Yeah, Right...
Chapter 16: Breathe
Lance was sure one of his neighbors was going to call the police if he made another circle around the block. But, even after the sixth time he couldn't bring himself to park in front of his looming house. He knew JC was home. The house had been completely dark, save a dull flickering light coming from his bedroom window. That single light had dampened all the courage he thought he had built up at the park. He couldn't go inside. He made his seventh loop around the block.
“Shit.” Lance swore as he caught glimpse of his gas gauge. Bone-dry. From the looks of it, it had been that way since about the fourth circle. He managed to ride on air until he reached his house again, he had no choice but to park. He was nearly certain JC heard the engine come to a rumbling halt, and almost completely certain he saw the curtain open and a darkened form watch him as he meticulously went through each step of shutting the car down: turning the lights off, the radio, taking as much time as possible.
“Diane, what is it? Was he hurt seriously?” Jim’s deep voice neared a panicky tone as he sat down in the passenger seat.
“No, thank God.” Diane sighed.
“Jim, its nothing like that. I don't think its necessarily a bad thing.”
“What?” Jim urged her to continue.
“Well...Lance is gay, Jim.”
“Oh.” Diane saw her husband’s brow furrow, like he was concentrating on this bit of information, taking it in, trying to understand.
“Jim..” Diane put her hand on top of her husbands.
“Yeah.” He said quickly, startled.
“Its not abnormal you know. Its going to be fine. It is fine.” She assured her husband.
“ I know. You're right..” He looked up, smiling. He believed her.
By the time Lance reached the front door what little of his clothing had dried was wet again. His shoes squeaked with each step on the polished wood floors.
JC heard footsteps treading along the plush carpet of the hallway leading into his room. For the past few moments, between Lance parking and now, he had been attempting to configure a perfect speech in his mind. Trying desperately to practice a lengthy symphony of words that would woo Lance. Of course the only words he could come up with were as clear and simple as lullaby. I love you. The door to the bedroom creaked open.
Shit. JC stood frigid in his position in front of the window. He prayed silently for some sort divine intervention, if just this one time, God would send him a miracle.
Lance stood in front of him now. Wet. Shivering. But trying not to show it. Anger flared in his eyes. But, his body remained calm. All the music JC had been wishing for turned out to be whole rests and half rests. Nothing. Silence clung like the humidity in the air: sticky, warm, and thick.
“...Lance...” JC’s choked whisper, the only sound he could create, shattered the silence.
“No, JC.” Lance ran his hand through his damp hair, “I don't have the energy, JC, not tonight.” Lance spoke truthfully. He wanted a bath and he wanted his bed. He moved further into the bedroom and flickering candlelight.
JC blinked when Lance’s face was illuminated, making the bruises and dried blood visible.
“Shit, Lance.” JC nearly sobbed, as he involuntarily reached upwards to comfort him. Lance scowled and took a step backwards.
“You're too late, JC.” Lance walked past him and to his dresser drawer to fish out a pair of loose and comfortable pajamas, leaving JC standing in a static pose, staring at the spot where Lance had been
This has to stop. JC thought quickly.
“Stop.” JC abruptly turned to Lance.
“Stop what exactly, JC? I’m going to take a shower, because I smell, I’m cold and because I’m hurt; then I’m going to bed because I’m tired. You don't approve of any of those things, JC?”
JC couldn't say anything, all the words he wanted to say fumbled around in his mind in a incoherent heap. So he said the only thing he could.
Lance stared at him expectantly, waiting for a response.
“I love you.” JC muttered so quietly Lance nearly believed it was his own willful thoughts combined with the storm speaking, not JC.
A deafening telephone ring cut the scene short.
“Hello?” Lance stammered.
“Lance? Where the hell have you been?”
“Out.”
“Out? Jesus, Lance you scared the shit out of me and your father. We were about to call the police.” Diane tried to sound angry, but her relieved tone shone through.
“I figured. That's why I came home.”
“Well, don't leave.”
“I wont.” Lance groaned.
“How’s JC? He was really worried. He told me about what happened. You know, he felt awful.”
“I’m sure.”
Diane let it rest at that. “Well, Lance, your father and I never ate dinner, so we’re going to hop over to Kerbey Lane Cafe.”
“Fine.”
Diane figured that whatever was going on between JC and Lance they needed to settle themselves, and it would be better if they weren't there.
“Bye, Lance.” Diane sighed.
“Bye, mom.”
The soft click of the receiver had never been so loud. Both stood silent in the room. Finally, Lance spoke.
“What?” He started heavily.
“What exactly are you trying to do to me, JC? Telling me that kind of bull shit is not going to make me want to be your friend again. You made your choice, JC, when you stayed in that locker room. You decided then that things would never be the same between us....I just need time, JC. I need a shower.” Lance groaned and began to walk towards the door, but when he passed JC, he felt his arm being pulled back, stopping him.
Lance spun around quickly, already overdefensive from the fight earlier that day, his first reaction was to hit. He swung his fist powerfully and felt his knuckles sting as they connected with JC’s chiseled jaw-line. JC grunted and faltered, balancing himself on Lance’s bed.
