You've Got Spike
TITLE: you've got spike (16/?)
AUTHOR: michelle/shelly
EMAIL: mwkpdp@prodigy.net, mlwilkins@ucdavis.edu
RATING: overall nc17 for icky phone sex and for
xander/spike/anya sex
DISCLAIMERS: all belong to joss and those others. just having non
profit fun.
SPOILERS: through season 6. but canon has been recklessly tossed
aside for giggles.
PAIRING: xander/spike/anya
SUMMARY: o. well..does anyone remember this? spike as the phone sex
worker? spike/xander/anya? well..this is after the sex and anya has
made spike and xan go with her to the magic box...to *work* and giles
is there to lend a hand!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Where do you want this raven's claw, pet?"
"Put it with the rest of the bird parts pile for now, Spike. We'll
sort them out later. It's not really what I'm looking for. Xander?
Where are you? Help me with this!"
Xander sighed, closed the pocketknife he was using to open a box and
pocketed it. He walked slowly to where Anya was buried inside of a
large crate. "This isn't fun, Ahn. I'd rather be at the gym." He
kicked the crate she was buried in, pouting.
Anya came out of the crate, a grin on her face and a burlap wrapped
object in her hands. She blew away the packing material that clung to
her lips. "Blame Giles. It was he that called and told me of this
shipment. I wasn't expecting it until late Monday. Early Tuesday at
best, but, really, I was very pleased to get the call, however, so
don't be mean. Besides. You had fun. Lots of fun if we are to
measure fun buy your moans and shouts of ecstasy while Spike and I
were-"
"*Damn* you, Giles!" Xander quickly cut her off.
"What? Humm?" Giles didn't look away from the book he was studying.
"Yes, of course, damn me to the lowest depths of hell. But, in my
defense, Xander, I was only trying to get out of the unpacking. I had
no idea she'd want me to stay, let alone bring her, um, bring *you*
two here." He turned to smile at Xander. "Well, fine. Bring you two
and here, I suspected, but the keeping of me here was a surprise."
Giles ran a hand over the book he'd pulled out. "However, I can't say
I'm too unhappy. This is exquisite." Giles fondled a page of the
text he was holding. "I'm not certain what this material is, however,
Spike?"
"What?" Spike was busy animating various bird parts into fierce
battle.
"This parchment. Do you know what it is?"
Spike let the raven's claw triumph over the petrified sparrow heart
and moved to where Giles was holding aloft the text in question.
"It's skin. Good job of it, too." Spike ran his hand over the open
page. "Nice. I never could get the hang of skinning thin-skinned
things. Tricky business, that, and time consuming to boot. I've been
told I have a short attention span. Even when the finer points of
torture are involved. Can you skin people, Rupert?"
Anya didn't look up from her crate but offered: "A really, really,
*sharp* knife is all you need to skin anything or anyone. Well, yes,
and patience."
The book in Giles hands began to quiver, ever so slightly. "'S'not
*human*, though, Watcher, take a breath."
"Oh. What is it, then?"
"I don't know." Spike sniffed it and shrugged his shoulders. "It's
skin."
Giles blotted his brow with his coat sleeve. "Then how do you know
it's not human?"
"'Cause that's not what human skin used as parchment *looks* like.
What kind of watcher are you? Didn't they have tests? What? You
just get to sign up or something? Is it as easy as 'Oh hey and yeah,
now I wanna stop getting stoned and guide the destiny of a slayer'?
Humph. *I* could've signed up, then, yes?"
"Yes, Spike. You would have been a great asset to the council, having
*killed* two slayers before my time."
"Certainly I would have. *Killed* 'em is better than just *watching*
them die, I'd wager."
"Spike, not meaning to offend, but meaning *very* much to offend; shut
up, you merciless murdering *fiend*."
"You say the sweetest things, Rupes, ole boy!" Spike batted his
eyelashes at him. "*Kiss* me, you fool!"
"Yes! Do you guys *know* what this is?" Anya asked excitedly,
removing the burlap with a smile brighter than noonday California
sunshine and totally ignoring the Spike and Giles feud that had Xander
so engrossed.
