Chapter 6
"You see, Kevin, I think that Brian loves Nick, from all the looks he's
been giving Nick..." said Howie, but the rest of his words were lost to
Kevin when the latter heart that Brian was in love with Nick.
Brian loves Nick. Brian loves Nick. That means that he doesn't love me. He
doesn't love me. Oh shit. Brian loves Nick. Then he realised that he had
indirectly admitted that he loved Brian. He gripped the plate tightly, so
tightly that it almost broke.
"Kevin, hey Kev," said Howie, trying to get Kevin's attention. Finally he
poked Kevin in the ribs.
"Ouch!" said Kevin, annoyed. "What?!"
"Well, after I called you about, like, ten times, you still didn't respond,
so you left me with no choice. And anyway, I think your finger might get
stuck to the plate if you leave it there."
"Oh. Well, you could have tapped on my shoulder or something, couldn't
you?" said Kevin half-angrily as he rubbed the place where Howie had poked
him.
Kevin carried the plate out of the den and Howie followed him into the
living room, where Brian was drinking, again. "Brian, stop it." said
Howie. Brian carried on as though he hadn't heard. Kevin just stared at
Brian, before putting the plate down, snatching the bottle away from Brian
and smashing it. The gin flowed over the floor and soaked the carpet. Then
Kevin went outside. Howie stared at him , or rather the place where Kevin
had been, before sitting down to console Brian, who was tears were silently
pouring again.
Kevin stared out to sea. He had never been much of a ocean person, but now
he understood why Nick loved the ocean so much. His love's love. At least,
that was what Howie had said. He took a deep breath of the sea breeze,
trying hard to cry, willing his tears not to fall. He contemplated his
situation now. One. He was in love with Brian. Which led to two, that he
was either gay or bi. And that subsequently connected with the path of the
group...
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"Brian, you alright?" asked Howie in concern as Brian's tears soaked his
shirt.
"I'll be alright in a moment." said Brian.
Howie nodded and just sat there. Finally, he said, "Brian, just how long is
a *moment*?"
"I don't know, maybe an hour or so." came the muffled answer.
"Well, if that's how long *your* moment is, I think it's time you talk. And
you'd better talk fast. I've got a gun here and I know how to use it." said
Howie in a mock serious voice that however carried a real serious tone in
it.
"If that's the way you want it."
"Quoting lines from our old songs is not that funny, Brian." said Howie as
Brian began convulsing with laughter. Then he became more concerned as he
noticed that Brian seemed to be hysterical. And sure enough, he was.
After Howie had quieted him down a while, the tears started flowing
again. Howie sighed.
About an hour later, when Kevin put on his "mask" that hid his true
feelings for Brian, he went back to the house again. Brian stood in the
living room, quietly, while Kevin could hear Howie talking on the phone
with somebody. Kevin looked at Brian, then turned to go. Brian moved
forwards, hand out to stop him. Kevin stood still, while Brian fumbled with
his words, trying to find something to say. Finally, he said, "I'm sorry."
"Is that all?" asked Kevin.
"Well..." hesitated Brian.
Kevin sighed. "Cuz, it's not that I'm angry at you. I *am* not angry at
you. What I am is disappointed. I trusted you to keep your promise." WIth
that he turned away, leaving a tear-stained face behind him, his own
emerald eyes threatening to spill as well.
In his car, his mask dissolved and he drove aimlessly, just wanting to "get
away from it all". And for a while, it worked.
***********************************************************************
Nick spent the whole day playing Nintendo, finally switching it off when he
felt the familiar rumble in his stomach. It was then that he realised that
evening had fallen. He called out, "AJ, where are you?" There was nothing,
nothing but a faint echo. Then, not for the first time, but certainly in
much greater intensity, he felt the loneliness. It was gnawing away at his
soul. He shuddered. and tried to get rid of the feeling by turning on the
television, aimlessly flipping through the channels. His eye was caught by
the MTV channel. It was them. When they first started out. Their very first
MTV. He had to admit, he'd looked very goofy then. His gaze turned to Brian
as he sang, or rather lip-synched, the song, he felt a sense of peace. Then
the MTV was over and he switched off the television. The loneliness got to
him, right down to the very bone. He put the remote down and started to
cry.