“Shit, Lance.” JC groaned, rubbing his jaw. Now Lance stood, completely frozen, waiting for the inevitable blows.
JC stood up straight and walked steadily over to Lance. Lance willed his legs to move, he didn't think he could endure a second beating, but they remained planted.
JC stopped inches away from Lance.
“I probably deserved that.” JC spoke softly.
Lance opened his eyes, he didn't even realize he had been squinting shut in anticipation.
JC finally got a good look at Lance, he gritted his teeth as he scrutinized each bruise and small cut on his face. He couldn't decide if he wanted to scream or cry. He controlled both urges.
“Lance...” JC uttered softly. He reached up, tentatively brushing his fingers against Lance cheek and skimming down to his bruised jaw.
The touch burned Lance’s skin, and winced and pulled away.
“God, Lance, I’m so sorry.” JC gave way to the tears.
Lance didn't know what to say, even if he did, JC didn't give him any time to reciprocate before beginning again.
“I’m sorry.” Breathe. “I’m sorry I wasn't there when Justin beat you up. I’m sorry I didn't help you in the locker room afterwards. I’m sorry that I've been such an-” his voice faltered and he took a small step even closer to Lance, who stood completely still, listening intently, “-an asshole to you.”. When he continued, Lance could feel his warm, tangy breath tickling his face, “I’m sorry--”
“Jayce..” Lance cut him off, he couldn't take anymore, he had long since forgiven him for any little thing he had ever done wrong. But JC continued, he was determined to finish what he had started.
“I’m sorry I didn't do this sooner.” JC leaned in quickly before Lance had time to think about what was happening or pull away and captured his lips in an innocent kiss. A kiss so smooth, Lance would've sworn it never happened except he could feel the intense warmth that it brought to his lips, that traveled quickly, blushing his cheeks, and warming the rest of his body, until he forgot that he had just previously been cold and wet.
Lance didn't pull away; he didn't get angry. JC hoped.
“Lance-”
Lance felt cool again and opened his shut eyes slightly to realize that the kiss had ended, but now he felt warmth around his waste, where JC’s hands rested.
“I love you, Lance.” JC declared for the second time that night. Lance’s breath caught in his throat and he thought he might suffocate before he reminded himself to inhale. Breathe.
“..I..” Lance didn't know what to say. He just couldn't find words to describe what he was feeling.
“You don't have to say anything Lance, however you feel is okay. I mean, I would understand if you didn't like me. But, Lance, aside from these past few days, I’ve never been so happy to be around anyone, ever. I never would've been so strong if it weren't for you. I had to tell you, Lance, I don't want to screw things up again.”
Lance eyes were wide open now and his hair was glowing blond in the candlelight, and despite the bruises, he looked perfect, God-sent.
“God,” JC exhaled, “you are so beautiful, Lance.”
Breathe.
“I--wow..JC, wow..” Lance was trying to register everything that just happened.
“Shh..I told you, you don't have to say anything.” JC’s hand shifted and Lance took a sharp breath in as his thumb pressed into a bruise.
“Oh, god, I’m sorry.” JC removed his hand as quickly as though is had been shocked.
“Stop saying that.” Lance looked at him. Lance lifted up the end of his shirt to inspect the bruise on his stomach. It was a very dark shade of blue already.
“Let me see.” JC pulled up the bottom of Lance’s shirt a little higher, revealing another, smaller bruise on his rib-cage.
“Jesus. I’m gonna fucking kill him.”
“No, you're not.” Lance looked down at him.
“Take your shirt off.” JC instructed and Lance obeyed, wincing when the rough material slid along his bruises. When Lance stood bare-chested, JC could make out several more bruises on his chest and shoulders, marring Lance’s cream skin. JC reached out, delicately pulling Lance into an embrace.
“I’m sorry.” JC sobbed into Lance’s cool neck.
“I told you to stop saying that.” Lance chided playfully.
Lance shivered as he felt JC’s heated lips making a delicate trail of kisses up his neck, pausing on his Adams apple and jaw, kissing, even more delicately, a bruise there. Lance let out a low moan as he let his hands travel up JC’s back, neck and tug at his thick strands of brown hair. Lance’s lips felt that warmth again as JC’s lips reached his own, kissing feathery light around the edges at first, before kissing them directly, he sucked gently on Lance’s bottom lip, and Lance opened his mouth slightly, letting his tongue touch JC’s.
JC decided Lance had a sweet taste, almost citrusy, like an orange. He massaged his tongue with his own. Lance shuddered, when he realized what was happening. And it was perfect. The once sweet kiss, became passionate as they grasped each other tightly, closing any space between their bodies. JC’s fingers moved tenderly across his chest, careful for bruises. Even if he did touch one, Lance was oblivious to everything that wasn't JC. JC didn't know Lance’s lips has left his until he felt Lance’s mouth on his neck, nipping gently at the smooth skin, eliciting a small groan.