All eyes turned to her and she grinned at her audience. Her smile
dimmed. "None of you do. None of you are even paying attention!
Never mind." She took her prize and moved behind the counter, setting
it carefully down. She waved her hand at them, dismissively. "Please,
fight amongst yourselves. I don't care. This doesn't concern you,
anyway."
Xander and Spike turned their gazes to Giles. "Oh, for pity's sake.
She's *your*-" Giles stopped, unable to voice the rest. "Anya? What
is it, then, dear, that you have there and are all excited about?"
"Huh?" Anya was busy going through her notes. "Oh. It's a very
expensive item and I got it for next to nothing and I'm going to sell
it for a very large amount of money." She fanned her face with her
stack of notes before looking through them again. "I'm *very* happy
about this. Oh! Look!" She held out a sheet of notepaper and danced
in a circle. "Here it is! Oh! This is wonderful. Very much so!
Hush! I have to call him now." Anya took her notes and went to the
phone.
"Wanker." Spike muttered, going back to the argument.
"Ponce." Giles countered.
Xander clapped. "This is just *fun*, guys! Now hit each other."
Spike and Giles turned their glares to Xander.
"What? I can't get my fun where I find it? I'm hoping next there
will be a sword fight! Oh! Or daggers! I *know* we have daggers
that don't cost much! No way Ahn would let you guys play with the
good swords, but cheap daggers sure. Wait, let me go look."
Giles shook his head before looking at Spike. "The truly sad thing
is-"
"He's not kidding." Spike finished. "And the truly scary thing is
that-"
"Anya will blame us. Yes, I know."
Xander went to the counter and reached out to touch Anya's new prize,
wanting a closer look at what had only seemed like a vase to him.
"Don't *touch* that, Xander!" Anya growled at him, her tone evil.
"Hello!" She spoke into the phone, her voice sweet as spun sugar.
She moved back to the counter, holding the phone with her ear and
shoulder as she carefully re-wrapped the item in its burlap. She
ducked under the counter and pulled out bubble wrap and used it also.
She pulled out a tape dispenser, glared at it and quickly put it back,
bringing up a roll of satin ribbon instead. "This is Anya, from the
Magic Box. That item you were inquiring about? I *have* it." She
gushed into the phone as she tied it up in pink satin ribbon. "Well,
no, we aren't really open on Sunday, but for you, and for an
additional charge, we can be."
"I am *not* going to stay." Xander snapped. "You said, unload
shipment and come home, you didn't say anything about staying!"
Anya blew Xander a kiss. "Oh. That's fine." She spoke into the
phone again. "I'll wait." She hung up the phone and shouted a
triumphant whoop. "Oh! Oh!" She ran from behind the counter and
grabbed Xander, kissing him soundly. She left him wet and stunned and
moved to Spike next, grabbing his face and smacking him on the lips
before biting his bottom lip. Spike's knees buckled and he reached
for her but she was already off to Giles. She kissed his chin and
then just wrapped her arms around him and lifted him off his feet.
"Anya! Put me down." She squeezed harder. "Please?"
Anya set him down and began to dance around the store, singing and
laughing.
"Pet?"
"Ahn?"
"Anya? Are you quite all right?"
She continued to dance.
Spike and Xander looked at Giles.
He rolled his eyes at them. "She's your bloody *lover*. The two of
you do something with her. I'm at a loss, and frankly, more than a
little frightened. Fix her Xander. Spike. Quickly now, before she
hurts herself." He waved his hands, indicating his urgency.
Spike and Xander moved together and each took hold of one of Anya's
arms. She smiled at them, giddy. She jumped up and down, the lifted
her feet to swing while they held her up. "Twenty *thousand* dollars!
Twenty! Thousand. Dollars! Ha! Hee!" Her jumping increased. Spike
and Xander continued to hold her while she jumped and they both looked
to Giles for assistance.
"Anya? How much is the tax on twenty thousand dollars?"
