Title: The White Knight of Sunnyhell
Author: kirasmommy (BB)
Pairing: Xander/Spike, the oddest slashiest Gabrielle/Joxer pairing ever! Rating: R
Content: AU, Humor, insanity, silliness, crossover, I think I should also mention again AU!!!!
Summary: Challenge response, Xander loses his mind.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, I don't make money off this. They are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Inc. in association with Kuzui Enterprises, Inc./Sandollar Television, Inc., Twentieth Century Fox Television & Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. (HA! Didn't think I knew who owned them didja?) Xena/Hercules are owned not by me but by others. I also don't make money off of them. Harry Turtledove's Case of the Toxic Spell Dump inspires ideas involving the "soul".
Distribution: Nummytreats Archive, KB's, anywhere else that's fine too just let me know where so I can go see it!
Feedback: is this a trick question?
Spoilers: Uh...don't think, so general series type stuff.
Notes: I made up the history of the "real" Don Quixote. And yes I blatantly steal from the movie The Court Jester. I also steal lines from other movies and from the Bard Shakespeare...Yes...I'm most likely going to hell but I'll take as many with me as possible. Now how did this go from being a plain challenge to a crossover like this? Don't ask ME! I was just along for the ride!
Thanks to Dae for beta reading this silliness!

The White Knight of Sunnyhell
By kirasmommy

Xander measured the wood carefully before marking the spot where he would cut. He balanced the wood in his hands, tracing the wood grain with his fingertips. (A perfect piece of wood.) He thought to himself as put the lumber on the sawhorses. Giles carefully skirted him as he carried the long case he had received earlier. He caressed the case with white-gloved hands as he carried it across the room. Gingerly he laid it down on a low shelf behind the counter.

"How long do you think it will take for you to build the display for this?" He asked as he hid the case behind the counter.

"Not too long now." Xander told him with a sigh.

Giles had only asked that same question every half-hour since that morning. The ringing phone had woken Xander, Giles polite greetings rapidly changing to a desperate plea for a new display case "As soon as is convenient, of course. Could you be by, perhaps, by seven?"

Xander smiled at Anya as she served a customer. He was proud of her. She had finally gotten the knack of lying to the customers. She acted like she cared. It was a Hallmark moment if there ever was one. Now, with millions of other sales associates, she could wish someone a nice day with a straight face and a pleasant smile.

Hours later, he stood in front of the completed case. He looked it over nodding in satisfaction. He decided to stain the wood later. Giles seemed to in a hurry to wait that long. He reached over and pulled on the lock. It held. The velvet inside shimmered. "Hey Giles! It's done you can put the whatever-it-is in it now."

Xander looked over to where Giles was. The older man was deep in conversation with a young lady who seemed to favor black. "Giles?"

Giles didn't seem to hear him. Xander turned to Anya who was waiting on another customer, another young lady.

"Bothered me all day and now that I'm finished..." He grumbled

Xander walked behind the counter and grabbed the long case. "Fine ignore me." He announced to the room in general. "I'll do it myself guys."

He opened the box. "Cool, a sword!"

He reached in and grabbed the hilt the cold metal vibrated gently. He snapped to attention and looked around the room. Blinking in surprise he spoke in a light lilting accent. "Good Heavens! Where is my horse?"

He grabbed the sheath that was still in the case and put it around his waist before sheathing the sword within it.

"Fair Princess! Have you seen my fine steed?" He asked Anya as he approached her. He stumbled as he walked nearly falling to the floor. He bounced up looking around to see if anyone had noticed. He grimaced to himself.

She waved cheerfully at the departing woman and called out "Have a nice day."

Xander kneeled at her feet, one knee on the floor as he bent the other waving one arm with a flourish he spoke with deep respect. "Fair Princess, I am but a lowly knight on a quest. Have you, by chance, seen to where my good steed has run off to?"

She stared at him a few seconds. "What?"

"My horse, your highness. It has taken off to parts unknown. I can not complete my quest without it." He told her bowing lower, eyes down cast.

"Uh Giles? I think we may have a problem." Anya called out. Giles gave her a confused look. That is, until he looked down at Xander's side.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^

"My lord what distresses you so?" Xander asked.

Giles snapped the shop sign from "Open" to "Closed" with a bit more force than was necessary. He paced between the door and the counter, finally looking Xander directly in the eye. "Xander? Who am I?"

"I know not, my good sir. But if we may complete our business quickly, I can find my horse and be on my way." Xander told him in a reasonable and respectful manner.

"Giles, Rupert Giles. You like to annoy me by calling me G-man. Remember?" Giles asked him desperately.

"I fear not. Is there anything I may assist you with? You seem most distressed." Xander said

Giles looked at Anya who in turn shrugged.

"Xander. You picked up the sword from the case. Do you remember that?" A knock at the door interrupted further questions.

Anya hurried to the door and opened it to admit Willow, Tara and Buffy.

"What happened? We all got your page." Buffy asked out of breath.

"I fear that Xander's been possessed again." Giles nodded to the young man who was looking at the merchandise carefully.

"AH! A wizard! These are items of magic if I'm not mistaken." Xander said as he replaced a cheap crystal ball back on its pedestal.

Buffy and Willow sighed together. Buffy rolled her eyes and asked, "What has possessed him now?"

"The original owner of the sword, I'm afraid. Or more to the point, the essence of the original owner." Giles rubbed at his glasses.

"And that would be?" Buffy asked motioning with her hand.

"Um yes, well have you ever heard of Don Quixote?" Giles asked.

"He's a character in a book Giles. He isn't real." Willow said quietly.

"Yes, well to an extent yes. He was based on a man though. He had been interested in the knights of old England and had bought the sword as a present to himself. Unfortunately, the sword was enchanted. It possessed the essence of its original owner, a knight from hundreds of years ago who had never completed his quest. It is believed that an evil witch had crossed his path while he was on this quest. When the old man touched his sword, he lost what little grip on sanity he had started out with. I suppose that he had always been eccentric. Anyway, he died not long after but the story caught the interest of a writer who named the character Don Quixote and expanded on his 'adventures'"

"Well, how do we fix this?" Buffy asked.

Giles looked down at the floor then back up at Buffy before he cleared his throat. "That's the thing, I'm afraid. No one knows how."

"What do you mean?" Willow asked nervously as Xander played with the light switch.

"Everyone that had ever touched the sword died while insane within two weeks." Giles told them quietly.

Buffy swallowed then shook her head. "No. No that isn't going to happen. We won't let it. Xander is going to be okay. We just need to do research or something. Figure out what to do."

The group began to toss ideas around as they discussed the situation intently. Meanwhile Xander had made his way to the doorway and looked outside. He looked back to the others and shook his head and shrugged. They were not a part of his quest. He lifted the latch and let himself out quietly. He squared his shoulders as he took his first steps onto the streets of Sunnydale.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

As night fell over Sunnydale, Xander's friends searched frantically for him. Unknown to them, he had wandered into the cemetery...

"A horse! A horse! My...kingdom...for a horse!" Xander called out.

"A horse, my dear man? A horse is a fickle creature undeserving of you. You should ride a duck!" A cool sensuous voice said from nearby.

"A duck, my Lady? I fear that you make merry with me." He smiled kindly as he bowed.

She smiled back at him. Her beautiful dark hair was swept back into a braid down her back. Her eyes twinkled like diamonds in the night sky while her lips hinted at wickedness. Her long blue dress made of finest velvet barely touched the ground as she walked slowly to him. She was true royalty with all the baring to prove it. Xander sighed to himself. A fine princess indeed but not to compare with his own ladylove.

"I am on a quest, my Lady, but I fear that my horse has departed and I know not where I can find another. I must complete my quest within a fortnight." Xander kneeled in front of her. "Dost thou know where I might find one?"

"No, no but we can ask Spike." She laughed. "I was on my way to see him when the stars told me to wait here. They sang to me and told me that I must help a Knight in need." She executed a passable curtsey.

"My Lady, please lead the way." He bowed again before following her as she carefully picked her way to a crypt.

"My dear Lady, this is the place of the dead. I fear we should get no answers here." He said as he stumbled over his feet.

"Sometimes the dead tell the truth when the living lie. Then again, sometimes ducks forget how to fly and instead dance among the flowers."

He lifted a brow and regarded her. "Quite true."

She pushed the door open and danced in. "Hello my lovely Spike!"

"Bloody hell, doesn't anyone knock. Oh Dru. What are you doing back?" Spike asked carefully, standing behind the chair in case she was hostile.

"The stars told me to come for a visit. They told me LOTS of things. Did you know that the color blue can think?" She asked.

"Really?" He asked in a tone that clearly said he was humoring her. "That is interesting."

"Not half as interesting as the fact that we must help this young Knight on his quest. They insist on it." She told him gesturing to Xander.

"The stars, Spikey! The stars, they have decreed it. He has but a short time." She giggled. "And we must be off! His quest must start now!"

He turned to Xander, "What is she on about?"

"Pardon, good sir, but I am in need of a horse and the good Lady said that perhaps you could help?" Xander said earnestly.

Spike stared at him. "What?"

"My Spikey is VERY smart. He can help us on your quest!" Drusilla smiled.

Spike narrowed his eyes. "Are you having me on?"

"On? I fear that I do not understand. Do you know of a good horse, for mine has left me at my most critical hour." Xander said.

"You've gone loony." Spike said incredulously.

Xander and Drusilla blinked at him.

"Great, now there's two of you!" He sat back on his makeshift bed. "Where's the Slayer? I hardly believe she would let you run off in this condition. What happened? Got hit in the head too many times?"

"Do you mean the maiden with the light hair? She is still with the witches and the wizard. I fear I do not have much trust in the arcane."

"I don't hold much with the mojo myself." Spike agreed. "So you slipped out on them did you?"

"I felt it was time that I continued with my quest." Xander turned to Drusilla. "Lady Drusilla mentioned that you might know where to find a horse?"

Xander hoped to get the apparently simple minded peasant back on subject.

"A horse? Dru, what exactly is going on?" Spike asked.

The insane vampire looked at him as though he was the one that had just lost his mind. "Why we are all going on a quest. And we must start at Daddy's."

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Spike had been shanghaied, kidnapped, taken without his consent. In short Drusilla had grabbed him when his back had been turned and tied him up. Then with the aid of the equally loony Sir Knight of Loonyville had dragged him all the way to where Drusilla had hidden her car. He didn't even know that Dru KNEW how to drive!

He wiggled in his ropes. "Dru, Luv. I really don't think this is such a good idea."

"The stars demand that we finish this brave knight's quest." Drusilla said.

"Dru, he's nuts. He's Xander the donut boy. Xander the carpenter. Xander the slayerette friend of Buffy, she of the big stake! Dru let me GO and turn this car AROUND!" He finished by yelling.

"Do not worry, Sir knight. He will help on your quest. The stars tell me true." She smiled. "Then we will all dance while pigeons frolic with the wolves."

Xander nodded. "Indeed, good Lady. So it shall be so!"

"Bloody hell! I've been kidnapped by the sanity impaired!" Spike wiggled some more and only succeeded in falling off the back seat.

"Be careful, wiggling like that may disturb my pets!" Drusilla called back to him.

"What pets, Dru? Dru? WHAT PETS?" He asked as his throat went dry.

"Why Itsy and Bitsy of course!"

He swallowed a whimper as he felt light feathery movement on his back. {Please don't let it be...}

He turned his head and strained to look. Sixteen pairs of eyes looked back accompanied by sixteen waving legs. "AHHHHHHHHHHH"

"Good Lady, I think that perhaps your servant is distressed." Xander looked over the seat.

"Spike will be all right. He's making friends with them!" She sighed. "Screams in the night, what a lovely sound!"

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"I fear, good Lady, that we must stop to find food soon." Xander told her quietly after a couple of hours.

They had reached LA in good time due to the fact that Drusilla obeyed none of the traffic laws. Spike had never realized how frightening it could be to be a passenger in a speeding car, especially with a driver that rarely used the brake. And on the occasions she did use the brake, he was usually thrown over the seat landing still tied unceremoniously into Xander's lap.

Xander patiently and gently pushed him back over the seat where he would land with a thud. Spike had long since lost track of the two giant spiders and kept a fearful eye out for them. He rarely let it be known that he had fears but being in a car with two crazy people did wonders for self-expression.

"You two should be put in a mental ward, you know that?" Spike repeated for the tenth time.

And for the tenth time they ignored him.

"Angel doesn't like us! ANY of us! He isn't even too fond of the Idiot here! What makes you think he will help us?" Spike demanded as he managed to push himself back up.

"Angel has to help us. He has the chalice of Dunlhu." Drusilla told him reasonably. "We will need that on the quest!"

"What the BLOODY HELL is a chalice of Dunlhu?" He asked starting to get a headache.

"We need it for the blood of the Dragon of Angels. He must then feed the one that would be his true love from the chalice. Only then can they be together! The stars told me the story long ago before Daddy came to me and made me his. It was such a beautiful story. The stars told me again the night I came for you." Drusilla told him.

"What?" Spike was very confused.

"We need to feed him. What should I feed him?" She asked Spike. "You know so much about these things."

"Uh, there's a McDonald's in five miles. See those golden arches?" Spike nodded with his head in the correct direction. "You can feed him there."

Dru nodded and turned the wheel sharply placing them on the two wheels on the driver's side. Spike closed his eyes tightly and did something that he had never done as a vampire. He prayed.

Some higher power must have felt pity for him because soon the car was stopped and they were still in one piece. Of course, the same could not be said for the dozen or more cars that Drusilla had run off the road while making her way to McDonalds. Apparently the fact that the fast food restaurant was on a one way road did not bother the female vampire in the least.

Spike pulled himself up in an upright position. "You'll need money. If you kill people here someone will notice."

Drusilla held up Spike's wallet. "Already taken care of."

"That's my money, woman!"

Drusilla blinked at him. "Now it is mine."

Spike banged his head against the seat of the car. "You can't just take my money and kidnap me!"

"Why not?" she asked, genuinely curious.

"Because it isn't right!" He told her.

"You mean it is evil?" She asked.

"Yes!" He answered emphatically.

She looked at him stunned. "Oh my poor baby, what have they done to you? Don't worry sweetheart, mummy is here now."

She gave Spike a very worried look. "Maybe we should start at the beginning, the very beginning."

He gave her a very confused look.

"Mummy just needs to train her baby how to be a vampire again! I've been a very bad mummy. But I promise to be better." She vowed. "Now my little fledgling, first lesson. We are vampires! Demons! And stealing is almost a way of life. So, for your first lesson, I'm taking your money and I'm going to buy a Big Mac value meal for our little knight here."