***********************************************************************
AJ found Brian on the couch and Howie next to him, on the phone. Brian was
crying silently, and Howie was holding him as Brian soaked his shirt. Howie
looked up to find AJ looking at them, and he motioned AJ to take over. AJ
sat down and held Brian as Howie finished his call.
"So where's Nicky?" asked Howie, and AJ thought he noticed a slight pause
in the Brian's breathing as Howie said 'Nicky".
"He's in my house playing Nintendo. We just had a little chat, and then Max
trashed his ass in Mario. So he decided to brush up on it." AJ thought he
heard a little giggle. "Brian, did you giggle?"
Giggle. Giggle. Soon, AJ and Howie were besieged by a storm of
giggles. "Shit. He's hysterical again." muttered Howie under his breath,
but loud enough so that AJ could hear.
Finally they managed to calm Brian down, and to keep him down, they gave
him some Valium.
"Again?" said AJ when Howie finally sat down on the couch again after
putting Brian to bed.
"Eh?" asked Howie absently.
"You said that he was hysterical *again*. When was the first time?"
"Oh, erm, that was when we discovered him drinking again, and then Kevin
like, just like, oh, I don't know how to describe it... it was all
non-verbal. Anyway, Kev got damn pissed with Rok, it seemed, but he later
said himself that he was just disappointed. Yeah. You decide if he's
telling the truth. Then after that, when I was trying to comfort him, and
trying to get him to start crying, I think I said something about him
quoting from our old songs, and he started laughing, like,
hysterically. Yeah. "
"I see. And where's Train now?"
"I dunno, search me. Just don't do it physically." said Howie when he
noticed the familiar glint in AJ's eye.
"Aw, shucks."
***********************************************************************
"Hey, anybody home?" said Maxine as she stepped into the dark house. "Oh
well, that probably means they've gone. Now I'll have to heat up the stew
myself." she said to herself.
"Present." came a muffled voice from the couch in the living room.
"Oh. Sorry Nick, didn't see you there. And why do you have all the lights
off? Trying to scare someone?"
No answer.
"Did you heat up the stew then?" said Maxine as she made her way cautiously
to the couch. Something was up. Either Nick was going to play a trick on
her, and goodness knows how many tricks of his she had heard of before, or
he was genuinely in the dumps.
"No. Oh dear, I'm sorry." said Nick, turning around.
Now Maxine could see the aged face of someone grown too old too fast, and
the tear stains on that face only served to accentuate the tiredness in his
face. Acting on impulse, Maxine suddenly stooped down and gave Nick a
fierce hug. Nick on the other hand, found himself surrounded by a large
mass of black hair and black wooly jumper.
Maxine sat down and looked at Nick in the eye, trying to make him
laugh. Finally he did, and she sighed in relief. "For a moment there, I
thought we'd lost a part of you." She smiled, and Nick smiled back. "Okay,
now, hang tight. After I've warmed to the stew, we'll eat and then I shall
make a great sacrifice and play with you a little game of Mario." letting
it be known through her tone that it was no sacrifice at all.
Nick smiled gratefully at her and said, "Thanks, Maxine."
She smiled back and said, "Just call me Max. And remember, little buddy,
time heals all wounds. And you'll never beat me in Mario."
Nick laughed, a light, refreshing sound. And Maxine thought to herself, if
he weren't gay, and so much younger than me...
They spent the night just talking, instinctively avoiding some topics,
instead just focusing on Nick's family, how he missed them when he was on
the road, Aaron's career, and Maxine's cat.
***********************************************************************
Kevin contemplated making a round of the bars and clubs downtown, just like
Brian, but he decided against it, instead deciding to go back to the house
that he had shared with Howie and Brian, before Brian moved out. After all,
he had to be awake in time for tomorrow's studio schedule so that no one
would think that there was anything at all wrong with him.