Her movements stilled instantly. "Tax?" She yanked her arm from
Spike's hold and straightened her hair. "Did I say twenty
*thousand*? I meant twenty hundred. Um. Two thousand. More like
two hundred. Yes. No reason to be so happy. I didn't mean anything.
Why don't you go home, Giles?"
"Anya, we talked about being honest, didn't we?" Xander asked her.
"Why don't you go home with Giles, Xander?" She yanked her arm from
Xander's hold. She glared at Spike.
He grinned at her and then whispered in her ear. "You gonna kill 'em
too, pet?"
She pulled away. "Really. Why don't you all just go to the movies or
something?" She smoothed out her clothes. "Get something to eat?
You've all worked very hard. You need some time off. A break. A
being gone from here kind of break."
A sharp knock on the door stopped whatever was going to be said,
causing Anya to spit out an expletive. She ran to the door, peeking
outside before turning to glare at the three men. "None of you are
allowed to speak unless I say you may. I *will* hurt you if you defy
me." She opened the door with a smile and waved the couple inside.
"Please, do come in. I'm *so* glad I was able to find the item you
requested. It wasn't easy, but I just hope my hard work resulted in
what you wished."
"As do I." The man was large but carried himself with the grace of a
one much smaller. He gave Anya a serene smile. "I'm certain you
wouldn't have called had you not been certain you've obtained what was
requested of you."
The woman behind him pushed her way passed with a grunt. "Whatever."
She blew a bubble with her gum and let it pop. "Do you have raven's
claws?" She let her eyes find each of the men inside, giving each a
special smile before they settled on Spike. She let another bubble
pop. "Hey, cutie. I *know* you! And you've still got the coat!"
TITLE: you've got spike (17/?)
AUTHOR: michelle/shelly
EMAIL: mwkpdp@prodigy.net, mlwilkins@ucdavis.edu
RATING: overall nc17 for icky phone sex and for
xander/spike/anya sex
DISCLAIMERS: all belong to joss and those others. just having non
profit fun.
SPOILERS: through season 6. but canon has been recklessly tossed
aside for giggles.
PAIRING: xander/spike/anya
SUMMARY: o. well..does anyone remember this? spike as the phone sex
worker? spike/xander/anya? well..this is after the sex and anya has
made spike and xan go with her to the magic box...to *work* and giles
is there to lend a hand and they meet new and interesting people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Please, come in." Anya quickly shut the door after looking both ways
as if to make sure they hadn't been followed. Xander was watching
Anya, silently questioning her sanity. Giles was torn, his gaze going
from Anya, to the large man, to the small woman grinning at Spike.
Spike's gaze was on the small, grinning girl.
Anya placed her arm through the man's and moved him to the counter.
She'd decided he had the money. "It's right over here. Please, come
take a look at it." He smiled at her and nodded his head. He looked
at the other occupants, letting his gaze sweep over them, before
turning back to Anya with a brow raised, inquisitively. Anya waved a
hand in the air.
"Oh, just ignore them, please. I do."
"As you wish, if you will do the same and ignore my wife."
"Happy too."
His wife moved closer to Spike, holding out her hand. "You don't
remember me, do you?"
Spike took her hand and kissed it. "I can't imagine why I wouldn't."
Xander snickered while she laughed prettily. "Well, you were very
drunk."
"Imagine that. Spike drunk." Xander shook his head and turned wide
eyes to Spike. "Do I know you at all? You used to *drink*?"
Spike ignored Xander. "Still. Did I have a horrible head wound,
also?"
She giggled. "No head wounds that I saw. However, I wasn't looking
at your head." She looked at Xander and Giles. "But, please, who are
your handsome friends?"
"I don't have any. Oh. These two. Xander and Rupert. And you are?"
"That's right. We never got to names did we? I'm Seema." She winked
at Spike. "And I'm pleased to meet you all." She offered her hand to
Giles and Xander.
Xander shook it and Giles kissed it, receiving a curtsy for his
trouble.