"I am not a fledgling! I'm a Master vampire!" He roared.

She looked at him with pity and patted him on the head. "Someday...again maybe."

As the two insane occupants of the car opened the doors and left Spike pounded his head against the back of the front seat. "Why didn't I just leave Sunnyhell when I had the chance?"

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Xander crept up to the red haired menace. It smiled back at him with diabolical glee; hand upraised beckoning the knight to engage in combat. "Back, foul creature, and let us pass!"

"Hello and welcome to McDonald's may I take your order?" A voice seemed to float through the air out of a metal box near the red haired demon.

"A damsel in distress? Has the creature imprisoned you in the box before me?" Xander raised his sword while Dru tried to take his arm.

"We must order inside without the car young knight!" She attempted to drag him away.

"I must rescue her!" He shook her off.

"Would you like to try a value meal today?" The perky voice asked.

"Um, actually we will order inside!" Dru yelled into the speaker.

"RELEASE HER! Thou shalt not escape my wrath, oh foul and odious thing!" Xander hit the statue of Ronald McDonald on the arm.

"Can I interest you in our NEW McChicken Supreme sandwich?" The sweet voice asked.

Xander hit the other arm making it look like a parody of the statue Venus de Milo. "No! I will not buy a new McChicken Supreme! Release her, spawn of the devil!"

Ronald's head flew across the drive thru as Drusilla finally managed to pull him away. "Quickly, before someone comes out here!"

"Have a nice day, please come again!" The perky voice called out.

Drusilla pushed him into the car just as the manager came out the door.

"That was fast!" Spike grumbled.

"Kitten? Shut up!" Drusilla growled at him.

Spike stared at her stunned as she put the car in gear and tore out of the parking lot.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Drusilla swept into the former hotel as though she was expected. "Daddy!"

Xander carried Spike in and sat him down on the couch where the blond vampire began to wiggle again, trying to escape his bonds. He muttered through the gag in his mouth. Drusilla had decided that she was starting to get a headache after another hour of listening to Spike try to 'reason' with her and the lost knight. Who knew such objects had practically uses outside the bed?

Cordelia blinked as Drusilla walked up to the counter and smiled. "Is Angelus here?"

Cordelia reached under the counter looking for the crossbow. "He's around."

"Could you call him please?" Drusilla asked as Xander came to stand next to her. "We are in a bit of a hurry."

Gunn and Wesley came out and took the scene in. Spike mumbled at them loudly from the couch. "hemph...hemph me!"

Spike fell off the couch. "Eh! ET Anel!"

"Xander?" Wesley asked tentatively.

Cordelia slowly pulled the crossbow out from under the counter and held it on Drusilla. Angel came half way down the stairs and looked down. "What the HELL is going on down here?"

"OH oody ell ank od! Hellph!" Spike worked the gag down some, finally starting to be able to use his tongue a little.

"Spike? Dru? XANDER? What is going on here?"

Spike rolled himself to the small group standing near the counter. "unie me!"

Angel gingerly pulled the gag away from Spike's mouth.

"I never thought I would be glad to see you, mate!" Spike said, gulping unneeded air. "These two are utter nutters!"

"Spike what are you all doing here?" Angel asked confused as he untied the younger vampire.

"They KIDNAPPED ME!" He roared.

"Nonsense, kitten! We merely didn't have time to encourage you to come with us." Drusilla told him.

"Xander what the hell is going on?" Angel turned to Xander hoping he could shed some light on the insanity before him.

"We are on a quest, my good and noble lord! The Lady Drusilla has stated that you have the chalice that was once at the palace in your care. We have great need of it." Xander bowed deeply.

"The chalice from the palace? I have a flagon with a dragon but I don't recall having a chalice that was ever at a palace." Angel said, even more confused.

"I have no need of the flagon with the dragon, I am in need of the chalice from the palace!" Xander said empathetically.

"Which palace was this chalice once placed?" Wesley asked, hoping to help.

"The Chalice was once at the palace of Dunlhu." Xander said.

"Yoo hoo? Where is Dunlhu?" Cordelia asked.

"Dunlhu is in the province of Houlhu." Xander told her.

"The Chalice from the palace of Dunlhu in Houlhu? The tale is quite a loo-loo it was stolen by followers of Cthulhu!" Wesley said.

"Oh Boo-hoo! Daddy has the chalice of Dunlhu!" Drusilla told him.

Angel perked up. "WAIT! I remember! The flagon with the dragon IS the chalice from the palace of Dunlhu in Houlhu that was stolen by followers of Cthulhu!"

Spike sat down heavily staring at them. "You all have gone insane! It must be some...weird arsed spell or something!"

"I better call Buffy!" Angel said. "She might know what is going on."

"I hope you get her because Giles is too stuffy." Cordelia said.

"Oh no need to get huffy!" Angel said.

Spike covered his ears with his hands and chanted. "No, no, no, no...this is just a bad dream!"

"What's wrong with Spike?" Cordelia asked.

"He looks like he's been on a hundred mile long hike!" Gunn said.

"Or staked with a pike." Wesley said.

"Is that what he looks like?" Angel asked holding to phone to his ear.

Spike whimpered softly. "I'm being haunted by the spirit of Danny Kaye!"

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

A couple of hours later Wesley faced the small group. Gunn and Angel sat together on the couch while Cordelia lounged in an overstuffed chair. Xander stood near the door paying close attention to the older vampire while Drusilla sat in a chair opposite of Cordelia. Between her feet sat Spike. She held his shoulder tightly keeping him from moving. He was beginning to remember why he didn't like being a fledgling.

"Okay between the group in Sunnydale and from what Dru and Xander have told us we can piece together this much. Hundreds of years ago, a knight went on a quest for his beloved. He was supposed to get the chalice from the palace..."

"Don't start this crap again!" Spike interrupted.

Drusilla smacked Spike on top of the head. "We don't interrupt our betters child!"

Spike rolled his eyes.

"Continuing! The Chalice of Dunlhu was what he was after. He, presumably, needed to slay the Dragon of Angels, whatever that is, and fill the chalice with that blood and feed it to his beloved to heal her. Apparently she had some sort of magical illness that only the blood could cure. Now here is the interesting part. A witch found out what he was planning and had them both cursed. She was jealous...had a thing for the knight...so she is the one that originally made the girl sick. Both of them would forever come close but never quite finish the quest. His essence was trapped in the sword while his soul would be reborn through time, always crossing paths with the sword. His beloved would also always be reborn, but be plagued by whatever disease she had contracted the first time. They are only given two weeks to finish the quest, and then he dies. She dies soon after, though the details are not clear how exactly that death occurs." Wesley looked at everyone there.

"I haven't told Buffy and the others exactly how we are getting all OUR information. I don't think they would like the idea of depending on Drusilla's visions. But they seem to be Xander's only hope. We have to find the Dragon of Angels. And we have to locate the knight's beloved." Angel added looking around the room with dark eyes. He looked at Xander before darting back to look at Drusilla and Spike.

"So what do we do mate? Walk around asking...are you a reborn princess in love with a lunatic knight?" Spike asked scowling.

Drusilla tapped her childe on the head. "We don't need to have questions, when the answer is all ready about. Cursed, always cursed, and always the knight must try to save his love. You will see, when the time is right."

Angel sighed. "Whatever...Wesley let's look up Dragon of Angels."

Wesley was already pulling out books. "Cordelia, I'm sure that Xander MUST be hungry by now, as is Spike and Drusilla. Perhaps you could take them to the kitchen and..."

"Yeah, yeah..." Cordelia grumbled.

"Thank you!" Wesley smiled.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Xander eyed the metal box on the counter. "It is evil!" He declared.

"It is a toaster!" Spike told him before muttering "Git!"

"It is a gremlin in disguise!" The young man stated.

"It is a bloody TOASTER! You put bread, bagels, pre-made waffles and the like in it and it heats it up and pops it out." Spike tried to explain.

Xander looked unsure.

Cordelia looked up at the ceiling and faintly whistled to herself. "Oh look up there, we should really paint that!"

Drusilla followed her gaze. "The spiders danced with the flies."

"Yeah, and made a hell of a mess too." Cordelia nodded. "Oh I could redecorate this entire room!"

"Watch!" Spike announced, reaching into the small refrigerator. A moment later he dropped in a cinnamon and raisin bagel and pressed down the lever.

They instantly popped back up uncooked. "Well, just a second."

Spike pressed the lever again and they popped back up. "Bloody hell!"

Spike pressed it again, hard, and they stayed down. A minute later they popped up black.

"What the hell is wrong with your bloody toaster?" Spike turned to Cordelia.

She shrugged. "Never worked right."

Xander grabbed a wooden spoon. "Foul BEAST! Leave that contraption and fight us!"

"It's just a broken toaster!" Spike groaned.

Xander began to beat the toaster with the spoon in his hand. Spike went still as he heard the low growl. He turned slowly to the toaster as it began to glow. Xander beat it harder. "Come, fight, horrid creature. And burn food no longer!"

Spike pushed Xander back as a small green creature jumped from inside the toaster. It landed on Spike's face, clawing him, and Spike tried to pull it off.

Cordelia jumped up screaming. In seconds Angel, Gunn and Wesley ran into the room. Spike had wrestled the creature off his face and was pounding on it as hard as he could.

"Sun! SUN! The sun can kill it!" Wesley shouted.

"IT'S FUCKING ONE AM!" Spike yelled struggling to keep it down as it tried to bite him.

"That could be a problem, yes." Wesley said quieter.

Angel rushed out and returned with an ax. "Spike, let go!"

Spike stepped back from the creature that huffed and puffed. Little fangs and claws gleamed as beady little eyes darted around the room. It growled at Angel, and the ax. Cordelia grabbed a pan and smacked the creature upside the head stunning it for a few seconds as Angel ran up and began to chop.

Everyone slowly began to relax.

"I've never actually seen a gremlin before! Fancy having one in our kitchen for so long!" Wesley said kneeling down to look at the remains while poking at it with a fork.

Spike stared at him incredulously. "You all are nuts. I want to go home!"

"Can't! You are on a quest my sweet Spike!" Drusilla said still sitting at the table. She had not moved during the entire attack.

Spike sat back down with a pout, gingerly touching the cuts on his face.

"I don't bloody want to go on a quest." Spike muttered still pouting.

Drusilla smiled at him. "It will all be worth it in the end. Such a beautiful story. The stars are singing such a lovely ballad about it!"

"Stars, quests, gremlins, dragons and loonies. Bugger me!" Spike groaned.

She smirked. "In the end."

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Xander lay back on the bed closing his eyes. Tomorrow, tomorrow his quest would begin in earnest. The chalice was secured and now he had only to locate the wayward soul of his beloved and find the dragon.

He began to dream of a time long past.

The tiny blonde woman walked up to him sway in her hips. She had smiled at him as she placed her hands upon his chest. He backed up and brushed her aside. "I am betrothed."

"Many a man are betrothed. Many a man is joined in marriage. It has never affected business. Come, good sir, and let me show you the delights I can give you."

He shook his head. "Nay. For I would never forsake my beloved."

Her eyes turned hard. "You would deny me? You would cast ME aside like refuse?"

"Refuse is meant to be cast aside, woman." He turned his back on her as he walked away.

"HOW dare you?" She pointed a finger at him. "Thou knows my reputation! Dost thou wish to risk your beloved's life?"

He turned back to her. "Rumors only. For I have never seen evidence of thy power over black magick. I do not believe in what I can not see."

He walked away leaving her hissing in anger. She swore she would have him, one way or another.

Xander turned in his sleep and his dream changed. Another dark night, unable to sleep he had been looking across the town's square imagining his future wife. Her soft white skin that he could imagine touching. He had only ever touched her hand. To do more was disrespectful and courted death. She seemed distant to him, aloof. Betrothed only because he could afford the price, he had yet to hope to win her heart. He was shaken from his wanderings by screams that echoed across the square.

He rushed across only to see the shadow exit the window. Servants scattered as he brandished his sword. He tripped over a chair, dropping his steel.

She lay in a pool of blood, her eyes glazed and unblinking. Blood smeared her mouth and her body was already cooling. He pulled her to him holding her as he had always dreamed and wept. He moaned low in his throat while her maids cried softly. They had thought the stranger family of their mistress. He tried to think over their ceaseless prattling. The servants beat their chests begging forgiveness.

"We will wait. We will wait for her to rise." His voice wavered.

He lay her upon the bed as servants gathered sheets to place on the windows. He stared outside at the night moon. He leaned forward and looked down and saw the blonde prostitute smiling up at him. The whore had won. She had used her dark powers to call evil upon his love. He vowed his revenge.

He watched for signs of her waking. A muscle twitched, an unneeded breath moved her chest. As her eyes opened he bade her servants. "Embrace thy mistress."

He locked the door behind him, as he slid slowly to the floor, covering his eyes. He listened to their screams while he wept in shame.

He heard the last body fall to the floor with a thud and dared not look up. She growled softly. "Look at me!"

He shook his head listening to her soft steps approach.

"LOOK AT ME!" She roared.

He tentatively raised his eyes. Her eyes sparkled in the half-light, yellow and unblinking. The ridges twisted her face into that of an animal. He swallowed hard. "Yes, my love?"

She snarled as she reached out and grabbed him by the hair. "My LOVE? You hardly know me! You see a pretty bauble to have and to show!"

She bared her teeth as she brought him closer to her mouth.

"Never, for I know thee better than I know myself. I know that thou love the silence of dawn. I know that thou would rather take a sword than stay behind. Would it not be for thy sex thou would be a knight. I know that thou cherish the written word over the spoken, that thou would speak a hundred hard truths before uttering one soothing lie. Thou had a gentle soul with a warrior's spirit and I know that thou would never love a simple soul as I." He said the last sadly lowering his head in her tight grip. "But be that as it may I would offer myself to you regardless."

He bared his neck to her squeezing his eyes shut waiting. She released him suddenly and he fell to the floor in an ungainly heap. He looked up at her cautiously. Her face had smoothed back to human. Her honeyed hair shined in the moon while her sharp features made shadows on her face. Piercing blue eyes regarded him seriously. "Perhaps I misspoke, good sir. Could thou love a creature such as I?"

"With all my heart."

She sighed softly. "If only you had said as much while I lived."

"Please still accept me!" He pulled himself up. "Accept me now. I will always love you. From the moment I saw thee I knew that only for you would I live."

She closed her eyes with a grimace. "I tire, my sweet. I must rest. Will thou still be here when I awake?"

"For as long as you would have me." He bowed.

