Dear Diary, 1-10-97
You know how you have that pit in your stomach? That feeling where you have a secret, but it isn't kind of a secret, and you blurt it to someone, and that secret knid of had to deal with that person, but you also ruin that one something that they wanted for themself? I know it's confusing, but I am the most confused, but not because of what happened. I don't know why I'm confused, that is why I am confused.
Anyway, that's how I felt when I told Taylor about Jeff, my boyfriend. I mean, we were just walking and talking earlier this afternoon. Out of the blue, he takes my hand and holds it in his. That's when I blow it. And to top it off, him and Jeff are good friends...."
I thought about calling Jeff, but then I thought against it, and then I wasn't in the mood to talk to him. I wanted to call Jen, but I also thought, "Nah, I'll see her tomorrow in school."
I figured, "Well, if Tay likes me..., wait a sec, does he like me?"
Why am I jumping to conclusions so fast? I thought, and observed his actions. Sudden shyness, although he has always been shy, more blushing, but that is natural to him, and hand-holding! Plus, the disappointment on his face when he found out about Jeff. "Oh, gosh, he probably does like me,doesn't he?"
Well, I can't help if I have a boyfriend who's friend is my best friend. And if Taylor doesn't like that, he's just going to have to accept the fact that he can't have what he wants right now. Great, I jumped to conclusions again.
I went to close the shades on my window, when I spotted Ike. I mouthed to him, "Where's Tay?"
He disappeared, then came back and brought Taylor with him to the window. I put a pretend phone to my ear.
"KimBo, are you there?" he asked through his walkie-talkie, transferring to mine.
"Are you there, Tayles?" I asked back.
It's silly, we all have nicknames for each other. I'm KimBo, Ike is Ikey, Zac is Prozac, and Taylor is Tayles. Yeah, yeah, they are original names.
"I'm here, what's up?" he asked. "I just wanted to say good-night." I said.
I heard some "awww"'s in the background. "Shut up!" I yelled to them, and giggled. "See you later." Tay said, and threw his walkie-talkie down, turning away from my glance.
I stood there in dismay as their lights went out. I put down my shade, and turned out the lights, turning on my stereo, playing soft Beethoven music to help me fall asleep.
"Jenny!" I cried to my friend, Jen, as I saw her walking down the halls. She hates being called Jenny, and I quote, "It's too baby."
"KimBee!" she cried back. I hate that name, and I quote myself, "Too many Spelling Bee memories."
"Girl, what did you do to your hair?" I asked, tossing it around.
"I high-lighted blonde streaks in it." she said.
"Oh, man, it looks so...yeah."
"Are you still on that "yeah, um yeah" phase?"
"Um, yeah!" I said, to annoy her, giggling.
She just shook her head and smiled. "So, how are you and Jeff?"
"Jeff and I, I think we're starting to get more serious. It's not like, "Oh, hello," a kiss, then "come over later, bye." type of thing; more like a, "c'mon, let's go further" type of thing."
"Woah, how far have you gone with him?"
"Well, I mean, not exactly "c'mon let's go further", but almost near there."
"Hmmm."
"The Hanson's came back yesterday." I spoke up.
"Really, how are they?"
"Antsy, but kind of exhausted, in a way." I said, drifting off in my own world.
"Kim? Kim? Hello, where are you? Are you okay? What's wrong?"
I thought. "Well, they're all doing great. Then Tay and I go for a walk, and as we're talking, he takes my hand, and I tell him I'm with Jeff, and, he just practically ignores me for the rest of the afternoon."
"Oh, a broken heart." "What do you mean?" "Well, it's obvious he liked you, and now, he hasn't a chance."
"Maybe he does." I muttered.
"Excuse me?" Jen asked.
I dragged Jen into the bathroom. "Jen, promise not to tell?" I asked. "Promise." "I kind of like Taylor." I whispered. "But you're with Jeff." "I know, it's kind of hard, I mean, I really, really like Jeff, but a piece of me like Taylor also. I mean, he's changed a lot, you know?"
"Yeah, Kim, it's called puberty."
"Jen, you idiot, I mean he's so much more sincere and mature."
"Yeah, well, I don't know what to tell you." We left the bathroom for homeroom. Little did we know that a slutty gossiper overheard us, the one who steals others boyfriends.
"Well, well, well, won't Jeff be happy about this." asked Naomi, that bitch.
As days turned into weeks, February rolled around and the Hanson's were off again to film a viewing of the "Jenny McCarthey" show, and a music video on their song, "MMMBop" in Los Angeles.
Pretty soon, March came around, and before we knew it, our 14th time around the sun came. We had a party at his house, one of which Taylor managed to squeeze two dances with me, one for the "Birthday Spotlight" where the birthday person chooses someone to dance with him/her alone, but since it was our birthday, it was just us, and one dance for fun, where Taylor and I were being a teeny bit friendly, and I was glad that Jeff wasn't jealous.
Finally, after the longest day of my life, all grades were handed out, excitement filled the air, and I finally graduated from our little middle school.
As for the Hanson's, their year just began. After their Paramus appearance, Regis and Kathie Lee, Today Show, David Letterman, and who knows how many MTV gigs, press conferences and interviews, they had a lot to look forward to.
I could see it and feel it that this was going to be one summer that won't be forgotten. Changes were everywhere, a lot were being thrown in our faces, yet still, who knew? One word can only describe what happened: Taylor.