“Lance, I have a perfect idea.” JC cooed sweetly into his ear.
“Wait, Diane. You think those boys beat up our son because he’s gay.” Jim questioned.
“Well, that's what I’m assuming. I guess we won’t know for sure until Lance comes to us. Jim, I want him to tell us. I don't want to have to force something like this out of him.”
“I agree.” Jim nodded.
“Listen, it could've just been a normal guy fight. But, I dunno, I just doubt that.” Diane sighed,
“From what JC told me, it happened in the boys locker room, and Lance looked pretty bad afterwards. But, when I talked to him he seemed like he would be fine.”
“Diane, if that's why they beat him up. I’m gonna kill that Timberlake kid.” Jim didn't look like he was joking at all.
“I’ll be right behind you, honey.” Diane added dryly before taking a large gulp of coffee.
Lance had found more candles and brought them into his room, giving the room a little more light. Meanwhile, JC had taken the flashlight and was in the bathroom, gathering ‘supplies’ as he had said. Lance was under strict orders to lay down as soon as he finished lighting the candles. He laid down on his back , which had a lot less bruises, on the top bunk and stared up at the ceiling.
He couldn't believe this. How everything had worked out. He had no idea. The beginning of today and the end just didn't flow at all. But he wasn't about to complain. He was grateful that JC couldn't see his face when he reentered the bedroom, he was sure he had the cheesiest of grins gracing his lips.
“Lance?” JC called, softly. Something about the mood of the night and the storm made it seem out of place to talk louder than above a whisper.
JC climbed steadily up the ladder, supplies in hand.
“What’re you going to do?” Lance asked as he felt the bed give a little under the weight of JC.
“Soothing creams and a towel.” JC winked. “This should make you feel better than any pounding shower.”
Lance smiled again. “Whatever.”
JC slid up the bed, until he was sitting near Lance’s chest.
He brought the warm wash-cloth up to Lance’s face and began to rub gently at one of the cuts, cleaning it carefully.
“Tell me if this hurts, okay?” Lance nodded. But, he didn't feel any pain. JC continued to use the warm towel to massage Lance chest and arms, when he reached his hips he stopped.
“Let me take these off.” he pointed at Lance’s pants. “You’ll be more comfortable that way.”
Lance nodded in agreement. JC sucked in a breath as he slid the pants down Lance’s body.
“You are so beautiful.” he sang sweetly into Lance’s ear, as he reached up and planted a feathery kiss onto his lips. Lance smiled up at him and JC reached for the cream. He took a glob of it and placed it on his fingers then rubbed it soothingly into Lance’s skin.
“How does that feel?”
“Tingly.” Lance answered.
“Good or bad?”
“Good.” Lance decided. The cream felt cool at first, but the it warmed and completely relaxed his skin.
“Good.” JC nodded and took more and rubbed it slowly into Lance body.
Lance closed his eyes and absorbed the feeling of the cream and JC’s caresses. Without knowing it Lance began to hum, lowly, in pleasure.
“Sing for me.” JC begged, his nose nuzzling Lance’s neck, while his hand continued to caress his chest. Lance began to sing the first song that came to his mind, which was also the first song he ever sang to JC. He wasn't as confident singing acapella, but he began My Funny Valentine anyway.
JC closed his eyes and took in every note that left Lance’s lips, every swagger and dip his voice made. JC memorized its sultry, smooth, cool, deep and sexy tone. Never wanting it to end. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.
“More.” JC pleaded when Lance finished. As long a JC was rubbing the cream into him, tantalizingly slow, Lance complied, starting over.
The song finally ended when JC had put the cream aside and brought his lips to his, yet again, hoping to capture a piece of the music the Lance was making and keep it inside of his soul for only him to hear whenever he wanted.
“Josh-” Lance didn't really know why he said that, it just felt right. JC seemed to agree too, because he didn't protest.
“Hmmm?” JC peered down at Lance, adoringly.
“I love you, too. I didn't tell you before. But I want you to know that I do.” JC didn't say anything, but Lance was sure that his eyes were swelling with tears, but JC didn't give him time to determine for sure before pressing his velvety lips up against his again. This time, he moved quickly away from his mouth and began, so lightly, kissing around Lance’s bruised eye, then moving down to the bruise on Lance’s jaw, and kissing it so gently, it felt like it was merely a light breeze tickling Lance's skin, not JC’s smooth lips.
JC continued his way down, kissing not only his bruises but every part of Lance, not wanting to leave one single spot untasted. Lance, didn't think he could form words anymore, but he continued humming the melody to their song.
Lance didn't know exactly when he slipped out of one dream world and into another. He didn't know when the kisses stopped, or if they ever did. Or when his song had finally decrescendoed into silence. He woke up and felt warmth kissing his body, he thought maybe JC hadn't ever stopped, before realizing that part of the warmth was due to a sleeping JC, curled tightly into Lance's side, his arm draped over his bare chest. The other warmth was provided by the sun that was peeking through the curtains, ushering out the storm and bringing in a clear morning sky.