He gasped as she pulled him up to her and kissed him deeply. "Stay with me tonight?"

His voice shook with desire as he nodded and said, "Yes."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sated, the newly risen vampyre lay on her bed as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I shall return, my love. It is dawn and I am off to see the wizard."

The old man limped around the dusty room grumbling to himself before turning to the young knight. "So you want to cure someone of the bite of the vampyre? Can't be done! Go away!"

The knight threw himself to his knees in front of him grabbing the ragged robe in both hands. "PLEASE good wizard! I beg of thee! I must make her well again!"

The wizard sighed greatly. "No need for the theatrics child. You can't cure the wench but you can make it so she doesn't eat you. You need the blood of the Dragon of Angels. Its blood will quench her bloodlust and make it so she does not have to feed. Get up! I'll do a divining spell! Find where the bugger has got off to! And here, you need this chalice!"

So it came to be that in the year of our lord 1605 Alexander set upon his quest to make his beloved well again.

Xander turned in his sleep and the dusty room was replaced with dark woods lit only by the moon.

They stood at the edge of the village. The night air felt heavy with moisture and a thick fog was rolling in. Trees swayed in the wind violently, turning the normally soft rustling sound into a near roar.

"Thou should not go this night!" She said to him as he readied his horse. He dropped his pack several times before she finally picked it up and threw it onto the horse.

"I must, my love. For the dragon moves constantly and is never in one place for too long. If I am to cure..." He started.

"We can live with this curse, my darling! Together we can defeat..."

"No! Eventually the sickness will drive thou to do the unspeakable! I must stop it before it happens. I can not rest knowing that any day your illness may drive you away from me! Wait for me, my love!" He pulled himself up on the horse. "Wait for me!"

"Thou art an idiot. But thou art MY idiot!" She said with a fond shake of her head.

"Indeed, my love. An idiot for your love! Please give your poor servant a favor of you?"

"Go before the sweetness of thy words makes me sick." She smirked with a wink as she handed him a kerchief. "Hurry back."

He galloped away on his horse, away from the only love he had ever known.

Alexander felt his stomach drop as he worried what the whore had planned next. His horse reared up and threw him as a woman appeared before him. A demon of a type he had never seen stood before him. Never in any book of any priest had he seen such a creature. Her demonic face smiled as she pointed at him and whispered. "Done."

And he knew no more as the unknown demon's curse took effect.

The rest were bits and pieces. Remembered moments to remind him of his failure. Moments of madness as he would emerge in another time removed from his own. Driving him further and further from sanity each time as each emergence led to a new failure and another time period. Struggling to bring together all that he needed to know to find and save his love. The first time he emerged had been almost immediately after he had been cursed to the sword. He had discovered then that his love had been staked by the whore and had fled to the colonies only to die of disease in the year 1609.

It was over a hundred years before he surfaced again. Reborn into a new shell, he looked for his love only to watch her die at the hands of a villain with the face of a seraph. The man had growled at Alexander as he thrust the stake into the girl's heart. Alexander dropped the chalice and held out his hands as death came quickly in the little town of Yorkshire. And as the vampire fed on Alexander he saw a vision of the whore laughing in the distance. "Angelus! I think that was the last of them. Can't let the competition run wild!"

"Darla! Pick up that flagon my love, it will be perfect for ale!" Angelus called out.

He found himself again on his quest not many years later. His love had not yet been turned. But he was reluctant to approach. His love had not been born female this time as she had in the past. Though he looked into the young man's eyes he saw the soul he loved above all else, he could not bring himself to act. He watched instead as the young man wandered off into the night wondering over the "barmy" fool that had bothered him. All the players were there but he was unable to act. He watched as the young man was turned in an alley later that night.

He cursed himself a fool. He should not have let it deter him.

This time will be different. This time it didn't matter if his love wore the body of an ogre he would complete his quest. He may be insane but he would no longer be a fool. And with any luck the body will be just as beautiful as the last form it took, male or female.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"So what is your deal?" Cordelia asked while Drusilla looked out at the night sky.

Cordelia sat on a couch holding a crossbow. Just in case.

"The stars have said that it is time for the story to end. The knight is remembering. They sing to him of times gone past. I have kept the star hidden and safe from grandmummy for all these years." Drusilla whispered, leaning closer as if she were imparting some great secret.

"Uh huh. Okay...again...what is your deal? Where is Darla?" Cordelia asked.

"Granmum must not know about this. She would kill my baby!" Drusilla said.

"Your baby...that would be Spike right?" Cordelia asked.

"She hates my little Spike. But she doesn't know why. The stars said to hide him in plain sight. So I turned him and kept him." She smiled evilly. "Grandmum has no idea."

"Uh huh that would make it unanimous because we have no idea what you are talking about!" Cordelia said.

"The visions hurt?" Drusilla asked her suddenly.

"Yes." Cordelia said warily.

"Angelus filled my head with millions of tiny stars. He would do the same to you." Drusilla told her knowingly.

Cordelia nodded slowly. "But he isn't here. Angel is."

"You should prepare." Drusilla said approaching her slowly.

Cordelia leaned back. "You just stay back!"

She dropped the crossbow as the vision hit her hard. She grabbed her head and held it.

"I tried to warn you." Drusilla sighed reaching out for her.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"The Dragon of Angels." Wesley said out loud as he held up the book as Gunn left the room to check on the girls.

Angel looked up. "You found a reference to it?"

"About sodding time, mate!" Spike looked up. "I was beginning to get a headache."

"The Dragon of Angels moves through the Earth. It is believed that it can actually travel through the Earth's core and survive the magna! Fascinating! This is just fascinating reading!" Wesley sat down and thumbed the page as he drank in the text.

"Well any clues as to where the bugger could be found about, say, NOW?" Spike asked.

"Not a one. BUT...I think I may have a lead on what illness our little lost princess suffers!" Wesley cleared his throat. "The blood of the dragon in question quenches the bloodlust of vampires. They never crave blood again and never have to feed again. EVER!"

Wesley looked meaningfully at Angel. Angel sat down slowly. "She was a vampire?"

"IS a vampire. According to Drusilla she is already turned and waiting to be found." Wesley corrected as he looked over his glasses at the two vampires.

"Great...we have to find some sodden minion. Drag her with us and then feed her this dragon blood. Who says that she will even want to take up with the barmy git?"

"Well, as the reincarnation of his beloved, it is presumed that she will be predisposed to the idea. Regardless, it is our only hope for saving Xander." Wesley sighed.

"Now we have to figure out where the dragon is." Angel said.

Gunn ducked his head back into the room. "Vision!"

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"Okay this is different." Gunn said as he walked in the room ahead of the others.

Angel gaped as Drusilla stroked Cordelia's head. The vampiress had the young woman's head, still surprisingly attached to her body, in her lap. Drusilla was stroking Cordelia's hair, making soothing noises.

"The sight in her head cause the bumble bees to get mad. They sting her brain. This makes them go back to their hive." Drusilla explained.

Angel lifted a questioning brow.

"It does help." Cordelia whispered.

"What did you see?" Wesley asked.

"Dragon, Sunnydale, Xander." Cordelia summed up. "Our dragon is in Sunnydale."

"Nice to know the Powers that be are eager to lend a hand." Gunn said. "Imagine trying to track this damn thing down without them."

"So it's back to Sunnyhell then?" Spike winced.

"It is back to Sunnydale." Angel agreed.

"Bloody hell." Spike growled softly. "Why bother even leaving?"

"To get the flagon with the dragon." Angel smiled.

"Don't make me hurt you." Spike growled flashing yellow eyes at him.

"Oh GOODY another road trip!" Drusilla squealed. "I will drive!"

"NO! HELL NO!" Spike yelled.

Drusilla pouted. "I'm your sire and you will do as I say! And I say I'm driving!"

Spike began to feel a flutter in his stomach.

Angel smirked. "Uh...How about you, Xander and Spike ride with ME?"

"I want to drive." Drusilla almost whined.

"I am YOUR sire and you will do as I say." He repeated with a gleam in his eye.

Spike stomped down the impulse to hug his grandsire. He did fail to squash the sigh of relief. Angel chuckled.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Lindsey and Darla sat on top of a small building across from Angel Investigations. The moon shone down upon them. Darla looked up and was unable to see many stars, the curse of living inside the large city. They had camped out in an effort to discover where Drusilla had disappeared to earlier after stealing Lindsey's car.

Lindsey lowered his binoculars with a grunt. "Well there is my car!"

Darla nodded. She leaned forward a little. "Why is she there?" She asked herself quietly.

The street had only light traffic. A car backfired suddenly causing Lindsey to jump. He glared into the binoculars looking at his beloved car. The car had been in perfect shape. The black BMW had scratches down the side and he suspected that she had hit more than one car. He squinted into the field glasses trying to see better. More than one color could be seen within the scrapes. The front of the car was crumpled beyond repair. Lindsey cursed under his breath. If it weren't for Darla he would just stake Drusilla, just for what she did to his car.

People stepped out of the front door. He recognized Angel and bit back the angry comment he wanted so much to make. He also recognized the other three that followed close behind him.

"Here they come." Lindsey said.

"And there's Dru!" Darla countered. "Spike? What is he doing here? She said that he'd refused to come."

"Whatever he's here now. And some other guy too."

"I know him. He is one of the Slayer's little friends," she muttered. She grabbed the binoculars from Lindsey.

"Hey!" He rubbed at his hand.

"That sword. I know that sword!" Darla cursed under her non-existent breath. "Lindsey, give me the keys to your truck!"

"What?" He asked.

"Give me the damn KEYS!" She growled. Her face slipped into its demonic countenance. Darla's eyes sparkled with anger as she reached out her hand.

Lindsey looked down and gulped quietly. He dropped the keys into her hand. Darla growled again quietly almost at a level subsonic. He didn't so much as hear it but felt it. She walked purposefully to the door leading down to the street with him at her heels. At the door they stopped and waited as everyone loaded up and left. Darla growled again and ran for his truck shutting the door in his face and firing up the engine.

"Go home Lindsey!" She ordered.

"She could have at least given me a ride home!" Lindsey grumbled as he started walking slowly down the street.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

In another dimension two beings looked down. The man looked down and smirked. "What fools these mortals be!"

"Oh you so totally stole that!" The woman rolled her eyes.

He was dressed all in snug tight black leather. His black hair was cut close to his scalp and his goatee was neat and trim. His black eyes glittered in the light. A dagger flashed on his hip as he turned from the mirror. An earring hung from one ear, a skull. War. "I can steal anything I want!"

She rolled her eyes again. "Whatever!"

She was dressed in pink today. Translucent material did little to cover her curvaceous body, soft and rounded, tempting any to hold her close. Blonde curls hung around her face and bounced as she walked around the darker man. Love.

Opposites of the spectrum they had teamed up more than once during the thousands upon thousands of centuries that they had existed, brother and sister, lovers and enemies. Today they watched the events before them.

"Did you HAVE to give the poor girl a headache?" The blonde dressed in a pink diaphanous gown asked looking into the scrying mirror. "I mean that was like totally mean!"

"The Powers that Be send her visions that leave her with a headache. If I didn't make her head hurt she wouldn't believe it was from them! Can I help it if those two bit hacks can't spare mortals a little pain?" The dark haired man in black leather said. "Besides, I warned the vampire chick so she could warn the mortal."

"Well at least they are on they're way now, way cool bro!" She gave him a pert smile and winked.

He growled to himself shaking his head. "Whatever! I just want to get this crap over with!"

"Grouch!" She stuck her tongue out. She sighed to herself. "You know we should do something nice for Dru-y after all if it wasn't for her blondie would have been killed again..."

"Dite? Shut up!"

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Xander narrowed his eyes at Angel. "Thou art familiar to me now. How came you to side with good when thou were once evil?"

"I was cursed with a soul." Angel said without looking behind him.

"Dost thou still drink blood?" Xander asked.

"Aye...I mean yes. I still drink blood, but animal blood." Angel turned the wheel as he squirmed in his seat.

"The craving? Is it sated by animal blood?" Xander asked, leaning forward. In his hands he clutched the box in which the chalice was now housed.

Spike looked at Angel, his own curiosity shining through. "Well peaches? Gonna answer Sir Loon-a-lot?"

"No, it doesn't sate the craving. But my soul will not allow me to take a life." Angel finally answered grimly.

"I realize that Lady Drusilla still drinks the blood of humans. She is clearly still afflicted, but how come thou to not harm humans, good sir?" Xander looked at Spike.

"I have a chip in my head. A bit of...electronic...magic...I guess you could call it. It makes my head hurt if I try to injure a human in anyway." Spike grumbled.

"Then thou still craves violence upon humans." Xander stated. He sighed to himself. "Then this modern world holds no more miracles for my love than did my own."

"The dragon seems your best bet, mate." Spike nodded.

"So be it. I will gladly duel any beast to save her."

Angel nodded and stepped further down on the accelerator. Behind him Gunn followed closely.

"You look quite familiar." Xander said to Spike. "I feel as though we've met before...in another time."

"Yeah? I have that kind of face."

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

The Goddess screamed in frustration. "DOOFUS!"

The God snorted.

"Are we going to have to smack some sense into these people?" She asked.

"I would love to!" He sneered.

"What about the bitch?" The blonde Goddess asked. "She is so totally a fashion victim you know?"

"At least she wears clothes." The dark God shot back. He moved his hand in front of the mirror and the scene changed.

"Ugh! Can you say road rage?" She tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Darla followed far behind the small convoy growling to herself. "What the hell is Drusilla doing with them?"

She looked down at the speedometer and forced herself to let up on the gas. Darla tapped absently on the wheel. "So the little jerk is back, huh? Fine. I can kill him...again. Send him back to that damn sword. Some Vengeance demon she was! I called her to kill them both...instead she curses them? What kind of curse is that anyway? Then I have to go and make it all better and kill his sorry ass!"

She swerved into the next lane narrowly missing a truck to pass a slower car. car. "Bastard! Why couldn't he follow my little plan? The plan was so easy! Sleep with me, fall in love with me, marry me! Simple! Why couldn't he just love me? Why her? What did she have that I didn't? A title? Who needs a damn title? I made money! On my back yes, but at least I had an income! I would have made a damn good WIFE!"

She beat on the steering wheel in frustration as the traffic began to close in on her, trapping her on all sides. "But NOOOO instead he still wants the bitch even AFTER becoming a vampire, and what happens? I end up having to run away before I got hung for being a witch! And then I end up becoming a vampire myself! What kind of stupid world class karma like irony is that shit?"

She blared the horn before sticking her head out the window. "MOVE THAT PIECE OF SHIT!"