Seema turned her gaze back to Spike. "It was about ten years ago that
we met in some dingy club in LA. The place was a mad house, filled
with vampires, demons, and humans all mashed together. I was going to
rob you and you were going to eat me. I *really* wanted this coat."
She took hold of Spike's lapel, rubbing it.
Spike's eyes widened. "Yer the witch! The bad one, yes?"
Seema giggled. "And you're the vampire with the sexy accent. The
nice one that let me go but wouldn't let me have the coat."
"You threatened me as I recall."
"I did, and I still didn't get that coat of yours."
"I'm very fond of it."
Seema giggled. "So I gathered. It's okay, though. I've had three
since then and all have died unpleasant deaths. I'm sure I'd have
just trashed yours had I stolen it. Can't imaging how you keep it so
nice."
"Clean living."
"Ha! I'm sure. So. Here you are. Seemingly all apart of the magic
shop my husbands all a twitter about." She moved closer. "Small
world, isn't it?
"Yeah. Smaller and smaller all the time, it seems."
"Why haven't you eaten these fine and tasty looking people?"
"Things change. Why are you married?"
She grinned at him. "Some things don't change. I was told to marry
and reproduce or loose the protection of the family." She shrugged.
"Glamour spells can only take you so far."
"Oh! Excuse me! You! You are standing too close to my vampire!"
Seema turned to look at Anya, moving closer to Spike. Anya smiled at
her. "Yes you. You need to move back. None of these males are
available. All of them are mine. Just back away, okay? I wouldn't
won't to, but I will hurt or possibly kill you."
Spike grinned. "Xander! She'll kill for us! Nothing says love like
the willingness to fight to the death."
Xander turned to look at Anya. "Ahn?"
"Hush Xander. This really doesn't concern you."
Giles smiled. "I'm not really hers. She's just greedy. Free agent.
Yes, footloose and fancy free, so to speak."
"Giles! Her husband is right over there!" Anya glared at him,
turning to smile for a second at Seema. "Why don't you join him?
Huh?"
Seema turned, moving close enough to Spike and Giles to rub against
them both. "Oh, well, we don't like the same things. Say, have you
any quath root?" She smiled at Anya, winking.
"Oh, well, perhaps downstairs, in the root cellar, but I'm not sure."
"I'm sure *we* do, Anya." Giles spoke. "This being *my* shop, I know
such things.quath root would be kept in the basement, would you like
me to show you?" He held out his arm and Seema took it with a smile.
"I'd be very pleased to see your, um, *depths*."
Xander and Anya watched Giles lead Seema downstairs. Xander looked at
Spike. "Is he safe with her?"
"What? How should I know?"
"You said you knew her!" Anya snapped. "Is Giles safe?"
"With that one? Hell no! She's nuts and a witch, and don't you tell
me it was *my* job to warn everyone! You brought her here, pet!"
"I brought *Casix* here for a business transaction! I didn't know he
was gonna bring along a wacky wife!"
"Yeah, that wife thing. I can't imagine how they got her married off
in the first place!"
Casix laughed without humor, having moved closer without a sound.
"Blackmail. It was blackmail, dead one. And where is she now?"
Spike stood on tiptoe and smiled at the demon twice his size. "She
took our Watcher to the basement for some, uh, root grubbing. I'm
sure it's all on the up and up."
It was Xander's breath that stopped when the huge demon trembled.
"She went below ground?" Casix turned now red eyes to Anya. "You did
not speak of underground access!"
Anya moved closer to Spike. "You didn't *ask* about underground
access, buddy!"
The huge human shaped demon made what appeared to be a type of cross
with his hand, thumb extended, in the space before him. "May we be
protected." He dropped to his knees and began to pray.
Xander looked at Spike. Anya looked at Spike.
"I've no idea! I say do what he does." Spike dropped to his knees and
began to mimic the mumblings of Casix. Xander and Anya did the same.
It came as no reassurance when he looked at them and mumbled 'only
Katalinith can help us now'.
Anya had no answer when Xander and Spike both asked, "What the fuck is
Katalinith?"
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