When I woke up the next morning Justin was gone. I sighed and got up out of bed. The tiny alarm clock read 9:34am. I walked around the room, and ended up at the mini bar. All that was inside were a few beers, a can of Pepsi, and a candybar. I ate the candybar, and then consumed a can of beer. I knew it was too early to be drinking, but I wasn't a Pepsi person. Besides, I told myself I was used to the gentle buzz I got from it, so it wasn't horrible, as I had first perceived it to be. I threw on some new clothes that I found in the closet of the room. Hmmm…I thought Justin has good taste in clothes. I was so bored by the time it was noon I had cleaned the room, watched a talk show, cleaned the bathroom, and had taken a nap.
I had woken up but hadn't opened my eyes yet, and it was a good thing too because Justin and someone else had come into the room. "Are you sure it's okay with her here? I just feel awkward Justin honey," a girl said. She had an accent and sounded like she was 17 or 18 years old. I hardly stirred and listened intently to their conversation. "Oh are you worried about Nicole? She's just a friend. There's no need to…" Justin trailed off as I suspected he gave the mystery girl a kiss. Jealousy swirled around inside my stomach and I almost interrupted them but stopped myself.
"Oh Justin I hate this. When can we tell everyone about us? I mean all we have time for now a days is sex! I want more than that," she said in a whining tone. There was a small silence and then Justin spoke. "Listen I don't have time for any of that right now, neither do you. When the time comes we'll decide if we want that," he said. "When the time comes?! When is that Justin? The sex is good but…" she trailed off. "Look I need you to go cuz I have an afternoon planned with the guys. We'll talk about this later?" he said. "Fine baby," she replied and they became enthralled in a long smooch. I could've stopped that too, but didn't. I heard them leave and then I jumped up out of the bed. I was shocked, appalled and felt so much like crying. I ran to the mini bar and pulled out the last beer. I drank it down and felt the comfort I once had wash over me. I didn't know how or why but the beer made me forget about the girl Justin had in his room and my jealousy.
I quickly got dressed and was doing my hair when Justin finally came back. I ignored him the best I could but it was no use. We left the hotel and headed out with JC and Lance to do whatever they had planned. We were heading to Justin's mothers, then to pick up Joey and Chris at the radio station, then to the Hard Rock Café. I just chatted with Lance and JC most of the time while Justin cracked some jokes. I was so tired by the time we got to the restaurant I just wanted to go home. Home to Tennessee, not the hotel. Joey went off to flirt and I stayed with everyone else while they just commented on the girls that passed by. It was apparent that they hardly noticed I was there.
Chris' friend Nick came over and he hung out with us for a while. I ordered a martini and didn't care what the others thought by my drinking. None of them got drinks, they had a plane ride to California for their next string of concert dates so it prevented them from being a little nuts. I wasn't sure if I was going along with them though. I was growing extremely bored and kept ordering drinks just to be doing something. JC lit up a cigarette and the rest of the guys protested somewhat angrily. "Hey JC! You know you can't do that, man!" they yelled. JC waved a hand in the air to signal his disapproval of their objection. "Fine. I'm quitting as of right now," he said. He sighed heavily and took a sip of his cola. Lance spoke up. "If you're so intent on quitting, why don't you give us the cigarettes?" he said. I hadn't recognized that. He handed them over somewhat reluctantly. I spoke to JC in a whisper. "Do it for Vanessa, JC. She'd want you to not smoke anymore…she'd want you to be perfect, just like I know you are," I said to him. He nodded in agreement and then told me how much he missed her. He had been going out with her for over a month, but already he felt love. I was happy for him that he had that love I wanted and longed for. But I couldn't seem to find that anymore. In Rich it had been there, and I was happy. Yet once he died it faded away and I ran to Justin for the feeling of comfort I required. Now I was depressed and Justin hadn't cared. He was my best friend but the job he had in *N SYNC blinded our connection between reality and fame. So he had no time to talk to me, and no time to love me. I wanted to pursue a relationship with him further than friends do, but that girl made me see that Justin had no feelings like that for me. "I hate him for that," I mumbled to myself. Joey had returned and he smiled wide with devilish delight. "I got me sumthin' sumthin'," he said to Justin. Justin grinned and laughed raunchily. "God men are pigs," I thought staring at Justin with the same level of hate and love.