Someone flipped her off. "Oh, if I only had time to eat your ass!"

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Anya cried quietly as Buffy patted her on the shoulder. "It will be okay."

Anya shook her head. "No it won't! I cursed him! ME! It's all my fault! I granted the wish, ME!"

"Well, how were you supposed to know that he would be re-incarnated as your boyfriend?" Willow tried to comfort her. "You were just doing your job...too well..."

Anya sniffled. "For a WITCH!"

"I'm a witch!" Willow said, hands on her hips.

"So, so am I." Tara added shyly.

Anya waved them away. "You are good witches I mean she was an evil, mean, bitchy witch!"

Xander looked at her sadly from across the room. The revelation had come at a great cost to the former demoness. She wept in real grief and he felt horrible to have caused such a creature pain. "I am sorry, fair maiden. I had no wish to bring you sadness."

She sniffed into a tissue. "I know, I know. It isn't your fault...it's mi-I-I-I-NE!" She wailed the last word breaking down into new sobs. "I-I-I cursed you!"

Giles brought over another box of tissues. "There, there...perhaps if you could tell us more about the curse itself?"

Wesley nodded. "YES, if you could tell us anything at all! It would be of great help to us!"

Spike rolled his eyes and picked up his magazine, Sid Vicious glaring from the cover. He leafed through the pages. "Yeah, like what this vampire bint looks like?"

"I don't know what she looks like." Anya rubbed at her eyes. "Besides, she might look different each time."

Xander nervously cleared his throat. "Actually...actually, good friends, she may not even be a she. On at least one occasion she has been...a he." Xander finished quietly.

"Bollocks! So we could be looking for a bleedin' Nancy boy? Hey Poof? Sure you aren't his long lost love? Make this quick?"

Angel glared at Spike. "I'm almost one hundred percent positive that I'm not."

"Indeed, good sir. He is not. For he killed my love in one of her incarnations...as well as myself." He coughed gently into his fist averting his eyes from Angel's.

Angel winced.

"Well, well, well Peaches...looks like you sure got around!" Spike smirked.

"Is there ANYTHING about the curse you can think of?" Wesley asked.

Anya blew her nose. "I cursed LOTS of people in my time...how am I supposed to remember ONE curse out of a thousand years worth!"

"Please! TRY!" Wesley urged in frustration.

Drusilla hummed to herself as she came up behind Cordelia. She reached out and stroked the soft hair. "Pretty silky soft...like a bunny."

Anya shuddered. "Don't talk about that!"

Drusilla blinked.

Cordelia smiled uncomfortably. "Thanks, I condition."

Drusilla hopped around to Cordelia's other side. "The sparkling stars could help. She needs to remember the stars. How they sparkled and spoke to her. They swirled around her and called her and told her not to kill. To sleep perchance to dream, perchance to awake anew, to slay."

Cordelia blinked. "Huh?"

"Beautiful pink stars swirling around her head. Stars of love, stars of war. They spoke to her, they speak to me. They say not to kill, may play, but not to kill."

Wesley looked at her quizzically. "Perhaps Drusilla is talking about...someone interfering with the original wish? Perhaps a vision? Did anyone ever intervene during an assignment?"

"Well yeah, lots of times, if there was a wish about some higher power's favorite pet human, than yeah, they would say go easy or something." Anya wiped at her eyes.

"Can you remember an instance where there was a sword and an intervention?" Angel asked.

Anya began to shake her head then stopped. "Oh! PINK STARS! She's one of the old ones. She has her favorites. They were always pissing someone off."

"Was the knight one of her favorites?" Wesley asked eagerly.

"Let me think...I need to think." She began to pace the room.

"Love, love, love, love...she loves everyone!" Drusilla sang to herself reaching out to pet Cordelia's hair again. Cordelia nervously smiled and tried to step away discreetly.

"Yeah...yeah...she does...did...still does I guess." Anya nodded slowly. "Aphrodite. He's one of Aphrodite's pets. He chose another woman over the one that wished for his death. Aphrodite wanted it to go easy on him...said he didn't really deserve it. But there was someone else...more to it...he had to be kept safe." Anya thumped her head lightly. "There was more to it than that...he had to be kept safe. Why? Why? Why?"

"Not a Goddess...I so didn't want to get involved with a Goddess today." Giles sighed.

"At least it is Aphrodite." Wesley said by way of comfort.

"ARES!" Anya yelled. "He was there too!"

"Oh bugger!" Giles groaned.

"And HERA! Hera was definitely involved...she was the one that wanted him dead!"

"Oh BUGGER ME! Hera?" Giles collapsed into a chair.

"So Hera and Ares want him dead?" Buffy asked.

"No...just Hera. Ares is the one that told me to put him in the sword. He designed it and Hephaestus made it. It is unbreakable. Something about a prophecy?" Anya said starting to grab books off the shelf.

"Oh yeah...can't have a crisis without a bleedin' prophecy, can we?" Spike sneered.

"We still need to find his...mate." Wesley pushed his glasses up. "Perhaps...someone could accompany Xander while we do research on this...prophecy?"

Giles nodded. "Er, um, yes. He has the best chance of tracking her, him, her, er whatever, down than we do."

Xander stood up head held high.

"Spikey should go...Spikey can help him...the stars dance and swirl and sing and laugh...laugh...laugh. They say that Spikey should go with the knight." Drusilla twirled around the room before abruptly stopping with a confused look on her face. "Before they decide to come down here and thump us?"

"Come! You shall be my Squire!" Xander smiled hugely. "We shall have a great adventure together!"

Spike groaned to himself. "That is what I'm afraid of."

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"Wooo HOOO! We are going to WIN!" The Goddess danced around the room.

"Dite, what's your problem?" The dark God in black asked.

"No prob, bro! Bitchface isn't going to know what hit her! And the powers-that-be-annoying won't even know what's what!" She stopped dancing and looked into the mirror. "Ow, that had to hurt!"

Even her brother flinched at the vision in front of him. "Good thing he's already dead!"

"Ar? Think he'll survive the night?" She worried her lip.

"Yeah...maybe."

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"Come, Squire! We have MUCH to do this night!" Xander waved at Spike to follow. His footsteps echoed in the still night as they walked down the deserted streets of Sunnydale. Puddles of water reflected the streetlights and the stars. The night air smelled of the rain that had fallen not too long before.

Spike limped behind him, growling. Blood dripped over one eye and the other had darkened to an angry blue-black color. His hair stuck out at odd angles, covered with a suspicious neon green goo.

"Can't kill the idiot, can't kill the idiot, can't kill the idiot!"

"Is something the matter?" Xander asked as he waited for the injured vampire to catch up. Xander's clothes were in perfect order. His sword hung at his side and he bounced around the vampire.

"If you challenge ONE more demon, human, WHATTHEFUCKEVER! I am leaving you behind to get your arse kicked!" Spike growled lowly.

"Come be brave, young squire! We defeated every foe this night!" Xander began to swagger toward the center of town. He looked from side to side, watching for any sign of danger.

"Defeated? Who defeated? I defeated! I also got my arse kicked! You are a certifiable LOONY!" Spike raged. His voice echoed back to him. "And I'm supposed to protect you? Who is supposed to protect ME from YOU?"

"Nonsense! I would never hurt you." Xander smiled affectionately. Crickets chirped for a few seconds before going silent. He looked down in the vampire's eyes. Xander held his breath as something sparked within him. A wide smile spread across his face.

Spike reached out, then growled as he grabbed his head.

"What troubles you, good sir? Are you in pain?" Xander asked coming over and helping the vampire to the ground. Xander wrapped his arm around the vampire's shoulders while gripping an arm with his opposite hand. Slowly he levered the ailing vampire to the ground. Xander grimaced as Spike continued to hold his head and growl.

"YOU! You trouble me! I have followed you around all night long trying to keep your sorry arse out of trouble!" Spike continued to growl with glowing yellow eyes.

Xander frowned. "I am quite capable of taking care of myself. You need not have bothered."

"BOTHERED? Do you realize how close you've come to dying tonight? Christ on a stick, boy! Only YOU would run into a REAL ogre then try and challenge him to a fight! The bloke was trying to eat a cheeseburger! NOT a baby! A cheeseburger! Cooked cow with cheese on top!" Spike groaned as another wave of pain went through his head as he reached for Xander's nose; his fingers ached to twist it.

"The things I do for the Slayer!" Spike said to himself in a low harsh voice.

"The electronic magic, it is causing you pain? Why not have the curse removed?" Xander gently probed the back of his squire's head. He frowned as he thought of the blonde slayer.

"It can't be removed with...magic...it has to be removed by hand. And honestly, no one will do it for me." Spike grumbled.

Xander patted him on the shoulder. "I will go on a new quest...I will remove your electronic curse!"

Spike looked up at him. "Seriously? You would remove it if you could?"

"Aye, good man. I would." Xander nodded firmly. In the distance a dog broke the silence, followed a moment later by a shout. "Shut UP!"

"I guess it's the thought that counts." Spike sighed. "Thanks anyway. Come on...lets find your bloody bint...or bloke...whatever. I have no idea where Nancy vamps hang out though."

"Good friend, I think that thou doth protest too much." Xander's eyes shined with mirth.

Spike growled. "Are you calling ME a Nancy boy?"

"Of course not, good sir. I merely express that perhaps your desire not to be associated with such a title has led to you accusing others, or rather denying any desire upon your own part." Xander quickly walked away. The dog began to bark again before breaking into a howl.

"What?" Spike asked confused. "So you are or aren't calling me a Nancy boy?"

Xander stopped. "I believe what I'm trying to say is...takes one to know one?"

Spike growled as Xander ran laughing.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Xander stopped abruptly, motioning for Spike to get down. The vampire dropped too. "What do you see?"

"There! It lurks in the shadow of that house!" Xander motioned. "Stay back, my good friend. I will handle this foe!"

Spike strained to see in the dark. He saw nothing but a lone mailbox beside a house.

"Xander, that is a mail box." Spike sighed. {Nutball, every time I think he...Shit...What the hell is with me and crazies?}

"It is a dangerous creature." Xander argued.

Spike considered it carefully. "You know, after the toaster, I think I'll take your word on this...but we don't need to fight it tonight."

"It may harm an innocent!" Xander said. "We must protect the unwitting!"

"Look, mate. Let the postman handle it tomorrow. They are more than equipped to handle such things. I hear that postal workers in this country are very well armed."

"So you believe we should leave it?" Xander asked, aghast.

"In a word...yeah!" Spike said eyeing the mailbox suspiciously.

"Nonsense!" Xander stepped forward.

"Xander! It is a FEDERAL offense to kill mailboxes! I don't know...they are endangered or something!" Spike yelled after him. "Please! Don't get us arrested tonight! I don't tan well."

Xander swung the sword in a wide arc...and missed. "Have at thee, foul creature!"

"And you are going to slay a dragon?" Spike muttered. "Your girl is in SO much trouble!"

Xander swung the sword many more times. Out of breath, he called to Spike; "It puts up a mighty fight!"

"Uh huh...right." Spike leaned against the house. "Well, nice to know it isn't in any immediate danger."

"I have fought it to a standstill!" Xander panted.

"Right...uh...standing still is all it has done!" Spike lit a cigarette.

Finally, with a mighty swing, Xander dented it.

"Yay, you slayed it! Can we go now?"

"It fought valiantly!" Xander smiled.

"I'm sure it did!" Spike pushed the insane knight in front of him. "Come on now...lets go home...beddy bye time for tired little knights out of their ever lovin bloody little minds!"

"It tried to attack me!" Xander said with great enthusiasm. He swung his arms mimicking the great battle. "But it was well met in battle!"

"Right...You mean when the little flag came down? Yeah, saw that. Come on, now. I think you have over exerted yourself. We need to find your little lost princess, remember? You need to rest so you will be fresh tomorrow." Spike herded Xander in the direction of the Magic Box.

"It is all right, my good friend. For I suspect where my love has been hidden. Though I wish to speak to the Lady Drusilla first." Xander turned to Spike. "Tomorrow night we search for the Dragon."

Spike sighed as he continued to push Xander toward the shop. "I hope the Slayer appreciates this."

Xander frowned.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"Slayer? Slayer! ARRRRRRGHHHHHH!" Aphrodite stomped around the white temple deep in the confines of Tartarus. "What the hell is with him and that skinny little Slayer?"

"You remember! It's YOUR son's fault!" Ares smirked.

"MY son? Uh ex-squeeze me? He's YOUR son too you know!" Aphrodite glared into the scrying mirror. "I wasn't by myself when Cupid was conceived!"

"That was one powerful arrow he used." Ares tsked at the mirror, watching the vampire herd the insane human back to their friends.

"Yeah. Thousands of years later, it is STILL screwing stuff up!" She groused to herself.

"Is there ANY WAY of getting her out of the picture?" Aphrodite motioned at the woman in question. The mortal who was bent over her little sister, smiling as she checked over a piece of paper the little girl had just handed her.

"Nope. She is needed. Xena has to stop the Dragon from destroying the gate to Hell and letting Hera out." Ares reminded his pouting sister.

"Kind of funny though, her being re-born into that little blonde." Aphrodite smirked.

"She still has the moves and that is all that counts." Ares leveled a look at her.

"You've still got the hots for her, haven't ya? Yeah you can't lie to ME! You still want her!" Aphrodite laughed. "Don't worry though, little Gabrielle's destiny isn't to be with the Slayer. It's to be with Joxer. Got to say...YUM...I like the body he's been reborn into! Gabby's too. He's cute! Studmuffin city! Two for the price of one. Oh yeah baby!" She leered at the two men in the mirror.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

They were making him nervous. Xander and Drusilla: Drusilla and Xander, both loonies, and they were talking about him. He just knew it! There was no doubt in his mind that they were talking about him. Spike watched them over the edge of the book he was pretending to read. He just knew it! They had their heads bowed together and talked in hushed whispers. And every once in a while, they would glance at him. They giggled and smirked and they were making him NERVOUS! Everyone else ignored them, but Spike kept a weary eye on them. They were up to something. He just KNEW it!

Spike narrowed his eyes as he tried to look at the book instead. The rubber sole of his shoe scuffed the floor and another page turned.

Thumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthump

A whisper and the suggestion of his name and he found himself looking back at them. They were up to something. Something involving him. That was not good. So far everything that they did in regards to him had resulted in him being tied up or beaten. No. This was not good. Spike picked up a pencil and began to tap the table in rhythm to the tapping of his foot.

"Stop it!"

Spike ignored Angel.

Taptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptap

"Spike? Ever heard about the vampire that was staked by his pencil? In about five seconds, we are going to re-enact it!"

"Plan on keeping that hand, wanker?" Spike scowled at the sudden pressure on his wrist.

Angel released Spike but continued to glare as he took the pencil. "I don't know what your problem is exactly, but..."

"Take a chill Spike!" Buffy cut in. "You are being way more brood-y than Angel. And that is just too wiggy."

"I do NOT brood!" Spike said.

"Brooding!" Buffy nodded.

"NOT!"

"TO!"

"Not!"

"To!"

"NOT!"

"Are to, to infinity!" Buffy said triumphantly.

Drusilla giggled. Spike turned from Buffy distracted. He had missed something! Xander's eyes twinkled as he laughed quietly beside her. Xander looked over and winked. Spike blinked and frowned. Concentration lined his face as he watched the two as they bowed their heads even lower together and commenced to whisper behind their hands. Spike's lips twisted down as his brows moved together deep in thought. What WERE they up to?

Buffy smiled. "I win! You brood!"

"I do not!" Spike mumbled under his nonexistent breath.

"Spike? What is wrong?" Angel asked, still annoyed.

"Nothing."

"Then quit tapping your foot." Angel said.

"I am not tapping my foot."

"Quit thumping your foot then!" Angel amended.

"I'm not thumping my foot either!"

"Okay, quit MOVING your DAMN foot before I RIP it OFF!" Angel growled.

"Sheesh, you're cranky! Who pissed in YOUR blood this morning?" Spike said with a look.

Angel growled louder.

"Okay! Okay, bloody hell! I'll just go over here." Spike picked up his book and walked over to the 'Twisted Twins'. {All the better to hear them anyway.}

"So what are you two up to?" Spike asked.

Drusilla giggled. The sound was high in pitch and loud. Her eyes shined with an inner light that marked the madness that he had known while he still lived under her power. The very madness he had once adored.

"The Queen of Hearts says that soon the Knave with get his tarts!"

"Oooooookay? Right, well then. That is, nice, I suppose?" Spike quirked an eyebrow at her and Xander.

Xander smiled at him. The smile was making Spike nervous again. It was too big, too happy, too close to being a leer. And surely Xander would never leer at Spike! After all, didn't Xander have a mate somewhere?

"Right then, so? Where is your little vampire bint?" Spike asked.

"Can't tell you!" Xander said. "Callisto is coming. She's almost here. And if my love is revealed too soon, she will kill..."

"The dearheart!" Drusilla interrupted. "The stars sang to me, sang of blood upon Callisto's lips. Blood dancing upon her tongue. Draining, draining."

Drusilla stood up and swayed to unheard music. "The blood sings and dances upon my lips. Dance with me?"

Spike watched almost hypnotized as Drusilla danced around the room stopping in front of Cordelia. "Beautiful flower. Eyes like the stars, the stars wish to sing to you!"

Cordelia's eyes widened as she ran for a chair. "Okay I'm ready..."

Cordelia squeezed her eyes shut and waited. She gasped as the vision hit her hard She fell forward into the arms waiting for her, steadying her, keeping her from falling to the floor. The vision receded and she was left panting for breath.

Cordelia looked up into Drusilla's eyes. The vampire's eyes looked so very sad.

"They give you pain to leave your sanity." Drusilla whispered gently as she ran a hand lightly through Cordelia's hair. Cordelia found herself leaning into the soft touch as Drusilla hummed softly. A soft lullaby, ancient when the vampire herself was a small child.

"What did you see?" Angel broke in.

"Aphrodite. She spoke to me directly. She said that all would be revealed if we only believed! They are trapped somewhere." Cordelia shook her head trying to clear it. "If we believe in them, they will be released!"

"Is that wise?" Wesley asked. "I mean, to release a Goddess from her prison?"

Cordelia shook her head. "They aren't in prison. Everyone just stopped believing in them. They couldn't stay. But if we believe, they can come help us. Her and Ares."

Spike rolled his eyes. "Okay everyone clap your hands!"

Cordelia gave him a scathing look.

"Oh I'm SO frightened." Spike said sarcastically.

Drusilla turned to him and vamped out.

Spike took a few quick steps backward.

"Okay, now I am." Spike amended. "Didn't realize, sorry pet!"

Buffy smirked. "Problems Spike?"

"Dru, is in a bit of a mood. I think I'll just stay over here for now." Spike said lightly.

"Uh huh. Right. Looks like she was about to bite your head off." Buffy taunted.

"Keep in mind, she isn't chipped. She starts biting heads off, yours could be next!" Spike reminded her as he crossed over to Xander.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"Well ideally we should have a temple, but since we don't have time to do that, we can make a little shrine right here. If we each offer some sacrifice to illustrate our belief in their existence, the gods may draw energy from it, thus allowing them to make their way into our reality! At least that is what this book says." Giles muttered as he paced the alley behind the Magic Box.

The sky was clearing from another recent rain. The last few days had contained more rain than Sunnydale usually received in a month. Xander looked down into a puddle and touched his face tentatively, turning his head from side to side. He was sure he should look different but wasn't sure why.

"Wonderful." Sarcasm dripped from the word as Spike went through his pockets. He held out an old wrapper. "Can I offer this?"

He held out an old wrapper. Giles shook his head. "An offering has to be a sacrifice on your part. Burning your garbage doesn't constitute much of a sacrifice."

"I don't HAVE anything left to sacrifice. Harmony cleared out my crypt while the 'Looney Tunes times Two' kidnapped me!" Spike said.

Buffy smiled. "You still have your coat!"

Xander grinned at the shocked look on Spike's face. Yes, he could definitely get used to the idea of being with Spike. With those eyes so wide and blue, Xander felt his heart just melt.

{He looks so cute when he's stunned.}

"My, my coat?" Spike stammered. "You aren't serious!"

Angel smiled a truly evil smile. "Oh yes! The offering has to MEAN something. And that coat, well, it pretty much means everything to you! Doesn't it?"

"My coat?" Spike asked again, trying to hold on to it while Angel pulled.

"Spike, give me the coat!" Angel said.

"NO bloody WAY!" Spike yelled.

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way. PLEASE let's do it the hard way!" Angel begged.

Willow and Tara concentrated together and his precious coat flew out of his hands. "NO!"

Willow looked almost apologetic. "Sorry."

"I, I, I can't watch!" Spike turned away as Angel gleefully put it on the altar.

"Okay, we need offerings from everyone!" Wesley said throwing a book of his own on the altar. He moaned softly. "I really loved that book!"

"I'll buy you a new one." Gunn patted him on the shoulder.

Wesley pouted. "It was one of a kind."

"Then I'll just have to buy you a better book." Gunn said as his hand trespassed lower than was proper.

Wesley smiled a little and blushed.

Gunn opened his wallet and sighed. He took out a picture and threw it on the altar with the coat and the book. "A picture of my father, the only one I have."

Wesley took Gunn's upper arm in his hand and squeezed.

Giles nearly whimpered as his guitar was added to the pile. Anya sighed and added her checkbook. Tara took her necklace off and laid it on top. She turned to Willow and frowned. "I'm sorry. It is the thing I cherish the most right now."

"I understand." Willow said sadly. "I'll buy you an even better gift later!"

Willow frowned as she went through her backpack and added her own book of magic. "This means a lot to me. The only thing that means more is Tara herself!"

Tara blushed and gently took Willow's hand.

Spike made gagging noises from behind Xander.

Cordelia removed her shoes and tossed them on the pile. "WHAT? Those shoes were one hundred and fifty dollars! Of COURSE they mean a lot to me!"

After a few seconds she asked. "Do I get reimbursed?"

Angel shuddered. "How did I get myself involved with this?"

"You said, 'Yes' to Darla!" Spike said.

"Oh, yeah,." Angel grimaced.

Drusilla pulled out a card and laid it on the pile. It had a huge heart and looked like a Valentine. She didn't say anything as she walked back to Cordelia.

Dawn pulled out her own backpack and rummaged around until she could find her pocketbook. "A picture of me, mom and Buffy." She whispered.

Buffy hugged Dawn tightly before pulling off a necklace. "Mom, mom gave this to me before she died."

"Is that everyone?" Giles asked.

"NO! The Poofter didn't give anything!" Spike growled trying to get close to his coat.

"DROP IT, Bleach Boy!" Buffy said.

Spike let go of the duster and allowed himself to be led away by Buffy.

"I don't have anything worth offering on me." Angel said with a shrug.

Cordelia stared at him. "I know something. Gunn? Give me a hand!"

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Spike didn't know how he ended up in Xander's arms, only that he couldn't bear to turn around as he heard the crackling of the fire. Xander patted his back. "There, there, love, it is almost over." The lightly accented voice whispered in Spike's ear. Spike wasn't crying. No, he wasn't. It was a near thing, but he wasn't crying. NO, he wasn't. He kept telling himself that over and over again every time he heard the tiny whimper rise in his throat. "I'm NOT crying!" He told Xander.

"I know."

"Big Bad vampires do NOT cry!" He whimpered.

"I know." Xander agreed still patting Spike's back.

From across the fire Angel sniffed. His lower lip quivered as he watched the flames. His hand absently rubbed across his scalp. "It's all gone!" He whined.

"Yes Angel, we know." Cordelia patted his arm. "It's all gone! But just think how much your sacrifice meant to the Gods!"

Angel sniffed louder, "But it is ALL GONE!"

Gunn snickered, "Yo, man! Bald is beautiful!"

Wesley cleared his throat and swallowed a laugh. "Yes, indeed. I'm sure that you will, grow use to the change. In time."

"My hair..." Angel whined.

Drusilla rolled her eyes. "They are such wimps!"

Cordelia looked up shocked. "I understood that! You made sense!"

Drusilla blinked at her as though to say, 'Why wouldn't I?'

The smoke rolled into the sky angrily. The wind picked up; the wind chimes from the over hang chattering in anticipation.

"They're coming!" Drusilla spun in a circle. "Wheeeeeeeee!"

The fire flared, fiercer than ever, before it was abruptly extinguished. Then the air began to sparkle. There was a flash of light and suddenly two people were standing before them.

"JOXIE!" Aphrodite squealed.

She rushed Xander and smooshed him to her bosom. Xander found his nose buried in her cleavage as he tried to gently pull himself away.

"Good, good, Lady? Please? This is most unseemly!" Xander sputtered.

"Dite! Let him go. You are going to suffocate him!" Ares said.

"Sorry, I'm just so glad to see him!" Aphrodite gushed.

"My Lady?" Xander said confused.

Aphrodite took his hand and jumped up and down rapidly. "Oh it's been so LONG!"

Spike found his head bobbing up and down. He blinked hard. "A bloke could go blind watching you, pet!"

"Hey, Blondie! What's shaking?" Aphrodite asked.

"You apparently!" Spike leered at her appreciatively.

Aphrodite grinned, "Oh, you guys!"

Ares leaned down to Buffy. "What do you say, you and I go talk in private?"

Buffy turned to him slowly. "What?"

Ares looked at her with smoldering eyes as he reached out and picked up a lock of hair. "I was just thinking you and I could do a little, private planning."

Buffy grabbed his hand and removed it. "EW!"

Aphrodite giggled. "Hey, I think on some level she remembers you!"

Ares glared at the bubbling Goddess.

Buffy looked from one to the other, confusion written on her face. "Remember? I have never met this guy before! How could I remember him?"

"Oh yeah, sorry about that." Aphrodite waved her hand. "Better?"

"ARES!" Buffy growled and dropped into a defensive stance.

Ares flashed away and appeared behind Giles. "Well, that was quick!"

"What was it you said? She still has the moves, that's all that counts? Or something like that!" Aphrodite smirked.

"Aphrodite?" Xander asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, Studmuffin! Welcome back!" Aphrodite squealed again as she swept him back into a hug.

Giles stared helplessly as Ares flashed from spot to spot with Buffy quick on his heels. All of them watched the show as Angel at first glared then started yelling at Ares. "COME BACK HERE! Fix my hair ARES or so help me I'm calling father!"

"Oh like he can help you still stuck in Tartarus!" Ares sneered.

"I can release him Ares! You showed us how!" Angel threatened.

"FINE!" Ares growled and waved his hand. "Spoiled brat!"

Angel sighed in relief as he felt his hair. Which wasn't the same as it had been, but had returned nonetheless. It was long and fell to his shoulders. "Thank you." Angel said snidely.

Spike finally found his voice and shrieked. "I'M A GUY?"

Everyone stopped running around or arguing and turned to look at him. Xander was trying to stroke Spike's back but Spike kept trying to shake him off. "I am an AMAZON QUEEN! I should NOT be a GUY!"

Giles blinked unable to figure out what to say while everyone else just gaped. Buffy ran up to Spike. "Gabrielle? Is that you?"

"Xena! I am a GUY! Why am I a GUY?" Spike hissed unconsciously shifting from vamp face to human face and back.

"I am not sure! But try not to get upset!" Buffy said.

Willow tentatively stepped forward. "Does it really matter? I mean, you've been a guy for over a hundred years. You should be used to it by now."

Spike hissed at Willow. "I am a QUEEN, an AMAZON QUEEN, Amazons are female! It goes against the entire CONCEPT to be a GUY!"

"Oh stop getting your panties in a bunch! It was the safest form for you!" Aphrodite said. "Do you have ANY IDEA how many times you have been killed? Geez you are the original "Kenny"!"

Spike looked at her blankly.

"We have satellite dish in Tartarus. I like South Park!" She sniffed.

Wesley cocked an eyebrow. "A satellite dish? In Tartarus?"

"Hades installed one in the main temple. He missed his soaps. And Strife and Cupid kept bugging him about "wanting their MTV" so he finally gave in." Ares shrugged.

"Perhaps we should continue this inside." Giles said weakly.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"Okay, so I'm REALLY confused now." Anya said.

Aphrodite wrapped an arm around Anya's shoulders. "Oh, it's not so bad. We'll fill you in. See these four right here? They've been reincarnated over and over again through the centuries. Over there, that is Xena. She was a warrior princess, great fighter! And over there...that is Hercules, yes THE Hercules. He wouldn't have actually died first time around, but Hera nicked him with a dagger covered in Hind's blood. Of course he still helped Xena send her straight to hell first, but it was too late for him. Then over there, is my little Studmuffin, Joxer! And over there, the vamp with the complete identity crisis in full swing, that is Gabrielle, Amazon Queen!"

Anya blinked to herself. "Not helping. I'm more confused then when you started!"

The others nodded as well.

