at the local 7-11, trying to locate a container of "choco-latte" ice cream.
"Dammit, where's that stupid chocolate and coffee ice cream?" I muttered out loud.
"Bzzzzzt." said a voice as they put their fingers to my head, sending a vibration throughout my body.
"Taylor, if you were going to scare me, the least you couldv'e done was-" I started to say.
"I'm not Taylor." said the same voice, only this time I could make out that it was much deeper.
"Isaac!," I gasped, turning around, "what's up?"
"Just getting a magazine and some juice for the house, but I think Zac will finish it before tomorrow." he replied.
"What do you mean?"
"He came down with a sore throat yesterday."
"Oh, I'm sorry, what from?"
"I think it may have been caused by encouraging audiences to scream as loud as they could and he himself was singing too loud." he explained.
"Hmmm, I guess that's understandable."
We went to the cashier and purchased our products. I had to get home soon so that the ice cream wouldn't melt, and melt into my backpack.
"Do you want a ride home?" he asked as we walked outside.
"No, you don't have to. I'll be fine."
"Because, I'd be more than happy to."
"Could I put my bike in the trunk?"
"Sure. I'll help you put it in here."
"You know, he can't stop talking about you." Isaac piped up.
"Who?" I asked, dazed.
"Who? Taylor. Who'd you think?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, all I almost ever hear is, "Mom, Kim and I are going out. See ya." or, "Dad, can Kim stay for dinner?" or, "Would it be okay if Kim and I did so-and-so?" You know, stuff like that. It's like your his obsession object or something."
"I'm sorry. My brain's too confused to think. I have a report due next Friday, can you believe that? And so soon, too."
"Really?" "Yeah."
Isaac pulled up into his driveway. "Thanks, Isaac." I said, and walked my bike next door.
"Kim. Kim, wait up." called a voice, belonging to Taylor.
My heart started to jump, and my breathing rate increased. My emotions stayed put. "T-Taylor, hi." I greeted.
"Hey." I walked the bike into my garage.
"Taylor, come with me." I said, and took his hand like a mother would take her child and led him inside and up to my room.
I locked my door behind us and came onto him with a full-on passionate embrace.
"Taylor, kiss me. Kiss me like you wouldn't imagine doing."
He stood there and stuttered like a complete idiot. I waited for a response, but decided to continue.
"Taylor, all we have is this one moment in time. I will give you anything, anything you could possibly imagine receiving from me. Anything." I whispered.
"Anything."
"Anything but sex. There's no way I'll commit to something crazy and stupid like sex right now. I will give you anything and everything you want. Not sex, but anything."
"Anything but sex." he repeated.
I kissed his neck. "You got that right, anything." I whispered.
I let him take over. He tucked one of his legs behind both of mine and laid us down on the bed. Ruffling each other's hair, our mouths stayed locked. Tighter, those kisses became. And then lighter. Tighter, lighter, hotter, softer, harder.
Off with his shirt God, sometimes it made me sick to think he was just skin and bones. But did that matter now? No. Nothing mattered, only except for the fact that he right then lifted my arms up and pulled my shirt over my head.
He ran his hands over my stomach. "God, have you lost weight?" he asked.
"Ten pounds, and I grew another inch." I continued to kiss him.
"You look so good." he gasped. Then he brought his lips to my stomach and kissed it, making his way up my chest and to my neck, where he started sucking and biting.
"Anything but sex, ohhhh." I said, and moaned.
"I know. Anything but sex." he said, his hands clinging to my waist and thighs.
Slowly, I wrapped my legs around his body. As I cradled him, he started moving up against me.
At mid-kiss, I let go of his mouth. I had to stop. What we were doing didn't feel right. At least, not for me.
"Kim, what's wrong?" Taylor asked, and stopped to ruffle my hair.
"Taylor....I want to end this." I whispered breathily.
He leaned down and kissed my mouth. I got a hold of his back and repeated his move. Dammit no, stop.
"Taylor, no. I want to stop this now." I said, and gently pushed him off of me.
"Well." he said, and got up and leaned against my desk.
I stared at the ground. "Do you, um, want to go for a walk?" I asked.
"Yeah, sure." he said, and we interlocked hands and fingers as we walked out the front door.
"Kim, are you okay? You're awfully quiet." he asked.
"I'm fine." I replied quietly, and turned away from his gaze.
We came to a bench in the park. I stared at it for a moment. Kim, it's now or never. Don't make it harder than it already is. I thought.
"Taylor, sit down," I declared, "I need to talk to you."
We sat. "What is it?" he questioned.
"You know we said to each other that we can tell each other anything, right?" "Yeah." "Well, this time, I'm afraid to tell you something now, but I really need to tell it to you. I'm just afraid that I'm going to hurt you." "What are you saying? You can tell me, it's alright."
"No, it's not alright. Taylor, I hate to do this to the both of us, and trust me, this would be the last thing in the world I'd want to do, but I want.....I want to break up with you."
He paused as his face fell.
"What? Why?" "Taylor, I love you too much to do something retched like this. But it isn't fair to me that you're gone a lot, and it isn't that fair to you, too. I want to break up with you because of that and I don't want to ruin the powerful friendship that we hold together. I would be devestated if we lost that. Taylor, this is for the better."
"Why now? Why can't we go on for a little bit more?" he asked.
"Taylor, this is harder on me than it is you. I still want to be the best of friends, and I love you, a lot; don't start thinking I don't because it isn't true, and it never will be. It's better for us that we stay friends and not go out. Trust me." I finished.
He kissed my cheek with a little exaggeration. "I don't want to accept this, but since you want it this way, I trust you and I believe you. It's going to take time to get used to." he replied.
"Come on, let's go home." I said.
With a sad past, and a bright and hopefully positive future ahead, I hope to accomplish more than friendly smiles and breaking hearts.
You must be crazy to think the story's finished. There's a whole bunch to look forward to......