***********************************************************************
The next morning, at various locations in Florida, the Backstreet Boys were
getting up and getting ready for the start of their heavy schedule once
again.
AJ sighed again. Nick and Kevin hadn't called back at all. He knew that he
was always portrayed as the wild child of the group, always off the wall,
but there *were* some things that he cared about, and his bandmates were
one of those. He wasn't so worried about Kevin; he knew that his big
brother could take her of himself in most situations. It was Nick he was
more worried about. Even though he had called back to his house a few times
the previous night, no one had picked the phone up.
"Hey, whatcha trying to do, Bone? Blow me away?" asked Howie with a smile
on his face.
"Ha ha, very funny," said AJ sarcastically as he carefully looked at
himself in the mirror. He hadn't changed his clothes in two days, and was
getting tired of them. "Is Rok awake yet?" he asked. "We have to reach the
studio in a few."
"Wow! I never thought I'd see the day when you would be so eager to be on
time!" chuckled Howie.
"Yeah, just don't choke on anything, or else who will sing the falsettos?"
replied AJ as he stuck out his tongue at Howie. "Hey Bri!" shouted AJ up
the stairs. "You coming, or do I have to go up and get you?"
"I'm coming, I'm coming! (no pun intended) Hold your horses, man!" said
Brian as he hurried down the stairs.
"Okay, let's go!" said AJ as he jumped into his car and waited for the
others to follow suit. He was really looking forward to changing into his
own clothes later. As soon as Howie finished combing his hair, he joined
Brian in the back seat, and they sped off to the studio. The wild driving
took everybody's mind off things as AJ maneuvered around rush hour traffic.
***********************************************************************
Kevin ran a comb through his black mane and looked at himself in the
mirror. He still had a throbbing headache after last night's
"one-too-many", and he winced as the sound of the phone ringing cut thought
the empty house. He picked up the keys and after locking the door, jumped
into his car and sped to the studio. Luckily, for most way, the traffic was
rather light.
***********************************************************************
Nick was sure this was the first time he had gotten up so early. He
stretched and yawned, and then wondered where he was. Oh yeah, he was at
AJ's house. He padded down the stairs to the kitchen where Maxine was
already making coffee. The smell of frying bacon assaulted his senses and
he was awake in a second. He snuck over to Maxine's side, intending to
steal a bit of bacon, but was stopped by a quick rap to the knuckles. "Ow!"
he cried. "What d'ya do that for?"
"Don't steal my food. That's yours on the table." she said as she pointed to
the table where a stack of pancakes lay.
"Aww, shucks." said Nick "Come on, Max, just a teeny weenie little bit,
please?"
"No. You're getting too fat." Nick stuck out a tongue at the back of her
head. "Don't do that. As *cute* as that may be, it makes you look dumb. I
*do* have eyes in the back of my head, y'know." Nick put on a mock pout,
but that disappeared as he ate, or more correctly, devoured the stack of
pancakes up. They *were* delicious, after all.
"You have to leave a in a few minutes. Go and change."
"Okay, *Mom*" grinned Nick as he finished the last pancake. Maxine just
rolled her eyes at him as he went up the stairs, taking them two at a
time. He spent a few minutes agonising over his clothes, finally deciding
to wear Kevin's, as everybody else's was too small for him. He barely fit
into Kevin's cargos, even though the rest of Kevin's clothes made him look
like a dwarf. Okay, maybe was *was* getting a little plump, but, who cared?
He slid down the banister and shouted out as he exited, "Bye, Max, see ya
later!"
"I wouldn't be so sure about that!" Maxine shouted back. "Bye, Nickolas!"
Nick hurried out and hailed a cab, telling the cabbie to hurry. He didn't
worry over Maxine's last cryptic comment, however, as he had more important
things to worry about. Like meeting Brian again.
Chapter 7
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