Ares rolled his eyes. "Okay, look. Hera, Bitch Queen from Hell? My mother? She decided that humans didn't need to exist anymore. Zeus was boffing too many of them I guess, so she decided that they needed to go! She decided to suck the world into Hell."

"Now why does that sound so damn familiar?" Cordelia asked sarcastically.

Ares shrugged. "I know, been there done that! Anyway, back then...it was still pretty much a new plot! Xena, Gabrielle, Hercules, and Joxer were there and stopped her. Hercules got scraped with the dagger of Hind's blood and eventually died but they managed to trap her in hell first. New problem though, she had her own little minions. She is the mother of all monsters!"

"Ah...I see a look of comprehension on your faces. So for centuries they have been working to get her out! She even has a pet dragon that has the ability to open certain portals during the correct time. So there was this prophecy..."

"Yep, can't have a night out on the Hellmouth without a proper prophecy!" Spike groaned.

"She would be released under certain conditions. The Fates decreed that the ones that stopped her before could stop her again. It's a whole destiny thing, I guess." Aphrodite said.

"Anyway the only way though that you all could stop her again and stop the dragon is to well, be there! So Hades gave you all a special "get out of Asphodel free" card. Every time you die, you get bounced back to life. And for the first time ever, all four of you are alive at the same time! Well, I mean you've been alive before at the same time, but it's not one of you just born and the other dying this time. Each of you was given some sort of thing to draw you to the other. Joxer was given a sword that would help him find Gabby. Hercules was given a marking that would eventually lead him to Xena." Aphrodite babbled.

"A compulsion was laid over you to seek out those things. The Fates played a hand at making sure you got them." Ares said. "But a problem developed."

"Callisto?" Cordelia asked. "I mean that is the name they said earlier!"

"Callisto was my mortal enemy!" Buffy said. "But she was redeemed!"

"Well, she got UN-redeemed." Ares said. His tone was dark and serious. "She was reborn herself, and this time found herself under the thrall of one of Hera's minions. They had caught onto our game, and they decided to keep you all apart. And they used Callisto to do it! She isn't even aware that she is nothing more than a pawn in their game!"

"Who did Callisto come back as?" Buffy asked dreading the answer.

"Darla."

Various groans and moans surrounded the table.

"When she had Joxer cursed, we had him put mostly inside the sword so that we wouldn't lose him. Because if the original curse that Anya was going to give him came to pass, then he would have lost his "Get out of Asphodel free" card as Dite put it!" Ares finished.

"But what about Xander? I mean he was normal before this mess! What about him?" Anya asked.

"Well he wasn't really all that normal. He didn't have his soul. The soul he was supposed to be born with was in the sword." Aphrodite said.

"Wait, when Angel is soulless he's..." Buffy started.

"A major prick!" Spike finished.

"No, he's a major prick because he has no conscience. The curse gives him one. It isn't really a question of soul because all vamps have souls they are just over powered by the demon. The word is mistranslated."

Giles stood up and paced the floor. "So, Buffy, Angel, Spike, and Xander have to stop Hera from leaving hell? And the dragon, Hera's pet dragon, I assume that this is the same dragon that would help break the curse over Xander?"

"You got it in one!" Ares grinned. "The Fates are full of whimsy!"

"They're full of other stuff, but it isn't good to point that out!" Aphrodite muttered. "You end up living in Tartarus!"

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

The Powers that Be looked down upon them. "Will they be able to accomplish their task?" The female asked.

"They must. We did not set events into motion just for them to fail. They must be released from Tartarus in order for them to save mankind later. And for them to be released there, must be belief." The male answered.

"Is it not worrisome? That they will now have believers?" She asked.

"No, it is necessary. We can not defeat the coming horror, nor can our champions fight them alone. The Powers that Be need the Powers that Were if we are all to survive. So the prophecy must begin now. Darla should almost be in place as is the dragon." He said.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"How could Xander NOT have a soul?" Buffy asked. Her arms were crossed, her lips pressed together in a grim line. "After all the time we've known him, how could he NOT have a soul?"

Willow nodded as Buffy passed her quickly. Buffy paced to the bookcase then back again to the table. Buffy paused and asked. "HOW?"

Willow moved back a few inches as Buffy was once again on the move.

"Giles? I've known Xander almost my entire life! He can't NOT have a soul!" Willow said.

"Dite did say that he has a soul now." Spike said.

Spike ducked as Buffy came to stand behind him. She gestured wildly. "I refuse to believe that he never had a soul!"

Giles took his glasses off and sighed heavily. He rubbed the lenses absently as he looked away. "Buffy."

Giles tilted the glasses up to the light, looking back at his own reflection. "Buffy, he really didn't have a soul. I knew he didn't. I've known for a long time."

He didn't need to look up to see them. He didn't need to. He could feel their eyes upon him. Giles could imagine the look of disbelief in Buffy's eyes. The betrayal that they must feel that he knew something so important and had not told them.

"How? How did you know?" Willow asked. Her voice sounded so small in the quiet. So lost.

"During the time that Buffy...was away after Angel went to hell, I was working on a spell to help us identify vampires before they attacked. Sort of an early warning system." Giles put his glasses back on and looked up. All eyes were upon him as he cleared his throat and continued.

"The premise was simple; the spell would tell me if the person standing before me had a soul or not. I discovered that it didn't work that well. Or rather, that it was of no help. The Hellmouth..." He trailed off as his mouth twisted into a frown. He cleared his throat, but the pressure in his throat made it difficult to start again. He took a deep breath. "The Hellmouth has created some..."

Damn, it was just so hard to tell them. He had known now for years. And every time he ran across one, he felt like screaming at the injustice of it all.

"What has it created?" Buffy asked, white knuckles grasping the back of Spike's chair. "What has the Hellmouth created?"

Giles looked to Wesley. "Enfants de déficit d'âme."

Wesley swallowed. "How many?"

"Too many, and more every year." Giles shook his head sadly.

"What is that? What is it?" Buffy asked hitting the back of the chair.

"Soul deficit children, Buffy." Willow whispered.

"It is a birth defect. Very rare for the most part, except that it is becoming more and more common here." Giles looked up in frustration.

"I used the spell on Willow and Xander, they didn't know it. I was testing to see if it would work. That is when I found out. I thought that Xander had been born with the defect."

"You knew this? And you didn't tell us?" Buffy yelled.

Giles exploded out of his seat. "What was I supposed to tell you all? Oh by the way, Xander will have no afterlife, so sorry? How was I supposed to tell a young man that there would be no heaven, no hell, no beyond for him? How was I supposed to tell him that all the good he had done would not help him when it came time for him to pass on, because he would NOT pass on?"

"I still don't get it. How could he be good without a soul anyway?" Cordelia asked. "I mean isn't that the whole point of the evil, "Grrr!", vamps? No soul?"

"Well according to Aphrodite, vamps have souls but no conscious." Wesley coughed quietly into his hand. "So, presumably it is rather a case of, a soul stripped of moral judgment and then overlaid with a demon. Despite having no soul, Xander retained his moral judgment."

"It is also why he was so easily possessed. He had nothing to fight off the psychic infestation internally." Giles added.

"But, but, he has a soul now? Right? The one he would have been born with anyway if Darla and Anya, sorry Anya, hadn't interfered?" Willow asked nervously.

"Yes." Giles smiled gently. "Yes."

"So, so, so that is of the good, right?" Willow said nodding emphatically.

"Yes."

Buffy frowned. "No. No, something still isn't good. What is causing people to be born with this, this birth defect as you are calling it?"

"The Hellmouth itself Buffy." Giles said. "The Hellmouth."

Wesley groaned. "Of course! I should have realized."

"Realized what?" Gunn asked as he began to rub circles on Wesley's lower back. Out of sight of the others.

"Enfants de déficit d'âme are created only under certain circumstances, under most cases, quite intentionally. BUT they can be accidentally created, near toxic spell dumps. I should have known." Wesley sighed. "The Hellmouth is a giant toxic spell dump. Isn't it, Mr. Giles?"

Giles nodded slowly. "Yes. I have tried for years to figure out how to clean it up. But it is just so massive!"

"Okay, what the Bloody HELL is a toxic spell dump?" Spike asked.

"Every spell has a residue, just like anything else manufactured. The bigger the spell, the more residue. The more evil the spell, the more toxic! The Hellmouth has been a major center for evil since its early beginnings." Giles picked up a book and thumbed through it. "And it has pooled in this area, in this town. For the last few decades there has been an increase in birth defects. I thought that Xander was another victim of this occurrence."

"How are we going to help these people?" Buffy demanded. "We can't just let them go soulless! How do we help them?"

Giles looked at her eager face and felt his heart break. "Buffy, we can't. There is no cure."

No one looked up as Buffy slammed the door on her way out.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

The solemn stillness of the room was broken by Angel's sudden cry, "ARES!"

"What now?" Ares sounded put upon.

"I want my hair short again. I want it in the EXACT style I had it before!" Angel shoved a finger into Ares chest.

"Oh you do, do you? Are you forgetting that you aren't a demi-god anymore? Zeus' law no longer stands!" Ares shoved Hercules backward.

"Oh Ar, just cut his hair!" Aphrodite made a face. "Don't make a big deal about it!"

Aphrodite disappeared in a flash of light and reappeared in the other room.

Ares growled. "Fine!"

Ares waved his hand. "There happy?"

Angel felt his hair with his hand. "Feels about right. What do you guys think?"

Ares favored the group researching with a pointed glare before stomping after his sister.

Cordelia covered her mouth with her hand. "Erm. Yeah! If you are happy, I'm happy!"

Wesley opened and closed his mouth before nodding. "Er, yes. Indeed."

Gunn looked away. "Whatever man! I ain't getting involved!"

"Is something wrong?" Angel asked.

Spike shook his head adamantly, "NO, no, exact same STYLE! We just got used to you with the long hair is all!"

"Shorter hair is easier to take care of." Angel said, picking up a book. "I need to give this to Giles. Be right back!"

"Sure thing!" Cordelia smiled brightly.

Angel closed the door behind him.

"So? Are we NOT going to tell him his hair is green?" Cordelia asked.

"Lets see, pissed off vampire or pissed off God. Which am I going to willingly piss off first? Hmm...I can always STAKE Angel." Spike said.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"OW!" Spike grabbed his head.

Xander grinned. "You shouldn't have tried to tweak my nose!"

"Well Dru didn't have to hit me!" Spike glared at the female vampire.

"Mummy didn't say you could play yet!" Drusilla shook her finger at him. "I haven't brought out the chains yet!"

Spike blinked at Drusilla. "What?"

"You aren't properly wed. Mummy says you can't play until then." She told him.

"When did I ever agree to marry you anyway?" Spike decided that maybe he should just ignore Drusilla. Maybe she would go away. His eye twitched as he heard her begin to hum the Wedding March.

"You would look so lovely in white!" Drusilla leered at Spike.

Spike closed his eyes and continued to concentrate only on Xander. "I don't remember saying I would marry you, in this incarnation at least. Besides, we haven't even had ONE date! You know people change over the years! Maybe you snore!"

Xander smiled as Spike walked around and around him. Angel and Buffy sat side by side at the table. Buffy had walked in taken one look at Angel and said "I don't want to know."

The two witches busied themselves with books, trying to watch the drama surreptitiously. Buffy and Angel blatantly stared. Anya sighed to herself as her ex-boyfriend and his should be boyfriend argued. Anya wanted to smack both of them. Xander for being so sweet to Spike and Spike for being so difficult. She settled instead for imagining what she could have done to them if she still had her powers. She was just getting to the part with the honey and the red demon ants when...

"Dru! I am NOT going to wear a wedding veil! FORGET IT!"

"But mummy never got to have her own wedding! So mummy should get to plan yours!"

"There isn't going to be a bloody wedding!" Spike screeched.

Giles felt his own eye twitch as he watched them bicker. Or rather, as he watched Xander smile at Spike with a goofy grin while Spike bickered with him. While Dru planned a storybook wedding fitting for a royal princess, which wouldn't have been so bad, if the princess hadn't turned out to be a prince.

"How do you know I will even agree to marry you?" Spike asked coming to stand in front of Xander.

"Because you love me."

Something was just so surreal about those two being together. Giles could only watch and quietly sip his tea while Spike kept ranting and raving about things centuries in the past.

"And you know you broke the ONLY comfortable chair in the entire estate!" Spike waved his finger at Xander.

Xander looked confused. "When?"

"The first time I was ever turned! You tripped over my favorite chair and broke it!" Spike pouted.

"I'm sorry. Would you like me to get you a new chair?" Xander asked earnestly.

"NO! I liked THAT chair!" Spike stomped around him.

Buffy dropped her head in her hands. She spoke for the first time since seeing Angel's hair. "Spike? How long ago was it that he broke that chair?"

"Erm, it was," Spike thought about it for a few minutes. "396 years ago."

Buffy blinked. "Spike that is almost 4 centuries ago! Cut him a break!"

"Damn and I though I could hold a grudge!" Angel muttered.

Buffy nodded as she turned. Blinked and looked away with a little shake of her head. Mentally she resolved not to look again. Green just wasn't his color. Purple, maybe purple, but not green.

Xander's smile brightened. "Spike isn't really mad. He's upset. There is a difference."

"What's the difference?" Tara asked quietly.

"He isn't truly mad at me per se. He is upset with the situation. His world has been turned upside down in one day. Everything he's ever believed about himself has been, if not a lie, then not the whole truth. He doesn't know who he is anymore!" Xander said as Spike pouted on the other side of the room. Spike had decided to ignore the entire event. Maybe they would ALL go away.

"He, She," Xander sighed. "Gabrielle never could figure out who she was. She was a bard, yes. She was a warrior. She wanted to live in peace but she needed to fight. She has never had an easy time figuring out her own identity. And as Spike, she is the same: a poet, a fighter, and an evil vampire that fights for good. New song, same tune."

"You seem better!" Willow said. "You aren't acting all crazy!"

"I was crazy because I had bits and pieces of all these different lives jumbled up in my head! When Aphrodite let me remember it all, it helped me; it put things BACK in order. But the curse still stands. After the two-week period is up, I will die and so will Spike. I must finish the quest till the end. We have to slay the dragon and feed Spike the blood." Xander said quietly.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"I-I-I thought you were dust!" Darla said as the figure took off his hood.

"Didn't seem to stop you, my dear!" The man like creature said. "Did you not come back?"

She numbly nodded. His bald head shined in the light coming from the window. She had been surprised to see anyone. Darla had chosen her lair with the utmost care. But he had found her with ease.

"Master?"

The vampire smiled at her. "Yes?"

"Why are you here? How?" She asked him.

"My dear, dear, Darla! How could I truly be killed? The most favored dark child of Hera? You have a job to finish my sweet Darla. After all these centuries, after all the thoughts and manipulations you will finally finish your task!" His voice rose and bounced off the walls around him. "Hera will be free! And the world will be given to us, her children!"

"What are you talking about?" Darla asked.

"Oh sweet child, don't worry about anything." He reached out and stroked her blonde hair. "Just finish what you plan to do." He grinned viciously. "And I will help you in any way possible!"

She smiled back nervously.

He leaned forward and caught her to his chest. "Tonight we celebrate!"

Darla gasped has his teeth bared down upon her throat.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Darla felt herself dancing in the darkness swirling around her mind. Wave after wave washed over her and she felt herself cast adrift on the sea of memories. She watched as her mortal life played out before her, a relatively normal childhood, or rather normal for the time period. She saw her mother die while she was still too young to take care of the family but too old to not understand. A dark shadow passing her window while a shape called to her. She watched as a young version of herself opened the window and called out. Allowing it in. Watched as it drank from her and told her secrets. She watched as it hid its presence from her waking mind, watched as it began to control her from afar. She watched as it shaped her life forever, watched as her life fell apart little by little until the day came when he revealed himself to her once more and took her life. And finally, watched as even after leaving his side he controlled her.

A sob shook her as she woke alone, understanding for the first time in her life. Her true purpose, and she would fulfill her purpose. She had no choice and any redemption she would have once been entitled to was now forever out of her reach.

She was now and always had been the Master's. And ultimately, she was Hera's.

She began to laugh. And then started to cry when she could not stop laughing. Tears ran down her face as she laughed to the gods, at the gods, for the gods, and she cried for herself as her mind fractured once more.

She screamed into the night. "I am CALLISTO!"

And the room echoed as she laughed.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"She's back. She knows." Dru whispered to Cordelia. "The Queen of Spades has come to make us pay."

"Callisto?" Cordelia asked.

"She's back." Dru whispered. "And the stars weep as she laughs."

"This is bad. This is very bad!" Xander said.

"Tell me about it, ducks! She was a right loony if I remember correctly." Spike nodded.

"She's sane now." Angel pointed out.

Dru shook her head. "The silver mirror in her head has shattered. Tiny slivers prick her brain and it bleeds."

"That don't sound good." Spike said quietly.

Dru nodded. "Little spiders climb out of the cuts and dance behind her eyes! Pain wraps around her and redemption is forever lost!"

"Okay, what does that mean to those that aren't sanity impaired?" Cordelia asked Dru.

"She's gone mad, like me!" Drusilla laughed hysterically. "Forever damned, never to be redeemed, tainted from youth."

Drusilla swayed around those gathered around her until Cordelia grabbed her. "NO! You don't have to be damned."

"I'm a vampire, my lovely. It is our nature!" Dru tapped Cordelia's nose.

"It doesn't have to be. Look, that dragon's blood? Surely there will be some left I mean, Spike doesn't need to drain the thing, right? Why couldn't you drink some?" Cordelia asked still clutching the vampire's arm. "Look, I couldn't save Harmony. All right, but..."

Dru blinked slowly as she raised her hand and let it drift through the human's hair. "Yes?"

"You understand, the visions, all of it..." Cordelia said weakly.

"Cordelia!" Angel said, his voice rang in disbelief. "Didn't you learn anything with Harmony?"

Cordelia didn't turn as she ground her teeth together. "Angel SHUT UP!"

Drusilla frowned. "It is important to you?"

Spike blinked. "You like her don't you?"

"Mummy says shut up Spikey." Dru muttered still looking at Cordelia. "It is important to you?"

Cordelia blinked and felt her face crack. "Yeah. It is important to me."

"My demon screams and my brain melts!" Drusilla cried as she grabbed her head. She slid to the floor, crying.

"No, no, don't cry! We'll make the demon shut up!" Cordelia followed her to the floor and pulled her close.

"Cordelia! She isn't chipped or souled!" Angel shouted.

Dite smacked him upside his head. "Shut UP! She does too have a soul! That damn spell is a translation of a translation of a translation! And it isn't exact! It isn't a soul that you were given! You were given your stupid conscience!"

"Well whatever! She don't have one!" Angel yelled.

"You have little faith, little bro!" Dite told him with a smile.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

The heavens opened and the rain began to pour once more. More rain than Sunnydale had seen in months. In years even. The ground became softer and below the surface something stretched and pushed its way toward the surface. Like a newborn baby making its way into the new world. A new beginning. A dark beginning.

As the dragon's head roared out of the mud, it's cry echoed with the thunder that shattered the knight sky.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

The Powers that Be watched as the dragon raised its heavy body from the muddy Earth. Slowly the creature moved its head side to side, growling at the streetlight a second before lashing out with its heavy tail. The poles snapped and fell with a clang while the bulbs popped and crackled in the downpour.

The creature growled, whipping the mud from its face. Allowing the rain to cleanse him.

As the scaled dragon slowly began to make its way the Powers that Be spoke.

"So it truly begins. The first test for our newest warriors." Said the man. "May they succeed."

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

It had been quiet. The witches were looking up scrying spells to find the dragon but had thus far had no luck. This was mostly due to the fact they weren't entirely sure what it was supposed to look like, and therefore they had no mental picture on which to base the spell. It was very frustrating.

Buffy opened the weapons trunk. Her eyes sparkled as she picked up each weapon and tested them. Most she threw over her shoulder much to Giles annoyance. Buffy swung a sword feeling the balance. "This will due."

Buffy put it to the side for later. She huffed in frustration.

"Something, something wrong?" Giles asked adjusting his glasses.

"I'm looking for something. I just don't know what. I'll know when I see it!" Buffy dug deeper into the chest throwing rejected weapons out right and left.

Giles grimaced as they landed with a loud clang. "Perhaps if you could give me a small clue?"

Ares smirked. "I bet I know what she is looking for."

Ares leaned over her with a leer. "Looking for this?"

He held out his hand and a flash brought forth a metal circle, gold and silver designs etched the edge. Buffy grabbed it from him. "My chakram!"

She grinned as she threw it up into the air.

"DUCK!" Spike yelled.

The sharp weapon spun around rebounding off different walls and breaking items around the room until it finally made its way back to Buffy's hand. She licked her lips. "Now THAT is a lot better than a little pointy stick!"

"I'm glad you approve." Ares leaned in close.

"Down boy!" Her voice was lower than normal. "I told you long ago that it ain't gonna happen. And it still won't!"

Spike in the meantime had folded himself down onto a chair and was closing his eyes.

"Love? Are you all right?" Xander asked.

Spike took a purposeful breath and let it out slowly.

"Babe?" Xander asked, getting worried.

"I'm trying to figure out which part is the dream." Spike answered him without opening his eyes.

"Dream?"

"Yeah. Am I a woman asleep in the forest dreaming about a future as a man? Or am I a male vampire asleep in my crypt dreaming that I used to be a woman? I haven't figured out that part yet. When I do, I figure I'll wake up. Usually once I figure out that I'm dreaming I wake up. I haven't yet, so I figure I have to figure out which part is the dream!" Spike nodded to himself. "Yep, that is it. It is all a dream. I just have to figure out which part."

Xander patted him tenderly on the shoulder. "Hon? It isn't a dream!"

"Of course you say that, because you are part of the dream! You wouldn't know you were a dream because you are part of it!" Spike opened his eyes again and looked at him earnestly. "Unless, YOU are dreaming and I am just a part of the dream! Wow, there is a thought. What if I'm just a part of someone else's dream?"

Spike seemed to consider that carefully while a worried Xander looked on. "Buffy? I think we have a problem!"

Buffy bounced over to them. "Problem?"

Spike babbled quietly to himself. "But if I'm part of someone else's dream I wouldn't have my own thoughts, would I? I mean I think therefore I am? But what if Xander or whoever is dreaming that I can think and I'm just thinking what they want me to think?"

Angel sidled up carefully. "Spike? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine! I'm great! Because this is just a dream, but I have to figure it out so I can get out of it!" Spike nodded. "Or maybe we are just in someone's demented imagination. YEAH! That makes sense! Someone is dreaming us up! Or perhaps we are just some, higher powers amusement. You know, manipulating things just to alleviate their boredom? Maybe we are just part of a story or something?"

Angel shared a look with Buffy. "This isn't good."

"I think he's taking denial to new and hitherto unexplored levels!" Wesley commented from the table. He sat in front of piles of opened books.

"I think that is an understatement." Cordelia said as Drusilla braided her hair.

"Spikey?" Drusilla asked. "The dormouse would like some tea!"

Spike blinked. "I'm not crazy!"

Drusilla smiled. "It isn't so bad. You make so many friends! Once you get past the screams. The voices become a comfort. They sing and dance and scream. And they wear the faces of everyone you ever met, everyone that you took into your arms and fed from. Sometimes they will tell you things!"

Angel swallowed hard. "Dru?"

"You understand. You see them. Every night as you sit alone." Drusilla told him darkly releasing Cordelia's hair. "You sit there and talk to them sometimes, begging their forgiveness, always knowing that you will never get it. Wishing for redemption that you feel you don't deserve! You know! You dance in the same darkness we all do. The darkness the others don't play in. The darkness that no mortal can comprehend. The darkness in which we release ourselves."

Angel stared at her silently as Spike stared at his hands.

"I remember my hands. They were so much smaller, quicker, not like they are now. They are clumsy now." Spike whispered.

Xander folded his hands over Spike's. "Never."

"What do you see at night Dru? What do you see when you close your eyes?" Angel asked her.

"The same that you see." Drusilla began to toy with Cordelia's hair once more. "A glimpse of Hell."

Spike sighed miserably. "I'm not crazy am I?"

Xander shook his head. "No, you're not crazy!"

Xander wrapped his arms around Spike's shoulders. "And even if you were, I'd still love you!"

"Love me?" Spike asked hollowly.

"Always! Forever! I swore that I would love you till the end of time. According to my watch...time is still ticking." Xander held his wrist out.

Spike half smiled with a shrug. "It is at that."

Xander nudged him. "Come on! Smile, it isn't that bad!"

Spike shrugged again.

"It isn't! I happen to think you look," Xander leaned down and nibbled behind Spike's ear. "Very good!"

"It's just very confusing." Spike pouted. "It's all mixed up in my head. For you it might have straightened things out. But for me it just made things..."

"I understand." Xander carded a hand through Spike's hair. "You know you look so different with your hair like this."

"What?"

"Nothing important. Just thinking out loud." Xander stopped Spike with a kiss. "Don't worry about it."

Aphrodite stood with Angel. "I knew they would get it together finally. I still owe Cupid for this mess though!"

Angel smiled sadly. "Yeah, I remember. Iolaus told me the story."

"Miss him huh? I mean, now that you remember him in the first place." Aphrodite asked. "I'm sorry he couldn't be here too. But he is happy. He went to the fields. Some of the others though, they were granted rebirth. Not all on this plane, but they eventually make their way back. Jace did."

"Jace?" Angel asked.

Xander raised his head. "Jace? What about him?"

Wesley closed another book. "Who is Jace?"

"My brother. I was one of triplets. What about Jace?"

"He was reborn. In another dimension, he's here now though." Aphrodite smiled. "He amused Hades, so..."

"Wh-where?" Xander asked. "Is he okay? Does he need help?"

"Nah, he's fine. He's on his way here. Wants to have a look at you!" Aphrodite waved her hand. "He still loves to sing. And his sense of style... nope not much has changed, except maybe the accent...which I never understood anyway."

"In another dimension?" Angel asked curious.

"Oh yeah. You should know by now that we Powers, we've always had the ability to cross dimensions. Look at Cordy over there. She still got the Powers that Be's messages when she went through that portal. Things are always coming through portals on this plane. Simply put, the Hellmouth is just another portal to another world." Aphrodite waved dismissively. "A not so nice world, true, and I certainly wouldn't want to hang out there on a vacation..."

"What about Jett?" Xander asked. He picked at his sleeve as he shifted from foot to foot.

"He's still in...he isn't around. He won't be granted rebirth where he is at." Aphrodite told him gently.

Xander nodded. "I didn't figure...I didn't think he would."

"Where is Gunn?" Cordelia shifted, her hair tugging against the slim fingers undoing the braid they had just made, dark eyes looking around the room.

"He went out to see if he could find anything." Wesley said. "In fact, he should be back momentarily from his reconnaissance."

Wesley stood up and wandered to the door. He sighed deeply. "I do hope he returns soon."

Aphrodite smiled and bounced. Ares rolled his eyes as she winked and did a little victory dance. She leaned in toward her brother and whispered. "I've still got it."

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Gunn panted as he ran. "I'm getting too old for this shit!"

He jumped over a hedge and ducked between two houses. The roar from behind him vibrated through the air. "Shit, shit, shit, shit..." He chanted as he hopped first one fence, then another.

The ground shook with every step the creature behind him made.

"And I thought vamps were bad...this is bad...vamps are not that bad. I can live with vamps..." He muttered to himself as he turned a corner and found himself on another street. The fences he had just jumped cracked and splintered as the creature following him choose the more direct approach of walking through them.

"Over grown lizard...belongs in a fucking story book not in a..." He grunted as he turned another corner and found himself in a parking lot. He darted between poles, jumping over those already fallen to the ground. "Damn thing! Guess I found it, huh?"

The creature roared in reply.

"Shut up! I wasn't asking you! I guess it is true that NO ONE in Sunnydale notices this shit!" He yelled as he jumped up and started climbing a tall chain link fence topped with barbed wire. He toppled over the side and held his bleeding leg and arm as he limped as fast as he could away. "Mother fucker...that hurts!"

He panted hard as he chanced a look behind him. The creature had stopped and turned away. "What the hell?"

It snorted and slowly made its way back in the opposite direction. Toward a burnt out, half collapsed building. Bright yellow condemned notices stood out in stark contrast to the blackened concrete besides the boarded up doors.

"HEY! Come back here!" Gunn yelled. "Wait a minute? What the hell am I say-...never mind...GO! GO!"

Gunn looked around him as he tried to get his bearings. At a slow lope he began to make his way back to the others.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"My dear, dear Darla...what do you have for us tonight?" The Master asked with a grin. He pulled his hood back and looked around. "The old place sure has changed since I was last here."

Darla's lips twitched. "Same here. And the name is Callisto."

He opened his hands in mock surrender. "Oh course, forgive me. Callisto."

"Tonight, we will end the world!" Her laughter rose and fell as it echoed against the burned out walls. "We will put an end to all human suffering...because there will be no more humans!"

"Wonderful, my dear!" The Master nodded. "Do you know what to do?"

Darla jumped over a fallen beam lithely. "I found the most INTERESTING book while you slept!"

"Really?" He asked brightly. "Do tell!"

"It is all about a dragon...the one that is waiting outside, and it has this neat little incantation...but then YOU know that, don't you?"

The Master smiled as he reached out and played with a strand of Darla's hair. "Now, my dear...are you accusing me of manipulating you?"

"Always."

"I'm glad we understand each other."

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"How do we know that this is going to work?" Spike asked suddenly. "I mean, how do we know that the dragon's blood will do what that book says it will?"

He gestured to the book lying open in front of Wesley.

Wesley opened his mouth then closed it several times as he adjusted his glasses. "M-M-Mr. Giles?"

"Ah, yes, well..." Giles gestured with his hand.

"Because Hera would feed the blood to her favored priests. The vampire ones that is." Ares finished never looking up from the map of Sunnydale on the table. "It kept them in line. If they didn't go into blood rages, she could depend on them better."

"Yes. There is that!" Giles smiled nervously.

Ares rolled his eyes and muttered. "Humans."

Gunn's bleeding form falling through the door interrupted him from any further musings.

"Gunn?" Wesley jumped forward catching him before he could hit the floor.

"I'm okay, just a little woozy."

"You're bleeding!" Wesley said. "Towels! Something!"

Giles ran to the back room.

"I'm okay, barbed wire got me in a few places..." Gunn said as Wesley inspected him.

"Barbed WIRE?"

Giles laid down a first aid kit and some towels as Wesley began to doctor Gunn.

"We don't have time for this!" Gunn said grabbing Wesley's hands.

"You are injured!" Wesley said trying to continue.

"I found our dragon!"

All noise in the room ceased as Gunn spoke. "It is hanging out at some burned down building. I got a good look at it before taking off. It used to be some school."

Buffy closed her eyes. "The Hellmouth."

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Darla stood before the dragon. It lay down before her, seeming to bow in her presence. It lay its large head upon its sharply clawed hands and watched her intently as she slowly approached it. In the shadows, The Master stood silently, watching. Darla gently stroked the scaled nose. "Beautiful creature. You will open the door for me."

"And only for you my dear. Only you can open the door this time." The Master said at last stepping out. "While I am her favored child, her high priest, you are a direct line descendant. From Hera herself, your line sprang. My dear Darla..."

Darla favored him with a scowl.

"I beg your pardon, CALLISTO! You will usher in a NEW era...a new beginning...of darkness."

Her lips twisted into a sad smile. "Nothing left to lose."

"Everything to gain, my dear, everything to GAIN!" The Master crowed.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"Oh...shit." Willow said in a tiny voice.

"That is putting it lightly." Angel said as he came to stand beside her.

They had gathered in the parking lot. The ceremony had already begun. Darla's voice rose and fell as the wind swirled around them. The dragon began to move its massive wings up and down slowly, adding to the great wind. Inside the dragon began to glow. Slowly becoming brighter as a sound rose around them, an ethereal sound.

"I think I worked out why it is called the Dragon of Angels, mate." Spike whispered.

The dragon became opalescent as the light burned within it and the sound was like a choir harmonizing to a single perfect note. Darla's voice melded with the dragon's own melodic call rising slowly in pitch as a portal began to open.

"No, we stop this NOW!" Buffy said. She jump forward, springing up against a convenient tree to flip hand over heel until she landed beside Darla. She snatched away the book, her eyes glowing triumphantly.

Darla smiled as she continued the chant, no longer needing the book.

"Stop!" Buffy tried to grab Darla. Darla darted away as The Master slipped away into the shadows and disappeared. They jumped upon the sagging roof.

"Xander, I think if you are to slay the dragon, now would be a good time!" Spike screamed above the noise.

Xander nodded and raised the sword. "Wish me luck, because I'm fucked!"

"What?" Spike yelled.

"Wish me luck! Just wish me luck!" Xander yelled this time giving a large smile and thumbs up.

Spike nodded.

Xander rushed forward and swiped at the dragon's hindquarter.

Angel took a running jump and landed on the dragon's back wrapping his arms around its neck. Angel pulled up as hard as he could. The dragon began to buck under him trying to throw him off. "Go for the neck!"

Buffy chased after Darla. "Stop it! You can't do this!"

"I can!" Darla interrupted her. "Nothing left!"

"There will be nothing left if you let Hera out and destroy the world!" Buffy grabbed at Darla. "Darla, listen to reason!"

"I'm not Darla, I'm Callisto! And you created me!" Darla laughed as Buffy studied her in confusion.

"I thought we settled what I did to your family. You forgave me! You went to heaven! Became my daughter! You chose me as a mother." Buffy held Darla by her arms looking into her eyes.

"Where you promptly left me! Leaving me to grow up as Livia!" Darla growled. "But that wouldn't be the last time you deserted me would it?"

"What are you talking about?" Buffy asked pulling Darla closer.

"You left me in my last incarnation too. Died while I was still a child. Left me there, alone, to take care of the other kids! DEFENSELESS!"

Buffy gaped trying to remember her past lives. "I didn't know..."

"You left me to The Master!" Darla shrieked.

"I didn't want to die!" Buffy yelled. "Do you think I chose to die? I loved you!"

Buffy reached out to stroke Darla's hair. "I would have done anything to protect you!"

"You could have stayed alive!" Darla pulled back. "But you couldn't see that, couldn't stand back and think of US first!"

"I had to stop them! They would have destroyed the village! They would have killed ALL of us!" Buffy tried to make her understand. "You didn't understand! You were just learning magic then. I hadn't taught you everything yet...hadn't taught you how to tap into the powers that we were born with. The village depended on our line to protect them. And when the village was attacked I, was asked to help!"

Buffy pulled her closer. "They turned a blind eye to our abilities so long as we protected the village and only practiced white magic! The abilities were received from Ares, son of Hera!"

Darla shuddered. "I lost those powers after I was turned."

Buffy nodded.

Darla slipped from Buffy's grasp as she slid to the ground. "I just wanted to feel safe, protected, and loved."

Buffy wrapped her arms around Darla. "And you thought you could get it all through power and manipulation. Yes, I know, I did the same thing when I was Xena under Ares' command. I thought if I had enough power I would feel safe and strong and that I...it wasn't until later that I learned that wasn't how to get it."

"Why couldn't he love me? Why couldn't I MAKE him love me?"

"Because he loved another." Buffy whispered into her hair. "He has always loved her. Even when she loved only me."

Darla laid her head upon Buffy's shoulder. "No redemption this time, no heaven for me."

"Stop this Darla, Callisto...stop it and we'll see. If there is one thing I learned, it is that redemption is always possible. I destroyed nations..." Buffy pulled her up to a standing position.

"You can do it! You can stop this!" Buffy spoke directly into Darla's ear. "You are still my daughter and my child can do ANYTHING! Forget The Master. You aren't his, you aren't Hera's, you are MINE! And I will always love you no matter what. I might not approve of what you've done or will do, but I still love my baby!"

Below them, Xander continued to swipe at the large dragon while Angel wrestled with its long neck. The witches chanted fruitlessly in an effort to contain the creature while Spike made swipes at the tail that swung back and forth.

"You can stop the portal from opening!" Buffy said. When Darla closed her eyes she could hear Xena's voice. "You can!"

Darla raised her voice chanting in reverse.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"Thousands of years, and you still haven't learned fashion?"

Xander heard a voice from behind him, lilting and musical. He turned slowly, voice raised in a question. "Jace?"

"Looks like I missed the party, sweetie! That is okay, apocalypses clash with this suit anyway."

"Jace? You're green...and red. You are green, red and have horns!" Xander said.

"Well, the name is Lorne now. Actually, if you want to get technical it is Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok Clan."

Xander snickered. "And you always hated the name Jace?"

"Shut up...ALEXANDER!" The host of Caritas sneered.

Xander continued to snicker. "Sorry still not as bad as Krevlorneswath. In fact, I'm thinking Lavelle isn't that bad a name anymore!"

"Sorry to interrupt this, oh so sweet reunion, but we've got ourselves a dragon still sitting around." Spike pointed out.

"Blondie! MUCH better! Big improvement over the whole skirt thing!" Lorne said as they all approached the dragon.

Spike turned around briefly to flip him a two-fingered salute.

"The attitude could use an adjustment though." Lorne turned toward Angel and frowned. "Angel! BABY! The hair! Green is SO not your color! You should have come to me! If you wanted punk...Angel? Whoa! I'm pretty sure that is Ares you're trying to strangle!"

Darla knelt in front of the dragon. "Now what?"

The dragon lay as it had before, as though it were bowed in front of her. "I, I really don't think it has to be slayed." Darla said quietly.

Buffy placed a hand on her shoulder. "I agree."

"But what about the curse? Xander will die! Spike too!" Willow exclaimed.

"I think maybe Spike and everyone could feed without killing it. After all, Hera fed her priests from it and it lived." Buffy said.

"The Master was one of her priests." Darla whispered.

"We gathered that, pet." Spike said, "S'okay."

Darla shook her head slowly. "No, no it isn't. It isn't okay."

"How do we do this?" Xander asked reaching out and touching the dragon's clawed foot. A deep rumbling reverberated the area. "Whoa, dragons purr!"

"Um, I think the sword..." Tara said quietly. "I think it could cut it..."

Xander looked up and up some more. "Er, I don't really think I want to cut it this close..."

The dragon leaned in close to Darla and laid its head on her lap.

"I think it will let you." Darla said.

Xander reached up with the sword...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Let me go!" She hissed. Her pale blue eyes sparkled in rage. Her black dress clung to her tightly as she struggled against the man holding her.

"Sure, now!" He sneered at her as he let go of her abruptly.

"You BASTARD!" She launched herself at him while he calmly stepped out of her way.

"Bitch." He said it calmly. "Hera, we may be doomed to hell but I'll be even more damned than I am now to let you take my brothers with us!"

"We could have been FREE!" She shrieked at him. She raised her fists. "I could have slipped through!"

"Free? Release hell on Earth and we will be just as damned as we are now. What would be the difference? Standing here in Hell or standing out there in Hell? You are insane!"

She looked at the scrying mirror hovering above them. "My beautiful dragon!"

"It'll live." He shrugged.

"You're a fucking bastard Jett!" She growled.

"I thought we had established that." He rolled his eyes. He looked up into the mirror. "My brothers are off limits."

As he turned away from her, he ignored her screams and profanities. Ignored her as he ignored all the screams of pain and hate that always surrounded them. Ignored the creatures of hell as they scrambled over one another, fighting, biting, and killing one another in a never-ending struggle of dominance over nothing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Powers that Be stared at the scene.

"They have won this battle. It is good." The male spoke.

"Indeed it gives hope for the future. Though the Gods of yesterday did little in the way of aid." The female said.

"It wasn't necessary for this battle. They had won this battle before, under worse circumstances. But they were needed to assist. Lifting barriers denied to us, releasing the information we could not touch. Without that, they would have failed and in the wake of the coming horror all would be lost. Though we use them for our ends, they are the children of the old ones." The man said. "The Powers that Were are still necessary."

"It is still worrisome."

"Then do not think about it." The man said gravely.

"Their next objective won't be so easily beaten. They did not win without losses when they fought him last time."

"This is true. The coming of Dahok could destroy us all. We can only hope that they defeat him once more."

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Xander wrapped his arms tightly around Spike. "How do you feel?"

"Fine, warm actually. I don't think I've been this warm...since I was alive." Spike smiled a little.

"Well, we are still alive. I think the curse is broken." Xander smiled as he rubbed his face against the back of Spike's neck.

"Hard to believe that it has been so long...seems unreal now." Spike said.

"Well, it was real."

Spike didn't answer as instead he turned around in Xander's embrace and pressed himself closer.

"Are you really okay with everything?" Xander asked.

Spike took in an unnecessary breath. "I think so, I mean, it still feels really...I don't know. Like we were manipulated."

"We were, the Powers that Be, the Powers that Were, who knows who else...they all manipulated all of us! Me, you, Darla, all of us! I think that we are still being manipulated. Look at Cordelia and Drusilla? Hello? That reeks of manipulation!"

"At least they stopped planning our wedding."

"For now, only because they are busy planning their OWN!" Xander laughed. "By the way, Cordelia told me that she wants to see you in white..."

"Don't go there!" Spike leveled a finger at Xander.

Xander wrapped his lips around the finger and sucked on it gently.

"Oh you don't play fair!" Spike moaned.

"Sometimes a little manipulation, isn't that bad." Xander said as he began to slowly unzip Spike's jeans.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

In a realm no God or Power dares to visit they sit in silence. Spinning, weaving, cutting and watching. The Moerae. Clotho, Lachesis and Atropus. They once sang in unison with the sirens but since the day that they fell their voices had too fallen. Clotho's hands had worked vigorously for centuries, but now they fell to her lap. The other two sisters looked over.

"It is done?" Atropus asked.

Clotho nodded. "It is done."

Their voices echoed back to them. Unused to the sound they flinched.

Before them the tapestry that they had concentrated on hung before them. Clotho spoke. "They have all been brought back together. All that remains is to add the final element."

"The newest Powers?" Lachesis asked.

"They will offer assistance to them. They know what is at stake." Atropus said.

"Our sisters will be avenged. The day he killed our sisters, he wrote his own death. Though it would take two thousand years to achieve." Clotho said.

She pulled up a single black thread weaving it through.

"Dahok's time has come again...for the last time."

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

=END: The White Knight of Sunnyhell=

{and yeah that was the ending I had in mind...pretty much all along...didn't someone mention that people that crochet are evil?}

The challenge:

White Knight of La Mancha
-Xander, for some reason or another (frustration-caused insanity, hit to the head, whatever) develops "Don Quixote Syndrome". In other words, he goes bonkers and starts seeing things the way they are not.
Includes some of these:
-A scene with his true love (whoever you pick) in which he asks for a 'favor' (a little remembrance).
-Battle with a mailbox
-Battle with something the sane people think is normal but turns out to be a demon. (Bonus points if it's a toaster)
-a spoon being used as a weapon
-a sidekick to Xander. A Sancho to his Don.
-A horse
-the phrase "Thou shalt not escape my wrath, oh foul and odious thing!" followed by "No! I will not buy a new (blank)!"
-A happy ending (no sad ending like in the novel!)
-Xander ending up with his true love
-he can stay insane if you want.

Also came across quite a few plotbunnies from people dealing with reincarnation of Xena/Hercules characters... none quite like this...but inspired by nonetheless.